Deane
Member
I'm new here, and I'm shocked by reading my first article in the forum. Rather than finding support, I see judgment coming from people with the same problem, supposedly! I am deeply offended.
In responding to 'A question for the good-looking' -
the rest of the world doesn't understand social phobia, but I don't understand how YOU don't understand how one's appearance has NOTHING at ALL to do with their phobia. That makes no sense.
Maybe you just have issues with your appearance, popularity, or some such problem rather than this serious mental condition we are talking about.
What exactly is the physical profile of someone with social anxiety according to those confused about this? Are they all clones?
Do you think people who come from wealth 'shouldn't' have this because their life is easier? Do you think educated people 'shouldn't' have this? If only it were that simple.
I will try to explain my point of view.
Being attractive actually makes my social anxiety, which is very severe by the testing I've had, much worse. I do not like being the center of anything. Anything. I do not like being approached when I finally get up the courage to leave my house. I want to blend into the background. I don't glam up, dress outlandish, or anything like that.
If I weren't crippled by this I might have a good chance of finding a
companion, etc. I've tried in the distant past but it just makes me worse.
People judge me and say thoughtless things all the time, like 'Well, it doesn't look like anything's wrong with you'. What am I supposed to look like? Should I change my eye color, not bathe, gain weight, should I shave my head? Wear a sign on my forehead?
I also have a physical back condition, and get told the same thing. Should I be bleeding? Have bones sticking out? The judgment is so ridiculous.
Most disabilities are NOT visible.
For a period early in my life I had gained weight, had braces, and was quite average. I've experienced first hand the difference in the way people are treated when considered attractive or not. I was treated very mean at times, and later, like a queen. That is a sad fact of human life.
I often wonder when a male stranger does something really nice for me how he would've treated me a long time ago.
As I aged I sort of blossomed out of the quirky, goofy look. I am very modest, but sincerely trying to make a point here, so please keep that in perspective? Please don't add more pain to those like you.
For a woman considered 'very attractive' with this condition, it is horrifying when I'm around authority figures, prominent men, or even the grocer. I cringe because they usually will come and talk to me. I may not know who they are but it's a familiar scenario. I hide, I leave, I do anything to avoid the trauma I know I'll feel. Often I don't even remember being there.
So these days, I just don't leave the house much.
I have had relationships far in the past, and have a grown son. I didn't understand my condition then. I fought it; I forced myself to interact somewhat though it made me physical ill. I gave in to friends and family pressure. I'd try and fail, over and over, and feel like such a loser.
Each phase in life brings changes, and with age my social anxiety has gotten worse, so I isolate more. I don't even try anymore.
I constantly hear, even from my supposed therapist, 'Oh, but you're such a pretty girl, you need to get out there'. How condescending. Is my pain less than someone elses? I felt she too judged a book by it's cover, and if she doesn't get it, who is there to help me?
Maybe you should feel MORE sympathy for those considered attractive who have social anxiety. What a cruel ironic hand fate has dealt them.
I don't want to die, but I can't imagine living here in my bedroom, just existing, for so many years to come. It's the only place I truly feel somewhat comfortable, though still anxious. I've been trying, but I can't pick up the phone and join any groups so I'm looking..a little..online.
Just have a heart, and don't judge others so harshly. A lot of these illness' overlap also, and are not so clearcut. Some are in early stages or late. People are reaching out and looking for answers.
In responding to 'A question for the good-looking' -
the rest of the world doesn't understand social phobia, but I don't understand how YOU don't understand how one's appearance has NOTHING at ALL to do with their phobia. That makes no sense.
Maybe you just have issues with your appearance, popularity, or some such problem rather than this serious mental condition we are talking about.
What exactly is the physical profile of someone with social anxiety according to those confused about this? Are they all clones?
Do you think people who come from wealth 'shouldn't' have this because their life is easier? Do you think educated people 'shouldn't' have this? If only it were that simple.
I will try to explain my point of view.
Being attractive actually makes my social anxiety, which is very severe by the testing I've had, much worse. I do not like being the center of anything. Anything. I do not like being approached when I finally get up the courage to leave my house. I want to blend into the background. I don't glam up, dress outlandish, or anything like that.
If I weren't crippled by this I might have a good chance of finding a
companion, etc. I've tried in the distant past but it just makes me worse.
People judge me and say thoughtless things all the time, like 'Well, it doesn't look like anything's wrong with you'. What am I supposed to look like? Should I change my eye color, not bathe, gain weight, should I shave my head? Wear a sign on my forehead?
I also have a physical back condition, and get told the same thing. Should I be bleeding? Have bones sticking out? The judgment is so ridiculous.
Most disabilities are NOT visible.
For a period early in my life I had gained weight, had braces, and was quite average. I've experienced first hand the difference in the way people are treated when considered attractive or not. I was treated very mean at times, and later, like a queen. That is a sad fact of human life.
I often wonder when a male stranger does something really nice for me how he would've treated me a long time ago.
As I aged I sort of blossomed out of the quirky, goofy look. I am very modest, but sincerely trying to make a point here, so please keep that in perspective? Please don't add more pain to those like you.
For a woman considered 'very attractive' with this condition, it is horrifying when I'm around authority figures, prominent men, or even the grocer. I cringe because they usually will come and talk to me. I may not know who they are but it's a familiar scenario. I hide, I leave, I do anything to avoid the trauma I know I'll feel. Often I don't even remember being there.
So these days, I just don't leave the house much.
I have had relationships far in the past, and have a grown son. I didn't understand my condition then. I fought it; I forced myself to interact somewhat though it made me physical ill. I gave in to friends and family pressure. I'd try and fail, over and over, and feel like such a loser.
Each phase in life brings changes, and with age my social anxiety has gotten worse, so I isolate more. I don't even try anymore.
I constantly hear, even from my supposed therapist, 'Oh, but you're such a pretty girl, you need to get out there'. How condescending. Is my pain less than someone elses? I felt she too judged a book by it's cover, and if she doesn't get it, who is there to help me?
Maybe you should feel MORE sympathy for those considered attractive who have social anxiety. What a cruel ironic hand fate has dealt them.
I don't want to die, but I can't imagine living here in my bedroom, just existing, for so many years to come. It's the only place I truly feel somewhat comfortable, though still anxious. I've been trying, but I can't pick up the phone and join any groups so I'm looking..a little..online.
Just have a heart, and don't judge others so harshly. A lot of these illness' overlap also, and are not so clearcut. Some are in early stages or late. People are reaching out and looking for answers.
