An answer from the so-called 'good looking'

[Richey]

I agree that looks are a seperate entity to how one handles their personality and mental state of course looks are generally peripheral because the good looking person rarely looks at themselves, none of us really see ourselves unless we look into a mirror all day ...

many people who believe they are ugly generally arn't that ugly at all anyway its just that they focus on certain details and compare it to supermodels or people on tv ..

however one thing i do notice alot as i'm out in the public alot when i travel to school is that people who have in shape bodies walk around with more of a swagger and confidence, they know they have something special going on that others may not posess ...

but its more likely they were just brought up as a confident person from the start and don't know what its like to be afraid to speak up and arnt as uptight ...

the better looking you are the more likely people wont notice your mental issues because you can hide it but that wont take away the feeling of it

 

[Riiya]

[Part II]

 

[Kamen]

I think something very important is missing here and I am going to add it:

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.

Beauty is a relative and highly subjective term. Pretty according to who? Ugly according to who? Is it math, like 1 + 1 = 2 ?

For example, I have an online acquaintance who has a girlfriend. Many nice girls like him, he is intelligent and good-looking, but he chose her. He finds his girlfriend attractive and pretty, while I personally find her unattractive and a little ugly. See? I can state more examples, but I don't think it is necessary. So how can you be sure all people judge you for being ugly... or whatever? Do you ask them all? Maybe your suspicions are based upon past experience with two or three bastards from your school years? Or maybe you've made it up entirely in your mind? Whatever the case is, it's your own creation that you support and that you have surrounded yourself with. You will never be OK until you pop this poisonous baloon and set yourself free; until you accept yourself and achieve inner piece. There is no other way. You are the one who has the power to create their image and radiate it, depending on how you behave and think about yourself. Thoughts have enormous power.

Just think about it for a while...

 

[decadeOfSA]

Well I am told I am good looking often and I think it has made my SA worse. It first got bad at a job I was working at where there were a lot of women and they were constantly looking at me, ironically.

So, good looking people have SA too. I don't think SA has anything to do with looks. It's just how you react to people's reactions to your looks; good or bad. I feel anxious constantly being watched.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I completely agree with you, Deane. was also told by a therapist that, because of my looks, there's no reason for me to have social anxiety/phobia.

My social anxiety isn't dependent upon my looks. I know that I'm attractive, but that certainly doesn't hep with the anxiety. As you said, in some ways it hurts because you then attract unwanted attention. I just can't deal with social situations. Being social.. talking to.. socializing in any way has always been incredibly difficult, if not impossible for me. The two have nothing to do with each other.

I wish that my social anxiety/phobia were caused by poor body image as some people seem to think. Then I wouldn't have it.

 

[Violaine]

In high school i was always told i was the prettiest of my group of friends and everyone was attractive in their own way. But that didn't stop them from being able to point out or tease me about never having a boyfriend or stating "you can't get a man". And i would get defensive and say i could get all your boyfriends if i wanted. Yes their boyfriends were attracted to me but the likelihood that we would have clicked is very very slim.

My one friend was teased from 9 - 12 grade about being ugly and having a bad acne problem. Well i was amazed how she just kept going and her confidence never dropped too far down. Which is the difference in someone who is predisposed to SA. She is atheletic and has a big personality. If i was born with her looks and my SA i would probably been subject to hiding. In an argument once she pointed out that she has had more boyfriends than i have had dates. Quite a stinger from so called friends but kids can be cruel. She's engaged to be married now to a handsome guy.

 

[sleepysparrow]

Judging people because of their looks is unfair whether they are attractive or not, it's not worse either way, it's ridiculous to think that someone's situation is easier because YOU think they are attractive. What matters is how we feel about ourselves. The way we perceive someone is one thing, but the way that person views themselves is probably the complete opposite. We can't even begin to understand another person's experience until we walk in their shoes, so this is where we should stop judging each other and begin trying to understand each other. This isn't a competition of who feels worse, we all feel bad or else we wouldn't be here.

 

[lonely_world]

Let me tell you people something about looks- who the hell cares!!! I'm sooo sick of being thought of as a snob or a bitch or whatever and being treated like shit, just because i'm very anxious and shy around people. That has caused me to want to isolate more, hate people more and now i'm really alone and it hurts like a son of a -. I wake up everyday with fear and panic, and i'm scared(yes, even good looking people get scared too!) that this is going to be forever. I feel like my own therapists judge me because they look at me and figure I can't be that bad off. Then I end up feeling like a complete loser because everyone thinks that I can't have anything wrong with me, and if I do, i'm just a loser. But i'm 32 y/o now and this has gotten totally out of hand for me; I have no friends, basically no family, no boyfriend, no kids, no job, NOTHING! So if looks are supposed to bring you luck in life, i've really been shit on.

 

[coriander1992]

I don't agree that it's harder for "attractive" people, however I agree with your point that attractive people can have SA too.
It totally depends on what your own perception of not only yourself, but other people is like.

It's stupidly annoying how people like to judge others on this board, "You musn't have SA because you're not exactly the same as me" :roll: :roll:
SA is different for different people.

 

[Deane]

Thanks for the positive responses to my first post, it helps me to know people understand. I think everyone wants to be understood.

To psychedelicious, I was being a bit sarcastic when I said to have sympathy for those considered attractive, to the person who first posted and said he doesn't see how anyone attractive could possibly have SAD. Now THAT is ridiculous.

Let's just all try to get thru this nightmare to have some sort of normal life. I hate watching the world go by.

 

[Deane]

Hang in there Lonely World. We can relate to you. Life can be such a beotch sometimes.
You sound like a passionate person, keep that up! Try to find an outlet even if it's online, to maintain a link to the world. Isolating as we do just leads to more anger and paranoia I think.
Take care

 

[Kinetik]

To be honest, I would argue that nobody with SA is attractive. That's because it doesn't come down to how your facial features are arranged or whether you have strong feminine (or masculine) characteristics. Most people are drawn to those who are outgoing, charasmatic, happy-go-lucky and free-spirited, precisely the kinds of traits that SA precludes the majority of us from having. Aside from that, everybody's looking for someone who has their life together, and because we can't really function properly, we're majorly disadvantaged in that regard as well.

 

[Deane]

To be honest, I would argue that nobody with SA is attractive. That's because it doesn't come down to how your facial features are arranged or whether you have strong feminine (or masculine) characteristics. Most people are drawn to those who are outgoing, charasmatic, happy-go-lucky and free-spirited, precisely the kinds of traits that SA precludes the majority of us from having. Aside from that, everybody's looking for someone who has their life together, and because we can't really function properly, we're majorly disadvantaged in that regard as well.

Wow. Depressing as Hell but well said.

 

[Reholla]

To be honest, I would argue that nobody with SA is attractive. That's because it doesn't come down to how your facial features are arranged or whether you have strong feminine (or masculine) characteristics. Most people are drawn to those who are outgoing, charasmatic, happy-go-lucky and free-spirited, precisely the kinds of traits that SA precludes the majority of us from having. Aside from that, everybody's looking for someone who has their life together, and because we can't really function properly, we're majorly disadvantaged in that regard as well.

to get through this, you cant think you are disadvantaged, or unattractive: lookswise, personality-wise. thats how this disorder thrives.. placing judgement on yourself, even , the harshest.

i wish people would stop looking at people as-

good looking v. bad looking
introvert v. extrovert

we are all still people.. labels just make everything worse. dont limit yourself or anyone else.

 

[hanibobonie15]

i totally agree with you!
i get compliments about my looks all the time!
i have a sister and i am known to be the "prettier" one
i may be prettier but i have SA and my sister doesnt
and at school, i am known as the rich girl too

 

[calm09]

i completely understand what you're saying, having a striking appearance does attract unwanted attention
BUT i don't think to myself...
woe is me, why did god curse me with these eyes and lips. that would be a little absurd. I don't think that is what you are doing though and I don't mean to minimize your grievances because they are similar to my own, i'm just saying that you have a natural upper hand in every social situation and it's within your power to use it.
you know your beautiful, you at least have that confidence.
some people look at themselves and hate what they see.

 

[Hoth]

Perhaps the worst off people are the attractive people who are absolutely convinced that they're hideous. At sites like this, it seems like there's almost an inverse correlation between how attractive people think they are and how attractive they actually are... unless my aesthetic values are all messed up.

Such people will get lots of attention for their beauty and automatically assume that it's attention for being a hideous freak (whereas genuinely ugly people are more often ignored and so suffer less). And of course, a person being so convinced they're ugly suggests an unhealthy obsession with looks which is bound to make them miserable.

 

[Kamen]

Most people are drawn to those who are outgoing, charasmatic, happy-go-lucky and free-spirited, precisely the kinds of traits that SA precludes the majority of us from having.

I agree only on the part that most people are as you say - the majority of people are extroverts and "only" 1/3 of the population are introverts. Aside from SA, I am an introvert and outgoing people are just not my type. They've never been. Other introverts, whether they have SA or not, usually look for introverts - they better understand each other and share similar life styles. So, SA doesn't make you unattractive.

 

[alana]

other peoples faces have some significance. not mine. i cannot even decide whether it is handsome or ugly. i think it is ugly, because i have been told so. but that dosent strike me. at heart, i am indeed shocked that qualities of this sort can be applied to it, as if you called a piece of earth or lump of rock beautiful or ugly.

 

[nightsky]

Absolutely not. SA is not all about what other people think or do or say. Its all about how we think, how we see the world. We see (more like feel, but whatever) everything through dirty glasses. So knowing you are beautiful won't magically help the anxiety...any more than finding out that the reason you are a freak acutally has a label (SA) will 'snap you out of it'...