Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

I'm 47 and haven't had any sexual encounters at all, and I'm not planning to have any. I don't feel bad or abnormal about it, in fact I'm fine with it. I've got a lot of other interesting things going on in my life, that I rarely waste my time worrying about romance/sex as I did when I was younger.

My social anxiety is at a level where I need to develop enough trust, particularly with women, to be relaxed enough to carry out a normal conversation. That would be enough to make my days easier for me. Anything further would require exponentially more trust, and I'm not sure I need take those extra steps at my age.

This really inspires me, thanks! I need to develop an attitude more like yours and accept myself and my life more. As you point out, it's a waste of time to worry about romance/sex...I need to keep in mind that if and when it's meant to happen, it will happen. I think if I didn't constantly compare myself to others I wouldn't feel so bad. There are so many people my age getting married, having babies...but it's ridiculous to use others as a measure of my own "normalcy".
 

zinc

Member
I'm 47 and haven't had any sexual encounters at all, and I'm not planning to have any. I don't feel bad or abnormal about it, in fact I'm fine with it. I've got a lot of other interesting things going on in my life, that I rarely waste my time worrying about romance/sex as I did when I was younger.

Do you think you've accepted it partly due to the fact that you've had trouble achieving it?
 
Don't feel bad. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. :3

Sexual relations should be the result of love and comfort, not the other way around. You're ready when you're ready, and not a millisecond sooner.
 

Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement! It makes me feel better. I just need to stop thinking it's SUCH a big deal I guess.

To the guys out there, what do you think would be the best way to tell a man that you haven't had sex yet? How far into the relationship? I know this is a broad question, but I'm interested in some insight into this.

It depends entirely on when you feel ready to tell him. It's not even as if you have to tell him. Your relationship will be with him, and him alone. Whether you've previously had relationships with 0, 10 or 100 guys should really have no bearing on your relationship with him.
 

rodinski

Well-known member
I'm 20.

I'm also a virgin.

No chick has ever liked me.

I have a HUGE sex drive.

My OCD is very problematic with sexual thought.

Awesome. ._.
 

Honda

Well-known member
I have a HUGE sex drive.

My OCD is very problematic with sexual thought.

Dont give it much thought; everybody is horny at a young age... Dont give it too much importance or attention or you will wear your mind off...
 

rodinski

Well-known member
Dont give it much thought; everybody is horny at a young age... Dont give it too much importance or attention or you will wear your mind off...

haha, you'd be surprise. I am in fact a lot more hornier then average :p
 

Damaged

Well-known member
Don't feel abnormal :(
I'm sure that when you do come to a time when you feel comfortable it will be because you've found the right guy.
And tbh when it comes down to sexual stuff, you will just know what to do and it will honestly get better. I wouldn't worry about being inexperienced or being a virgin, you just have sex when you feel ready dont feel the need to rush, because other people are having sex.
 

overcome.

Well-known member
I'm sure you've done many things that some people haven't done, and maybe they're envious of that. Continuing to put pressure on yourself is a maintenance factor for anxiety, I know it's not intentional, but try to relax a little bit about it. Just go with your instincts in regards to when you're ready and when opportunities arise. It really isn't the end of the world, your time will come. :)
 

IamThisOne

Well-known member
I don't think I could ever have a sexual experience with a girl because I am too shy. I don't even think I could make out with one. I tend to think about like the scientific aspects of stuff like that and it takes away the "magic".

For instance, if I were making out with a girl, I might be thinking, "Our mouths are locked together and our tongues are coming into contact with each other, saliva is being exchanged. There are wet noises."

I don't know maybe when you get into that sort of situation something happens to you where you don't focus on anything but the matter at hand. Sort of like when you are in a "dangerous" situation, your adrenaline takes over and some systems of your body shut down while others speed up in order for you to deal with the stress.
 

Tiercel

Well-known member
For instance, if I were making out with a girl, I might be thinking, "Our mouths are locked together and our tongues are coming into contact with each other, saliva is being exchanged. There are wet noises."

I foresee a future where you write romance novels for lonely female scientists. You might not make them weak in the knees, but you'll light up their brain scans like a Christmas tree.
 

Feathers

Well-known member
lol Tiercel!!! :D

I don't think I could ever have a sexual experience with a girl because I am too shy. I don't even think I could make out with one. I tend to think about like the scientific aspects of stuff like that and it takes away the "magic".

For instance, if I were making out with a girl, I might be thinking, "Our mouths are locked together and our tongues are coming into contact with each other, saliva is being exchanged. There are wet noises."

I don't know maybe when you get into that sort of situation something happens to you where you don't focus on anything but the matter at hand. Sort of like when you are in a "dangerous" situation, your adrenaline takes over and some systems of your body shut down while others speed up in order for you to deal with the stress.

I think with the right girl, it can be magic... :)

Also, you don't have to kiss if you don't want to, some people just don't like it.. (me & Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman included :))
So maybe you just need to find a girl that's fun and good to be with in all other aspects, and if anything happens, happens...? There are some asexual people too, and it's a completely legitimate way to be too..
 
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