Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

MollyBeGood said:

That turned out really awesome, Graeme!

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MollyBeGood said:

Looks like it hurt though...

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Well, Tag - don't know his actual name. I just know he's the bearded Irishman who's the husband of one of my sister's best friends, and covered in tattos.. He said it was very brave choice for my first tattoo. So, ah don't what that says about me as a person?

Actually, it didn't hurt as much as I expected. Having been told horror stories of how sore it is, my oldest sister nearly passing out getting her first tattoo, etc. It was just the odd wee nip here n' there, but nothing excruciatingly painful. I mean I sat and watch it being done, for the most part.

Though, that shading you see round it was very last minute, and the only part that was geniunely painful. As it was part of the original design. Just added as a suggestion to make it stand-out. Done before my sister came to pay for it and take me home, as she'd taken me to have it done. And she was quite taken aback that I was just sitting there, - in this swivel chair, right arm extended and resting on a cling film covered leather stool - watching.

Other than that, it's just slightly sore to touch when putting cream on it to keep too many scabs forming. But I tend to heal-up quite well, as I noticed with the scars on my legs, post surgery.

MollyBeGood said:

You're mom doesn't like it eh?

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Oh, she indeed does not! No word of a lie, she very nearly fainted when I took off my jacket and revealed the tatto. Because it was still refresh, covered in cling film, bleeding. Then she started again, going back to me having my left-ear pierced when I was about 12, then my right-eyebrow pierced at 14.

Yet the funny thing is, the day before, my oldest sister just mentioned it - and our mum just went off on this tangent. Despite being aware I was having this done, because I booked the appointment, shortly after getting my right-eyebrow re-pierced, had to take it out prior to my surgery. And I never thought to get a plastic retainer piercing to keep the holes from healing up.

MollyBeGood said:

That means you need to get more! lol

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Already got the next tattoo booked. Much to my mum's displeasure.
Well, it was actually my sister who blurted out that info, which I would've keep quiet until, at least, mid-March.

The guy said whatever I'm going to have done next, jyst to let him know. Don't know what to get next? :question: Since I had a few ideas, but can't decided. Since my next one won't take as long as far the outline, but would be quite time consuming to colour. But I have to pay for it myself out of my disability benefits money.

Also, I'm thinking about getting some slight self-harm scars covered. There not raised, so it shouldnae be a problem. :idontknow:

Work is so frustrating right now I want to cry sometimes. I feel like things aren't my fault but might look like it's my fault. Like I've done all I can do but now I have to wait on someone else but a third party might just think I'm too slow, not realizing that I'm road-blocked.

But I don't want to say things at work like "it's not my fault" and blame someone else because that's unbecoming. So instead...I'll just wait for the other group to give me what I need.

But in the mean time what if my reputation suffers? What if it looks like I'm slow or not punctual even though I've gone way beyond the call of duty to the extend that I can?

All too often, i swear to god, i must be one of the most bored people on the planet. I do the exact same things, almost every single day. I'm not even wanting to watch tv at present. I have very, very few options as to what i can allow myself to do to fill the time. Blasted OCD & whatnot. :thumbdown:

theslowesthand said:

All too often, i swear to god, i must be one of the most bored people on the planet. I do the exact same things, almost every single day. I'm not even wanting to watch tv at present. I have very, very few options as to what i can allow myself to do to fill the time. Blasted OCD & whatnot. :thumbdown:

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I'm exactly the same. Same routine daily. I mean, I try to change it up but family aren't so keen on me going places by myself.

When your life starts to mimic prison documentaries, you know something must change.

In the golf game of life, i started out in the longer grass - i never found out what the greens felt like, all nice & smooth. I often got hit into sand, ponds, rough grass, and trees. In time my game was played entirely out in these parts of the course, and even further out, into scrub land, often losing sight of the course entirely. Nowadays i'm totally out of the game, hitting the odd poor shot here and there, but usually preferring to look at all the grasses, weeds & flowers, instead of playing the game.

I can't wait till spring so I can start growing peppers again. I have a new found respect for cayenne in particular. anyway, last year a grew dragon cayenne and tabasco peppers. This year I'm definitely growing a different type of cayenne but I also want to grow some carolina reapers .

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carolina_Reaper

theslowesthand said:

In the golf game of life, i started out in the longer grass - i never found out what the greens felt like, all nice & smooth. I often got hit into sand, ponds, rough grass, and trees. In time my game was played entirely out in these parts of the course, and even further out, into scrub land, often losing sight of the course entirely. Nowadays i'm totally out of the game, hitting the odd poor shot here and there, but usually preferring to look at all the grasses, weeds & flowers, instead of playing the game.

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Game on.

theslowesthand said:

In the golf game of life, i started out in the longer grass - i never found out what the greens felt like, all nice & smooth. I often got hit into sand, ponds, rough grass, and trees. In time my game was played entirely out in these parts of the course, and even further out, into scrub land, often losing sight of the course entirely. Nowadays i'm totally out of the game, hitting the odd poor shot here and there, but usually preferring to look at all the grasses, weeds & flowers, instead of playing the game.

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I always hated golf.

"A good walk wasted" to quote Mark Twain

Scr ew golf.

Just found out a friend who died of cancers BF is looking for a home for two of her three horses. I don't live near them anymore, so it's not an option for me. It is so sad how life turns out sometimes. There's a scenario I would have never predicted.

Handy tip: Execute some "hand-scissor" action upon stool regularly. This helps prevent clogging. You're welcome

My life is ABSOLUTE CR*P, but usually i don't see it (ie i don't see the forest (overall picture) for the trees). Occasionally i catch glimpses of what my life SHOULD be like, but isn't even remotely close to being, nor do i expect it ever to be anything like. :sad:

Sadly, i think the day i recognize just how much of a waste my life has been, will be the day i die (ie upon passing). Until that precious & blessed day, i shall remain in miserable ignorance & oblivion, and will keep eyeing-up those growing bottles of pills.

Anxiety & depression keep me trapped in fear, in my extraordinarily-limited life. :thumbdown:
(move along people, nothing good is here)

theslowesthand said:

All too often, i swear to god, i must be one of the most bored people on the planet. I do the exact same things, almost every single day. I'm not even wanting to watch tv at present. I have very, very few options as to what i can allow myself to do to fill the time. Blasted OCD & whatnot. :thumbdown:

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Same here. My anxiety fuels my fears, then my fears fuel my boredom, then my boredom makes me loathe myself even more because I realize I can't escape my anxiety and do normal things I'm too scared to do.

All alone, or all one? Same difference, the silence is deafening.

Most of the company i keep is "false" or virtual. But it seems to work nonetheless (for most of the time).

Hot_Tamale said:

Same here. My anxiety fuels my fears, then my fears fuel my boredom, then my boredom makes me loathe myself even more because I realize I can't escape my anxiety and do normal things I'm too scared to do.

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That's pretty much my life, from age 12 up until now... :sad:
Fueled by fear. Fear of doing what makes me happy, despite what my family would rather I do. Fear of letting people down and disappointing people. ::

theslowesthand said:

Most of the company i keep is "false" or virtual. But it seems to work nonetheless (for most of the time).

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Same here.

Now, my mum gets all upset about not getting tickets for Andy Murray's exhibition charity tennis match in Glasgow, later this year.
Yet, I mention about going to the very same event last year, ans she's all:


I don't understand how you wimmin think at times, like. :idontknow: Honestly, I really don't. Probably for the best that I'm still single... and lovin' it!

Graeme1988 said:

That's pretty much my life, from age 12 up until now...

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So before age 12 you were outgoing and personable?

Hot_Tamale said:

So before age 12 you were outgoing and personable?

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Aye, as best I could despite my disabilty. But, since that started to get worse around that age, I've become more introverted, anxious and weird.

Plus, my family put a lotta pressure upon me to live up to their expectations of what they wanted of me, academically and socially. Neither of which I managed to live up to. :sad: