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Old 02-25-2018
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Originally Posted by Sarah_M View Post
I'm not looking for an argument, but something stood out to me in your post; you said "I gathered some wild flowers with the intent of giving them to whomever I found good looking, whatever the age (I mean not to teenagers or below)". You decided to hand out flowers on the same basis as your rejection - because of looks. Rejection sucks and even though you said you weren't bothered by it, based on what you wrote, it certainly seems like you were.

My point is: We're all interested in looks. No matter how much you may say they don't matter. So next time you feel like the rejectee, bare in mind that you are probably also rejecting others, too.
Just something to think about...
good point. beauty is in the eye of the beholder so don't give up people!
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Old 02-27-2018
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Besides, deep down, I probably don't want to be partnering with such kind of women, the 'normal ones' are most likely not even on these platforms.
^BINGO!

For a girl to be on one of those dating sites - and be putting up with the many guys who send disgusting, blatantly sexualised, and predatory messages - she would have to have something really wrong with her to continue after a few days/weeks.

As someone said before, those sites are a business.
Businesses operate for the sole purpose of making a profit.

A business owner will hire people whose job will involve constantly improving and creating more methods/techniques to increase the businesses profit for their employer.

The owners of those online dating sites hire employees to pose as "available" women/set up and maintain fake female profiles, to entertain and keep their main clientele - men - interested, and continually paying that particular site.

Hence the many females who suddenly back out of actually "meeting up" at the last minute. Many are employees of the business who are paid to entice the guys into thinking they have a "chance" with that site.
Sadly, it is the fake female profiles that ensure the constant $$$$$ coming into the site.
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Old 02-27-2018
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The owners of those online dating sites hire employees to pose as "available" women/set up and maintain fake female profiles, to entertain and keep their main clientele - men - interested, and continually paying that particular site.

Hence the many females who suddenly back out of actually "meeting up" at the last minute. Many are employees of the business who are paid to entice the guys into thinking they have a "chance" with that site.
Sadly, it is the fake female profiles that ensure the constant $$$$$ coming into the site.
OMG, how cheap of them!

There also another technique on Badoo, involving "XXX хочет общаться" (sorry my phone is in Russian) even though they haven't been online for 3 days, they like to play jokes on their users.

I think the best kind of applications would be the ones scanning the area (like no more 500meter radius) and sending notifications to see if people within this radius are interested in each other.

By the way : I offered 3 flowers yesterday, I was ignored by two women of my generation, I think their reaction can be explained by the fact that they suspect there is a catch and that 'nothing is for free', they just back off and no word of gratitude. Whereas older people (30-60) smile and say thank you, with a bit of astonishment at first which is understandable. Offered the last one to a beggar that looked like she was from Poland along with some €€€ (Two days in a row).


I feel more like a social engineer now. Am I going crackers?

Last edited by Jungle; 02-27-2018 at 09:33 PM.
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Old 02-28-2018
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Originally Posted by Jungle View Post
I think their reaction can be explained by the fact that they suspect there is a catch and that 'nothing is for free', they just back off and no word of gratitude.
If I were offered free things, especially on the street or from strangers, that is how I would respond. I've walked through cities before where people have given me flowers or bracelets or cds or things like that, and then immediately ask for a "donation" afterwards. After a couple times, it's easier to just reject it from the start.

I don't think past experiences should deter me from being open to the possibility of genuine kindness, but I feel a lot of the time it does.
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Well, online dating has been effective for me since I found my first bf there. But we just broke up. So now, I think the quality of men there aren't really that good.
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Old 03-04-2018
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If I were offered free things, especially on the street or from strangers, that is how I would respond. I've walked through cities before where people have given me flowers or bracelets or cds or things like that, and then immediately ask for a "donation" afterwards. After a couple times, it's easier to just reject it from the start.

I don't think past experiences should deter me from being open to the possibility of genuine kindness, but I feel a lot of the time it does.
I see what you mean hehe, this usually happens in touristic spots, this happened to me once in Alexanderplatz in Berlin, I had some dodgy looking guy, proposing to offer me a whole bouquet of roses, and I don't think he was homosexual. I declined, because it was very fishy.

I don't do this in touristic areas, and I don't invest anything in it, I just gather wild flowers.
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Old 03-18-2018
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Blue Days said

The owners of those online dating sites hire employees to pose as "available" women/set up and maintain fake female profiles, to entertain and keep their main clientele - men - interested, and continually paying that particular site.

Hence the many females who suddenly back out of actually "meeting up" at the last minute. Many are employees of the business who are paid to entice the guys into thinking they have a "chance" with that site.
Sadly, it is the fake female profiles that ensure the constant $$$$$ coming into the site.


I think the site pays for itself.

By that I mean men are going to pay for the site no matter what.

As for the site creating fake profiles, i don't think that's the site that makes the fake profiles.

That's just men who are trying to make money so they make fake profiles to try to get a guy's credit card number.

Some of the fake profiles are females that are afraid to show their actual picture but most of the fake profiles are just scam artists not associated with the employees of the site.

The reason women back out of meeting so often is because they're women. I don't mean that in a derogatory manner, it's just women are the "choosy" gender and as I have said many times in thread they have a zillion options especially online.

So when you combine the female's selective nature and her abundance of options it's going to result in many women being flaky.

I'm not denying that what you are saying does happen but most of these girls that are flaking on guys are real girls who are just being picky because women tend to be way more picky about who they may sleep with.

Last edited by OceanMist; 03-18-2018 at 08:08 PM.
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Old 03-18-2018
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I got another match . com subscription. When i went to cancel my subscription they offered me 3 months for 39$.

I couldn't turn that down. Very good deal. 13$ a month.

What i don't get is how so many other people seem to be having so many meetings from the site.

There was only like one time where i legitimately wanted to meet a girl from the site but I decided not to name the time and place because I got a bad feeling about myself and went with my gut.

I sent messages to way more than average the number of women the average Match user does.

I feel like the site is sort of giving me false hope.

People tell me if you send out messages that you'll get meet ups and maybe get laid or whatever but in 3 months i didn't meet anyone.

The thing about it i wasn't being a **** or anything.

Something is going on for guys on there.

I'm starting to wonder if dating is getting harder for us than it was 5 years ago.

I remember when i did this online dating 5 years ago i was gettting a date like every week.

Now i can't even get 1?
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Old 03-18-2018
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One other thing.

I don't get why so many women on Match don't fill out their profiles.

They pay the money for the site and don't even fill out a profile?

I'd like to look further into this.

Do guys do this too?

Because my profile has enough stuff in it and it's authentic.
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Originally Posted by OceanMist View Post
One other thing.

I don't get why so many women on Match don't fill out their profiles.

They pay the money for the site and don't even fill out a profile?

I'd like to look further into this.

Do guys do this too?

Because my profile has enough stuff in it and it's authentic.
Why bait the hook when the fish bite for free?
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Old 03-19-2018
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Originally Posted by OceanMist View Post
The reason women back out of meeting so often is because they're women. I don't mean that in a derogatory manner, it's just women are the "choosy" gender and as I have said many times in thread they have a zillion options especially online.

So when you combine the female's selective nature and her abundance of options it's going to result in many women being flaky.

I'm not denying that what you are saying does happen but most of these girls that are flaking on guys are real girls who are just being picky because women tend to be way more picky about who they may sleep with.
This makes me feel bad. As i'm reminded of how DAMN EASY it is for some/many/most people to go on dates, have romance, have sex, etc. I've never managed to go on ONE SINGLE DATE EVER, and the only sex i've had is with prostitutes. Life is so unfair . Or else, it actually IS just as easy for me, but that i don't TRY hard enough. If that were true, i'd feel EVEN WORSE, as then i'd know that in the last 30 years i COULD have had women & girlfriends. It's so UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING that i try to block it from my mind for most of the time. I've been "teased" by women for 45 years, with virtually no outlet . And even worse, over the years i've seen signs of women being attracted to me (flirting, sometimes very overtly), & people telling me i'm good-looking, or handsome; it just frustrates me even more. There must be something that i'm doing wrong. Or i have deal-breaker/s traits. I don't get it. It's illogical. It's diabolical. There MUST SURELY be LOGICAL reasons why i'm an complete 100% abysmal failure with women. I wish i knew what they were.

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Old 03-22-2018
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to let people know that people have the wrong concept of looks on this site. a lot of people who i don't find good-looking are in loving relationships men and women included, even men who aren't confident.

Last edited by lily; 03-22-2018 at 05:01 AM.
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Old 03-22-2018
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but I'd say people online I've found lots to be shallow
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Old 03-26-2018
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Hey. I've been pretty busy with work, jogging, trying to get enough sleep and watching basketball on tv that i haven't put much into trying for dating.

When i don't initiate messages as a guy, my dating message box goes blank really fast.

My okcupid one has zero new messages for weeks.

You really have to put in the work as a guy and send a bunch of messages and RESPOND to a bunch of messages.

That's just to get to the next step.

Then you have to invest the time after work to meet up with the women which can be the most difficult part and takes the most sacrifice.

For me, for me to meet a girl on a first date it's often at least a 3 hour time commitment (Almost an hour to drive to Kansas City, meet on the date for 30 mins or longer, then drive back an hour assuming i don't get laid haha). That IS A SACRIFICE because i will work a full day on certain days and then i'm basically spending my whole night for the date.

I may talk about this more later.

I am just pointing out how much work it takes and how maybe the reason i don't try as hard anymore is because i don't feel like going through all of that which is understandable.
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I just got on Match.com today after not being on there for like a week.

It made me feel bad just getting on there and looking at the girls profiles.

I wonder if a part of me has just lost confidence that I will find a girl that I enjoy being with, even if it's just for one night.
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Old 05-08-2018
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Quote:
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I wonder if a part of me has just lost confidence that I will find a girl that I enjoy being with, even if it's just for one night.
good luck. I can see that you're hurt right now..
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OceanMist View Post
I just got on Match.com today after not being on there for like a week.

It made me feel bad just getting on there and looking at the girls profiles.

I wonder if a part of me has just lost confidence that I will find a girl that I enjoy being with, even if it's just for one night.
Hello OceanMist,

Do not devalue yourself.

I've lost 'fate' in Badoo & co, I feel like I am demeaning myself for people that most of the time don't deserve it.

I've met a woman two weeks ago on Badoo, I don't really have a thing for her, but we were able to meet last week, she came to visit Paris from Peter. with her friend. So far we are good friends, I invited her to the polyglot club I usually go to, that's the kind of people I am looking for, I asked her how come many people don't reply on such apps ; from her perspective she gets a lot of meaningless messages, most of them related to sex.

I am definitely more interested in older women than younger ones, if she's 3 or 4 years younger than me it's the limit, I cannot consider being in a relationship with her, I don't know where these "personal ethics" come from, but that's who I am.
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Old 05-17-2018
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I'm now thinking that my complete lack lack of dates/etc could be simply due to "luck of the draw" more than anything else (young looks, SA, risk averse, fear of rejection, fear of change, ..). By that i mean, in analogy, i haven't bought enough lottery tickets over the years (i haven't gotten out there enough, haven't risked rejection (asked women out) enough, haven't been rejected NEAR enough). In fact, i think my situation isn't really that much different from the average guy, who gets rejected many times, even if they're exceptionally good-looking/sociable/engaging/etc. And i ALSO mean by "luck of the draw" that i'm just one of those guys who need to go "the extra miles" to find a woman sucessfully, but by my nature i choose not to go even the MINIMUM miles (risk averse, low confidence, etc). And finally i mean by "luck of the draw", that the MINIMAL efforts/chances i HAVE had, it's just simply SHEER BAD LUCK that i never even got a single date. That explains EVERYTHING for me - why i seemed to be "CURSED" regarding women (& life too).
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Old 05-17-2018
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I'm now thinking that my complete lack lack of dates/etc could be simply due to "luck of the draw" more than anything else (young looks, SA, risk averse, fear of rejection, fear of change, ..). By that i mean, in analogy, i haven't bought enough lottery tickets over the years (i haven't gotten out there enough, haven't risked rejection (asked women out) enough, haven't been rejected NEAR enough). In fact, i think my situation isn't really that much different from the average guy, who gets rejected many times, even if they're exceptionally good-looking/sociable/engaging/etc. And i ALSO mean by "luck of the draw" that i'm just one of those guys who need to go "the extra miles" to find a woman sucessfully, but by my nature i choose not to go even the MINIMUM miles (risk averse, low confidence, etc). And finally i mean by "luck of the draw", that the MINIMAL efforts/chances i HAVE had, it's just simply SHEER BAD LUCK that i never even got a single date. That explains EVERYTHING for me - why i seemed to be "CURSED" regarding women (& life too).
You gotta get your reps in and learn how to accept rejection. Some guys pick it up pretty quick, while others struggle for a long time. Then you got our sorry lot who don't even really know what our tolerances are due to social phobia. You seem like a pretty cool guy, you might be surprised how well you did with women if you got into therapy. I used to do alright when I was seeing a doctor and I'm no Jim Morrison by any stretch.
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You gotta get your reps in and learn how to accept rejection. Some guys pick it up pretty quick, while others struggle for a long time. Then you got our sorry lot who don't even really know what our tolerances are due to social phobia. You seem like a pretty cool guy, you might be surprised how well you did with women if you got into therapy. I used to do alright when I was seeing a doctor and I'm no Jim Morrison by any stretch.
And i'm no Tom Cruise for sure. I've had a fair amount of therapy, but it hasn't helped at all (but then i haven't really discussed my women issue in detail). I'm not exactly sure why i avoid rejection like the plague .. perhaps it's an ocd habit, like being risk-averse. Low self-confidence i'm sure plays a part. Am i too "PC" (afraid to put a foot wrong)?

Last edited by theslowesthand; 05-17-2018 at 04:00 AM.
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