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Old 10-11-2017
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You are getting veeeery sleeeeepy
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Old 10-11-2017
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Nope. I never get sleepy nowadays. But i still manage to sleep nonetheless!
Might as well go to bed now, since the day's a write-off...
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Old 10-11-2017
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I'm expected to do everything my family asks of me, yet they do nothing for me in return. They can't even keep their word when they say they'll do something for me. But I'm supposed "...trust no-one except family".
Aye, that's a great bloody motto, Mum!

Ah wonder why ah turned into the most anti-social person in my family? In the sense of not being a people person, I don't mean going out and vandalising and stuff like that
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Old 10-11-2017
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With me it's been one f*ck up after another these last 2 weeks. I mean everyday for the last 2 weeks. It has put such a heavy toll my me physically and mentally that I cannot take it anymore. I don't want to live anymore. I DON'T WANT TO F*CKING LIVE ANYMORE. ALWAYS FORCED TO ENDURE........AND FOR WHAT? TO SEE ANOTHER DAY THAT IS ONLY FULL OF SHIT? HOPING THE NEXT DAY WILL BE BETTER THAN THE LAST? NO I AM TIRED OF WAITING...........TIRED IS PROBABLY AN UNDERSTATEMENT. I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOOK FORWARD TO A TOMORROW BECAUSE TOMORROW PROMISES THE SHIT FROM YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE. I am just so tired man.........I want it to stop and it won't.
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Old 10-11-2017
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With me it's been one f*ck up after another these last 2 weeks. I mean everyday for the last 2 weeks. It has put such a heavy toll my me physically and mentally that I cannot take it anymore. I don't want to live anymore. I DON'T WANT TO F*CKING LIVE ANYMORE. ALWAYS FORCED TO ENDURE........AND FOR WHAT? TO SEE ANOTHER DAY THAT IS ONLY FULL OF SHIT? HOPING THE NEXT DAY WILL BE BETTER THAN THE LAST? NO I AM TIRED OF WAITING...........TIRED IS PROBABLY AN UNDERSTATEMENT. I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOOK FORWARD TO A TOMORROW BECAUSE TOMORROW PROMISES THE SHIT FROM YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE. I am just so tired man.........I want it to stop and it won't.
I empathise with you a great deal, defiance.

Except, in my case, I've had to listen to constant family arguments for the past 2 months. And I'm at the point, now, where death would be the best peace and quiet for me.
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Old 10-11-2017
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I empathise with you a great deal, defiance.

Except, in my case, I've had to listen to constant family arguments for the past 2 months. And I'm at the point, now, where death would be the best peace and quiet for me.
Yeah man it F*CKING sucks. Curse the day I was born.
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Old 10-12-2017
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With me it's been one f*ck up after another these last 2 weeks. I mean everyday for the last 2 weeks. It has put such a heavy toll my me physically and mentally that I cannot take it anymore
Maybe you could write here some of the specific things that happen to you? Just a thought...
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Old 10-12-2017
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Bored out of my fuucking mind. Oh well, must be time for music & grog.

Listening to Metallica - Hardwired To Self Destruct - one of my least favorite of their albums. Only listened to it once before today. That's how fuucked i am right now. I'm shit-outta-luck fuucked.
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Old 10-12-2017
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It's that part in life, where I have to go all out, and start interacting with people. It's really amazing how others seem to just whiz past you, and start making 'friends' like as if they've known each other - even before meeting in person - it's like some joke is being played on you.

Every 'loner' I meet, usually suffers from some sort of psychological disorders/problems (schizophrenia, lack of emotional attention) and for some reason, I'm not fast in seeing that - you see, it's amazing how cleverly they mask it from others.

And it often makes me wonder - is there even the slightest chance of meeting someone with social anxiety, in person, and that too, with complete luck? It seems impossible to meet them in real life, but then again, one can't expect someone with social anxiety to just come up to you, and talk.

With regard to being slightly anxious, I think it's like playing a video game - Only that you're playing the video game called 'Life' on the 'Hardest' difficulty level - has anyone else ever noticed?.

Think of it, all the anxiety, the challenges, the emotions, the... Difficulties??? I really think it's easy to relate.
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Old 10-12-2017
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Originally Posted by theslowesthand View Post
Listening to Metallica - Hardwired To Self Destruct - one of my least favorite of their albums. Only listened to it once before today. That's how fuucked i am right now. I'm shit-outta-luck fuucked.
That album actually got me through the past month. Just blasting it via iTunes through my headphones. A great counter-noise to sounds shouty family arguments going on downstairs.
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Old 10-12-2017
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Well, what a difference a year makes, huh? Last year I was the bad guy for speaking ma mind. Now, the dysfunctional, narcissistic, Bitches from Hell who are my immediate family are telling me I was right all along. Of course, ah wus f*ckin' right! I'm the so-called "brains" in my family. Which is a heavy burden to bare when those around you are jealousy of how you're not lazy when it comes to getting things done, and done right I mean it only took my middle sister's marriage going sh!t. But who care if I predicted that divorce 3 to 5 year afore it happened? But who cares, at least I'm not the inconsiderate, ungrateful fatherless child anymore

Plus, ye learn a lot about people when ye just shut the f*ck up, or don't talk much, around them. And in my family, that mask of politeness and nicety slips pretty effin' sharpish as soon as ye say the wrong word to my middle sister.
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Old 10-13-2017
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I'll never find a woman. As the ones i like, i'm too scared to ask out, for fear of rejection. In my mind i just "KNOW" i'll be rejected, but i never allow myself to know for sure. Maybe i prefer to live in the "fantasy land" of believing they "like" me, when they actually don't like me like that?

Going abroad therefore, is a kind of torture for me, as i see young women, but i can't interact with any of them (how i would like).
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Old 10-13-2017
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'Another year and then you'd be happy. Just one more year and then you'd be happy. But you're crying, you're crying now'
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Old 10-13-2017
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Like ah should just give up... I'm never gonnae be free to live ma life on ma terms. So, whit's the point? There's nae point trying to reason with them, since they only ever huv concerns for themselves. They say otherwise, but their words don't match their actions. Ah mean, if yer a reasonable person then why tha f*ck go mental at being told the honest truth? And I'm the unreasonable one?!
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Old 10-13-2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jinxed View Post
The things that have been going on with me have made me a loser but I/we still have to do our best.
'He's a loser but he still keeps on trying' (little river band song)
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Old 10-13-2017
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My middle sister is right, I am stuck in a rut. Mainly because I can't get much peace n' quiet lately.
Also, it's bloody depressing being proven right about my family lately.
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Old 10-14-2017
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I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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I don't know if I'm the world's most pessimistic optimist or its most optimistic pessimist.
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Old 10-14-2017
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Bored as fuuking feck. Nothing to do.
So, yep, my usual evening/night. Just trying to kill-off the time.
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Old 10-14-2017
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Don't like the thoughts going through my head, at the moment.

Ah think I might just give up any hope of things changing, since I'm the only f*cker willing to make an effort. Ma family are just being pessimistic, selfish bitches, saying I only think aboot myself. Aye, sure. That's why I do as I'm told and offer to help out and try to be positive, isn't it?

I don't know what to do anymore? Everytime I try to the right thing, I'm wrong. Whenever I keep quiet, I'm wrong.
If I speak up, I'm...
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Old 10-14-2017
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Had it, now i'm f*cking off to bed for an early night.
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