anomicdeer
Well-known member
There are only very few reasons I come on this site.
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
MikeyC
Well-known member
I don't think you've found what you like yet, so that's why you're feeling the way you do and have hit a brick wall. It will come to you.
S_Spartan
Well-known member
I'm 42 years old and have experienced many things but none of it has stuck with me. It's hard for me to imagine ever being truly excited about anything again. The bloom is off the rose. I have felt this way for a few years now. Usually I suppress it and try to keep my mind busy but some days(or weeks) it is impossible to ignore.
polishgirl
Well-known member
Lonely as ever. What the hell is happening to me? I feel like I am on a constant spiral downwards.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Nae effin' idea! Well... actually, ah've been feelin' pretty knackered and conked oot, lately.
Feelin' so much pressure fae family tae be this person that am no'. F**k! Ah don't know who ah am, or what ah want oot o' life. Also, fed up wi' ma family and others (friends o' the family) dump nearly aw the computer related things upon me n' askin' me tae fix it - like ah know everythin' about laptops n' hard drives.
h:
Hate bein' so self-aware of when am bein' taken advantage o' - yet am too chicken-shit tae stand up for masel', since ah know ah'll end up summit harsh. Because ah suppress n' internalise a lot o' ma thoughts.
Feelin' so much pressure fae family tae be this person that am no'. F**k! Ah don't know who ah am, or what ah want oot o' life. Also, fed up wi' ma family and others (friends o' the family) dump nearly aw the computer related things upon me n' askin' me tae fix it - like ah know everythin' about laptops n' hard drives.
h:Hate bein' so self-aware of when am bein' taken advantage o' - yet am too chicken-shit tae stand up for masel', since ah know ah'll end up summit harsh. Because ah suppress n' internalise a lot o' ma thoughts.
S_Spartan
Well-known member
Nae effin' idea! Well... actually, ah've been feelin' pretty knackered and conked oot, lately.
Feelin' so much pressure fae family tae be this person that am no'. F**k! Ah don't know who ah am, or what ah want oot o' life. Also, fed up wi' ma family and others (friends o' the family) dump nearly aw the computer related things upon me n' askin' me tae fix it - like ah know everythin' about laptops n' hard drives.
Yes! Since I am in I.T. I get this a lot also. It can be very frustrating! I actually started charging some of these people money for my time. When they would ask the old "what do I owe you?" question expecting me to say "nothing" I instead started spitting out a figure. Lol!
Also, don't feel bad, I'm 42 and have no idea who I am or what I want out of life.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Awww... :sad: Sorry tae hear that, darlin'. Ah've been feelin' like that as well, lately. Ah know, that doesnae exactly help matters.
Anyway, hope ye feel better soon, eh? Try n' stay positive, awright? :thumbup:
I have hit an existential dead end. But it's more like an existential cliff overlooking a vast nothingness. I care about things, issues, but I feel vaguely apathetic about it all. (What does any of it matter, in the end?) The only meaning I find in my life is in easing the suffering of animals, and contributing to the happiness of the few people I really love. Even these things I know are ultimately futile. There are many days when I feel like I'm just passing the time til the end. Overall, it's not an unhappy place to be. Kind of more like purgatory.
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Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
:ironicsmile: Aye, ah've done that a few times, ma response is usually: "£40 quid.", ah say in ma dour, deadpan soundin' Scottish accent.
Normally this is the response ah get:
:bigsmile:Really?! So ah shouldnae feel bad, eh? How, no'? - by which ah mean, "Why not, question mark" :sarcastic: Ah mean, even though am just in ma mid-to-late 20s, ah actually feel a lot older. Ah don't know, it just seems life's passin' me by, y'know...? Plus ma dad used tae really pressure me intae a career ah hud nae interest in. So ah guess, that's root of the whole "What am ah daein' wi' ma life?" question.
I feel deeply, inconsolably bored this evening. Normally I relish an evening alone, but tonight I don't even feel like reading. I can't find anything even remotely stimulating. It's not a horrible feeling; it's just uncomfortable. I will never get this evening back, and I'm wasting it in the worst way. What to do? What to do? There has to be something that will spark some interest in this brain of mine..
S_Spartan
Well-known member
I can relate to that! I really like your example of a cliff overlooking vast nothingness. Apathy is taking over my life. I have become quite a nihilist over these past few years.
S_Spartan
Well-known member
:ironicsmile: Aye, ah've done that a few times, ma response is usually: "£40 quid.", ah say in ma dour, deadpan soundin' Scottish accent.
Normally this is the response ah get:
Really?! So ah shouldnae feel bad, eh? How, no'? - by which ah mean, "Why not, question mark" :sarcastic: Ah mean, even though am just in ma mid-to-late 20s, ah actually feel a lot older. Ah don't know, it just seems life's passin' me by, y'know...? Plus ma dad used tae really pressure me intae a career ah hud nae interest in. So ah guess, that's root of the whole "What am ah daein' wi' ma life?" question.
I just meant that you aren't the only one going through the not knowing who you are thing.
That is really tough to have people pressuring you like that into things that you don't want to do.
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Trishanku
Well-known member
3 days ago I was so enthusiastic about getting a job. I felt so much pressure when i couldn't even get out of the house. I felt suicidal and i immediately sms'd my therapist for help. He then asked me to call my family and he had to speak to my elder brother for the moment and let him know about my suicidal thoughts.
He told that I was having depressive psychosis, this is the second time i heard him say that in two years. last two days have been the worst days of my life. i am just taking things slow now. I am living with my parents, my respects to you all who are fighting whatever challenges you are facing. Love and Peace
He told that I was having depressive psychosis, this is the second time i heard him say that in two years. last two days have been the worst days of my life. i am just taking things slow now. I am living with my parents, my respects to you all who are fighting whatever challenges you are facing. Love and Peace
I don't feel like a copycat anymore. And I just had an epiphany about a childhood friend whom I used to worship, and whom my mom keeps telling me to copy. Just like everyone else, I'm sure she's flawed. I'm starting to see that she's not exactly the "good girl" that I used to think she was. I was mean to her and her friends in the past, and I recall she was mean to me as well, out of revenge. I didn't get along with her friends. It was like a love-hate relationship. The only reason why I still kept in touch with her was because my mom knew her parents. My mom kept asking me to call her, email her, etc. It's just awkward everytime I meet her. I just kept thinking of the past. She told me she has made new friends at school. I think she's quite popular there, in fact. I think she lied to me about one of her friends. We've severed ties a long time ago, and I don't think we'll ever go back to the past. The "me" in the past was more childlike, stupid, easy to deceive, and laugh a lot. That was the "me" that she enjoyed being around with. But now I'm different.
I had to take my grandmother to the doctor today and we ended up being admitted to the hospital. This is becoming a regular thing now and I fear we are getting to the end. I broke down just once yesterday under all the pressure of having to get her to the hospital and speak to the doctors and all that junk, but I survived and did very well. I'm a bit proud, actually.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Oh, aye! Ah know... It's just kinda shitey - feelin' as though life's just passin' ye by, at times. :sad:
Story o' ma f**kin' life, there. Ironically...
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Sorry tae hear that, superfluous. Yer granny bein' admitted tae hospital n' that. It's no' easy dealin' wi' the possibility of losin' a loved one. :sad:
Breakin' down in tears is understandable given the pressure o' the situation, and the situation, generally. But, at least, ye got through it.
My mum used to put this childhood friend of mine on a golden pedestal and tell me all throughout my teens I had to be more like her. Really screwed over my self-confidence and to this day I'm having trouble 'being me' because for such a long time I've been led to believe that 'me' was no good and I had to be like someone else in order to fit in, be liked and appreciated.
It's just like you said though, everyone has flaws. It's dangerous to idealize and romanticize to the point of creating a perfect image that no one can live up to.
Oh, that sucks. Those things are always hard to swallow. But it's great she can still rely on people like yourself to help her through the hardest parts.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Good job getting through it. Her death might be easier to handle because you can see it coming, although it can still be sad.