Hellhound
Super Moderator
I've been wondering that too. The best way to start a relationship is by making friends first, creating a bond and getting to know each other. I never understood the rush of having to start dating right away.
Picking up Women
- Thread starter ImNotMyIllness
- Start date
I've been wondering that too. The best way to start a relationship is by making friends first, creating a bond and getting to know each other. I never understood the rush of having to start dating right away.
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Thank you for the very kind and encouraging words. I appreciate it!
On another note, you need you're own site or channel. Your posts are always so entertaining! Not to mention very well written and thought out.
"Seriously, I should be listed in the DSM-IV . . . as a symptom." That's too funny! :lol:
I've heard that lot. But what if expressing interest does not feel natural in any way? I mean, with being alone all my life, never having a relationship, that's what feels natural. Speaking to a woman, initiating contact feels ultra unnatural.
emre43
Well-known member
I started volunteering at an animal rescue centre. That way I was going to find people who were also interested in nature. I met a girl who I found quite attractive and just started talking to her about nature and asked her questions such as what got you interested in animals then. She reciprocated and started chatting to me. She told me quite a lot about herself spontaneously without me asking. I also made her laugh which is a good sign. I asked for her number and she was just about to give it to me but we were called back to work because we were talking for so long. I haven't seen her since :sad:
Kiwong
Well-known member
No one is going to trust me with the severity of my anxiety. I often just think I should sit down somewhere, head in hands, close my eyes, and not look or try to interact at all. That way I won't freak anyone out, or have yo endure the hostility and derision that is so often directed at me. Don't look, don't say anything, just work within your limitation. Sometimes I surprise myself and enjoy my life and my own company, even a complete failure like me.
I may be going out on a limb here, but it seems to me that getting hit on (in a respectable way) is an enjoyable thing for many women, even if we are not single. It's certainly something that most women seem to remember and enjoy talking about. And if there are women who hate it, I would bet that it's one of those things that they love to hate. Know what I mean?
You're not a complete failure; you're one of the most interesting people I've met on here. Think of all the wonderful experiences you have had!
Hellhound
Super Moderator
Is it bad that it would make me paranoid if it comes from someone I don't know?
He could have the best intentions, but my mind would tell me he's just approaching because he thinks I'm eye candy.
I don't think it's bad, no, but I do think you could be potentially missing out on an opportunity to get to know someone! But if that's not your method, there's nothing wrong with that.
SoScared
Well-known member
coyote
Well-known member
i've dated a few times, had long-term and short-term girlfriends, been married twice
only rarely have i asked a woman out on a date or gotten intimate with anyone that i didn't already know for awhile and had become friends with first
this whole, "walk up and ask some random woman out that you've made eye contact with from across a crowded room and fall madly in love and live happily ever after" thing is the stuff of hollywood movies
sure it happens occasionally, but it is the exception rather than the norm - even for people who don't suffer from social anxiety issues
i've found it works better to concentrate on meeting people, men or women, without attaching all the romance and relationship stuff. once you've been around someone for awhile and gotten to know them, and they've gotten to know you, it becomes much easier to take it to the next level - and it's usually more apparent whether it's even a possibility, thereby reducing your chance of rejection
and, yes, i do live in the real world
only rarely have i asked a woman out on a date or gotten intimate with anyone that i didn't already know for awhile and had become friends with first
this whole, "walk up and ask some random woman out that you've made eye contact with from across a crowded room and fall madly in love and live happily ever after" thing is the stuff of hollywood movies
sure it happens occasionally, but it is the exception rather than the norm - even for people who don't suffer from social anxiety issues
i've found it works better to concentrate on meeting people, men or women, without attaching all the romance and relationship stuff. once you've been around someone for awhile and gotten to know them, and they've gotten to know you, it becomes much easier to take it to the next level - and it's usually more apparent whether it's even a possibility, thereby reducing your chance of rejection
and, yes, i do live in the real world
Kiwong
Well-known member
Opaline
1
Kind of sidetracking, but that Teal commenter mentioned that occasionally a man will take advantage of the fact that women are raised to be polite; that happened to me today. A creepy customer took advantage of my politeness and "service with a smile" BS, and kept insisting that I make his latte and not my male coworker who was assigned to do it, despite me telling him I couldn't - he said that "the girls make it better" and kept saying "No no, YOU make my latte, you make it". Before all that he had also told me I was special to him and called me "baby doll" *vomit*. It all just felt so... wrong, him pressuring me like that was downright weird. Unfortunately he's a regular customer and comes in to demand things and gawk at all the female workers
DON'T be like that guy, OP! haha
^Iew!
I'll bet he think he's being charming or something, too.mg:
I'll bet he think he's being charming or something, too.
mg:
Opaline
1
^Iew!
I'll bet he think he's being charming or something, too.
He definitely does... he calls me "baby girl", "baby doll", "sweetie", etc. on the regular (basically every other word addressed to me). He looks like he's in his 60's, chunky, earrings, bad teeth, beady little eyes that freak me out. Sorry if I sound judgmental, but the guy's a real creeper and gives off a pervert vibe, big time. Wouldn't want to get off my shift late at night with him around *shudder*
thegunners21
Well-known member
Beat, you'll encounter a lot of them in the service industry.
thegunners21
Well-known member
I have to ask. Forgive me for swaying off topic, but I'm curious.
What is so terrible about the friend zone? If you're genuinely interested in this female, there's the possibility (if she's already taken or just not interested) that the opportunity to date her will display itself later on. Whether or not you want to go through the ordeal of waiting is a separate issue in itself, I understand that. And let's not talk about being a personal doormat for her problems and emotions, heard that one before. However, I don't believe forming a friendship with someone you're interested in will lead to a dead end. At least not in all instances. From my personal experience, the relationships I've formed started through friendship first. Maybe I'm missing something here and my female brain can't figure it out
The problem is that the guy in the "friendzone" wants more tha just being friends. There's nothing wrong with being friends, but if one person wants more, it will ruin the balance.
I personally believe that you can tell if you'll be attracted to a person within 5 minutes after meeting him/her. This means that the girl will probably never have any romantic feelings towards their male friend, because she's just not attracted to him in that way.
Also, a lot of females consider their male friends brothers.
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Kind of sidetracking, but that Teal commenter mentioned that occasionally a man will take advantage of the fact that women are raised to be polite; that happened to me today. A creepy customer took advantage of my politeness and "service with a smile" BS, and kept insisting that I make his latte and not my male coworker who was assigned to do it, despite me telling him I couldn't - he said that "the girls make it better" and kept saying "No no, YOU make my latte, you make it". Before all that he had also told me I was special to him and called me "baby doll" *vomit*. It all just felt so... wrong, him pressuring me like that was downright weird. Unfortunately he's a regular customer and comes in to demand things and gawk at all the female workers
DON'T be like that guy, OP! haha
I would never do that! I'm very polite and considerate. But, there is this one beautiful Bartista (beautiful to me anyway). She looks exactly the way I imagine my future wife would (not that I'll ever have one). I wish I could ask her out. But, I never will.
thegunners21
Well-known member
I would never do that! I'm very polite and considerate. But, there is this one beautiful Bartista (beautiful to me anyway). She looks exactly the way I imagine my future wife would (not that I'll ever have one). I wish I could ask her out. But, I never will.
I just met the prettiest girl today at the club I volunteer at. But I know I'll never do anything about it.