It's just like any other socializing for me. If I have something to say, usually I'm fine. But I'm really bad at initiating conversation, even if I know exactly what to say.
Too Shy to answer PMs??
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A86
Well-known member
Yeah, its not too bad replying to questions and what not. I have an overwhelming sense I must reply to those willing to give the effort or interest in asking, however it seems to end there.
Unfortunately, the abrupt awkward closing of a conversation can often be be perceived as rude, selfish or disrespectful, which is not my intent.
Darkness_'82
Well-known member
I feel very awkward with PMs, chat rooms, instant messaging etc. I'm alright with emails and forums and that's about it.
Some years ago, I met a local woman on a dating site and we used IM. It was really REALLY awkward. She mentioned she had a daughter so I asked her does she take her to the local swimming pool, and she asked if I was a lifeguard or something. Then she got really defensive and started saying things. I was only trying to make conversation. The next day she apologised in an email, but nonetheless it was enough to scare me away from IM that's for sure. You can say something that you think is harmless, and people just take it the wrong way. The funny thing is, she's my boss now (I'm a part-time cleaner) and I don't think she recognises/remembers me from that dating site (I hope...). Cos we did exchange photos there.
Some years ago, I met a local woman on a dating site and we used IM. It was really REALLY awkward. She mentioned she had a daughter so I asked her does she take her to the local swimming pool, and she asked if I was a lifeguard or something. Then she got really defensive and started saying things. I was only trying to make conversation. The next day she apologised in an email, but nonetheless it was enough to scare me away from IM that's for sure. You can say something that you think is harmless, and people just take it the wrong way. The funny thing is, she's my boss now (I'm a part-time cleaner) and I don't think she recognises/remembers me from that dating site (I hope...). Cos we did exchange photos there.
I love anything in writing. Anything. Even snail mail. It's just comfortable for me because I can go over it several times to make sure there are no mistakes. And I don't have to see the person's reactions to what I'm saying. 
I hate phones, skype, etc. Blegh. I feel like I can't organize my thoughts properly when I'm speaking out loud, that I'm an incoherent mess. And I feel like people are just judging my face, my mannerisms, everything.
I hate phones, skype, etc. Blegh. I feel like I can't organize my thoughts properly when I'm speaking out loud, that I'm an incoherent mess. And I feel like people are just judging my face, my mannerisms, everything.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Yikes! That would have been really awkward if she recognized you!!!
I once tried an online dating site and saw the profile of my investment advisor (had his pic). Would have been weird if we'd started chatting and I didn't know it was him!
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market.garden
Well-known member
I'll admit, I'll start typing a regular forum post, only to back out of what I was posting.
It stems from the fear that I post too much. That I'll over saturate the board with myself. That ppl will collectively hate me... Silly...?
Some people on this forum have posted thousands and thousands of times - no one hates them. I think with less than 150 posts, psych, you're a long, long way from saturating the board with yourself, so post away!
I don't have experience with PMs, but I would probably feel the same with them as I do with e-mail. I usually answer e-mails that have direct questions alright, though it can take a few cycles of editing, agonizing, saving the draft, and coming back to it later. The problem for me is when it is unclear if I am expected to respond. In those cases, unless I can think of something really interesting and appropriate that I feel comfortable saying (rare), I usually just procrastinate past the point when it would feel awkward to continue the conversation and then give up on it.
I actually tend to prefer talking in person when possible (as long as it is one-on-one). It is more difficult, but less ambiguous and the faster pace doesn't allow me to agonize as much.
I actually tend to prefer talking in person when possible (as long as it is one-on-one). It is more difficult, but less ambiguous and the faster pace doesn't allow me to agonize as much.
razzle dazzle rose
Well-known member
I can answer PMs, but sometimes it takes me a couple days to actually write a response. Not because I am super busy but because I think about it too much.
While I have initiated PMs, I do find it incredibly hard to do. I worry too much about what to say. But there are so many members here I'd like to write to. Usually I just wait for others to initiate contact.
Same here. It was like a goal of mine when I first joined this forum to post often, whatever it was, in an effort to feel more comfortable sharing my opinions. I don't quite follow that anymore. Most of the time I end up deleting my responses.
I do enjoy reading your posts. So keep it up! ::
Yes, or else it feels like I am bothering them or something! (sometimes I don't even feel comfortable quoting people in posts, haha).
I prefer writing too. I do like texting But I rarely answer my phone, not that many people call me. But I still overthink it when messaging someone. If I were to do it more often maybe it wouldn't be as hard and I would not think about it too much. Maybe.
While I have initiated PMs, I do find it incredibly hard to do. I worry too much about what to say. But there are so many members here I'd like to write to. Usually I just wait for others to initiate contact.
Same here. It was like a goal of mine when I first joined this forum to post often, whatever it was, in an effort to feel more comfortable sharing my opinions. I don't quite follow that anymore. Most of the time I end up deleting my responses.
I do enjoy reading your posts. So keep it up! :
:Yes, or else it feels like I am bothering them or something! (sometimes I don't even feel comfortable quoting people in posts, haha).
I love anything in writing. Anything. Even snail mail. It's just comfortable for me because I can go over it several times to make sure there are no mistakes. And I don't have to see the person's reactions to what I'm saying.
I hate phones, skype, etc. Blegh. I feel like I can't organize my thoughts properly when I'm speaking out loud, that I'm an incoherent mess. And I feel like people are just judging my face, my mannerisms, everything.
I prefer writing too. I do like texting
But I rarely answer my phone, not that many people call me. But I still overthink it when messaging someone. If I were to do it more often maybe it wouldn't be as hard and I would not think about it too much. Maybe.
EscapeArtist
Well-known member
I was when I first got here, this was my first forum and it was so scary. It gets easier every time though, promise If you want you can send me a PM to practice.. That might a scary offer, but even if it's just short replies, it really helps. Feel free to also decline that offer but i'm completely non judgmental and willing to help if you'd like
If you want you can send me a PM to practice.. That might a scary offer, but even if it's just short replies, it really helps. Feel free to also decline that offer but i'm completely non judgmental and willing to help if you'd like
shakethelight
Well-known member
I am not shy talking to people online either through PM or whatever it is. but I can understand why others are. I actually like talking to people from here though and enjoy when they message me.
Nightmare Kitten
Member
Totally me, I get scared when it comes to PMs, emails, chatrooms. Should see me when I play MMORPGs. When someone says hi to me, I quickly log off...then feel like a jerk.
Takes a lot of planning and thinking of what I am going to say when I reply to threads since I get nervous.
Takes a lot of planning and thinking of what I am going to say when I reply to threads since I get nervous.
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
I hesitate to answer the instant messages bc i'm suspicious of people and their intentions. i hate small talk also.
