Bitter about being unattractive
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SilentBird
Well-known member
The first heartbreak is the most painful.
awkwardamanda
Well-known member
[SIZE=+1]THIS THIS THIS THIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/SIZE]
...and THIS!!!!!
People are led to believe that you grow up, get married, and have kids and that's just what you do. I hate it!!!! It does not have to be that way. That way of life isn't for everybody and if more people would just realize and accept that, we'd have far fewer problems in this world. Far too often, people get married for the wrong reasons and to the wrong partners. Some are too desperate and will cling to anybody. Others just stick it out because it's familiar. Some don't think they can do any better. People settle. Sometimes they settle because they want a family and they're running out of time to find a partner. People don't like to be alone. Sometimes anybody is better than nobody. Sometimes people end up with surprise babies because they weren't careful enough. So they stay together when they aren't right for each other, or the child ends up being raised by single parent. Too many couples is this world just aren't really in love. But they stay together anyway because they think that's what they're supposed to do. The truth is, some people just aren't cut out for that.
I don't get it. I'll only get married if I actually find a guy worth marrying. It isn't likely, but at least I can acknowledge that. Many people can't. They falsely believe that "someone out there for everyone" crap. I don't. I'm well aware of the possibility I may spend my life alone. Oh well. I like being alone. I'm not gonna settle. I'm too introverted for that. Anyone is not better than no one. I'd have to be pretty damn happy with somebody to give up being alone and having my freedom and space. If I wasn't, they'd just get in the way. I'd feel smothered. No thanks. I won't settle for being married. I would have to be happily married.
Candide
Active member
Good now that we establish what the problem is let's tell everyone they are not truly in love with the person they are with right now and that they don't really know what they are doing, surely people won't strike out. As far as I believe it's education, people aren't well educated to make really well made decisions so we have a crap load of dumb people making decisions for themselves and really messing up the lives of the next generation, people don't know better but that's because we have grown up where even adults are no better then the children.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Some people don't enjoy the loneliness as much as you (or I) and are quite content to spend their life with someone who may not be a perfect match. Different people need different things. However, I do agree with you about marriage and that I probably won't be getting married in the foreseeable future.
twiggle
Well-known member
Ahhh it's like I'm reading my own mind. I agree with this. I always dreamed of growing up and getting married, and if I'm fortunate enough to meet the right guy then it'll be nice to marry. If I liked somebody enough, I'm sure I'd be more than happy to commit to them.
But I'm not going to bend over backwards to try and find it, if that means I stay alone then so be it. There are plenty of other ways in which to enjoy life. I know people who haven't married and have spent their lives travelling and working all around the world. I could quite happily live like this. Like Mikey says, everybody's different and wants different things so this won't be for everyone. I just think it's good to have different dreams and ideas about the future instead of relying on just one.
TheWickedOne
Active member
Because many people are afraid to be alone. I say it's better to be alone than to want to be alone, and I've been there. I'd rather be by myself than shackled to some idiot who wants us to do everything together.
I used to be good looking a few years ago,I used to be popular among peruvian girls for some reason,now I would say I am about average,cant say that I feel diferent,maybe I kinda feel better because I dont receive a lot of attention,unwanted attention,so be careful what you wish for,people say that liking physical features is shallow,but isnt liking humor,confidence and status also superficial?
Looks will be somewhat important for a lot of people,its just how it is.
Looks will be somewhat important for a lot of people,its just how it is.
About the divorce rate,check this out:
Divorce rate statistics - Countries Compared - NationMaster
Surprising that brazil is not among the very top,but I am pretty sure that if they could check the cheating rates it would be.
Divorce rate statistics - Countries Compared - NationMaster
Surprising that brazil is not among the very top,but I am pretty sure that if they could check the cheating rates it would be.
Candide
Active member
This reminds me of literature I've read before from shakespeare, this isn't a new occurance to "marry because I'm getting so old so beggars can't be choosers. In the very well known story Romeo and Juliet the two lovers fall in love almost instantly and make a rash decision in the end because their "true love" has committed suicide, and it's crazy to see these two have just met and meet each other with much adoration for each other. In another of his works called "Much ado about nothing", the main female lead is nearing a old age for a spinster and has a conflicting relationship with a former associate who was in the war who has come back, and through out the book they treat each other rather coldly and many characters in the book make comments about how they are getting old and how they haven't married yet, and by the end of the book the two characters seem to marry each other despite the lack of any mutual interest and any hint of actually liking each other (as far as I remember) which feels more like two people trying to get rid of a problem that is plagued by them by their family and friends. Then there is Pride and Prejudice, I'd like to bring up the character of Kitty and how she decides to run off and marry a solider whom she met and by the end of the book is miserable because of the lack of money and how unbearable her partner is. And even the father of mother of the girls in the book, married for their looks and are not exactly pleased with each other as the father only loved his wife for her looks and not her intelligence and shows this throughout the book by poking fun at her intelligence.
I would like to say that these events of marriages being in vain are new but it seems to have been happening for quite a while, people just have a choice to break up and move on and find someone else.
But yes I feel terribly self aware of my appearance.
I would like to say that these events of marriages being in vain are new but it seems to have been happening for quite a while, people just have a choice to break up and move on and find someone else.
But yes I feel terribly self aware of my appearance.
awkwardamanda
Well-known member
See, that's okay, if they really are content with what they've got. There has to be some give and take in a relationship. I realize that. Not everyone wants a deep, passionate connection. Different things make different people happy. But the problem is that some people aren't happy and either don't realize or ignore it. Sometimes people think they're in love, when in fact it's more along the lines of lust and infatuation. People don't always take the time to make sure they really are compatible. Others know they have issues, but don't do anything about it. They stay in bad relationships for the reasons I mentioned before. Maybe they have doubts, but don't pay attention to them. It's fine if two people are more or less happy with each other. It's never going to be perfect. It's just that too many aren't happy and really would be better off alone, or with somebody more suitable.
MikeyC
Well-known member
This is where my friend and his ex flourished. They both loved each other and realised that they both have their own lives and didn't stop each other from living them. Trust was huge. They've split now but what they had is the kind of relationship I hope to be in one day.
I hope you don't get shackled to anyone. It's suffocating and you will lose your identity.
For sure. I think my parents are an example of that.
Yeah, that sucks when that happens. I have seen it before and you can't tell them what they have is not working.
OceanMist
Well-known member
I think it comes down to a few things:
1. Fear of being alone.
2. Fear of having lower social status (Whether we like it or not, the older we get, the more unusual a person is if they haven't been married. Many may disagree with that but I think that's the way society is, at least here in the USA. It's the way most people will see people like me when i get into my late 30s.)
3. Wanting someone to have sex with on a consistent basis. Sex is powerful. As you said, lust is powerful, too.
4. It goes back to the media too, like Felgen preaches on here. The media has led many people to believe that they aren't normal if they aren't sexually active or if they haven't been married by the time they are in their late 30s or so.
Those things have an impact on a lot of people whether we like it or not. There are other factors like family too. A lot of people don't want to fail their parents, like many mothers encourage their daughters from a young age to get married, and so on.
awkwardamanda
Well-known member
Lol, mine too. It's not that they hate each other, but they don't exactly have a happy marriage. Both of them have bad tempers and my dad is just plain grumpy and demanding. I've seen some pretty nasty fights. My mom was a stay at home mom and sometimes I wonder if they would have gotten divorced if she had worked. I sure as hell do not want to make their mistakes.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Sounds like my parents. They tolerate each other and my mum was a stay-at-home mum, too (she works a little bit now that we're older now). I don't know if the love is there.Lol, mine too. It's not that they hate each other, but they don't exactly have a happy marriage. Both of them have bad tempers and my dad is just plain grumpy and demanding. I've seen some pretty nasty fights. My mom was a stay at home mom and sometimes I wonder if they would have gotten divorced if she had worked. I sure as hell do not want to make their mistakes.
Your dad being grumpy and demanding isn't a good look, either, and I hope any man you get won't be like that!
We say we don't want to make their mistakes, but then if we have kids, they'll look at us and say, "boy, I'm not going to make their mistakes when I'm older!" I think all future generations will say that.
OceanMist
Well-known member
I agree with all of that. I wish more people thought like you and me. Our country wouldn't have this astounding divorce rate.
I may die alone, I've accepted that. I may never marry. If it happens, it happens. Marriage is like the biggest commitment ever, I just don't see how people can be so quick to go to the altar and say I do. For me, I'd have to have 100% confidence that she's the one.
twiggle
Well-known member
I hate to agree with these points because it makes me angry to think that people who don't marry could have lower social status etc... but unfortunately, I know it's probably true :
:The media, and particularly movies, promote life as being one big love-story with happy endings. We know in reality that many people don't marry, or have children, but the mass media doesn't present this as the case and so most people will likely consider those who don't marry as being outcast. They'll probably assume that if somebody isn't married, then they're either a terrible partner, or have question marks over their sexual identity. The idea that maybe somebody is self-sufficient and not a fan of commitment probably won't cross their mind.
I reiterate, I'd love to marry if I met the right person, but supposing there isn't, I'll have to be alone. And I just feel that if it turns out that way I'll feel inferior to everybody else for the rest of my life, even though I would probably be very happy on my own (I'll spend all the money I'd spend on a husband/kids on plane tickets and my nephews instead. Sometimes I think I'd prefer it that way. But I know there'd always be these... questions and interrogations from people).
Urgh.