Do you take notice of people who have no friends

[KiaKaha]

What I mean is, do you extend a friendly gesture to those who are obviously struggling to fit in. I always notice people who are ignored rather than those who fit in well with other people, mostly because I know how it feels. So I try to make others feel welcome.

I also notice how cliques form and how oblivious people who are accepted into cliques make those who arent included feel.
I've never been popular myself... but I think in that way it at least keeps me grounded and keeps things in perspective, particularly when it comes to the consideration or feelings of others.

So I am just asking, if you notice the overlooked, or the unappreciated rather than people who have more social grace and charisma...?

 

[Nala]

I'm like you.

I'm shy, so it's quite difficult for me to be social even with other outsiders, but I do try.

 

[Kiwong]

My anxiety is a disease of introspection, so no I don't notice others most of the time. What I am keenly alert for are those who respond negayively to my anxiety.

 

[Ms Cloud]

So I am just asking, if you notice the overlooked, or the unappreciated rather than people who have more social grace and charisma...?

Yes I know how it feels to be excluded, so I do notice these people more. I would certainly go out of my way to make them feel welcome in any group that I was a part of. It's an easy gesture to make, costs nothing, and it gives the person a chance to come out of their shell.

 

[megalon]

I find myself wanting to reach out to such people, but the same anxiety that makes me feel like I don't belong prevents me from helping others feel like they belong.

 

[SPV]

I used to, but that's just impossible right now. My Social Anxiety has gone stronger over time.

 

[KiaKaha]

Yes I know how it feels to be excluded, so I do notice these people more. I would certainly go out of my way to make them feel welcome in any group that I was a part of. It's an easy gesture to make, costs nothing, and it gives the person a chance to come out of their shell.

I think thats really kind and can make a huge difference to a person. I think all that is needed sometimes is for someone to show a gesture of warmth to make people who struggle feel so much better.... I believe that it can really pull someone out of a bad place.

I find myself wanting to reach out to such people, but the same anxiety that makes me feel like I don't belong prevents me from helping others feel like they belong.

This is me too I would love to be able to be friendlier and warmer to shy people but I am just as wary and anxious as they are

 

[Ms Cloud]

I find myself wanting to reach out to such people, but the same anxiety that makes me feel like I don't belong prevents me from helping others feel like they belong.

Yes... true. The last forum I was a member of, I had about 500 posts but I didn't feel any sense of belonging. Pretty much all my interactions with people leave me feeling excluded.

Nevertheless... I still try to make others feel welcome if I can. There's always a chance they might fit in, even if I don't. And it's amazing what a sense of belonging can do for some people, when they're lucky enough to find it.

 

[Srijita52]

Yeah its same with me. I always notice people who are overlooked & want to make them feel welcome & included. But sadly I always find that my SA is huge barrier to this like sometimes I trully want to help but don't know what exactly should I say or do.

 

[coyote]

Yeah its same with me. I always notice people who are overlooked & want to make them feel welcome & included. But sadly I always find that my SA is huge barrier to this like sometimes I trully want to help but don't know what exactly should I say or do.

my thoughts exactly

 

[NP88]

... it's amazing what a sense of belonging can do for some people, when they're lucky enough to find it.

So very true. I've had periods in life like this. It's what I live for.

 

[brainfog]

there's been alot of times like those, usually i try to make them feel at ease, but at the same time i'm not at ease in big social situations either, so basically i end up not being able to do anything for them, despite knowing how it feels and everything

 

[*Amy*]

Yes, of course, I've always been in this situation, so I feel really sorry for those who have the same problems and would like to help them. But it's harder than it looks. I tried it with a girl in my class but it's hard to speak to someone who is as shy, or even shyer than you, and who speaks even less than you. Or well, sometimes I just think I'm boring and always say stupid things of no interest to anybody.

 

[brainfog]

Yes, of course, I've always been in this situation, so I feel really sorry for those who have the same problems and would like to help them. But it's harder than it looks. I tried it with a girl in my class but it's hard to speak to someone who is as shy, or even shyer than you, and who speaks even less than you. Or well, sometimes I just think I'm boring and always say stupid things of no interest to anybody.

this, basically my main reason for not being able to do anything about it

 

[beaver316]

Yes i notice those people more seeing as im like them myself

 

[hippiechild]

I've fended off my fair share of "ur quiiiEt, wut dunt yuh talk, huh?" directed at people who are displaying perfectly normal levels of social apprehension.

I try my best to be extra nice and inclusive with people are are left out... but it's hard to do it without making the situation worse.

I can recall so many times when I'm being quiet and someone will notice and be extra nice, trying to make me feel better, but it ends up just making me feel more excluded and isolated.. singled out despite my best efforts to appear normal.

.. the help comes off as stilted or forced, never treating me like a normal person... as though I'm a genuine imposition to them, requiring a fast and furious remedy.

Befriending shy people requires genuine care and a lot of tact, because, as we're all painfully aware, they notice very subtle social cues that tip them off to people's true intentions.

 

[Ms Cloud]

Befriending shy people requires genuine care and a lot of tact, because, as we're all painfully aware, they notice very subtle social cues that tip them off to people's true intentions.

I would only add that 'befriending' is not the same as 'including'. You can make people feel included without necessarily approaching them one-to-one. And for social phobics, being included is often all we ask.

 

[vj288]

I try my best to be extra nice and inclusive with people are are left out... but it's hard to do it without making the situation worse.

I can recall so many times when I'm being quiet and someone will notice and be extra nice, trying to make me feel better, but it ends up just making me feel more excluded and isolated.. singled out despite my best efforts to appear normal.

.. the help comes off as stilted or forced, never treating me like a normal person... as though I'm a genuine imposition to them, requiring a fast and furious remedy.

Befriending shy people requires genuine care and a lot of tact, because, as we're all painfully aware, they notice very subtle social cues that tip them off to people's true intentions.

Yeah this is right in my experience. I appreciated it and know all is meant well but doing kind things out of pity don't really have the wanted effect. When I think about it, it makes me feel special in all the wrong ways. Most would argue it is better than nothing though.

 

[Silatuyok]

When I see someone sitting alone or not interacting with others, I always tend to assume it's because they want to be on their own, so I don't bother them. But then again, I guess that's what people usually think about me and it's not always the case. I'll have to be more aware of others in the future, I think.

 

[Beatrice]

Yeah this is right in my experience. I appreciated it and know all is meant well but doing kind things out of pity don't really have the wanted effect. When I think about it, it makes me feel special in all the wrong ways. Most would argue it is better than nothing though.

Ah yes I know what you mean, people used to do that to me in high school and it would make me feel really ashamed, I guess akin to accepting something from the food pantry or soup kitchen

Okay maybe not, but I felt it was just out of pity, like I was a poor, pathetic little creature, and consequently I often pushed it away because it was too shameful.