Do you take notice of people who have no friends

[hippiechild]

I'm not sure why I wrote befriending, but I think that what I said applies to inclusion moreso than befriending anyway.

If my attempt at including another person can't be done without being contrived and degrading to them.. then it's not worth it and will be ineffective. Such attempts are often self-centered in nature, either supporting the philanthropist-identity or removing guilt/shame associated with the other's awkward presence.

If I can't meet them on their own terms and avoid removing their humanity, then it's not worth it. There's nothing worse than recognizing that someone's generosity is laced with ulterior motives, but not being able to reject it without seeming like a jerk.

 

[pavnaxtion]

I can't really tell if anyone else is isolated/overlooked. It feels as if I'm the only one. Also, if I do notice someone whose kind of by themselves I don't know if it's by choice or whatever so I don't really feel comfortable approaching them, which is probably how people feel about me. :/

 

[Ms Cloud]

If my attempt at including another person can't be done without being contrived and degrading to them.. then it's not worth it and will be ineffective. Such attempts are often self-centered in nature, either supporting the philanthropist-identity or removing guilt/shame associated with the other's awkward presence.

Oh, I totally agree. I wasn't actually disagreeing before.

It's just that I tend to think of social interaction in terms of internet forums and such. In which case, the difference between befriending and including is more obvious. On the internet you can feel included in a group without actually being approached by anybody privately. Which is probably why it's such a good substitute for close personal interaction.

Basically... I think what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't take much to include people, or to make them feel welcome. All you really have to do is not judge them or exclude them deliberately. The rest is up to them.

 

[Piece_By_Piece]

Yeah its same with me. I always notice people who are overlooked & want to make them feel welcome & included. But sadly I always find that my SA is huge barrier to this like sometimes I trully want to help but don't know what exactly should I say or do.

Exactly how I feel. I wish I could make contact with them. But it seems to be the hardest thing in the world.

 

[anomicdeer]

I do notice, but then I could be wrong because maybe one day I see them
and they are talking to people like they are friends. So I would assume they are friends or at least associates.

 

[Blabla..]

i was always the person sitting quietly in parties and stuff where people gather to hang out , i would always notice the others sitting by themselves and would go talk to them , they always ended up being the most interesting people to me , it doesn't really apply to online people tho , so i'm not sure

 

[Richey]

the last few parties i've been to there was one or two people who would be near the cliques but were not included in the conversation and just stayed to themsleves, i sort of stay on the outer fringes but sometimes contribute to the clique but probably lean more towards the lonely outsider as well but couldn't think of anything decent to say, i was a bit tired and i remember answering people with really short one word answers or i'd just laugh as people love to be sarcastic and often i don't know what to respond with at all. i tried to respond but my delivery was way off and it just ended up awkward, then there are the obviously cool and outwardly witty people who those other two quiet people probably want to talk to more so then me anyway, so i just sort of sit and wait until the party is over.

its not always like that but the last few parties i felt out of the clique and just became tongue tied. though i'm usually like that anyway because the cliques are people i don't talk to much except at rare parties during the year.

in a different situation i'd be more likely to talk to the other quiet ones.

a big problem with me is that i find alot of parties have really forced interaction as if people feel they have to talk and show off for the entire time, i am not like that, i think the best moments arrive during times that aren't at parties to be honest. when it isn't organised.

 

[moon_x]

Yeah, Im pretty sure everyone at my workplace noticed I had no friends, they point it out to me and also told me that I look like I had no friends, whenever im doing something, they are always paying attention. People with no friends are rather eye-catching I guess

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

So I am just asking, if you notice the overlooked, or the unappreciated rather than people who have more social grace and charisma...?

I notice them all. Of course, those with charisma get my attention; I want to know what makes them so likeable so I observe them, taking mental notes. This doesn't mean I befriend them instead of the shy, quiet people like myself. These days I don't befriend much anyone.

I find myself wanting to reach out to such people, but the same anxiety that makes me feel like I don't belong prevents me from helping others feel like they belong.

Same here. I have seen people who appear to be lonely like me...but how can I ever approach them? No way, no how. And besides, I am not really in a position to try and make someone feel included when I am an outsider myself.

I can recall so many times when I'm being quiet and someone will notice and be extra nice, trying to make me feel better, but it ends up just making me feel more excluded and isolated.. singled out despite my best efforts to appear normal.

.. the help comes off as stilted or forced, never treating me like a normal person... as though I'm a genuine imposition to them, requiring a fast and furious remedy.

Ah, yes. I've had such experiences before. Makes me feel like I am some charity case! It can certainty make me feel worse. Especially when I am not receptive and see the look of desperation on their faces. I would not want to do that to anyone.