How would you describe this girl's personality?

I met this girl about 4 years ago at my party. She begged me to drive her back to her house in her own car because she was too drunk to drive. She seemed nice and down to earth at the time but then 2 days later, she started getting a bit verbally abusive, the insults seem like jokes but some other times, it feels like she's degrading me and testing my nerves. The second time I met her, she told me she was going through a separation with her current boyfriend and that she wasn't looking for anything other than friendship with me and I agreed. But sometimes it appears like she's not so sure what she wants and she makes little moves on me from time to time (she even kisses me sometimes saying that she loves me); but this only happens when she's drunk. When she's drunk, she's playful and down to earth, but when she's sober, she's like somewhat bossy and constantly calling me names like idiot or dumbass when I make a simple mistake. Though, like I said, she appears to insult me jokingly (especially with this really annoying smile that she has). Around the time that I first met her, she called me an idiot in front of her lady friend and then smiled so annoyingly after she said it, like she knew it would piss me off.


She really got to me one night on October of 2009. We were planning on seeing a movie that night and she called me names throughout the whole day (this time I wasn't even sure if some of the insults were jokes or just simply her trying to provoke me). She even talked down to me that day like telling me to use my brain. She seemed to be in a jolly mood during and after the movie but then when we got back to my car and I wouldn’t start the car on time, she got really belligerent and was telling me to start the car now. We were driving to the bar and she nagged me throughout the whole night and because of it, I got a little distracted in between and almost didn’t notice an ambulance turning my way. She then lectured me like I was a kid and said “rule of thumb, when you see an ambulance, you’re supposed to stop”. Then she said I was driving too slowly and that I should hurry up, she even told me to honk my horn at some people who were driving a bit recklessly. When we got to the bar, she apologized for the verbal harassment (as she so delicately put it) and I just told her it was okay.

2 weeks after that movie night, she called me up asking if I wanted to hang out and then I warned her never to call me names again on a regular basis. She apologized again and said she gets carried away sometimes. But then she looked for another way to talk down to me like telling me to yell at her dog for bothering me and I was saying to myself like "It’s your dog, YOU yell at it?". And I even tried to yell at the dog (but only God knows why) and because I wasn’t aggressive enough about it, she asked if I was a woman or something. I warned her about that too and ever since I warned her twice, she’s toned down on her rude behavior so much.


The whole time I’ve known this girl, she’s been talking about her ex-boyfriend (or whatever he is to him these days) nonstop. She tells me every time that she’s broken up with him but then some time after that she’ll bring him up in conversation.

Last year we made love for the first time but then after a third time, she said we should just remain friends. Sometime after that, she wanted to make love again and I agreed, and we did this like 2 other times last year.

Throughout the first few months this year, we were hanging out nonstop and it was a lot of drunken nights but the good thing about it was, she wasn't really verbally abusive or nagging, she still jokingly called me names but clearly I could tell she was joking this time and I would also jokingly call her names and we would both be having a good time. We kissed a couple of times during these first few months but we didn't have sex.

She and I didn't talk for the whole month of May this year but then afterwards, I dialed her number but then stopped immediately. The following day after that, she texted me back and said she had been going through a lot and hasn't been dealing with her issues in the healthiest of ways. I visited her 4 days after the text message and well, unfortunately, she returned back to her verbally abusive ways but then she'll apologize so rapidly. We had sex later on that night.

Sometimes she'll text me and say "oops, the text was meant for someone else, not you" And she's done this like 4 times now I believe.

On Thursday August 18th, she called me but I was on the line with someone else. She then texted and asked where I was and I told her i was doing grocery shopping and there was no response from her after that. Since that Thursday, I didn't get another response from her until 3 days later which was Sunday. So on that Sunday, she sends me a text, I don't respond, she then sends another text saying "when someone sends you a text, you're supposed to respond" lol and guess what, that did the trick because it made me feel guilty about being rude and so I texted back and guess what, she didn't reply after that and didn't reply for the remainder of that Sunday.

The next day which was Monday the 22nd, she sent me 2 texts, I didn't respond, she then sent me a third text later on that Monday night saying "what are you so busy with that you won't respond to any of my texts" but I still didn't respond. 2 days after, she sent me a text saying "omg, I'm not gonna be your friend again, but I still didn't respond. She then calls me later on in the evening and I texted back saying I would call her back, she then said "thank God, I thought you had abandoned me". And the whole time I ignored her, I felt so down like I was going through withdrawal symptoms and that's why I finally gave up and texted her back.

We went out to a bar thursday night August 31st and she lashed out again a little bit at my driving, but this time, it was HER fault for misdirecting me and I yelled at her for having the nerve to flip out when it was her fault. She realized she was at fault and just jokingly said "omg, I feel like i'm married to you". We had fun the remainder of that night.

Ever since I started hanging with this girl, I haven't really been with any other women. All the times we’ve had sex, she was drunk.

So what do you guys make of this? Is this kind of person even worth having as a friend, let alone a lover (despite the things I claim to enjoy about her)?
 

Section_31

Well-known member
This sounds like a toxic friend to me. She has her own issues going on. Not trying to sonud judgemental but she sounds pretty self centered.

Personally, i think your better off without friends like that. Thats just me though. I used to have alot of friends like that and after a while got tired of it.

The fact shes always drunk when you guys get it on, has there EVER been a time where she wasnt?. And, sorry to get too personal, is it you whos always initiating?. If so that speaks alot of a onesided relationship.

Again, not trying to judge anyone, just calling the cards like i see them so far.
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
girlfriend has issues with men.period.

needing to be drunk to have sex is a big problem.

she sounds like a bit of a npd case...i'm not a therapist though...
 

twiggle

Well-known member
She hasn't treated you well but it doesn't sound like she's an outright nasty person, it just sounds like she has a lot of issues in her head.
Don't make them yours too.
 

Nanita

Well-known member
I don´t know exactly how to describe her personality. She seems chaotic. Egoist.. Sociopath..?
Remember, it takes 2 to tango. If she can get away with bad behaviour once, because u don´t really stop her/speak up, she´ll keep doing it.
 

we_r_eternal

Well-known member
how the hell do you remember conversations and outings and whatnot from 2 years ago. oct. 2009 we did this, aug. the 28th we did that... are you keeping a journal about your struggles with her or something?
 
I don´t know exactly how to describe her personality. She seems chaotic. Egoist.. Sociopath..?
Remember, it takes 2 to tango. If she can get away with bad behaviour once, because u don´t really stop her/speak up, she´ll keep doing it.

Yeah I'm beginning to suspect she may be a sociopath. I was thinking about borderline personality disorder
 
D

deleted #89

Guest
Geez.... I could never put up with that kind of behavior. She's playing games and doesn't know what she wants. Drop that with a capital D !
 
Last edited:
I'm no expert in this but she seems like really insecured plus a bit confused. I don't know her personally but it seems like she is using you according to her own needs. She also seems unsure of what to do. You seem amazingly patient with her rough behaviour though. I think its all up to you what you want to do now. As for me I wouldn't want to be friends with people like her or atleast close friends. I think you should try to meet other girls too. Don't keep yourself only to one person. Good Luck.
 

R3K

Well-known member
she's using sex and your own guilt to keep you loyal to her while she does what she wants. she probably has another man/men in her life receiving a good deal of her attention (and other things,) apparently, since she seems to be sending a lot of miss-texts your way that were probably inteded for them. if you're down for the occasional drunk sex then i would say just keep goin along with it and live the racey life with her but, really you're probably just one of her "boys on the side." and even if you're her "main squeeze," there's probably a couple other poor shmucks who're having their time/money/affections abused for little to nothig in return.

the first half of your story actually sounds almost exactly like a situation i was in from 2005 to 2006. thankfully i didn't get sexual with the chick though, and when she'd get verbally aggressive i'd fire right back every time and we'd eventually laugh it off, and it'd come across as semi-cute - she was always the initiator.

she would ask me to pay her phone bills and drive her everywhere and let her borrow my car... i'd drive her places but i didn't pay her bills or let her drive my car cause i knew she smoked weed (though she was kind enough not to do it around me,) and i knew she would run off to do drug deals. one day she told me she and i weren't bf/gf, but that she was telling other dudes that we were just to stave off their advances, and that's when i decided to cut and run.

had to write a 3 page letter, cause she'd debate the hell out of me when i tried to talk to her about the issues i had with her and i'd get sucked back into being her "friend". after she read the letter that basically said i was disassociating myself from her, she texted/called me like crazy asking if we could still be friends and why i was doing this. i replied everytime: re-read the letter.

To be blunt, she sounds like a selfish, clingy person and a social climber.

^she nailed it i think... a selfish, clingy, social climber.
 
U

userremoved

Guest
So what do you guys make of this? Is this kind of person even worth having as a friend, let alone a lover (despite the things I claim to enjoy about her)?

Heeeeeeeell no. The only reason you two have even lasted this long is because you're passive and she likes being abusive, so I guess in some twisted way it works out. But thats just my opinion.
 
Hmm, It's obviously spoken that she is still not over her ex boyfriend.
She sounds very alcoholic/toxic, and don't you want to have real love and make love with a person who's not drunk all time? I mean... Is that even a blast, having sex with a person who's like that all the time?

The way she is throwing words at ya, ain't nice dude, it's rude! I think she really has a problem, because you've asked so many times to stop it. Do you really wanna be put down by her?

Maybe if she's over her ex, you will obtain a relationship, but I think this girl has some issues to deal with, first. It's really mean to say those things and play around with you. Are you sure she's not a player? She sounds indeed, abusive. Not good for a self esteem, I would say.

I know this sounds silly, but you shuold really stand up for yourself and not let her be the boss and just do whatever she wants. If you don't think it's okay, just say it. SELF RESPECT

I mean, she is like that, why shuoldn't you? Shes doesnt care about being rude, and you can always say something about it.

I know you have been crushed on this girl for a long time, and it's hard to think of letting go, so I won't say you should, but just think about how it will be in years... Do you think it will get any better?

If so, just hope and see what happens. If you don't see improvements and you still feel bad about it, think about if she's really doing the right thing for you.
 
Last edited:

Feathers

Well-known member
hmm, I think friends don't insult other friends... except maybe in 4th grade or something??

How old is this girl? She sounds very young and immature, to say the very least.

Some of it may seem like joking, but there may be a thin line between joking and insults...

Have you even been in touch since August?

I think she maybe sees you as a very occasional 'f-buddy', if you want more, probably better to find someone else/start dating other women/girls... Or have a conversation with her about all of this??

Others have said it: SELF RESPECT, man! :)
 
Last edited:
she texted/called me like crazy asking if we could still be friends and why i was doing this.

Yup, she pulls this with me too when I don't respond to her calls and text messages. Like when I was really cross with her one time, she begged for forgiveness and told me she wouldn't want to lose me as a friend.
 

we_r_eternal

Well-known member
you should definately cut all ties with this girl.. people who harass other people with name calling and what not are def not the type of person you want for a relationship.. i had gf who'd talk **** and harass me a lil bit and everytime she'd set me off and get me to stoop to her level and talk **** back to her! it turned into a circle of **** talkin and anger and an unhealthy relationship.. no good could come from bein around this girl..
 
How old is this girl? She sounds very young and immature, to say the very least.
lol these were my exact words to her one time and she told me I was mean for saying that. I jokingly told her I wasn't being mean and that I was just being honest.

She's 27 going on 28 and she's actually a month older than I am.

She sure acts her age doesn't she?
 
Top