I should note to myself not to call someone (my counselor) mid-panic attack when she's only going to tell me the good she thinks of me. Especially in public. I cannot take kind things said to me when I'm in that kind of state, or just negative in general. It hurts as a pang, and makes me annoyingly emotional. I don't really have a problem with crying, I'd just rather do it in the comfort of my home, instead of in public and to someone.
I don't believe the kind things. I've never fully been able to. I can think good things to myself, like I'm smart or somewhat pretty, in moments. They're usually very fleeting. I don't have confidence that I'm smart. Or that I'm pretty. Or anything worthwhile.