Are you a friendly person... questions..

[KiaKaha]

Curious to know if you consider yourself a friendly person... I actually have a lot of questions about what being friendly really means, but I will limit my ramblings as much as I can. Firstly, is it OK to be friendly...? Particularly to people you don't know very well...or is this a sign of weakness...? Also what do you consider a friendly nature...? It seems to me that most people aren't particularly friendly...especially if they don't know you.... Its these uncertainty's that make me feel apprehensive of making an effort with other people, even though I want to, simply because everyone else seems so unfriendly...especially in unwelcoming environments... I want to be different from that way of thinking but its almost like its some kind of social taboo...

I do realize that not everyone is compatible with other people, and that people choose who they want to associate with, but shouldn't there be some kind of effort on at least one side to initiate a rapport with others...?

I dont know...its seems so hard to connect with other people because it seems to me that everyone is playing this "I dont know you, and I dont want to know you" game...

anyway...thoughts appreciated...and question still stands as to whether you consider yourself to be a friendly person...

 

[Snowdrop]

Well I don't think I could agree with you more. To be frank, I hate meeting new people period. I used to love it, embraced different people and it would be quite easy for me to start up a conversation with someone. So my past-self, I would consider a friendly person.
I think now, I want to be a friendly person but low self esteem and many other issues prevent me from being that person, the one who can just smile and the other person will know you want to get to know them, you're comfortable to be around.
I think I still try to be friendly but it is just limited because of SA. I'll try to make other people feel at ease. But then that may just be me being selfish, trying to get others' to like me because I depend so much on other peoples' opinions. It's something I so need to work on...
But I totally understand what you mean when it feels like people don't want to get to know you. If you're a quiet person, people are less likely to open up to you..I find that true anyhow :/

 

[Dr. Doom]

I'm always try to be polite to whoever I'm talking to. I'm not sure If I'm too freindly though to other people. I don't have any freinds at school because I always brush them off, or I just don't talk to them. Like here's a typical conversation: "So, Harris what are you reading?".....silver surfer. "Oh cool, so you like comics?".....yes, I do. I'll just give these short answers and keep reading till they go away. So I wouldn't say I'm friendly perse, but I'd definatley not rude or mean.

But does it show weakness? NO WAY. At least I don't think so. I think people put their guard up, then once you sho want to talk, or if you try being social, people open up. But this is kind of hard for people with SA and other social problems of course. My 2 cents at least.

 

[schist]

Depends. If I don't know you and have never met you before, and you don't come off as an overbearing loud-mouthed twat, I'm usually relatively friendly and open. But if you do come off as an arrogant loud-mouthed douche, or you just s**t me in some way, I don't even bother being polite.

Oh yeah, and unless I know the person well and know where I stand with them, I don't say hi or wave when I see them. Some might say it's rude, but I don't want to risk saying hi and having them ignore me.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

That depends on your defenition of friendly. Most people say that I look mean so perhaps according to them I am unfriendly. I don't feel that I have to walk around trying to appear or make myself affable, but that doesn't make me unfriendly. I simply do not find it necessary. If I'm going to be friendly, I want it to be genuine. I would much rather be a good person, with good, honest intentions and not be outwardly friendly than a person who is sweet and approachable but phony, and manipulative.

I would have to say that you should never be super duper friendly to anyone. It's unnatural unless you're drunk and happen to be a happy drunk. It's enough to treat people with respect, be courteous and mind your manners. You don't have to be accomodating to everyone, plaster a smile on your face or acknowledge everyone that crosses your path.

Don't take it personally if others don't seem to keen on initiating a rapport with you. It most likely isn't anything personal. If they're not interested then just move on. I do believe that some people see friendliness as a weakness/stupidity. There have been plenty of guys (women don't make a point of approaching me) who take advantage of the fact that I'm friendly once they get to talking to me. No, I don't mean take advantage in terms of sexual assault. I mean that they start trying to touch me or start asking invasive questions. I can only imagine what it would be like if I actually looked friendly.

 

[Forgotten-Children]

Well... In the past I thought I was always friendly but now, I think I come across more naive to people I don't know well but would like to have as friends and more stern to my family because none of us really seem to have anything in common with eachother aside from my brother and dad together.

Heck, even my dad with my mom seems always tense and they've been talking about divorse for a while.. It seems they're doing KINDA better than before but I dunno...

But yeah, I always had a motto though "You be nice to me, I be nice to you. You start hurting me, I punch you!" I didn't really punch anyone though. It was more of a mental thing.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I am usually pretty friendly sans being shy which keeps me from going out of my way to meet people, when I am introduced to someone for example I am super polite, Nice to meet you, etc...

I try to be nice to people as a general rule cuz I want the same treatment myself. But yeah if someone's rude or obnoxious I am not into meeting them at all. First impressions are important

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Depends. If I don't know you and have never met you before, and you don't come off as an overbearing loud-mouthed twat, I'm usually relatively friendly and open. But if you do come off as an arrogant loud-mouthed douche, I don't even bother being polite.

Oh yeah, and unless I know the person well and know where I stand with them, I don't say hi or wave when I see them. Some might say it's rude, but I don't want to risk saying hi and having them ignore me.

I'm exactly the same.

ShyKiwi - I think it is definitely ok to be friendly in any kind of situation. Obviously I could be wrong. But I think if you are friendly with someone and this person is not friendly in return, you have nothing to blame yourself about, you did your part. Also, it might depend on the culture. Where I live, it is not weird to be friendly with strangers that you meet on the street. Elsewhere, maybe it is, I don't know.

"What being friendly really means" you said... Hard question but I think being friendly is very different of being nice... I think being nice is being polite and showing some interest. Something like that. But being friendly would be a little bit more warm, welcoming, and personal ?

 

[royalx60]

Curious to know if you consider yourself a friendly person... I actually have a lot of questions about what being friendly really means, but I will limit my ramblings as much as I can. Firstly, is it OK to be friendly...? Particularly to people you don't know very well...or is this a sign of weakness...? Also what do you consider a friendly nature...? It seems to me that most people aren't particularly friendly...especially if they don't know you.... Its these uncertainty's that make me feel apprehensive of making an effort with other people, even though I want to, simply because everyone else seems so unfriendly...especially in unwelcoming environments... I want to be different from that way of thinking but its almost like its some kind of social taboo...

I do realize that not everyone is compatible with other people, and that people choose who they want to associate with, but shouldn't there be some kind of effort on at least one side to initiate a rapport with others...?

I dont know...its seems so hard to connect with other people because it seems to me that everyone is playing this "I dont know you, and I dont want to know you" game...

anyway...thoughts appreciated...and question still stands as to whether you consider yourself to be a friendly person...

ShyKiwi,

It seems to me people seem unfriendly and unwelcoming too. I think with my particular version of SAD I'm so freakin lonely and isolated I am consciously or unconsciously desperate for friends and connections. I started going to support groups this week hoping to find people kinda like me. People who haven't had it so easy. People relatable. Personally, I have an irritable nature most the time because just about everything is an effort. Or I constantly worry. As for the general public I think they can tell something is different about me and don't know how to relate even if they wanted to. It's a sad reality.

royalx60

 

[Confuseddd]

respect is not a sign of weakness , it is a sign of strength.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I am a friendly person to those I know and like. To others I'm not so much unfriendly as indifferent. I tend to be guarded around people I don't know very well. I usually have to get to know a little about them before I decide whether they are someone I want to be friendly towards.

 

[Kiwong]

I am too fearful of opening up and being friendly. So I am not a friendly person.

 

[userremoved]

No I wouldn't call myself a friendly person. I'll be polite and respectful to people if thats how they treat me but I wouldn't say thats friendly. My definition of friendly is someone who goes out of their way to be nice to people and do things for them as if they were friends (hince the word friendly) without wanting something back or having an agenda. You'll know those people when you meet them because they will be so sweet you couldn't hate them if you tried. Plus being friendly attracts people to you and I'm certainly not a magnet for people.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

ShyKiwi, think of a dogs definition of friendly and then relate it back to human. Too friendly for a dog would be jumping up and licking a strangers face. Not friendly enough is hiding with it's tail between it's leg. It depends on the situation as too what would be too friendly or too little for a human. A good generic thing would be smiling at a person and saying hello if you make eye contact, and when you speak to someone use a pleasant tone in your voice. But for the most part, all you need to show is that you respect the other person.

 

[KiaKaha]

Hmmm..

This is so confusing, thanks everyone... you all make some good thought provoking points...its so difficult reading people and adjusting behavior.. I would like to consider that I am friendly, but its just seems like there is no point in being so... its very frustrating feeling like that I am always the one that makes the first move, or that I am the first to introduce myself... sometimes I am not even sure that I am really all that shy... more confused and sensitive... I just dont understand how society can function and how relationships develop if no one is willing to make an effort...but the thing is... i do know that society DOES function and relationships DO develop....just not with me
I see people ignoring one another all the time... I just dont get it....

Perhaps I will just take your advice aussielad and just pick up cues as to whats appropriate at the time... thanks everyone

/rant over

 

[Richey]

well for me it all comes down to shyness. i am jumping out of my skin to be friendly and helpful but i am pretty sure i come across as quiet and bitter.

 

[emerald_star733]

I am always polite and smile but kind of quiet. I am friendly yet cautious. When i move somewhere new and get talking to locals they seem to always say lets get together for a drink or coffee and then i panic as i don't want to lol.. i usually smile and say sure and then hope it never happens, sad but true..
another example, i was in a store and the lady working said "there is the girl with the beautiful smile that lights up a room" and i was so embarassed and caught off guard, i shockingly said thank you, but now everytime i go in there i feel like i have to smile but yet somedays i don't want to and it is all so silly but yet affects me so much... i wish i was invisible and i could go in, get my stuff, and get out lol without being seen!

so i am glad they seem to like me upon meeting me yet i want to keep them at a distance. I am content being a homebody, and i really don't want to do things with them. ::

I never used to have SA but some of my closest friends have hurt me, family has deeply hurt me, co workers have been asses in the past for ex. a bunch of women in a group enjoying talking about everyone else behind their backs and because i wanted no part of it then i became the outcast... i do not enjoy being around those kinds of people and they seem to be everywhere... so that really affected my views on people. I have a select few close to my heart but other than that... i keep everyone at arms length even if i am "friendly"..

 

[Pookah]

I'm a nice/kind person but I'm not sure about friendly. The niceness is only until the other person no longer deserves it though.

 

[vj288]

I think I'm as friendly a person can get without talking, which is not very friendly in the end. I smile a lot around other people, but I think I'm afraid that if I'm too friendly they'll think I'm a good guy and want to befriend me, so I would rather not lead them on on that respect.

In general I think being friendly is a good thing, especially with people you don't know. Being friendly is like being nice I think, in a way that is at least partially sincere.

I actually see more people being friendly then previously. People have plenty of reasons to be not-friendly, and it's not always because they want nothing to do with you. Maybe if they're in a rush, are tired, or just not in the mood. I mean I'm probably not perceived as friendly because talking and what talking leads to is something that makes me nervous, others may have similar thoughts/feelings, even if not as extreme.

 

[Dronee]

@vj288: A little off topic, but remembering the sequence that led to your sig... (shoving banana up *ahem*) made me laugh out loud.

On topic. I'm very erratic and it depends a lot on if I sleep the previous night. If I did sleep a little, then I'm more stable and a little friendly, but not overly so. If I didn't sleep the night before, which is almost always when I'm working, then I can behave very erratically. Generally though, if I feel fairly comfortable with a person, I'm quite friendly overall.