SweetCupcake
Well-known member
What my mother just said... I chose not to get better and I chose to be like this
FEAR CHOOSES ME
FEAR CHOOSES ME
"You chose to be like this".
- Thread starter SweetCupcake
- Start date
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
I was talking to my grandfather once about my inability to do normal social things, and he said “Whose fault is that though?” Meaning that I chose to put so much stock in what people think.
It knocked me for a big loop. I thought he was beginning to understand.
It knocked me for a big loop. I thought he was beginning to understand.
Whitelinen
New member
SweetCupcake,
This is your Mother's opinion. Does not make it correct though .... you know that, right?
This is your Mother's opinion. Does not make it correct though .... you know that, right?
lunaticbinge
Well-known member
I hate when people say this. I guess they think I enjoy being miserable too.
D
deleted user 1
Guest
We are like this because of things that have happened TO us. A common factor is sloppy/abusive parenting, so it's quite laughable that they pull these lines out from their backside. That said, choosing not to change, choosing to find help and get better is a responsibility that lies with us. In that regard, we can indirectly choose to stay like this.
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SweetCupcake
Well-known member
She always makes me feel so much better when I'm having a **** day. " You know why people think you're 12? It's because you dress like that". ( I have a stain on my dress.) When I replied with "I'm past caring" she says, " well, you know thats the point when people get admitted to the mental hospital". Now she's storming around the house, mad, because I wont change my clothes.
That's just horrible. :/
Clothes are merely superficial. She has no business stepping on your self esteem like that. It's probably a good thing you stood your ground.
If she says things like that it wouldn't surprise me if she was a (major) contributing factor in your troubles. Mental difficulties are hard, nobody chooses them. Saying someone choose to be like that is similar to saying ''You choose to be hit by that car.''. Getting ''better'' takes a lot of effort, and it's almost to be expected that the first few times fail. It's no biggy, just pick up the pieces and try again, right? ;3
I can't really judge correctly from where I'm sitting, but she does sound like somewhat of a negative influence. But even though it might be very uneducated on her part, she only says things like that because she cares. I don't think she does that because she genuinely wants to annoy you.
I know it's hard, but try to stand your ground and be your own person. Parents can be damaging factors without them even knowing. You didn't choose to be like this, but you can choose what you do from here on. Evaluate yourself (if you can (otherwise try to get a professional therapist or psychiatrist to do it)) and do whats best for you.
Good luck. :3
Clothes are merely superficial. She has no business stepping on your self esteem like that. It's probably a good thing you stood your ground.
If she says things like that it wouldn't surprise me if she was a (major) contributing factor in your troubles. Mental difficulties are hard, nobody chooses them. Saying someone choose to be like that is similar to saying ''You choose to be hit by that car.''. Getting ''better'' takes a lot of effort, and it's almost to be expected that the first few times fail. It's no biggy, just pick up the pieces and try again, right? ;3
I can't really judge correctly from where I'm sitting, but she does sound like somewhat of a negative influence. But even though it might be very uneducated on her part, she only says things like that because she cares. I don't think she does that because she genuinely wants to annoy you.
I know it's hard, but try to stand your ground and be your own person. Parents can be damaging factors without them even knowing. You didn't choose to be like this, but you can choose what you do from here on. Evaluate yourself (if you can (otherwise try to get a professional therapist or psychiatrist to do it)) and do whats best for you.
Good luck. :3
D
deleted user 1
Guest
What she is doing is venting her frustration in not being able to snap you out of your SA. This is a common mistake. She doesn't know what to do, so she resorts to aggressive outbursts. The problem with that is it further damages our self-esteem and propels us even further into our SA. A vicious circle. so many problems could be averted with good quality, assertive and patient communication *sigh*
Forgotten-Children
Well-known member
My boyfriend says this alot to me, that all the fear of people I got from bullying could have been avoided had I actually stood up for myself, but even if I could travel back to the past, I STILL don't think I would have had the guts to stand up to the bullies I had.
D
deleted user 1
Guest
What wonderful advice, fight everyone who says or doesn't do anything you like. What a wonderful world that philosophy has created, eh?
SweetCupcake
Well-known member
Forgotten-Children
Well-known member
You mean your ex-boyfriend?
No. My boyfriend. I'm still with him. Just because he said that, doesn't mean I still don't love him. He kinda gives tough love, but that's how it's always been. He doesn't mean for it to be mean, just honest truth. YES, I do believe if I had stood up for myself or atleast ignored the bullies taunts, maybe I would be a little more social, but that didn't happen.
Kristina223
Well-known member
My mother says that my social phobia isn't that big of a problem. That I'm just "a little shy", that's all. And the fact that I can't make friends and can barely go to the store .. well, that's all my fault. "You chose to be like this." - she uses the exact same words. For her a mental illness is not an illness. An illness is something physical and visible. So yeah, no support from her side. And when I told her I was going to see a psychotherapist, she said that's a waste of money and that I could just tell her everything I'm planing to tell the therapist.
da_illest101
Well-known member
your mom probably has some weaknesses, ask her if she ever choose them
we don't choose to be like this but we can choose to become better
we don't choose to be like this but we can choose to become better
Confuseddd
Well-known member
"One of the biggest decisions one can make about the world they live in, is wether this world is hostile or not , the decision in turn dictates the rest of there life"
I believe at the end of the day it is our choice. albeit it was circumstance that caused us to make wrong decisions and create false beliefs.
It is still a process that we created , in turn being a process that only we can truely stop.
I believe at the end of the day it is our choice. albeit it was circumstance that caused us to make wrong decisions and create false beliefs.
It is still a process that we created , in turn being a process that only we can truely stop.
What my mother just said... I chose not to get better and I chose to be like this
FEAR CHOOSES ME
Prove her wrong by making the right choices. Indeed, sometimes we make wrong decisions. But that's not going to stop us from making the right ones. But still you got to make decisions.
I'm actually quite surprised to read all these angry responses, because I've always felt guilty towards my family over bust-ups like this. I mean okay OP, your mother was being a little bitchy, but you have to remember that she doesn't know how to deal with you. All of these types of fights are due to parents not able to cope with or fix the anxiety problems their kids have, which often leads to great frustration on their part. I honestly think one of the causes of my escapism/avoidance is down to me feeling like I'm a burden on my family. That's why I've lived away from them for years now, and why I only talk to my folks if they phone or visit me first.
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