Why do we always end up alone ???

[bony666]

Hey guys,
I don't want to seem pessimistic or discourage all the brave people on this forum, but I realized that most SP stories are about people ending up alone all the time. I am actually trying to find a solution to that, instead of just complaining. because we are good people who deserve good lives.

I don't accept this loneliness because I am deeply convinced about my self worth: I am a clever and beautiful woman, who is honest, loving and affectionate. I never try to harm other people and love to help everyone I meet. Then why am I still alone ???

Like many of you, I have tried therapy, sports, travel, read personal development books: I am feeling more than ready to live my life. I have no problem anymore talking to people. However I am still alone !!!

I have recently tried many relationships, and all ended miserably, it was never my fault. I don't think there's anything wrong with me

But it seems am not lucky at all with the people I meet. Do you feel the same???

Again, I am trying to solve this rather than just complaining: I am a fighter and will never give up againts my SP !!!

 

[Remus]

Again, I am trying to solve this rather than just complaining: I am a fighter and will never give up againts my SP !!!

That's the best thing you can do, never give up!

 

[bony666]

That's the best thing you can do, never give up!

thanks, that's what am doing: the problem is that I have been doing it for two years now (after my therapy) and still got nothing !!! no real friends, no lover, ...am wondering why is it so that I can find a solution and move on with my life

 

[FountainandFairfax]

You've got a great attitude about life, and that goes a long way. You'll always have a fighter's chance as long as you don't give-in.

Defy what your fear would have you believe and stay on the watch. I wish you all the luck in the world, not that it sounds like you need it.

 

[Luke1993]

Well I think the reason I'm alone without any friends or partners is because of a few things. This may or may not apply to anyone else:

Why I do not think I have any friends:

1) Poor social skills:Well this one is obvious. Nobody wants to talk to anybody without any social skills right?

2) No "selling point": I have low intelligence and no sporting ability, so thus no particular talents or interests. So I am very boring. And nobody wants to get bored by talking to someone right? Friends need to interest you in some way!

3) Need friends to make friends: Okay this one might be a bit confusing to explain but everybody meets people through people. So the idea is you make your first friends when you're young at school and then move on from there. But I didn't make any friends at school, so I can't really progress and make new friends when I don't know anyone.

In terms of relationships:

1) Physically unattractive:Maybe not the most important trait for some but still it would help in a relationship. And I'm not attractive at all I'll admit that.

2) Lack of confidence: Girls like guys who are confident. And I'm not confident. So girls don't like me

So there you have it! Why I think I'm alone

 

[mrb]

well lady seems to me you have had a lot of bad luck with men , but it doesnt always mean it will be like that sometimes it takes a while to find a good man , so dont give up girl ....... keep hunting

 

[Lorraine Manca]

do you have 666 tatooed anywhere? that might be the problem

 

[Kaleidoscope]

I think subconsciously a lot of us push people away. Not by any negative intent, but by habit and self protection with how insecure anxiety issues can make us feel. At the same time though, we can't control what others do and do not want or like, and it could just be a slow run of love for you. You sound like a beautiful person, and you have good spirits about you. It'll only be time for you to find a great relationship. Perhaps you just have to stop looking for it, so it can find you?

 

[mrb]

do you have 666 tatooed anywhere? that might be the problem

she might not but i bet you do lol

 

[bony666]

You've got a great attitude about life, and that goes a long way. You'll always have a fighter's chance as long as you don't give-in.

Defy what your fear would have you believe and stay on the watch. I wish you all the luck in the world, not that it sounds like you need it.

you know, the attitude is important, but am just getting tired sometimes; I have a certain amount of courage: but after so many failures, I am starting to wonder about my bad luck ;(

However, as long as there are some good people out there, then it might be worth trying again...

 

[bony666]

Well I think the reason I'm alone without any friends or partners is because of a few things. This may or may not apply to anyone else:

Why I do not think I have any friends:

1) Poor social skills:Well this one is obvious. Nobody wants to talk to anybody without any social skills right?

2) No "selling point": I have low intelligence and no sporting ability, so thus no particular talents or interests. So I am very boring. And nobody wants to get bored by talking to someone right? Friends need to interest you in some way!

3) Need friends to make friends: Okay this one might be a bit confusing to explain but everybody meets people through people. So the idea is you make your first friends when you're young at school and then move on from there. But I didn't make any friends at school, so I can't really progress and make new friends when I don't know anyone.

In terms of relationships:

1) Physically unattractive:Maybe not the most important trait for some but still it would help in a relationship. And I'm not attractive at all I'll admit that.

2) Lack of confidence: Girls like guys who are confident. And I'm not confident. So girls don't like me

So there you have it! Why I think I'm alone

I think you're too harsh with yourself: I was just like you when I was your age (I am now 26) : My best advise is to love yourself, and find those parts of you that you like: it may be smthing physical or spiritual , something that you like and just focus on those aspects of yourself that you like.
Also try to talk to someone about it, you know it really helps: because I felt from your message that you're sort of isolated and that leads to low self esteem. I am not trying to give lessons, or whatever...I can't
say there's a magic solution, there are no miracles, but we can at least feel better. I was really depressed in the past, and seeing myself as the worst person on earth, and then I only discovered my strengths the day I decided to go out and love my life whatever happens. Take care,

 

[bony666]

do you have 666 tatooed anywhere? that might be the problem

LOOOoooooooool ; I don"t , but if it can help me get some friends, a lover and some affection, then I would do it ))

 

[Luke1993]

I think you're too harsh with yourself: I was just like you when I was your age (I am now 26) : My best advise is to love yourself, and find those parts of you that you like: it may be smthing physical or spiritual , something that you like and just focus on those aspects of yourself that you like.
Also try to talk to someone about it, you know it really helps: because I felt from your message that you're sort of isolated and that leads to low self esteem. I am not trying to give lessons, or whatever...I can't
say there's a magic solution, there are no miracles, but we can at least feel better. I was really depressed in the past, and seeing myself as the worst person on earth, and then I only discovered my strengths the day I decided to go out and love my life whatever happens. Take care,

Hmm yeah I'm a very negative person at times, but I do feel I'm getting better! I just haven't found anything I'm good at, but I'll continue to try some things.

I used to talk to a counselor, but I could tell she didn't like me after a few months, it might have been because I was not very cooperative and took me like 10 seconds to think before I responded to a question, so I stopped.

There isn't anyone else I can talk to unfortunately right now, (Except for imaginary ones lol)

 

[lunarla]

Maybe it just comes down to not looking for someone. Be okay with being alone! When you're not looking, and not so preoccupied with it then it's more likely that it will happen for you. Cultivate yourself and just focus on you. It'll just happen.

 

[Krista]

Hey guys,
I don't want to seem pessimistic or discourage all the brave people on this forum, but I realized that most SP stories are about people ending up alone all the time. I am actually trying to find a solution to that, instead of just complaining. because we are good people who deserve good lives.

I don't accept this loneliness because I am deeply convinced about my self worth: I am a clever and beautiful woman, who is honest, loving and affectionate. I never try to harm other people and love to help everyone I meet. Then why am I still alone ???

Like many of you, I have tried therapy, sports, travel, read personal development books: I am feeling more than ready to live my life. I have no problem anymore talking to people. However I am still alone !!!

I have recently tried many relationships, and all ended miserably, it was never my fault. I don't think there's anything wrong with me

But it seems am not lucky at all with the people I meet. Do you feel the same???

Again, I am trying to solve this rather than just complaining: I am a fighter and will never give up againts my SP !!!

It's so nice to hear that someone knows their self worth You sound like you know what you want and that's great! I can understand this completely! For awhile I always wondered why it was that I was always alone, when(not to toot my own horn) I never played games with guys like my friends did, I was nice and I always take others into consideration before myself. Sometimes it takes longer but there is someone out there for you. I don't want to say I'm picky but I refuse to settle for anyone who will treat me bad, just tell yourself that you're holding out for someone amazing who deserves to be with you because you're equally the same. Those that didn't last were obviously not the right ones and you don't want anything less than the only one.

 

[hippiechild]

The social anxiety community is a very poor representation of anxiety sufferers in general. The sufferers that you see online are those that have accepted "Social Anxiety" as a label, thus accepting it as an actual condition that they have. The members of the online community are also, well, online; they're coming here looking for support, common ground or advice… they relate well enough to others with social anxiety that they choose SPW, Anxiety Tribe, Social Anxiety Forum, etc over myspace, facebook, football forums, mushroom growers’ grotto or some other place (and yes, I do recognize that people can do both, but the fact that they choose to spend time on a forum dedicated to social anxiety is meaningful) So, not only are they online, as opposed to at a concert, but also using online time to visit with anxiety sufferers.
…Blah blah blah… anyway, these people are not likely to have stories of social success to share.

The people who DO have success, are no longer alone, are unlikely to be on SPW talking about it. There are a few people that come back to give testimonies or advice, but it’s a relatively low percentage... If you’re having fun, then you’re unlikely to stop to write it up on a forum, but if you’re socially frustrated, you’ve everything to gain by writing about your troubles or asking for advice. I’d guess that many, many more people have been able to make friends and carry on living happily… we just haven’t heard back!


That’s one of the ways in which the forum could be a negative influence: it tends to paint an unrealistically gloomy picture of the typical social anxiety person. In reality, I think that the situation is much more positive, with many more people leading pleasantly fulfilling lives.

 

[206Raider]

This forum is pretty negative, I am alone and a lot of times I come here for comfort becuase I'm not the only one and I think we all have a sense of belonging but when you don't come here for a few days you are not reminded of how alone you and everybody else is. I'm definitly not saying this place is bad at all but I'm saying coming here too much can become draining and then you read about how everybody else can't get better so you don't think you can get better and then the cycle repeats it's self.

 

[Lea]

1) Physically unattractive:Maybe not the most important trait for some but still it would help in a relationship. And I'm not attractive at all I'll admit that.

You're not ugly, you look nicely english, esp. the eyes .

 

[iamthenra]

This is an easy answer... Because the opposite sex doesn't like me...

 

[bony666]

This is an easy answer... Because the opposite sex doesn't like me...

SP sufferers on this forum are definetly too harsh with themselves !!! I dont think the opposite sex doesn't like you It doesn't KNOW you !! and that's a big difference. There are so many lonely and sweet women out there looking for a lover.... they wouldn't say no for ever...that's up to the guys to make the first move: that's the way it is.

I think that you have attracted many women in your life-even unconsciously- and women usually sned 'signals' for the guy to make the first move- and if he doesn't even talk to her, then she thinks he doesn't want her.

So iamthenra, you are certainly liked by the opposite sex, but the opposite sex thinks that You don't like them !!!