How many of you have friends? I have two people I can go out with but they always let me down. They do what pleases them and if that's at my expense then they don't really care. I know they aren't good friends but I continue to go out with them because it means I can go out to places and do things which I wouldn't want to do alone like going for a drink or to the cinema or wherever. I don't feel completely comfortable with them unless I've had a drink. My SA makes me have a low mood and I'm quiet and speak too quietly. I think they can tell I worry and feel uncomfortable around them so they tend to treat me differently with less respect I think. I have moments where I'm confident and can tell how they treat me with more respect then. I suppose people don't respect people with low confidence, self esteem etc. Before I started going out with them I was alone but I'm beginning to wonder if I was better off. I'm thinking of stopping seeing them and tackling my SA alone until I'm more confident and can hold good friendships with people then maybe make some new friends. I believe I'm a good friend to them I'm loyal, would help them out anytime, I don't let them down, I think I've got good qualities which make me a good friend. I'm just not very fun to be around sometimes because of my SA. What do you think I should do and has anyone else had a similar experience?
Friends
- Thread starter PrettyBoy
- Start date
lunarla
Well-known member
I had a group of friends in the beginning of high school including my "best friend" since like grade 2, but about three of them migrated to the "popular" people, and two others dropped out of school. I was actually so relieved by this. I am so okay with just being alone or even a loner. I have tonnes of acquaintances, but no need for really close friends. Even my friend from grade two, we were barely really close. It's not like I could tell her lots. But then I've picked up a couple friends since then. We have the same humor so it's good. One has graduated last year though, and the other is graduating in the first semester so I'll be alone for the last semester of my high school which won't be so bad. Also, a guy close friend since forever which is good, but he doesn't go to my school.
Tiercel
Well-known member
My friends are all people I've met because of my brother. I guess if he wasn't around, I wouldn't know anybody. I stopped hanging out with anyone regularly right before I found this site. And I have no female friends. It gets lonely at times, but when I'm around people I find myself wishing I was alone again.
I'm obviously not counting the people on this site right now. So let me wallow in the solitude of my self-imposed isolation.
I'm obviously not counting the people on this site right now. So let me wallow in the solitude of my self-imposed isolation.
Solitude
Well-known member
I have lots of acquaintances, but only one real friend. Lots of people I thought were friends over the years.... situations changed and I never heard from them again. Sad. I don't even bother anymore.
I picture myself as old man like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino, sitting on the front porch with a cooler full of beer and my dog.
I picture myself as old man like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino, sitting on the front porch with a cooler full of beer and my dog.
AimeeSP
Well-known member
I used to have a group of friends, until they just basically forgot about me and didn't wanna know me when i told them i had depression and anxiety. Then i had one really close friend who i thought really cared, until the other day when she got pissed off because i was panicking and didn't want to walk around town (in a place i didn't know) anymore. So she walked off and just left me and my nephew there. Lovely. Sorry for sounding like such a grumpy moo today, i've had such a crap week.
this_portrait
Well-known member
Back in high school, I had a regular group of people I would hang out with all the time. Now that h/s is over with, I've drifted apart from my old friends, and now all I really have are some acquaintances who only ask me to hang out with them once in a blue moon.
Silvox Black
Well-known member
You say that you would provide for these so called "friends" in their time of need? Why should you? They would not repay you with such kindness nor do they treat you with such generosity. They play you for a fool my friend, and you most certainly are not one. Not here. You do not have to face your struggles alone. All of us are here to assist you. You do not need those idiotic sods as "friends" when you have true companions here on this forum. Believe me when I say that those fools are not the true definition of friend.
hippiechild
Well-known member
Other than my banana cat, I have not a soul to call mined friend...
I hear what you're saying. I'm actually playing them for fools back though using them so I can get out to places like nightclubs etc places where I could meet a girl or new people. If I'm lucky enough to make new friends to go out with real friends then I won't be bothering with them anymore. I wouldn't go out of my way to help them anymore because I guess I've seen their true colors. The people I've come across on this site are great they're all nice people helped me out an I'll try an help out as much as I can. I think I want people to go out with though I mean its good talking online and that but I want to go out for a drink go to events etc and these are my only option right now and I wouldn't enjoy doing these things alone. I guess I shouldn't bother with them now but I don't want to be doing things alone all the time so I was thinking of sticking with them and if I'm fortunate enough to make new friends in the future then out with the old in with the new sort of thing.
redski
1
Damn, I keep getting surprised how many people here are like me.
Comical isn't it considering the name of this community
I could have written that and I know exactly how you feel.
From my own experience I can tell you a few things.
You are selling yourself short. These are not friends of yours and you should really
not be hanging with them. Simply put they do not respect you.
If these two guys are the only ones you have to hang with then when you drop
them chances are that you will be alone but you might meet newer and
better people.
I know it's no easy choice. Sort of like self respect vs isolation?
Comical isn't it considering the name of this community
I could have written that and I know exactly how you feel.
From my own experience I can tell you a few things.
You are selling yourself short. These are not friends of yours and you should really
not be hanging with them. Simply put they do not respect you.
If these two guys are the only ones you have to hang with then when you drop
them chances are that you will be alone but you might meet newer and
better people.
I know it's no easy choice. Sort of like self respect vs isolation?
lunarla
Well-known member
Hmm, tell me of this banana cat.
Exactly and isolation drives me crazy but at the same time being disrespected isn't great either. Hard choice...
LycraPantiies92
Well-known member
not me..
x
x
Yes Ive had a number of acquaitances that didn't treat me well. In fact, ending up in such a situation as you describe has been one of my primary social fears since 9th grade when my SA began. It is indeed horrible and a demeaning position to occupy.
My suggestion is to drop them. People who do not respect you will reflect your worst fears about your self-image, even if they aren't true. You don't need this kind of slow poisoning and it will interefere with your recovery. Do you want to suffer SA for an additional several years because of this constant negative reinforcement? Decide what's more important, having temporary "support", or actualy getting better.
You don't need friends to go to the movies, I have none and I do it all the time. You don't need friends to go to clubs and bars, I do it all the time. Ironicaly many women ive met on my excursions have noted how "brave" I am for doing so. I never thought of it that way, I just considered it a mandatory undertaking.
Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
I have quite a few friends. People that care about me... and would probably want to see me more often than I allow... But I'm pushing them away again. It's getting really bad... I've been avoiding them entirely for the past few weeks. *Sigh*
I had a banana cat, but I ated it. )=
I had a banana cat, but I ated it. )=
Last edited:
Its nature. Theres a pecking order jsut like in the animal kingdom, those weaker will be picked on. Doesnt matter what you have. The peopel who mess with you dont know you have SA unless you tell them. They only see things on the outside.