Zero social life, no friends

[T. Charles]

Well, i do have Facebook, but outside of that, I have no friends- I dont know how to make friends, I can go to crowded places, the local coffee bar, etc, but am baffled how to strike up conversations, so Im usually quiet and read a book. I can't make connections to people. Its painful, mostly couples sitting around me and Im always alone, even when in a crowd i desperately want to connect to others, but HOW do I do it?????? Its scary, I read a sign of a sociapath is someone who cant form relationships with others. I want so desperately to connect and make friends, have had only one true friend, and 2 girlfriends my entire life (and that was YEARS ago) but have failed. Does this mean Im sociopath? How can I connect to others?

 

[Flanscho]

Search a hobby. Use a website to find people who have the same hobby. Meet them. Have new friends.

 

[¯\(º_o)/¯]

I'm in almost the exact same situation you are. Going places and being around people is no problem. Talking to them on the other hand is nearly impossible

 

[ukmale]

**** friends who needs them only a disappointment in life anyway

 

[Quietguy11]

Well, i do have Facebook, but outside of that, I have no friends- I dont know how to make friends, I can go to crowded places, the local coffee bar, etc, but am baffled how to strike up conversations, so Im usually quiet and read a book. I can't make connections to people. Its painful, mostly couples sitting around me and Im always alone, even when in a crowd i desperately want to connect to others, but HOW do I do it?????? Its scary, I read a sign of a sociapath is someone who cant form relationships with others. I want so desperately to connect and make friends, have had only one true friend, and 2 girlfriends my entire life (and that was YEARS ago) but have failed. Does this mean Im sociopath? How can I connect to others?

I was exactly the same way. My self-conscious mind paralyzed me in social situations, and made it next to impossible for me to form any kind of connection/friendship with anyone. Even small talk with people at like Starbucks or Timothy's was a challenge for me. I would just stare at my Laptop screen and keep myself occupied with that because it was equally a challenge to make eye contact with people let alone being able to say Hi or anything.

That all changed for me for the better when I started seeing a psychiatrist, and was prescribed Risperidone and Celexa. Both medications working together combated my anxiety, my social detachment, and then my other phobias and fears such as taking phone calls, answering the door, going out when society was at its busiest. Chances are I wouldn't have fully recovered if it hadn't been for the therapy and medication I took. The thing with medication is that it's perfectly FINE to take it, and it will not screw around with your natural chemicals. It simply balances chemicals in the brain that are responsible for positive moods. The only thing I tell people is rhat you have to give medication a chance! It will not work over night. You may see some results after the first couple of weeks, but in my case, it took over a year of taking my medications daily I started to feel connected again with friends, society, and the world around me.

I am beating this medication thing to the ground only because I have fully recovered from social phobia disorder and want more people to get healed from this unnecessary mental health illness as well! Also to add, as long as you have a good heart and a conscience you are not a Sociopath.

 

[Section_31]

I was exactly the same way. My self-conscious mind paralyzed me in social situations, and made it next to impossible for me to form any kind of connection/friendship with anyone. Even small talk with people at like Starbucks or Timothy's was a challenge for me. I would just stare at my Laptop screen and keep myself occupied with that because it was equally a challenge to make eye contact with people let alone being able to say Hi or anything.

That all changed for me for the better when I started seeing a psychiatrist, and was prescribed Risperidone and Celexa. Both medications working together combated my anxiety, my social detachment, and then my other phobias and fears such as taking phone calls, answering the door, going out when society was at its busiest. Chances are I wouldn't have fully recovered if it hadn't been for the therapy and medication I took. The thing with medication is that it's perfectly FINE to take it, and it will not screw around with your natural chemicals. It simply balances chemicals in the brain that are responsible for positive moods. The only thing I tell people is rhat you have to give medication a chance! It will not work over night. You may see some results after the first couple of weeks, but in my case, it took over a year of taking my medications daily I started to feel connected again with friends, society, and the world around me.

I am beating this medication thing to the ground only because I have fully recovered from social phobia disorder and want more people to get healed from this unnecessary mental health illness as well! Also to add, as long as you have a good heart and a conscience you are not a Sociopath.

^ this

I was on citalopram, switched to wellbutrin which has helped me immensely. Im still on it and probably will be for the foreseeable future.

Id never go back to being without it. Id rather take a pill every day, live a semblance of a normal life and be happy, than go without, and not.

Just my thoughts.

 

[jaim38]

If I was at a local coffee shop and see couples all around me, I wouldn't be able to make friends either. It's probably easier to make friends at places like the library, bookstore, or comic con because I like reading and I'm into manga and otaku culture. Find a hobby and meet people with the same hobby.

 

[littlegrrr]

Do you work? If not, see if you can't find a job that puts you around a good mix of people yet you work mostly alone...that's what I'm about to do this coming week. A call center isn't so bad, I've already worked in one and I have schizoaffective disorder and paranoid personality disorder. I've been on disability because I was unable to even check the mail at one point but I've decided to force myself out of this isolation and go to a different call center. Your description echos myself. I have another post on this site from long ago, but it is still me http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/me-and-social-phobia-101/ my post is littlegrrr_18 under "anonymous". Anyway, I currently have zero friends and it's been that way since middle school, and even then I didn't really have friends but I had people I talked to. I did just start talking to a really cool friendly guy on chacha (on my iPhone) and I feel a connection. But I'm not sure if he is really that interested in corresponding or not. If you want to chat with me, just hit me up on here via pm. But yeah, my major hangup is absolutely not knowing what to say and I totally don't get social cues. I also am just really shy and ball up and get really still when around others.

 

[littlegrrr]

oh lord, i see you are waaaay outta my league for befriending...you're a teacher and have a college degree/graduate? Wow, I'm so surprised you are able to present in front of students on a regular basis! My grandmother was a teacher for 35 years, quite a loner. But it was weird...she was that type of outgoing where she'd talk a total stranger's ear off but I knew her to only have one friend. She went out once a month to wal mart, and almost always was in her bedroom reading or doing puzzle books. She was a great teacher, couldn't tell you how many "Teacher of the Year" plaques she had. Master's degree and all.

 

[Kiwong]

I think you are lonely, T. Charles. You are not a sociopath. A sociopath is someone who shows antisocial behaviour.

is a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for, or violation of, the rights of others. There may be an impoverished moral sense or conscience and a history of crime, legal problems, impulsive and aggressive behavior.

A preference for being alone is not sociopathy. A desperate desire to connect is just loneliness in my opinion, a perfectly human thing to feel.

I prefer my own company to that of others, but I enjoy my life. The solitude I enjoy is not a condition in need of a cure.

 

[MelFit]

the way to start is ask questions to people, small talk as an exercise.Thats the way to practice. Iniciative to ask questions,say hello, talk to someone on the bus or talk to the sales woman...

But its really hard to get along with others....

I dont have facebook cause thats a reminder of other people's having fun and I'm not.

What i do, is try to speak with strangers but sometimes words dont want to come out .

You are not sociopath,unless i dont know?, if you say hello to someone with a knife

 

[MelFit]

I was exactly the same way. My self-conscious mind paralyzed me in social situations, and made it next to impossible for me to form any kind of connection/friendship with anyone. Even small talk with people at like Starbucks or Timothy's was a challenge for me. I would just stare at my Laptop screen and keep myself occupied with that because it was equally a challenge to make eye contact with people let alone being able to say Hi or anything.

That all changed for me for the better when I started seeing a psychiatrist, and was prescribed Risperidone and Celexa. Both medications working together combated my anxiety, my social detachment, and then my other phobias and fears such as taking phone calls, answering the door, going out when society was at its busiest. Chances are I wouldn't have fully recovered if it hadn't been for the therapy and medication I took. The thing with medication is that it's perfectly FINE to take it, and it will not screw around with your natural chemicals. It simply balances chemicals in the brain that are responsible for positive moods. The only thing I tell people is rhat you have to give medication a chance! It will not work over night. You may see some results after the first couple of weeks, but in my case, it took over a year of taking my medications daily I started to feel connected again with friends, society, and the world around me.

I am beating this medication thing to the ground only because I have fully recovered from social phobia disorder and want more people to get healed from this unnecessary mental health illness as well! Also to add, as long as you have a good heart and a conscience you are not a Sociopath.

Mis psiquitras nunca never gave me anti psicotics like risperidona .Maybe that's what i need ? who knows. The problem,is that we cant forced them to give us medication,....mis psiquiatras always wanted me to take sertralina,paroxetina.....Those doesnt work for me

 

[chatterbox71]

Kiwong is right: Based on what you've revealed, you are no sociopath. I'm so sorry you're in this rut. I'm not sure how old you are, but I have found that the older I get, the more difficult it is to form relationships with people--and I honestly don't think this has much to do with any of our social phobias. Sure, this may make us all the more anxious, but . . . there's just this implication that, for the most part, when you're an adult, things have been stabilized and while meeting new people might happen, those with connections are content with what they have. My husband and I have been amazed just by the lack of neighborliness on our block; people seem content with who they know--and not interested in forging new relationships. It's very disconcerting, I know.

I'm wondering if signing up for some class where the focus is on doing things with your classmates might help. Like, conversational Spanish, perhaps. Or, a group that goes on hikes. I know someone else mentioned hobbies. I just feel like there are situations where people may be and they may not be open to striking up a conversation--even if you felt comfortable doing so; honestly, a coffee shop may be such a place (at least from what I've observed). If you like animals, maybe you could volunteer to walk dogs at a shelter and meet others that way.

What helped for me is volunteering at a crisis center's food bank. I don't know what the deal is, but people who volunteer there, for the most part, are pretty awesome. Maybe they've all hit rough patches, themselves, and just know the importance of being nice. I REALLY hope you can find a place like this. Obviously, it would be awesome if some serendipitous event led to a friendship, outside of any hopes/plans for such a thing. I just have found that this doesn't seem to happen as much as it used to for me.

Feel free to contact me, too. Maybe you could paint scenarios you've been in where you wanted to talk to someone but it didn't pan out for whatever reason, and some of us here could help "troubleshoot". Best to you!

 

[awkwardamanda]

Even small talk with people at like Starbucks or Timothy's was a challenge for me.

Wait, do you mean Tim Horton's?! I've never heard anyone call it that before.

A call center isn't so bad, I've already worked in one and I have schizoaffective disorder and paranoid personality disorder.

A call center sounds like the worst place for someone with social anxiety. I wouldn't last an hour.

 

[Silatuyok]

As someone else mentioned--volunteer! You can do just about anything as a volunteer, and it's a great way to meet tons of other people who have a common interest. Many organizations have group outings or social events for their regular volunteers, because they want them to form relationships and be friends.
As for meeting random strangers out at coffee shops and such, there are very very few people who can actually make friends that way. I would suggest a different approach.

 

[34pete]

Well, i do have Facebook, but outside of that, I have no friends- I dont know how to make friends, I can go to crowded places, the local coffee bar, etc, but am baffled how to strike up conversations, so Im usually quiet and read a book. I can't make connections to people. Its painful, mostly couples sitting around me and Im always alone, even when in a crowd i desperately want to connect to others, but HOW do I do it?????? Its scary, I read a sign of a sociapath is someone who cant form relationships with others. I want so desperately to connect and make friends, have had only one true friend, and 2 girlfriends my entire life (and that was YEARS ago) but have failed. Does this mean Im sociopath? hello my name is peter I am new to this forum I have been social phobic for 23 years I have just find this site I am looking to make friends and start a new life that's it for now hope to here for you again from peter

 

[34pete]

hello my name is peter I am new to this forum I have been social phobic for 23 years I have just find this site I am looking for friends and start a new life that's it for now hope to here from you again from peter

 

[littlegrrr]

Usually a call center would be hell for the shy type. Im just weird. My main issue is not understanding social cues, having this awkward uptightness tht i cannot control and worst of all, for me, just not knowing what to say cos my minds a pretty empty place and i have a very hard time with slang. Knowing slang and knowing when to use it pits people at ease and i just cant do it and end up looking like the dork that i am. But give me a cause, give me something i feel confident about and know the answers to (like a computer issue) and im feeling great.


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