wrong or right

mrb

mrb

Well-known member
now i just went to the shops to get a few things , and this woman behind me had a little girl about 5 , now this little girl was crying cos her mum wouldnt buy her any sweets , her mother said look will you pack it up i cant afford it , so the little girl just sobbed ::(: so i picked up a great big bag of sweets paid for all my stuff and the sweets , turned around and said there you go little one giving the kids the sweets , the kids eyes lit up with glee and said thank you and grabbed the bag of sweets , but the mother looked at me and said , she has to learn no means no and people like you dont help , jesus i only got them cos the mother said she couldnt afford it :eek: the mother said give the man back his sweets , i just said lady im sorry didnt mean to offend , and i dont want them , i dont eat sweets and walked out of the shop ....... was i right to get the kids her sweets or not ? i know some mothers on this site are going to enjoy ripping into me over this :rolleyes:
 
jhanniffy

jhanniffy

Well-known member
What you did was a good thing and your heart was in the right place. the mother was prob just trying to teach her kid a lesson and may have been able to afford them(I know mum used to do that to my brother) but who knowns!
Also she could have been offended.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
The mother was a bit too harsh, i think. No means no, it's okay to say no sometimes, but that doesn't mean you have to be militar about it, especially to a five year old who is crying. You were being nice, you got the sweets for the kid as a gift, it was a bit harsh for the mother to make the kid return them. The little girl was nice, said thank you and was happy about it, why ruin her happiness? Some mothers are just stupid like that... Sorry if i sound like a jerk, but when i see these things i can't help but believe the parents are authoritarian and thirsty of control. It makes me want to punch them right in the face. -sigh-
 
mrb

mrb

Well-known member
jhanniffy said:
What you did was a good thing and your heart was in the right place. the mother was prob just trying to teach her kid a lesson and may have been able to afford them(I know mum used to do that to my brother) but who knowns!
Also she could have been offended.
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i will say if the kid was screaming her head off i wouldnt have brought them , thats just having a tantrum cos she didnt get her own way , but she was just quiety sobbing ..... gazza stands by his decision to get the sweets :D
 
mrb

mrb

Well-known member
Hellhound said:
The mother was a bit too harsh, i think. No means no, it's okay to say no sometimes, but that doesn't mean you have to be militar about it, especially to a five year old who is crying. You were being nice, you got the sweets for the kid as a gift, it was a bit harsh for the mother to make the kid return them. The little girl was nice, said thank you and was happy about it, why ruin her happiness? Some mothers are just stupid like that... Sorry if i sound like a jerk, but when i see these things i can't help but believe the parents are authoritarian and thirsty of control. It makes me want to punch them right in the face. -sigh-
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hell yea 1 to gazza , whoooooo im on a roll :D and the kid got the sweets mate , um dunno about the punch in the face part , seems a little over the top there mate .....
 
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TheStatue

TheStatue

Well-known member
You did a good thing, but the mother could have perhaps handled the situation better and put a positive spin on it. Then on the other hand, maybe a mother shouldn't teach her daughter to just accept gifts from random strangers either. I can't see anything wrong in what you did. It might have turned out awkward, but that's another thing.
 
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Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
mrb said:
um dunno about the punch in the face part , seems a little over the top there mate .....
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LOL, i know, i know... I just can't help but feeling angry like that when I see a mother being too militar. I guess I just place myself in the kid's shoes and imagine how sad she must be and how the mother is unable to be more supportive. Kinda reminds me of my own situation too.
 
illuminationSP

illuminationSP

1
Perhaps she was just ashamed about being unable to buy what her child wanted, especially just a bag of sweets. You weren't wrong, your heart was in the right place. I can imagine how hard things are for her, hence her reaction. In my opinion, she could have handled the situation better.
 
mrb

mrb

Well-known member
illumination86 said:
Perhaps she was just ashamed about being unable to buy what her child wanted, especially just a bag of sweets. You weren't wrong, your heart was in the right place. I can imagine how hard things are for her, hence her reaction. In my opinion, she could have handled the situation better.
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thanks ... can i give you a little advice there lol stop playing with fire .... your avi i mean :D
 
mrb

mrb

Well-known member
TheStatue said:
You did a good thing, but the mother could have perhaps handled the situation better and put a positive spin on it. Then on the other hand, maybe a mother shouldn't teach her daughter to just accept gifts from random strangers either. I can't see anything wrong in what you did. I might have turned out awkward, but that's another thing.
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hmmm awkward dunno about that lol ... i just quickly left the shop :rolleyes: gazza was gone .......
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
I have to say I think you actually did the wrong thing! sorry mate...I mean, I agree that your heart was in the right place, and the way the woman responded sounded a touch harsh. And I know, being a social phobic, that receiving criticism like that from strangers is never a pleasant experience.....but I've got a couple of nieces and nephews and I know that one of their main tricks whenever they want something is to cry and sob until they get their own way, and if the parent gives in to their tears then the child learns that if they cry and whine they'll eventually get what they want. And so a good parent always has to try to stay firm to their decisions, even though it's often heartbreaking to see their child crying.

Of course you may not have known that and the mother only had to correct you lightly, without snapping as she did. But then having to take care of a whining child is not an easy job so she was probably very stressed. anywayz, you sound like a nice bloke so I wouldn't worry about it!
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Serafina said:
You meant well. :) That counts for something, but...you can't undermine a parent's authority. You giving the child the candy, especially without asking the parent's permission, makes the parent's judgment seem unreasonable in the eyes of a young child who doesn't realize that their parent isn't just being mean but is doing/not doing something for the child's own good. A very proud person might feel offended by your act of kindness. To them it might seem as though you were offering charity and that can be insulting to some. Some people will figure that you're doubting their ability to provide for their own child.

Children need to be taught that throwing tantrums is neither appropirate, nor will it get people to comply with their needs or wants. I will not jump and comply to every demand my child makes as soon as she starts screaming. That is unreasonable and it will seriously spoil her character. Kids have to be taught that 'no' means 'no' and that they cannot always have everything that they want.

My child was throwing a fit in the store once. So, at this point she is crying just to cry as toddlers tend to do when they don't get their way...some complete stranger comes up to her and starts trying to talk to her! I'm standing there thinking WTF? What is the point of trying to teach my toddler something when others are going to come and **** it up? I had to tell a woman off once becaue the bitch was rudely insisitng on underming me in front of my kid. Someone has to piss me off royaly before I get to that point. That's a story for another day.

I think you're a kind person, probably good with kids, but even a kind gesture could have and adverse effect. It's very likely that the woman returned the candy after you left and the kid ended up even more disappointed. It's also possible that the kid now thinks of her mother's actions as mean and unjust. Unless someone is hurting a child, you should never interfere or assume you know what is going on.
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The mother should have handled the situation a bit better. Tell the kid why she can't have the candy, or at least reward her because she said "thank you", explain her that the person was being nice and it's good, but she needs to understand that she won't always get what she wants, etc. There's a long list of things to be done instead of looking like an authoritarian @$$ and taking the candy away. From what mrb said, the child wasn't having a tantrum but she was crying with sadness, and the mother instead of saying "no, no no" all the time she could have talked more nicely, act more supportive.
 
Lea

Lea

Banned
I think, you did a good thing since the mother said she cannot afford it. So she didn't buy it because she couldn't afford it and not out of trying to discipline the child. If I was the mother I would be moved by the kind act of a stranger and showed that to the child, tell him to say thank you and teach him to appreciate it. This is more than a discipline, besides if the reason was really a discipline in this case, the mother would just say "no" and didn't try to justify it by saying she can't afford it.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Lea said:
I think, you did a good thing since the mother said she cannot afford it. So she didn't buy it because she couldn't afford it and not out of trying to discipline the child. If I was the mother I would be moved by the kind act of a stranger and showed that to the child, tell him to say thank you and teach him to appreciate it. This is more than a discipline, besides if the reason was really a discipline in this case, the mother would just say "no" and didn't try to justify it by saying she can't afford it.
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Yes, that's what I was thinking and didn't know how to express. I agree with you 100%!
 
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