Would you stay in a job if nobody liked you

[coyote]

I agree with this, but employers do have to accept that there is a settling in period in any job. No one starts at a new job and is at their maximum productivity from day 1. Hiring a new employee should be viewed as a long term investment. You offer them help and training, and expect a lower output in the beginning (and even accept that they may take colleagues away from their work when they need help in the early stages) because that investment will pay off in the long term, and hopefully lead to someone who enjoys their job and feels fully supported in it which makes it far more likely that they will stick around.

oh yeah, absolutely - there has to be a learning curve

with government organizations or large corporations, this is usually spelled out up front - the lawyers see to that

Do not see disinterest in you as hostility. You have to fit into the environment, the environment will not / can not change to fit you.

The other people have probably seen lots of people come and go before you. They will wait until they can be sure about you before they will invest time in a personal relationship with you. And do not expect them to make up for your lack of relationships.

right - the veterans are often being cautious about investing too much emotional energy in a newcomer who might be gone in a month - like the last guy, or the one before that

once you've stuck it out long enough that it looks like you can do the job and you're not going anywhere, you miraculously become one of them

 

[Richey]

I went through hell for the first six months of the job I'm currently at and almost quit. In fact, it's the reason I joined SPW! I was trying too hard to be nice to people so they would like me, but they just ended up walking all over me. It wasn't until I finally started being more myself and not taking their crap that I began to fit in! Now I actually like going to work - go figure! Maybe try to show more of the humorous side of yourself that we all see (and love!), and I'll bet you become one of the more popular co-workers!

That's fine though if you're outwardly funny but your just initially a but shy, that is normal. People who have a naturally outgoing element to their personality can switch on the sarcasm/humour/gossip/whatever button when comfortable, such people probably get that practice with family or maybe close friends. But some people are literally awkward/anxious all the time, everywhere and just can't fit in.

I am lucky in that i can be adaptable and fit in initially but then after two weeks or so i've run out of things to say and i switch into avoidance mode. But because i was nice initially people usually come to me for help with work related things but at lunch time i'm the quiet one because i just don't always relate and then you have "too cool for anyone" club who are snobbish to anyone outside of the usual "cool" clique.

Again it all depends on the people/group you are forced to work with each day. (i think is a complex challenge)

I go home from work with a headache from over self consiousness and feeling awkward.

 

[MrSunday]

You're not hearing me. I cant understand how people dont seem to be able to comprehend how an unpleasant working environment would make somebody feel.

I'm just explaining how I feel. I'm not saying it is pleasant to work in an environment where nobody likes you. I have worked in an environment where I felt unwanted. I volunteered at a charity shop and some made it clear that I'm useless.

At school, most of the time I was alone.

Sure - of course you go to work not with the intention of making friends. You go to perform a job - to earn in income, but despite that - how can someone not realize the adverse effects, on not only job performance but emotional well being? What about on the job mutual respect? You have to work with these people everyday - and making someone feel like that they are not wanted to the point where they are feeling miserable outweighs actually having a job itself in my opinion.

I'm used to it. I had to work with people that didn't like me. It is just something that I have managed to cope with. It's not easy, but it did make me stronger to a certain extent. As long as I finish the job and have some money, that is all I require.

It depends why you want to work in the first place. I want money. I think you may want something more.

 

[da_illest101]

Personally, if I need the money and the job doesn't bother me, I would stay. I never cared about people not liking me, plus most people are scared of me to attempt anything

 

[1BlackSheep]

That's fine though if you're outwardly funny but your just initially a but shy, that is normal. People who have a naturally outgoing element to their personality can switch on the sarcasm/humour/gossip/whatever button when comfortable, such people probably get that practice with family or maybe close friends. But some people are literally awkward/anxious all the time, everywhere and just can't fit in.

I don't have a "switch" that I can turn on and off, and am not at all outgoing! I'm terribly anxious and shy around people I don't know (in addition to being easily intimidated) and it was extremely difficult for me to push through that first six months. I still have days sometimes where I feel out of place, but I need my job and force myself to get through it as best I can. Sometimes I feel like I don't exactly "fit in", but now feel like I'm accepted and that people have grown to like me. It takes time for both sides to get to this point. I don't think it's easy for anyone, even those who are outgoing.

We have the six month "probation" period at my workplace as well. I guess that must be a general time frame which people need to see whether or not things have a chance to work long-term. I had to do the whole "put up and shut up" thing so I'd make it through, which was not at all easy! Once I passed probation, I started to be a bit more assertive and not put up with the crap that was being dealt. To my surprise, this is when people started to like me more! Yes, it's very strange and complicated world we live in!

 

[dragonoth]

Depends how long I've worked there for. If I was only there for a week or two, I'd put it down to them being stressed or having other things to deal with rather than making sure the newbie fits in. Then I would try making small talk with them. If I had been there for a good few months and already tried talking to them but still found them adverse to me, then it would depend on what I could get out of the job. Decent pay, learning social skills, learning any kind of skill, pleasant interaction with customers are just some things I'd stay for.

 

[bcsr]

I sure would stay, because forget them, they don't pay my bills. I need money.

 

[KiaKaha]

and people will behave the way people do

i have learned to take comfort in the fact that it's not personal - they treat everyone like that - not just me - as a new person, i must prove myself

the other workers are also trying to survive - if their work load were sufficiently light enough to take me under their wing and hover over me with a tender guiding hand, then the organization wouldn't need to hire another person in the first place

everyone is overworked - that's why they hired me - they don't have the time to help me - i have to prove myself capable of standing on my own feet and doing the job - otherwise, they don't really need me, do they?

I have a different philosophy to this.

I think proving yourself work wise is fine - of course it makes absolute sense when it comes to doing your work.... But what I am saying is - is it THAT hard to say "hello"...? is it difficult to smile at someone who is nervous and unsure of themselves? Is it really necessary to very obviously ignore someone who is trying to find their feet?

Proving yourself and being made to feel like you are not wanted there...are two different things. Sure people are not going to "respect" you because they dont know how much productivity you are going to be able to contribute to the working environment... but that is not the same as being kind and extending a gesture of common courtesy to someone new.

But the biggest thing that baffles me is the sheer amount of hypocrisy there is in regards to this. Yes the other workers are trying to survive... we all are, but no one learns a job by and becoming fully functional if everyone does not want you there. Do you know I have had jobs where my boss has not said a single word to me once? How is that supposed to make a person feel?

Emotional well being should come first before the work itself - sorry if that sounds too "soft" but if someone is so miserable to the point where they cant function then that person is not going to perform the job.

Personally I think making someone feel welcome and actually giving them the time of day and making them feel like they are part of the club - is important. People have no sensitivity at all to the needs of others. It's just me me me me me me.

 

[coyote]

I have a different philosophy to this.

I think proving yourself work wise is fine - of course it makes absolute sense when it comes to doing your work.... But what I am saying is - is it THAT hard to say "hello"...? is it difficult to smile at someone who is nervous and unsure of themselves? Is it really necessary to very obviously ignore someone who is trying to find their feet?

Proving yourself and being made to feel like you are not wanted there...are two different things. Sure people are not going to "respect" you because they dont know how much productivity you are going to be able to contribute to the working environment... but that is not the same as being kind and extending a gesture of common courtesy to someone new.

But the biggest thing that baffles me is the sheer amount of hypocrisy there is in regards to this. Yes the other workers are trying to survive... we all are, but no one learns a job by and becoming fully functional if everyone does not want you there. Do you know I have had jobs where my boss has not said a single word to me once? How is that supposed to make a person feel?

Emotional well being should come first before the work itself - sorry if that sounds too "soft" but if someone is so miserable to the point where they cant function then that person is not going to perform the job.

Personally I think making someone feel welcome and actually giving them the time of day and making them feel like they are part of the club - is important. People have no sensitivity at all to the needs of others. It's just me me me me me me.

i don't disagree

but the question i answered was, "how do i deal with being put in that situation?"

not, "how do i, personally, treat other people, or think other people should be treated?"

i can hold my breath until i turn blue, but that won't make the other people behave the way i think they "should" behave

i have had to deal with the reality of the situation as it is - adapt and survive

having had the luxury of running my own workplace, i personally try to make sure that the dynamic is much more friendly and welcoming to new people than i have often been afforded in the past.

I honestly think you'd like working for me

 

[polishgirl]

Although, I have never had a job, I am pretty sure no, I wouldn't. Social acceptance always comes first, sadly.

 

[Ignace]

In the beginning I'd try to fit in, but if I see those people are not worth the hassle, which is probably the case if they don't like u in the first place, I'd just give up and try not to be affected in my work performance. I'd look for something else in the meantime but stay if u can't find anything else. If it really is killing u, u might consider screwing up things so your boss will fire u and therefore can get benefits. (not sure how it works in New Zealand) At least here u don't get anything if u quit out of yourself.

 

[Agent_Violet]

Working in the medical field means constantly being faced with petty,immature women who form little groups or cliques and they refuse to let anyone new into the fold.

It's frustrating and ridiculous. I've quit jobs before bc i just couldn't seem to get to a place of being accepted by the other women and they made my workday a living hell.

Now that I'm the boss, I make sure ALL of my staff welcomes new people with open arms and at least gives them a chance. I don't tolerate gossip, cliques, or any of that high school bull that usually comes along with working in an office full of females. If they want to behave that way, they can do it outside of work.

So far it has worked really great.

I don't blame you for wanting to quit...but I do recommend giving it some more time. It might get better.

 

[Ignace]

You're an awesome boss Violet.

 

[Agent_Violet]

You're an awesome boss Violet.

thanks it was tough at first but now that i've earned everyone's respect it goes much smoother.

 

[Silatuyok]

Would you continue to work in a job where nobody liked you? or made it quite clear that you were someone who was not wanted there?

This would be done by exclusion, not speaking to you, being dismissive, not looking at you or making you feel like you didn't fit in. Minimal interaction.

Would you stay? Or would you slog through...?

Personally I would quit. Which is what I am thinking of doing.

Lets not make this about me. Lets make this about you. What would you do...?

This is pretty much what I did two months ago. I found a new job in the same field at a different place, and said "see ya." The best part of it is that my coworkers at my new job actually like me and talk to me, AND I get paid a lot more! But it did take me a little while to get over my hurt pride at having been so subtly pushed out of my old position.

 

[MrSunday]

Working in the medical field means constantly being faced with petty,immature women who form little groups or cliques and they refuse to let anyone new into the fold.

It's frustrating and ridiculous. I've quit jobs before bc i just couldn't seem to get to a place of being accepted by the other women and they made my workday a living hell.

Now that I'm the boss, I make sure ALL of my staff welcomes new people with open arms and at least gives them a chance. I don't tolerate gossip, cliques, or any of that high school bull that usually comes along with working in an office full of females. If they want to behave that way, they can do it outside of work.

So far it has worked really great.

I don't blame you for wanting to quit...but I do recommend giving it some more time. It might get better.

You go girl. Show those gossip cows who's boss. Keep it fierce.

 

[A86]

If I had some sort of purpose greater than myself (ie. family to support or something) and it was the most practical means to provide for that purpose... then yes I would stay and endure.
Otherwise I would be actively looking to seek employment elsewhere so I could leave... no point being unhappy without purpose, because that's just silly.

 

[Foxface]

I guess it depends, if I like my job and the pay. Also, depends on how often I was around the people who did not like me, so I will go with Yes.