Would you stay in a job if nobody liked you
- Thread starter KiaKaha
- Start date
hidwell
Well-known member
rxdc
Member
I used to work in the deli section of a supermarket. It was mostly older women and just a few guys working there. I was good buddies with the guys there but most of the women there, except for one that eventually warmed up to me, they all didn't like me.
It was pretty much hit and miss with most of my coworkers there, the ones that liked me were really friendly and cheerful. The ones that didn't were passive aggressive and wouldn't even greet me back. For some reason I got a kick out of greeting them every time even if I knew they wouldn't greet me back.
Anyways, work was really hard specially because the passive aggressive workers kept dumping all this hard work on me and my buddy. But we were really productive so they pretty much dumped all the work on us and wouldn't schedule an extra worker with us even though we really needed it.
It got to the point that we were getting extra work from other departments and this new store manager came in and he was being a real ass and making things harder. When my manager took a few weeks off, the replacement manager started scheduling me for days in which I couldn't work which I specified a long time ago. She told me "you're the one at the bottom of the totem pole so you gotta take whichever shift no one wants".
Next day I gave notice but I just said I was quitting because of school and the store manager mocked me saying he had no trouble doing both when he was in school. It took so much effort not to knock his ass out, but I wanted to end things in good terms just in case I needed them for a reference.
I would say the majority of the people there disliked me but it was worth it to stay just for the few that liked me. Funny thing is the ones who were the most pissed off were the people that hated me cause now they had to work the crappy shifts and do all the work that they were dumping on me.
It was pretty much hit and miss with most of my coworkers there, the ones that liked me were really friendly and cheerful. The ones that didn't were passive aggressive and wouldn't even greet me back. For some reason I got a kick out of greeting them every time even if I knew they wouldn't greet me back.
Anyways, work was really hard specially because the passive aggressive workers kept dumping all this hard work on me and my buddy. But we were really productive so they pretty much dumped all the work on us and wouldn't schedule an extra worker with us even though we really needed it.
It got to the point that we were getting extra work from other departments and this new store manager came in and he was being a real ass and making things harder. When my manager took a few weeks off, the replacement manager started scheduling me for days in which I couldn't work which I specified a long time ago. She told me "you're the one at the bottom of the totem pole so you gotta take whichever shift no one wants".
Next day I gave notice but I just said I was quitting because of school and the store manager mocked me saying he had no trouble doing both when he was in school. It took so much effort not to knock his ass out, but I wanted to end things in good terms just in case I needed them for a reference.
I would say the majority of the people there disliked me but it was worth it to stay just for the few that liked me. Funny thing is the ones who were the most pissed off were the people that hated me cause now they had to work the crappy shifts and do all the work that they were dumping on me.
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
It would depend on whether it actually affected my ability to do the job. If the behaviour of my colleagues was actually stopping me from performing my work, then I'd raise it with someone higher up. If that didn't resolve things, I'd leave because my job would have become untenable.
If it was just a "social exclusion" then I could live with that, as long as I was still able to do my job effectively.
Doesn't your job require you to work by yourself for most of the time? What are people at your workplace doing to make you feel this way?
If it was just a "social exclusion" then I could live with that, as long as I was still able to do my job effectively.
Doesn't your job require you to work by yourself for most of the time? What are people at your workplace doing to make you feel this way?
Lea
Banned
When I think of it, I almost never quit by myself, only in really extreme cases. Because only by taking that job I am already prepared for the worst. Sometimes it even isn´t that bad as I expected, but what happens is the others figure out I am a bit weird and not really the standard healthy type of person, so despite I try my best, I have to go 
. Why not, they have so many better people waiting at their doors. That´s why I think for me the best arrangement was having little cleanings here and there, if one fails, it is not the end of the world. But if you´re thrown out of the full time job - even worse if you have no own accomodation, it is bad.
In your case, what if you tried to give it another month and see what happens? Think of the money also and if you find something else, it may be the same..
. Why not, they have so many better people waiting at their doors. That´s why I think for me the best arrangement was having little cleanings here and there, if one fails, it is not the end of the world. But if you´re thrown out of the full time job - even worse if you have no own accomodation, it is bad. In your case, what if you tried to give it another month and see what happens?
Think of the money also and if you find something else, it may be the same..
KiaKaha
Banned
You guys are so much stronger than I am. My awkward social graces and uncomfortable demeanour make it really hard for me. It's not the work that matters to me... its the people. It always has been. I would be quite happy scrubbing toilets 40 hours a week if the guys I worked with were good to work with and "accepted" me as part of the club.
(ok well maybe not scrubbing toilets - but you get the idea)
It's just really hard walking into work and having people visibly feel uncomfortable around me. You know... looking away, Smiles dropping, no one saying hello to you...talking to everyone BUT you. All the while you are making mistakes, getting flustered and continually having to ask questions about the job to people who obviously want nothing to do with you. Surely one could see how completely soul destroying this would make someone feel?
I have often thought that I wouldnt be shy at all.... if people were just a bit friendlier.
I am the most extroverted social phobic I know.
(ok well maybe not scrubbing toilets - but you get the idea)
It's just really hard walking into work and having people visibly feel uncomfortable around me. You know... looking away, Smiles dropping, no one saying hello to you...talking to everyone BUT you. All the while you are making mistakes, getting flustered and continually having to ask questions about the job to people who obviously want nothing to do with you. Surely one could see how completely soul destroying this would make someone feel?
I have often thought that I wouldnt be shy at all.... if people were just a bit friendlier.
I am the most extroverted social phobic I know.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Cleaning toilets is really not that bad.
Is this happening where you're working now?
hidwell
Well-known member
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Nah, I'm one of those soft 'n chewy cookies with a slightly crisp exterior! :You are one tough cookie.:
:
MrSunday
Well-known member
I'm not going to work to make friends. I perform a job and get paid. That is all. I want my money. If other workers want to be my friend, then I'll accept. I'm not fussy when it comes to friends as long as they do not gossip or be mean.
KiaKaha
Banned
You're not hearing me. I cant understand how people dont seem to be able to comprehend how an unpleasant working environment would make somebody feel. Sure - of course you go to work not with the intention of making friends. You go to perform a job - to earn in income, but despite that - how can someone not realize the adverse effects, on not only job performance but emotional well being? What about on the job mutual respect? You have to work with these people everyday - and making someone feel like that they are not wanted to the point where they are feeling miserable outweighs actually having a job itself in my opinion.
and what is WITH this new guy crap? Why does this even exist in the first place? Every single job is like this... am I the only one who thinks that this is completely unnecessarily cold? Everyone is the new guy right? Everyone is uncomfortable, everyone wants acceptance - yet they are so unwilling to give it to someone else. It really is quite hypocritical. I swear people have about as much emotional intelligence as a brick these days.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Exactly!!!
coyote
Well-known member
yes it's crap
unfortunately, it's human nature
i'm not condoning it - but i accept that it exists and i deal with it
no, when i start a new job, i'm not fighting the viet-cong in the jungles of southeast asia - but i am fighting to survive
i have no parents to support me, i don't qualify for disability - if i want to eat and put a roof over my head, i have to work, make money, pay bills
and people will behave the way people do
i have learned to take comfort in the fact that it's not personal - they treat everyone like that - not just me - as a new person, i must prove myself
the other workers are also trying to survive - if their work load were sufficiently light enough to take me under their wing and hover over me with a tender guiding hand, then the organization wouldn't need to hire another person in the first place
everyone is overworked - that's why they hired me - they don't have the time to help me - i have to prove myself capable of standing on my own feet and doing the job - otherwise, they don't really need me, do they?
i've learned to work hard, keep my mouth shut and my eyes open, and keep my sense of humor
you can choose to stay and fight or turn and run away - i've done both
i usually feel better in the long run when i choose to stay and fight
(as a manager, i try to make sure that my new staff is welcomed and treated well, any veterans treating the new people badly are set straight - and i make sure that they get enough training... but there is point where they must pull their weight - that's why i hired them - i can't afford to have someone babysit them)
Waybuloo
Well-known member
Hang on, don't social phobes NOT want the attention from people because it makes them anxious? So you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I would rejoice if coworkers ignored me instead of talking about me all the time. It seems that being quiet is something of a hot topic and major interest to these people. What sados. The bigger man would walk away and ignore. It seems they cannot just ignore me without the hostility.
If you want to work in a nice environment they you would have to trial and error. But even if you settle in, your life could be shattered by the loss of a colleague or arrival of a brat.
I would rejoice if coworkers ignored me instead of talking about me all the time. It seems that being quiet is something of a hot topic and major interest to these people. What sados. The bigger man would walk away and ignore. It seems they cannot just ignore me without the hostility.
If you want to work in a nice environment they you would have to trial and error. But even if you settle in, your life could be shattered by the loss of a colleague or arrival of a brat.
dyingtolive
Well-known member
Very nice post, i like this line ofadvice. its tough but if u can do this, you're going to go places... (or stay in a place u wanna stay)
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
I agree with this, but employers do have to accept that there is a settling in period in any job. No one starts at a new job and is at their maximum productivity from day 1. Hiring a new employee should be viewed as a long term investment. You offer them help and training, and expect a lower output in the beginning (and even accept that they may take colleagues away from their work when they need help in the early stages) because that investment will pay off in the long term, and hopefully lead to someone who enjoys their job and feels fully supported in it which makes it far more likely that they will stick around.
Hoppy
Well-known member
In my workshop the settling in time is six months. It takes about that amount of time before a new person get to know the other workers and get used to the environment.
Some cannot handle it and leave early.
Some decide they don't like the work and leave.
Some stay forever.
Some stay a while, learn a lot, and go elsewhere after they have learned what they can.
I've got the most respect for the last lot. They also tend to be better workers.
Do not see disinterest in you as hostility. You have to fit into the environment, the environment will not / can not change to fit you.
The other people have probably seen lots of people come and go before you. They will wait until they can be sure about you before they will invest time in a personal relationship with you. And do not expect them to make up for your lack of relationships.
You are aware of having unreasonable feelings. Do yourself a favour, and stick with the job. You can even give yourself a time limit, say six months, and then reconsider.
But please do not quit after a week.
Some cannot handle it and leave early.
Some decide they don't like the work and leave.
Some stay forever.
Some stay a while, learn a lot, and go elsewhere after they have learned what they can.
I've got the most respect for the last lot. They also tend to be better workers.
Do not see disinterest in you as hostility. You have to fit into the environment, the environment will not / can not change to fit you.
The other people have probably seen lots of people come and go before you. They will wait until they can be sure about you before they will invest time in a personal relationship with you. And do not expect them to make up for your lack of relationships.
You are aware of having unreasonable feelings. Do yourself a favour, and stick with the job. You can even give yourself a time limit, say six months, and then reconsider.
But please do not quit after a week.
