WHY should I ever get a girlfriend?

[theslowesthand]

A "booty-call gf" ??? What is that?

Oh, sorry, my shorthand for "booty-call girlfriend". Strictly speaking is not REALLY a "girlfriend", but more of a DEGREE of girlfriend (similar to: rather than saying "i have Asperger's" instead saying "i have Asperger's-type autisim" (as it is in the "austism spectrum" but is not "autism"). Anyway, a bc-gf is from what i can gather, just like having a "one-night" gf, but over a number of suitable nights (not all in-a-row, every now and then, at the discretion of both parties). Possibly the "call" part may be that the male "calls" her on the phone, to set up a "date" (is it not like a date??) and she, if circumstances are right, oblidges, and they meet up (for sex)

 

[ilmatross]

I found my other half recently

I am an extreme agoraphobic, OCD, just a general slew of mental illnesses

she sees past all that and loves me for who I am, and when im with her, they all disappear (mostly)

I would go as far as to say a relationship would significantly help your situation

also as to one night stands from my personal experience: sex without love is empty, love without sex is boring

 

[da_illest101]

free sex
------------

like he said

 

[Mokkat]

"Booty call"? Is that some kind of conversation in which the girl talks into the telephone with her butt?


I could really use a girlfriend because:

1. Id know that I actually can get one, and not obsess over it.
2. To have someone close to talk to and to break the rutine cycle of sleep-misc-computer that Im still clinging to even while being educated.
3. Intimacy, sex and otherwise. Never had that

 

[Aussie_Lad]

What led me to creating this thread was that i have just recently joined one of those "free sex" sites, and it has started to make me think about stuff (ie i joined on a random impulse, after chancing upon it on web, but NOW i am rapidly "back-tracking", having 2nd/3rd/.. thoughts on it, panicking a bit, etc). I have gotten about a dozen replies, one whom replied thrice, providing me with a somewhat "raunchy" photo for each (basically "offering herself on a platter", but that is what is done on these sites i beleive). I am just the "standard" non-paying member, and so i cannot share any contact details with these women. Also i hastily added "..DO NOT expect me to reply" in my profile, but rid that as i tried replying & can't (as not paid).

So this thread i'm hoping will help me to decide on 1) whether i should become a paying member, and 2) whether it's wise for me to get involved with such "loose" women (which i assume they more-or-less are), and maybe 3) whether it's wise for me to have ANY form of girlfriend or "contact" with young women (platonic or otherwise) (or maybe the other way round!)

Depends on the worthiness of the site. Some of the sites are there to trick you into paying to become a member, and use fake photos and profiles to hook you in. If woman are making the first approach, I would be very careful as it is likely that it is some type of scam.

Oh, sorry, my shorthand for "booty-call girlfriend". Strictly speaking is not REALLY a "girlfriend", but more of a DEGREE of girlfriend (similar to: rather than saying "i have Asperger's" instead saying "i have Asperger's-type autisim" (as it is in the "austism spectrum" but is not "autism"). Anyway, a bc-gf is from what i can gather, just like having a "one-night" gf, but over a number of suitable nights (not all in-a-row, every now and then, at the discretion of both parties). Possibly the "call" part may be that the male "calls" her on the phone, to set up a "date" (is it not like a date??) and she, if circumstances are right, oblidges, and they meet up (for sex)

I think what you are reffering to here is a fwb (friend with benefits).

 

[theslowesthand]

Logic and love don't click

Agreed. So as i had summarised, opposites DO NOT attract.

 

[theslowesthand]

What I've come to understand is that we need people, and we need partners

You're probably right. But one CAN "survive" without them.

Where do you think you've gotten half the knowledge you already know? Because of the people before you who put it in context for us to understand or learn from and develop our own

For me it's more like 1/10th (or less).

We are very much capable, but only as successful as we are because of the people we coexist with

I have to disagree with this point. NONE of my success career-wise, has been due to the people i co-existed with (just my parents, otherwise have lived alone). Same goes for my (lack of) people skills, and other successes i've had in life. But i think that if EVER i get "any good" at people, it most likely will only come from co-existing with such person(s).

I think it's worth it to learn and have an experience that's enthralling, because what else are we going to do with life? Have an experience that's boring?

I'm used to living a boring, unexciting life, and i dislike change. So i have no particluar desire for that, and more so i actually fear that.

Not to mention a lack of physical contact isn't good for you

In what way?

This is a good post, thanks for that.

 

[theslowesthand]

you should only get one if you want one.... and some people want one so there's something to do and share the days with

I don't particularly want one.
I've got no issues with not having "something to do" (always busy with my interests/hobbies).
Share the days with: Unsure about this.

 

[theslowesthand]

A good relationship will add to your energy levels. You will feel more motivated in life, and a weight will be lifted off your shoulders. You will get a sense that everything is alright and will continue to be alright

You might be onto something .. I have always been very nervy, anxious, timid, etc, living with a constant sort of "dread" ("existential anxiety"?). I'm a LOT better nowadays, and seldom get acutely depressed (the feeling of "things aren't right" is one of the early signs of depression?). And i'm "quite" happy these days, especially the last few years, and it's improving year by year. But I GUESS I could be EVEN LESS nervy/anxious?. Probably.

This person may also help you to learn more about yourself, which benefits self-improvement

That's a very good point. You're a very wise man!

 

[theslowesthand]

This post is just to summararize all the pro's mentioned in this thread (put into categories for easier understanding)...

Work/Practical

• 2 people can afford rent more easily or split expenses
• Combination of skills: in the old days, men worked in the field, women cooked.. Nowadays, you both can work and cook (but ARE there still things that only women can do?)
• Sex (a "dirty word" in my book; but for some warped reasoning i am "fine" with looking at porn (incl sex acts)!!?)
• It can be more fun cooking/eating together

Play/Leisure/Emotional

• Can be together with that person on holidays, birthday, Valentine's,.. (When people usually/often feel most lonely)
• Women are wayyyy better at talking about feelings, and emotions that most men wouldn't be comfortable talking about
• An extra recreational activity
• I think it's worth it to learn and have an experience that's enthralling, because what else are we going to do with life? Have an experience that's boring?
• Intimacy (to have someone close to talk to and to)
• Love (another "dirty word"; =acceptance?; she sees past all your flaws, and loves me for who I am, and when i'm with her, they all disappear (mostly))
• Companionship
• Friendship
• Cuddles & other physical contact

All/Other

• Success (uugh!!; "behind every successful man there's a woman")
• Can you rely on them for emotional support or will they be busy elsewhere...?
• We need people, and we need partners
• Something to do and share the days with (for some people)
• Self-improvement: Relationships help you grow as an individual. You learn more about yourself. Certain aspects of yourself won't get fully developed until you've
  fallen in love and have been committed to someone outside of yourself.
• A good relationship will add to your energy levels. You will feel more motivated in life, and a weight will be lifted off your shoulders. You will get a sense that
  everything is alright and will continue to be alright.
• They can break your routine daily cycle of (whatver)

Of course the "jury's still out", but the more i learn about this stuff, the better able to know where i'm heading with all of this, if anwhere, in my future

 

[freestylemonster]

I met a girl and we became great friends. We'd text each other basically 24/7 and hang out a lot. After a while I just felt like I really wanted to kiss her and hold her. She felt the same way and our friendship developed into a relationship. It seems like you're talking about having a relationship with just any girl. But if you meet a girl that you find "special" somehow, you'll understand why people have relationships

 

[aien89]

Logic and love don't click

You couldn't be more right!

Love is weird, to be honest. But when it's peaking, it's amazing - what I live for.

 

[theslowesthand]

It seems like you're talking about having a relationship with just any girl. But if you meet a girl that you find "special" somehow, you'll understand why people have relationships

Well, yes and no. Although i have joined a "s*x" site (is just another way to meet women), i'm quite confident that i won't try to make contact with any, and am considering hiding my profile from searches. I'm very much in 2 minds about women/s*x/girlfriend/etc (probably the logical & emotional minds?). But i do know that i don't feel "right" about having s*xual relations with a woman whom i barely know (or even one i know well!). That, and having never had a girlfriend, could possibly be due to my over-high ideals - of, as you say, finding that one "special" person. Everything else (all other women) has therfore fallen WAY short of this mark (eg women i excessively l*sted after, women i found physically attractive only, women who i felt indifferent about, ...). NONE of them may have been that "special" one, the "soul mate" one). And i VERY SELDOM go anywhere abroad (as always). Hence i am still single. Not complaining though.
Edit: Just a thought: MAYBE i'm aiming too high?. I mean, i do have SA & MANY other problems (most of which are probably in my head, but problems are problems). I mean, i guess it IS POSSIBLE that i have come accross "special" women in my life, but EVEN THEY are "not good enough"???

 

[R3K]

you get what you pay for with the dating websites out there. and if you're not paying anything (free profile and searches) then you're probably getting fake responses from fabricated profiles. until you whip out that credit card and enter the full members area.

you say you're a person who has to analyze every aspect of a venture before you commit to it. in many things though (including the arena of women), "analyzing and studying" the situation requires some field work. you can only ascertain/deduce so much about dating/relationships from your hands-off, academic perspective. your knowledge will always be flawed and incomplete.

having said that, doing the field work can be a very discouraging thing::. guys want to believe they're allstars when it comes to the dating/relationship scene and when they're slapped with their first rejection it's devastating. we guys thrive off success and accomplishments--you should try and get a girlfriend for that reason, otherwise you'll always be wondering. wondering if you've really got what it takes to get one.

 

[emerald_star733]

just my experience and opinion... when i wasn't ok being alone, that is when i found destructive relationships... when i was finally ok being alone is when a healthy relationship found me ...

 

[Kingdave]

so you guys can **** each other

 

[ありがとう]

When you fall in love, you'll know.

 

[freestylemonster]

Well, yes and no. Although i have joined a "s*x" site (is just another way to meet women), i'm quite confident that i won't try to make contact with any, and am considering hiding my profile from searches. I'm very much in 2 minds about women/s*x/girlfriend/etc (probably the logical & emotional minds?). But i do know that i don't feel "right" about having s*xual relations with a woman whom i barely know (or even one i know well!). That, and having never had a girlfriend, could possibly be due to my over-high ideals - of, as you say, finding that one "special" person. Everything else (all other women) has therfore fallen WAY short of this mark (eg women i excessively l*sted after, women i found physically attractive only, women who i felt indifferent about, ...). NONE of them may have been that "special" one, the "soul mate" one). And i VERY SELDOM go anywhere abroad (as always). Hence i am still single. Not complaining though.
Edit: Just a thought: MAYBE i'm aiming too high?. I mean, i do have SA & MANY other problems (most of which are probably in my head, but problems are problems). I mean, i guess it IS POSSIBLE that i have come accross "special" women in my life, but EVEN THEY are "not good enough"???

Ah, I know exactly what you mean! I don't want to have a sexual relationship or anything like that with just any girl. That girl I was talking about was just different...somehow...

I think you just gotta wait till you find the "right girl" who makes you feel different than any other girl you've known. That's what happened to me. Sadly, usually they feel that way about someone else :/

 

[Mr.Moon]

The most positive thing I see in a relationship is the future that can develop with true love. A beautiful loving family and enough happy times shared to overcome any bad. I don't have a gf though right now, rather wish I did though.
Being alone around Christmas kinda stinks when your brother and sister are waving their spouse and family over your head.

 

[JamesSmith]

Positives: Someone to talk with to about your life to it's full extent and share your deepest thoughts and feelings with. Someone to have sex with. Someone that cares about you. Someone to spoon with. Someone of the opposite sex to share a room with without it being weird. Someone to love.

Negatives: Less space. Less privacy. Less freedom to do what you want. You have to do things you may not want to do just because your partner wants you to do it. You're usually expected to give gifts on holidays/birthdays (Some of these could be a positive for people, this is just in my opinion). You have to keep up a conversation when your partner wants you to. You have to be caring and respectful. You have to be the man that she wants, you have to please her. You have to have a job in most cases, and usually a full-time job. You have to pay at least half the bills. You may be pressured into having kids and marriage. You have to commit to a relationship usually for a long time if it lasts that long. She may expect you to give compliments when you don't feel like it. You may get dumped when you least expect it, and get your heart broken. You may break up with her and may have her hate you for a long time. You may have to go out when she wants to go out, such as go to parties and socialize. For me, i would dread this. You would probably be expected to be friends with her friends.