Why don't other women like me?

SmileMore

Well-known member
I have one real female friend. That's it. ONE. I don't know if it's something i'm doing or how i act but i feel like most women dislike me. I mostly work with women who are similar in age to me (20's) and they seem to not particularly like me. One girl in particular seems to really dislike me.

I know it's not in my head because a while ago another co-worker added me on Facebook and where it says "so and so is now friends with so and so" this girl who dislikes me commented underneath "LOL Her???" Even though it's petty it really upset me when i saw it because i hardly even know this girl who dislikes me. I've only ever had a casual conversation with her in passing a few times so i don't know what i could have done to offend her.

I have been told that a look sad/upset quite often and i'm quite quiet until i get to know someone so people have called me stuck up because i'm quiet and walk with my head down because of my self consciousness but i don't think that warrants such spitefulness. I really wish i had some female friends but my awkwardness and being self conscious just makes it pretty much impossible.

Am i doing something wrong?
 

Capsaicin

Well-known member
You're around women in a culture where it's not really expected that they mature beyond their teenage years, because that cattiness and group jockeying is "just how women are". Consider it might be that they're dumb and bitchy.

The mature ones you can easily scare off if you look unapproachable, though. They might think you don't like them.
 
Last edited:

¯\(º_o)/¯

Well-known member
I have never meet a female that likes/gets along with other females. Women are always against each other for some reason, usually jealously.
If they don't like you its probably because they feel inferior to you
 

dottie

Well-known member
very much relate... if you are different in any way, you're out. if you don't participate in their group shit-talking festivities that they use to somehow elevate themselves, then you will be the one they shit-talk. that is just how it goes. i so hate this crap.
 

Capsaicin

Well-known member
What can i do to make them think differently about me?

I would try at least smiling and saying hello in the mornings to show that you're friendly. If things don't loosen up after a couple of weeks, then the best thing might just be to politely keep your distance. It might be a little lonely, but it could save you from a lot of drama.
 

SmileMore

Well-known member
I would try at least smiling and saying hello in the mornings to show that you're friendly. If things don't loosen up after a couple of weeks, then the best thing might just be to politely keep your distance. It might be a little lonely, but it could save you from a lot of drama.

I find it so hard to say good morning or hello first. The words get stuck in my throat. If i do say anything i just feel like they're thinking "why is she talking to us for? We don't even like her" or "she's weird".

Somebody sent me this message which annoyed me.

"Nobody wants to see people walking around with a grin on their face, but you are the opposite extreme, walking around with your head down. Don't you understand that there is a MIDDLE way? Hold your head up, smile a little now and then, say hello to people. That's all it takes.

Remember, being selfconscious, shy and awkward is RUDE."

I wish people who don't have SA had to experience what it's like for one day.
 
Last edited:

Capsaicin

Well-known member
I find it so hard to say good morning or hello first. The words get stuck in my throat. If i do say anything i just feel like they're thinking "why is she talking to us for? We don't even like her" or "she's weird".

Somebody sent me this message which annoyed me.

"Nobody wants to see people walking around with a grin on their face, but you are the opposite extreme, walking around with your head down. Don't you understand that there is a MIDDLE way? Hold your head up, smile a little now and then, say hello to people. That's all it takes.

Remember, being selfconscious, shy and awkward is RUDE."

I wish people who don't have SA had to experience what it's like for one day.

From the sounds of your workplace, I don't blame you for being afraid to. The point of it would be to acknowledge your coworkers so that they feel welcomed by you, though. Everyone's a little bit paranoid about what people who don't look at or talk to them at all think of them, even people without an anxiety disorder. In a decent workplace no one would think much of a little awkwardness because they're too busy working or are understanding of what it's like to dork out once in awhile.

As for the message, that's norm-mongering bullshit. Someone who acts shy and awkward is afraid and struggling to function in a social setting, not trampling on manners for the sake of it or because they don't value other people. The adult, compassionate thing to do is to look at it in context and have empathy for another human being's struggles over arbitrary social rules that serve no greater purpose.

Social niceties are "supposed" to be there to create an atmosphere that's welcoming, structured, and inclusive, not to be blindly obeyed with transgressors being punished and ostracized. When people are allowed to not grow up or to grow up into nasty little monsters ruled by emotion and ego, though, they pervert them to please those things.

Ancient Greco-Roman Cynicism is about due for a redux, haha. I'd really like to piss in their cornflakes, so to speak.

I stick by what I said about avoiding them if they insist on being nasty. Let them enjoy their own bad company. If you're not confident about pushing back or withstanding the backlash from getting management on their case without cracking, at least avoid further confrontation if you can.
 
Last edited:

dottie

Well-known member
As for the message, that's norm-mongering bullshit. Someone who acts shy and awkward is afraid and struggling to function in a social setting, not trampling on manners for the sake of it or because they don't value other people. The adult, compassionate thing to do is to look at it in context and have empathy for another human being's struggles over arbitrary social rules that serve no greater purpose.

Social niceties are "supposed" to be there to create an atmosphere that's welcoming, structured, and inclusive, not to be blindly obeyed with transgressors being punished and ostracized. When people are allowed to not grow up or to grow up into nasty little monsters ruled by emotion and ego, though, they pervert them to please those things.

 

xDreamseller

Well-known member
A large percentage of people seem to enjoy bitching and moaning about everything and everyone. Just ignore them. Don't value the opinions of people like that, they don't deserve it.
 

theoutsider

Well-known member
It's typical pack behavior. I can guarantee the one girl who typed, "LOL Her???" did so because she wanted you to see it and be upset about it. Why? Because your friendship with a member of her "pack" was a threat to her and she wants you to know your "place" if you are going to be friends with a member of her group. That "place" is at the bottom of the hierarchy. The reactions are based on their own insecurities. You are different, they sense it and it makes them uncomfortable. They don't know for sure if your difference makes you better or lesser than them. Therefore, their reaction is to try to put you down immediately.

There's no quick and immediate fix for this. What I have experienced is that if you're different, you'd better learn to be independent. Once you are content to be to yourself or have very few friends, your confidence grows. Others will see it and be more likely to gravitate toward you in a positive way. I think trying to be friendly beyond your normal comfort zone would be a big mistake. For one, it will only encourage them to treat you unkindly because they will sense you are trying to kowtow to them. Secondly, if you are forcing yourself, most likely they will sense that your friendliness isn't sincere prompting them to label you a fake. One more reason for them to dislike you. Try to be content being you and distance yourself from negative types like them. You will find more true friends who are deserving of your time that way.
 
Last edited:
Could it be that you're prettier than they are? Of course I have no idea what you look like but it's been my observation that 2 or 3 so-so, plain looking girls will not like a pretty girl they have to be around, just out of pure jealousy. Could be that they somehow feel threatened by you although over the internet you don't seem to be threatening at all. Maybe they figure you think you're better than them because you rarely speak to them, I have the same situation where I work. So from reading your original post, I can be safe in assuming that quite a bit of girls in their 20's still act like they're in the 8th grade, that's exactly what THEY sound like to me, IMMATURE. I would think you are quite a bit more mature than the ones you spoke of, not that it helps the present situation. I really hope it gets better for you.
 

SmileMore

Well-known member
Could it be that you're prettier than they are? Of course I have no idea what you look like but it's been my observation that 2 or 3 so-so, plain looking girls will not like a pretty girl they have to be around, just out of pure jealousy. Could be that they somehow feel threatened by you although over the internet you don't seem to be threatening at all. Maybe they figure you think you're better than them because you rarely speak to them, I have the same situation where I work. So from reading your original post, I can be safe in assuming that quite a bit of girls in their 20's still act like they're in the 8th grade, that's exactly what THEY sound like to me, IMMATURE. I would think you are quite a bit more mature than the ones you spoke of, not that it helps the present situation. I really hope it gets better for you.

I can't really comment about whether I'm prettier than them because I guess that's subjective. People have said to me before that they're just jealous but I don't know what they'd be jealous of. I think they think I'm stuck up or don't have a life because I don't like going clubbing and drinking.
 

challenged

New member
Just say to them psychopaths are the ones that are fearless. She may be unfamiliar with the term and be inclined to googles the term psychopath she may realize how much it describes her personality type. I can see why she would be jealous of a shy person. Bullying and nastiness is anti social behavior not shyness.
 
Last edited:

Tian_Tian

Member
There's just too many women that are bullies, they sniff out the "weak ones" and automatically find something they can pick on. I believe it's fueled by insecurity. I gave up trying to have girlfriends for I'm not interested in their stab-in-the-back type friendships. I'ma likable person, I don't hate on people and I tell the truth. I wouldn't be told something in confidence then turn around and blab to everyone and yet I have no female friends...ZILCH. Sure I have opportunities but I don't understand how a lot of women relate. I just don't get it, so I'm always the odd one out. I think the only thing "wrong" with you is that you value people and don't take lightly any kind of relationship. I get by on keeping my nose out of the office politics and cliques for I am sooo out of my league with the games women play. I suggest you look for friends in activities you like to do or maybe find a friend on this website because it's seems we all have a lot in common here...sincerity:).
 

Slytherin88

Well-known member
I tend to hate other women on site if they are like that 'fake pretty' or are overly obsessed with their looks or are quite vain. I also judge people fairly heavily on their intelligence, especially women, which yes, I shouldn't do, but I don't have to waste my time 'liking' or being nice to people that I have nothing in common with. I agree with most people here, women are bullies and very jealous of each other, so not much you can do about that.
 

coyote

Well-known member
I tend to hate other women on site if they are like that 'fake pretty' or are overly obsessed with their looks or are quite vain. I also judge people fairly heavily on their intelligence, especially women, which yes, I shouldn't do, but I don't have to waste my time 'liking' or being nice to people that I have nothing in common with. I agree with most people here, women are bullies and very jealous of each other, so not much you can do about that.

wow, how has that been working out for you? :question:
 

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
I tend to hate other women on site if they are like that 'fake pretty' or are overly obsessed with their looks or are quite vain. I also judge people fairly heavily on their intelligence, especially women, which yes, I shouldn't do, but I don't have to waste my time 'liking' or being nice to people that I have nothing in common with. I agree with most people here, women are bullies and very jealous of each other, so not much you can do about that.

Why are you even judging someone on their looks? What's fake pretty? That's quite vain, isn't it?
 

R3K

Well-known member
"Remember, being selfconscious, shy and awkward is RUDE."

who'd that chick get this awesome wisdom from, Jesus? ghandi? maybe a supreme guru from a super advanced civilization came to her one night and told her this was the ultimate truth of the universe?

im sorry but your coworkers are doorknob-humping Rtarded :kickingmyself:

u should just flip them off all day long exactly like this:

Spaceballs ~ Barf Flips Off The Guards - YouTube
 
Top