Why do you think you havent grown out of SA

[popolala]

So i have SA all my life, and i used to be nervous of people of my own race, so i dont have friends that are.. my ethnic.. because im nervous around them.. its silly.

But as i grew as a teenager my SA wasnt so bad, i became confident and chatty .. and still shy, but was coming out of my shell..

but later in life i experience something that cause me to be in depression, been having depression for a long time now.. and now my SA is all back again, im always nervous and speechless, i can only relax on messenger if anybody wants to chat to me, because it gives me an extra 1 or 2 second to think of what to say, but in person i have to speak instantly.. which is what i struggle with..

 

[EasySkanking]

I have thought of this question many times, and the only conclusion I have come up with is that God doesn't like me very much ::

Of course, there are psychological, neurological, experiences etc. reasons why - but there's too many of those to make a certain one, so I prefer the above one ::

It's alright, I don't like him very much either .

 

[popolala]

I have thought of this question many times, and the only conclusion I have come up with is that God doesn't like me very much ::

Of course, there are psychological, neurological, experiences etc. reasons why - but there's too many of those to make a certain one, so I prefer the above one ::

It's alright, I don't like him very much either .

hmm.. Life is what you make, i think. God gave everyone free will, so we choose the life path we want to take.. and in the bible, god want for us a better life, if we follow and obey. So i think if you trust in God for hope, he will help us.

 

[coyote]

...if we follow and obey...

so THAT's what I've been doing wrong

i've never been to good at those things

 

[Phoenixx]

I'm just curious, but is it even possible to grow out of SA?

 

[Hottie]

What you said about an "extra 1or 2 second" is exactly how i feel. I couldnt have said it better myself!!

Altough i know i am a very good listener (as we proberly all are!) and dont mind listening. But it is fustrating the way when there is that slight pause in a conversation, i start to feel like i have to say something and my mind goes blank. I usually am able to come up with something quick enough tho. However, those split seconds are awkward for me.This is in person. I am more confident on the phone. And even more confident online places.

I know deep down i would be a confident person if i didnt have SA or erythrophobia...but i suppose wouldnt we all!!!

To answer the question "why do you think you havent grown out of SA?", i personally feel that "grown" is not the right word...
We grow up...but we cant grow down, we grow plants...we cant grow them down, etc.

Its just something we have. We develop it by learned behaviour...it is not something that can be grown out of....but we can develop new behaviours to over-ride the previous behaviour...

 

[Phoenixx]

To answer the question "why do you think you havent grown out of SA?", i personally feel that "grown" is not the right word...
We grow up...but we cant grow down, we grow plants...we cant grow them down, etc.

Its just something we have. We develop it by learned behaviour...it is not something that can be grown out of....but we can develop new behaviours to over-ride the previous behaviour...

^ Thank you for clearing that up.

 

[layeazy]

I am currently doing CBT session and i have found them to be very productive. My therapist is giving me the tools like life skills to use when the issues i have with social phobia come up. Apparently i have it as a heredity disease that my fathers mother suffered badly and my father suffered mildy i am in between.

To the topic i dont think you ever grow into it or out of it some people just have to live the cards they are dealt and work in improving their lives you gotta walk before you run lol

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I grew into having social anxiety. I don't think I can 'grow out of' it.
Panic disorder kind of prevents that.

I was not a shy child-- being exposed to people outside of my family and being bullied every day is what gradually made me afraid of people until highschool when I finally just sunk into my room and became a full out agoraphobic.

It's not something that's just going to go away. It might leave for awhile but once things start to turn to ****-- it'll come back. That is the way I've been conditioned.
And why not? People are terrifying. The world is a scary place. So is the internets.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling popolala. It seems that depression often triggers the isolation that leads to a "relapse" into social anxiety...

I like this question, it's very mindful

I think I have not grown out of social anxiety mainly because part of me does not believe that I deserve to be happy. Secondary reason would be that I hide from negative emotions and thus I'm unable to accept what my life has become. Acceptance, the starting point to any change, after grievance. Maybe the problem is that I prevent myself from grievance.. Or wait.. Does it start with acceptance or grieving (healing from "truama"? Seeing that social anxiety sometimes is PTSD)...

 

[kidsmoke]

I grew into having social anxiety. I don't think I can 'grow out of' it.

i feel the same way.. i think i grew into sa and i still am. i don't think its something i'll ever just "grow out" of.. if only it were that simple..

 

[hoddesdon]

It may seem that recovery is out of reach, but it can be done. That is social phobia itself trying to defend\justify its existence. It does seem like that, but that is itself an integral part of irrational thinking. Generalisation - arguing from the specific to the general - lies at the root of this I think. An example of generalisation is saying that the world is dangerous. Yes, of course it can be, but is that really what happens everyday? That confuses what may happen occasionally with what is pre-ordained, or even likely, to happen.

There have been examples on this website of recovery: RacheH, GabrielG, SickJoke, Imhotep, Savage_Beagle, EasySkanking, FlirtyandDirty etc. Of those GabrielG and FlirtyandDirty said they had always had it, so they might be seen as more intractable cases. In the case of RacheH it was from an early age. Even if someone returns to say they have had a setback, then that means they were successful for an extended period. If it were impossible then even such successes would be impossible. In any case setbacks can be surmounted, and it is not pre-ordained that setbacks must always persist into the future. Many people take more than one attempt to give up smoking.

If you think that it can not be done, then it is true that it probably will not be done (see PinkPutter's signature). Only because you have created a self-fulfilling prophecy, though.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

It may seem that recovery is out of reach, but it can be done. That is social phobia itself trying to defend\justify its existence. It does seem like that, but that is itself an integral part of irrational thinking. Generalisation - arguing from the specific to the general - lies at the root of this I think. An example of generalisation is saying that the world is dangerous. Yes, of course it can be, but is that really what happens everyday? That confuses what may happen occasionally with what is pre-ordained, or even likely, to happen.

There have been examples on this website of recovery: RacheH, GabrielG, SickJoke, Imhotep, Savage_Beagle, EasySkanking, FlirtyandDirty etc. Of those GabrielG and FlirtyandDirty said they had always had it, so they might be seen as more intractable cases. In the case of RacheH it was from an early age. Even if someone returns to say they have had a setback, then that means they were successful for an extended period. If it were impossible then even such successes would be impossible. In any case setbacks can be surmounted, and it is not pre-ordained that setbacks must always persist into the future. Many people take more than one attempt to give up smoking.

If you think that it can not be done, then it is true that it probably will not be done (see PinkPutter's signature). Only because you have created a self-fulfilling prophecy, though.

Wow this is so true. I've known this... but. Doing what you "know" or "learn" is the other half of the battle. For me, I was winning a battle 3 years ago and lost, and kinda drifted those 3 years despite transferring to film school, havent filmed ANYTHING until this semster, I am getting out of the hole, back into the fight.

Smokers, drug addicits, amny addicts need more than one attempt as Hodds said; we with SAD or any mental issue no different. It can take years, much as want to be now. If you fail in one attempt, it doesnt mean failure in the rest, even if you fall down again.

Everyones on their own time. Im trying again. All you can do. Thats progress there. Regardless of outcome.

Not something you just outgrow. But, there is a time, when like anything, you grow to a point of wanting to take the steps to REALLY go for recovering. And that may take more than one attempt.

 

[kidsmoke]

not saying that it cant be done. i just dont think its a case of sitting back and waiting for yourself to just grow out of it in the same way that you grow out of liking a certain type of music or having an attitude as a teenager.. you wont grow out of it.. but you can take steps to change it and recover from it. it isnt just a stage in life you can naturally grow out of after a certain age IMO.. maybe some people do, i dont know.

 

[Streifen]

Not enough experience in dealing with people, which is due to being too stuck in my own head, re-living things I am sad or angry about, even though they are circular thoughts that do me no good. To avoid these thoughts, I have tried to numb myself through distractions, when really I need to focus on healing and involving myself in interests that I find new and fun. If I felt better about myself, I wouldn't have such a problem socializing in person.

 

[Darryl]

Maybe you haven't grown out of it because your still searching for answers.

Cant put the jigsaw away until you find all the pieces...

 

[Feathers]

Well, I think I have grown out of SA in the past, and I think I can do that again.. just need to get myself 'together' lol.. it's partly about doing what you are afraid of 'anyway'... even if you are afraid of it.. or finding inspiration to do it..

you can then be more comfortable in certain situations, and a new and scary situation can be 'scary' again.. until you familiarize yourself with it (and/or the people in it) and then it's not so scary anymore.. (unless a new factor comes in, and then you have to deal with that factor and accustom yourself to it and find new view/information/inspiration again...)

I think new things will often continue to be 'scary' - some of us may have just attempted to do more 'scary' things - expressing oneself creatively can be more 'scary' than just doing mundane 'boring' routine work, which is the same every day... talking to strangers or big amount of people every day can also be more 'scary' than just talking to same two or three co-workers, doing something everyone agrees on, or having just one small class and not ten classes with different people... writing for one newspaper on one 'easy' topic can be easier than for many different ones on different (and/or controversial) topics! So, these are factors to consider!

Some negative beliefs we had been brought up with or encountered on our way can also be deeply ingrained: or people around you (or you yourself) may try to instill them again! Then you need to combat them again!

Nutritional needs and life circumstances can change.. The world can change... You can change.. And you have to 'deal with things' and make sense of it all again... It's also good to have a support network, in RL too.. without it it's not so easy..

I think Easy is very brave!! And still thinks that he has SA-?? When in fact may be braver than many people who don't think they have SA, but they just don't attempt to do so 'scary' things, if this makes sense?

 

[nicole1]

Because I spent years thinking I was a weirdo. And thinking I was crazy. I never addressed it. It got worse. So here I am. In and out of agoraphobic tendencies, scared to talk to people or shake and overheat when I do, and not being able to work around others.

 

[EasySkanking]

It may seem that recovery is out of reach, but it can be done. That is social phobia itself trying to defend\justify its existence. It does seem like that, but that is itself an integral part of irrational thinking. Generalisation - arguing from the specific to the general - lies at the root of this I think. An example of generalisation is saying that the world is dangerous. Yes, of course it can be, but is that really what happens everyday? That confuses what may happen occasionally with what is pre-ordained, or even likely, to happen.

There have been examples on this website of recovery: RacheH, GabrielG, SickJoke, Imhotep, Savage_Beagle, EasySkanking, FlirtyandDirty etc. Of those GabrielG and FlirtyandDirty said they had always had it, so they might be seen as more intractable cases. In the case of RacheH it was from an early age. Even if someone returns to say they have had a setback, then that means they were successful for an extended period. If it were impossible then even such successes would be impossible. In any case setbacks can be surmounted, and it is not pre-ordained that setbacks must always persist into the future. Many people take more than one attempt to give up smoking.

If you think that it can not be done, then it is true that it probably will not be done (see PinkPutter's signature). Only because you have created a self-fulfilling prophecy, though.

Good points mate! Thumps up!

I think Easy is very brave!! And still thinks that he has SA-?? When in fact may be braver than many people who don't think they have SA, but they just don't attempt to do so 'scary' things, if this makes sense?

I am brave - it's about the only good thing about me . Thanks! ::

 

[Feathers]

I am brave - it's about the only good thing about me . Thanks! ::

Ohh Easy, there are SO MANY great things about you!! Maybe you just don't see them?? (That's the terrible thing about sa/tunnel vision on the wrong things??)

So many great ppl on this forum who think badly of themselves !! aargh!!

Maybe some of it has been re/inforced by misunderstanding environment or just living with people very different from you who don't 'get' who you are and what you're about?