Who are you attracted to?

[Megaten]

Is there something inherently wrong with being attracted to someone because they are good looking? Keep in mind Im not suggesting that anyone thats attractive is a dating/marrying/family building prospect.

 

[Razzlecherry]

Is there something inherently wrong with being attracted to someone because they are good looking? Keep in mind Im not suggesting that anyone thats attractive is a dating/marrying/family building prospect.

No, that's how it's supposed to work.

 

[awkwardamanda]

Is there something inherently wrong with being attracted to someone because they are good looking? Keep in mind Im not suggesting that anyone thats attractive is a dating/marrying/family building prospect.

No, nothing wrong with that at all. It's just superficial if looks are all you care about though.

 

[Bronson99]

I think more than "shy" it's confidence within that - if you can never make a decision, always are negative, unsure, too passive, unintentionally come off as uninterested or emotionally too detached, as a guy especially then those just aren't generally attractive qualities.

IMHO it's not shyness or social anxiety if you don't have some of these qualities.

Therefore that means, to me, that quite universally women will not accept shy men. Or perhaps more cynically, when they say they're looking for or will accept a shy guy, the only thing they're saying is you don't have to be loud and outgoing. True shyness really DOES include some of those qualities you listed above, otherwise it's not shyness, and it's definitely not SA.

 

[AlienGeranium]

IMHO it's not shyness or social anxiety if you don't have some of these qualities.

Therefore that means, to me, that quite universally women will not accept shy men. Or perhaps more cynically, when they say they're looking for or will accept a shy guy, the only thing they're saying is you don't have to be loud and outgoing. True shyness really DOES include some of those qualities you listed above, otherwise it's not shyness, and it's definitely not SA.

So more or less, the qualities he named were indecisiveness, passivity, negativity/pessimistic, and uninterested/aloof/distracted.

While all these things logically make sense for SA, I would hardly require them in it's definition, or at least manifest in a way that would be unattractive. Like for example, there is a big difference between saying

"I'm nervous about this presentation I have to give at work, I know I wrote it well, and all the points are good, but I worry I might freeze up or forget what I'm thinking, or someone will call me out on something and I won't know how to react. I know I'm being silly and it will probably go fine, and if something does happen I will deal with it, but I am having a hard time fighting the feeling"

and

"I suck, my speech sucks, and this is going to go terrible. Everyone is going to laugh at me as the boss fires me for doing such an embarrassingly bad job. People like me can't give presentations, I'm hopeless and I would understand if you want to break up with me."

Now I would say both these people could be shy and have SA, and have that negative feeling that things are going to go wrong. I'm sure you can see the difference between one and the other though.

Don't limit yourself.

 

[Megaten]

IMHO it's not shyness or social anxiety if you don't have some of these qualities.

Therefore that means, to me, that quite universally women will not accept shy men. Or perhaps more cynically, when they say they're looking for or will accept a shy guy, the only thing they're saying is you don't have to be loud and outgoing. True shyness really DOES include some of those qualities you listed above, otherwise it's not shyness, and it's definitely not SA.

Yeah some of those qualities, but he was saying things like always negative or never makes decisions. Those would be unattractive to men as well if they were dating a woman like that. And everyone has a limit on how much of a particular vice they can deal with from someone else and that will be unique to each person. The best thing people like us can do is make our good qualities shine as much as possible so that people wont just see our flaws. And everyone here has some good qualities.

 

[wandering_star]

i´m gay, and i´m atracted to weird men, or unusual, or just normal men, i ´m about to make 37 yo in december, and i only had one bf i have never had mental health i guess that´s why i never date anyone and i want to get used to the fact that i´ll be probably alone for the rest of my life...it´s like a karma i guess.....

 

[everdeenkatniss]

They'd never even mention the girls I found attractive when they themselves were discussing which girls they found attractive.

 

[Something-Vague]

I'm attracted to ALL genders, of which, personality is paramount. There have been times that I was only attracted to someone's personality initially, which was so intense it moved outward making me physically attracted to them as well. But if I had to choose, I would generally not go for Hollywood stars either. In general, I think I am more attracted to feminine, androgynous, or masculine with a touch of feminine facial features. Body type is less important with muscular (6 pack) or 400+ pounds being least favorable.

 

[accidentprone]

Haha, you have your own preferences; nothing wrong with that. Those more popular celebrities are conventionally attractive so they may not have all the quirks or uniqueness to appeal to everybody.

Why are you attracted to these men in particular? It'd be interesting to know.

Hm. No celebrity crushes here. I guess I'm attracted to modest, soft-spoken, and smart girls for the most part. Their appearance comes after that so it doesn't matter as much to me; I just ask that they take care of their hygiene and don't cake on too much makeup.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

I think I like guys like these men particularly because they aren't the typical Hollywood standard looking models. I'm actually more drawn to guys with baby faces, big eyes, (androgynous), slight stubble is fine I guess, ect. When I see people like Chris Hemsworth or Ryan Reynolds, I just don't find any attraction I have towards them whatsoever. They don't appeal to me because they look just like every other male model I've ever seen, whether that be in stores like Kohls, Target,ect. When I see posters of those couples that are conventionally attractive (The female is wearing something provocative and the male is shirtless or something) I mean that's all I see whenever I go down to those stores.

I never see anyone that actually captures my attention or interesting in looking at in those pictures because those people are all the same. I think maybe because they are all air brushed and wear so much make up to look like that. I know that's what most people find attractive, but it does nothing for me. James Spader or any other conventional attractive looking male, they are what remind me of what I see in those front cover magazines or posters of the male models. I may be the only girl in America that steers away from guys that are "Tall, Muscular, Handsome, ect" I think I've always been attracted to weird looking guys with feminine traits. I could never possibly see myself with a tall, muscular guy because I'd feel very uncomfortable and I don't find them very attractive. People will say I'm immature or crazy because of my preferences in a guy, that's why I'm so afraid to express my opinions to people since I know how they'd react to it. I always have to be careful what I say.

 

[mantishugo]

I like people who are slim yet have fit body type. Men and Women who are giving full attention to their health attracts me very much. I feel motivated to become good on looking them.

 

[deleteduser50890]

The wrong men, it seems, always, ever since I was a teenager.

And im absolutely sick of it.

Every time in the past when I find someone that makes my heart flutter (which is very rare) around like mad they always end up dissapointing me in some way and causing extreme emotional damage and sometimes physical pain.

It's like always the same type of guy, over and over, but they just all look different.

I'm scared to feel that way again for someone because I'm scared of history repeating itself or they turn out shittier than the last guy. And I just hate guys who pretend to be nice when in fact they are just total *******s !

Why am I always running into them ?!?!!?!?

I know it's not my fault at all but
****ing dicks.

*crushes, that is.


I'm so tired of this shit.

Why can't I like someone who is decent ?

 

[PhantomPod]

I like conventionally cute and nerdy guys. Jeremy Jordan is a Broadway actor and he is my current crush.

Stephen Colbert (in my icon) is technically old enough to be my father, but I am ridiculously attracted to him and he is one of my fave celebrities. I also like other older men like Jon Stewart and Steve Carrell.

I definitely am attracted to good-looking guys who are out of my league.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

The wrong men, it seems, always, ever since I was a teenager.

And im absolutely sick of it.

Every time in the past when I find someone that makes my heart flutter (which is very rare) around like mad they always end up dissapointing me in some way and causing extreme emotional damage and sometimes physical pain.

It's like always the same type of guy, over and over, but they just all look different.

I'm scared to feel that way again for someone because I'm scared of history repeating itself or they turn out shittier than the last guy. And I just hate guys who pretend to be nice when in fact they are just total *******s !

Why am I always running into them ?!?!!?!?

I know it's not my fault at all but
****ing dicks.

*crushes, that is.


I'm so tired of this shit.

Why can't I like someone who is decent ?

Hi, I understand how you feel. Unfortunately, I've been recieving the same attention from guys who were attracted to me at first, only for me to be able to realize the next that they were either suicidal, depressed, liars, hostile, or only want me for sex. Even few guys here I came across were trying to pull the "Nice Guy" card and for me being a fool I believed them, I keep letting my guard down when I know I shouldn't. I have no back bone myself to tell these idiots to leave me alone but if I tell them that I'm not interested in them, even in the most polite and non cruel way, it doesn't seem to register. They take it as if I'm interested in them back and ask to see a picture of me, my ID, phone number, ect. :kickingmyself: It actually becomes tiresome, it's just too much for me to handle someone that refuses to seek help. I'm scared of actually getting involved in a relationship with someone that will become a potential abuser toward me, whether verbally, physically, or emotionally. Or all three. I've heard stories about girls/guys in these relationships and they sounded as if they were suicidal/depressed because of how their spouse treats them. It upsets me so much. ::

 

[FriendlyShadow]

For example, I think Malcolm Mcdowell from Clockwork Orange has feminine traits I find attractive, (Baby face, big eyes, ect)

 

[this_portrait]

Rail-thin guys (height don't matter so much, but I find I prefer them to be around my height, give or take a few inches), with pretty faces. I tend to go for dark hair, but I'm not completely against blonde or other lighter colors (or unnatural colors, for that matter). The least amount of facial hair, the better.

And if they're far more damaged and broken than I am, I find that draws me in as well.

 

[Kiwong]

a peaceful quiet place away from the pain and sadness.

 

[mantishugo]

People who are fit are always smart-looking. They don't have pimples on their faces, fat anywhere on their body and such people are genuine happy guys who spread happiness all around them. Such people are called fit people.

 

[Jessquietgirl]

I think I like guys like these men particularly because they aren't the typical Hollywood standard looking models. I'm actually more drawn to guys with baby faces, big eyes, (androgynous), slight stubble is fine I guess, ect. When I see people like Chris Hemsworth or Ryan Reynolds, I just don't find any attraction I have towards them whatsoever. They don't appeal to me because they look just like every other male model I've ever seen, whether that be in stores like Kohls, Target,ect. When I see posters of those couples that are conventionally attractive (The female is wearing something provocative and the male is shirtless or something) I mean that's all I see whenever I go down to those stores.

I never see anyone that actually captures my attention or interesting in looking at in those pictures because those people are all the same. I think maybe because they are all air brushed and wear so much make up to look like that. I know that's what most people find attractive, but it does nothing for me. James Spader or any other conventional attractive looking male, they are what remind me of what I see in those front cover magazines or posters of the male models. I may be the only girl in America that steers away from guys that are "Tall, Muscular, Handsome, ect" I think I've always been attracted to weird looking guys with feminine traits. I could never possibly see myself with a tall, muscular guy because I'd feel very uncomfortable and I don't find them very attractive. People will say I'm immature or crazy because of my preferences in a guy, that's why I'm so afraid to express my opinions to people since I know how they'd react to it. I always have to be careful what I say.

Same! I love androgynous guys with long hair! Like Kurt Cobain! :bigsmile: