When even marriage makes you social phobic

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chatterbox71

Active member
Maybe it's because we've been married over a decade. Maybe it's because, more or less, we've been together for over TWO decades. Whatever the case, something so insignificant--and, in reality, a good thing--that my husband has begun doing in recent weeks is DRIVING ME MAD.

He started drinking more water. Seriously: THAT'S IT. But . . . our place is small, and I feel like he is CONSTANTLY going to the fridge, leaving the door open while he pours refrigerated water into a glass, standing there and gulping it down (The sound some people make when swallowing liquids has gotten on my nerves since I was a child--so this is not new.), refilling the cup, or refilling the container in the fridge . . . WHATEVER. All of it drives me crazy. It makes matters worse when he says things like, "If I weren't married, I would marry water. I LOVE water!" or simply emits an "AHHH!" after drinking yet ANOTHER FRIGGIN' GLASS OF WATER.

In terms of my reaction to hearing any or all of this, you would think someone had just scraped their fingernails down a chalkboard.

My being disturbed by something perfectly healthy makes me think there is no hope for me, in terms of how easily annoyed by humanity I am. Please make me feel better by telling me you overreact to perfectly innocent actions, too. :blushing:
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
Errmmm... I do get annoyed easily by people's little quirks after a while... "familiarity breeds contempt" and all... But I do think maybe you're taking it a little too seriously? Maybe you have anger or irritability issues, or there's a deeper problem in your marriage?
 
kihira

kihira

1
I understand this, it's a fairly minor annoyance but it's repetitive and you feel you can't escape it, as though you're stuck with it forever. Lots of people have no idea how annoying they are with simple things like sniffling constantly or blowing there nose in front of you or body odour or whatever. The best thing to to is explain to him that it's affecting you like fingernails down a chalkboard and could he please change how he goes about drinking water. The "aaah" bit reminds of people who slurp hot drinks and go "aaah", bad manners, really
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
kihira said:
I understand this, it's a fairly minor annoyance but it's repetitive and you feel you can't escape it, as though you're stuck with it forever. Lots of people have no idea how annoying they are with simple things like sniffling constantly or blowing there nose in front of you or body odour or whatever. The best thing to to is explain to him that it's affecting you like fingernails down a chalkboard and could he please change how he goes about drinking water. The "aaah" bit reminds of people who slurp hot drinks and go "aaah", bad manners, really
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I know this thread isn't about me but this reply reminded me of one day when I was reading in my college building in a quiet study area, and this guy two seats away kept clearing his throat every 30 seconds or so. It drove me bonkers. I wanted to ask him to stop but I didn't. He wasn't just lightly coughing or anything, either; he was doing this harsh, loud, hacking sound that made it obvious he was trying to clear out mucus, which really grossed me out.
 
andsorry

andsorry

Well-known member
I'm the same way when people talk loud, make loud noises, laugh loudly, cough within my distance, touch my food, invade my personal space, pop their chewing gum and worst of all rub or shake their legs. ahh!
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
It could be misophonia. I can't count the number of times I've gotten mad at my bf for eating carrots in bed. I also hate it when I'm also settled down under the covers and he decides to drink the entire glass of water he just brought to bed with him.
It's funny, but it's actually really, really irritating. Since getting on meds I haven't had much of a problem with it, though.
 
kihira

kihira

1
Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said:
It could be misophonia
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chatterbox71

Active member
OK, the minute I created/submitted this thread, I thought someone might not get it and actually be angry with me for posting something seemingly so ridiculous ("first world problems", "how does this relate to social phobia?" etc.)--and I'm sorry if it elicited eyerolls by some. I was trying to make it a little fun to take the edge off--but the rest of the folks are right on about it grating on my nerves. The point in posting it is that I can't even cope with the company of my best friend, my husband. Of course major calamities in my life affect me like they would anyone--but when seemingly insignificant/"get over it" things grate on my nerves, I just feel like I cannot function in the presence of people. There were numerous things my husband--one of the few people I feel close to--did or said today that frustrated me so, so much, and I shouldn't have had that reaction. I just kept dwelling on these little things and couldn't let them go. In reality--not just saying this: It's very, very true--I do so many things and say so many things that would likely send most people packing . . . yet, he stays and puts up with it all. In return, I get upset with him for drinking water! I guess I'm having a hard time admitting that I am the cause of so much turmoil in our relationship, and there's some part of my brain that chooses to project it onto him. I grew up with a mother that treated our relationship just like this, so I know how maddening it is--and yet, I've become her, and that sort of dynamic does not help me operate well in society at large.

I really appreciate those of you who brought up misophonia, which I didn't know about. I am always keying into some small noise no one else is bothered by but which takes all my attention. It's the same way with odors. I'm bothered by them and can't stop focusing on how overwhelming they are, and whoever is with me gets so sick of hearing me go on and on about it.
 
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jc972

1
Wow, that would make me insane rather quickly. I've been married 8 or 9 years and she does things that absolutely get under my skin. I completely understand where you're coming from. When I start to get too annoyed I go for a walk or something. It gets hectic in a relationship.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
If I am deprived of sleep, I will seethe with rage . It's idling cars, midnight mobile conversations in the driveway. The bloody Indian turtle doves calling from my roof at dawn. When deprived of sleep I am no nature lover.

I haven't inflicted my quirks on anyone, but I have some howlers. I live like a latter day hermit, a very Spartan existence, which I don't reckon tidy town proud people would comprehend.
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
chatterbox71 said:
OK, the minute I created/submitted this thread, I thought someone might not get it and actually be angry with me for posting something seemingly so ridiculous ("first world problems", "how does this relate to social phobia?" etc.)--and I'm sorry if it elicited eyerolls by some. I was trying to make it a little fun to take the edge off--but the rest of the folks are right on about it grating on my nerves. The point in posting it is that I can't even cope with the company of my best friend, my husband. Of course major calamities in my life affect me like they would anyone--but when seemingly insignificant/"get over it" things grate on my nerves, I just feel like I cannot function in the presence of people. There were numerous things my husband--one of the few people I feel close to--did or said today that frustrated me so, so much, and I shouldn't have had that reaction. I just kept dwelling on these little things and couldn't let them go. In reality--not just saying this: It's very, very true--I do so many things and say so many things that would likely send most people packing . . . yet, he stays and puts up with it all. In return, I get upset with him for drinking water! I guess I'm having a hard time admitting that I am the cause of so much turmoil in our relationship, and there's some part of my brain that chooses to project it onto him. I grew up with a mother that treated our relationship just like this, so I know how maddening it is--and yet, I've become her, and that sort of dynamic does not help me operate well in society at large.

I really appreciate those of you who brought up misophonia, which I didn't know about. I am always keying into some small noise no one else is bothered by but which takes all my attention. It's the same way with odors. I'm bothered by them and can't stop focusing on how overwhelming they are, and whoever is with me gets so sick of hearing me go on and on about it.
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I totally get it. :thumbup: I tried cutting way back on caffeine (hugely important), getting enough sleep, and making sure I get enough alone time. In the end, I ended up getting on a low dose of Prozac, which takes the final edge off my anxiety and makes me a very pleasant person to be around.

It took me a long time to realize that it was anxiety causing my problems, not my partner and not my seemingly inherently flawed personality. Once I could recognize it for what it is (F*CKING ANXIETY!) I was much relieved and felt the guilt lift from my shoulders. I know you are probably a really wonderful person and a great wife, but you have this anxiety problem that you need to learn to cope with. Don't ever let someone tell you it's not a serious problem, because it is.
 
Odo

Odo

Banned
chatterbox71 said:
OK, the minute I created/submitted this thread, I thought someone might not get it and actually be angry with me for posting something seemingly so ridiculous ("first world problems", "how does this relate to social phobia?" etc.)--and I'm sorry if it elicited eyerolls by some.
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I wasn't angry, I was genuinely curious... I guess sometimes I hold people to unrealistically high standards but I never really tied that to anxiety. Maybe it has something to do with flight or fight?
 
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