What do you think of during social gatherings?

[Solar]

Whenever I'm in a group while everyone is talking, at one point i suddenly awake or something and start to realize who I am, what I'm doing. I notice the smallest details and start thinking about how someone became the way he or she is. Sometimes this blocks me off completely.

But I also think of how irrelevant and pointless the things are they are talking about. And even if the subject I'd like to talk about arises, I'm still unable to join a conversation. Don't know how to approach it or mingle.

So wat do you think while/if you're silent?

 

[fitftw]

I notice everyone's actions, how they're standing, what their arms are doing, what they're looking at and HOW they're looking at it...what brings them here...and yes also how pointless the conversations are. How I fake being part of the gathering, but really I have the nonstop urge to yawn incessantly out of sheer boredom.

 

[Solar]

I notice everyone's actions, how they're standing, what their arms are doing, what they're looking at and HOW they're looking at it...what brings them here...and yes also how pointless the conversations are. How I fake being part of the gathering, but really I have the nonstop urge to yawn incessantly out of sheer boredom.

Yeah, I have to yawn too It's like a reflex now

 

[zav943]

I feel a bit really bitter if I'm left out of a conversation...and then I start thinking...what a stupid conversation they're having. I don't have anything to contribute to it because it's stupid!
I know it sounds juvenile, if not a bit narcasisstic.

Otherwise, I just contemplate approaching a group of people...I analyze the bunch and then decide whether to go in or not.

 

[Kinetik]

Man, I know it's bad, but I just don't give a sh!t about anyone when I'm at a gathering. I'm forever thinking about how I can get out of it as soon as possible. I usually make the most plausible excuse I can think of and leave. For some reason, I can't feign interest in anyone else or make small talk easily. It's like I'm present but at the same time I'm not, because in my head I'm either mocking other people's vapidity or concretely planning my exit strategy.

 

[Solar]

Man, I know it's bad, but I just don't give a sh!t about anyone when I'm at a gathering. I'm forever thinking about how I can get out of it as soon as possible. I usually make the most plausible excuse I can think of and leave. For some reason, I can't feign interest in anyone else or make small talk easily. It's like I'm present but at the same time I'm not, because in my head I'm either mocking other people's vapidity or concretely planning my exit strategy.

Yeah i've done that for a while, but it's something that will be noticed in time. I would do it if it wasn't important, but it's becoming more and more important to actually be an open person I'm afraid.

Btw, I'm from Rotterdam I thought Dutch people were the least suffering from SA

 

[Tiercel]

I usually just keep to myself and try not to draw attention to myself needlessly. I almost always am thinking either of a song or of something unrelated to what's going on.

So if I'm playing some game with my gaming group, I'm probably thinking about getting on my computer when I get home. Or if it's still light outside I'll wonder what kinds of birds they might have in their backyard. Or, since I usually hitch a ride over with my brother, I might hope that someone calls or texts him and he has to leave, just so I have a reason to bail out.

If it's some kind of party, I'm usually wondering why I bothered coming, since I don't drink much and I'm really not too sociable. Pretty women? Then I'm beating myself up over all the reasons they wouldn't want to talk to me.

Family gathering? I'm wishing I could sneak out and get away from everyone. I always wish I could be somewhere isolated and listen to some kind of mournful, depressing music.

When I'm on this site I think about things, too. Should I IM anyone? Will anyone IM me? Did anyone respond to one of my posts in a way that makes a reply to their reply a must? I really should get around to ordering those parts so I can modify some of my guitar effect pedals. But I'll do it later. Oh, I feel like listening to this album. Do I have it on my computer? Yes! Pick a playlist, and go....

That sort of stuff.

 

[BlackPuma]

I usually don't think all that much. Never really tried to mingle, I just sit or stand around and apply timely comments and corrections when necessary. Otherwise I'm pretty much happy being left out of these kind of things.. the subjects and people usually just don't interest me enough to indulge actively.

 

[Honda]

I get anxious and feel like im outside my comfort zone.. Which makes it easy for some people to pick on me..
I acutally dont like to care what people think or have an impression about me but find it difficult to feel comfortable doing so..

 

[Kiwong]

Last couple of meetings I've been at I have begun to speak, and felt on the verge of tears. I have to stop and pull myself together.

So now I dread my turn to speak in case I will fall apart.

 

[Kinetik]

Yeah i've done that for a while, but it's something that will be noticed in time. I would do it if it wasn't important, but it's becoming more and more important to actually be an open person I'm afraid.

Btw, I'm from Rotterdam I thought Dutch people were the least suffering from SA

It depends. I mean as such, you can simplify your life as much as you want to, and if people prove to be too stressful, cut them out. The only thing is that you're left with nobody to fall back on in life, which might become a problem at some point. It's different in the job world though, where you can't really avoid colleagues and such. I will say that anti-socialness is in my family though, so I guess it's natural that I think nothing of it - my grandparents for example are totally nasty, withdrawn and isolated, and have been that way as long as I've been alive.

And btw I'm from England originally, but have lived in NL on and off for a long time now. You're right though, Dutch people are generally not in the least socially anxious.

 

[Emily_G]

I hope no one comes up to me to talk to me. Where can I go where there are the least # of people?

 

[Shadowplay]

Why am I even here?

 

[lunaticbinge]

Why am I even here?

This. Or i'm wondering when the first "Your not saying much!" will come up.

 

[nightcrawler]

I'm usually hyper-vigilant. Always looking around to see if anyone's watching me. Has anyone noticed yet that I'm hardly talking? How red have I gone so far (I'm a blusher). Am I blushing or is it just hot in here? Forever repeating in my head what I've so far said to people and wondering if it sounded stupid or not. Just keep thinking to myself "this will all be over in a few hours" then I can get back to my quiet, solitary life.

 

[fooj]

If I'm not having a panic attack and vapor locking on what the others are thinking of me or churning over and over the most irrelevant details, then my mind is completely blank.

It's such a horrible feeling to blank out and know that you're mind is blank, completely unfocused and oblivious to what is being discussed.

It happens at work all the time and my once therapist told me it is a coping mechanism. It can't deal with the situation so my mind simply shuts off.

Even when I'm alone, I can get these blankouts.

Needless to say, I have terrible memory, I just can't remember things.

 

[ripewithdecay]

'I need alchohol. Fast!'

 

[Ladystardust]

It depends on who or were i am if it is a big gathering then my anxiety can be so bad i look for a quite corner. At a recentone i sat looking at a wall because looking at people scared me so much! Then i kept looking at the bar and wanting a drink and wishing the crowd would move away. If i get left out of a conversation i feel like i am being ignored. So i usually leave them to it other times when ifeel better i am relieved no one talks to me because i do not have to make an effort with either. Sometimes i observe others body language or i just make my way outside if it gets too bad.