Upsetting others......

[Dead_on_Arrival]

Does anyone else fear upsetting other people?

I dread making other people unhappy. I have to carefully think about what I am saying sometimes so as not to cause distress to anyone.
I get depressed when I have not heard from someone for a while and this triggers all sorts of thoughts about what I may have done or said to drive them away. It is a major relief when they see or speak to me again and I can finaly relax and let the thoughts go, that is, until the next time.
On the other hand though, if I push at them to see me or talk with me I feel I am pushing them away again by not giving them their space and alone time they need.
It's all very confusing this catch 22 milarky.

 

[RedMonkey]

if you have it... i' m sure a lot of us have it too. as we are in the same boat. the boat name is Social Anxiety and now she is heading to this island. i believe they called it destiny island. lol!

 

[Agent_Violet]

I think this is an issue had by most people here. i could be wrong but that's the way it seems anyway.

everyone is so fragile about their own specific thing...it's so hard to tell the right and wrong way to handle them.

if someone is a good friend to me, i prefer for them to not weight their words carefully. Bc of bpd, the best way to deal with me is total transparent honesty. but of course, not everyone is like that.
And most of the time I can't handle the transparent honesty but it's kinda of like exorcising something evil...you've gotta show it the light in order to get it to go away.

Do you usually ask them if you've done something? Or are you more passive about it and just worry about it internally?

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

I am a worrier. I never ask them directly, I tend to get someone else to do it for me. It depends on the person though.
I have always said honesty is the best policy and if you are honest people will respect you more and will appreciate it. That said, it is normaly the honesty that gets me into trouble, as in making me feel bad that I have upset someone. But I will never give up being honest.

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, I've had problems with this too...

Someone told me to just ask another someone, 'Hey, what's up', invite her to another something, if she's still interested to do XYZ and 'is anything wrong?' And it actually worked, that person was surprised and said, 'No, was just busy...' (cause she didn't come to something previously) and she was happy to come and meet up again... so yeah, often it can be just the 'silly thoughts'...

I think you mean well and that counts for something too!!
You can always apologize if you actually did manage to upset someone, and try to make it up to them??

 

[Piece_By_Piece]

Yes, kind of. Especially when it comes to my family members, very much so.

 

[MrJones]

Yes, I know what you mean here.
I am a worrier too and it's not the first time I can relate to your threads haha

I think I'm always saying something wrong, making people annyoed at me for whatever reason. People don't talk to me as much a I talk to them, especially with time, so I always think they lose interest in me for something bad I said and they get tired and annoyed with me.

I don't really know what to say, but sometimes those things are just in our heads :/

 

[Kiwong]

Yes, I fear annoying and upsetting people, it is the major problem with my anxiety. And I have upset people. Watching on as people get angry with me, seeing the hate in their eyes, while inside I am screaming with fear is crippling.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I dread making other people unhappy. I have to carefully think about what I am saying sometimes so as not to cause distress to anyone.
I get depressed when I have not heard from someone for a while and this triggers all sorts of thoughts about what I may have done or said to drive them away. It is a major relief when they see or speak to me again and I can finaly relax and let the thoughts go, that is, until the next time.

For me it is like the opposite: I am the one that gets easily offended. People are always saying or doing something that annoys me. I am like hypersensitive. I need thicker skin.

I also think very carefully about what I say...so carefully that most of the time I just won't say anything at all 'cause the topic has changed already. It is so stressful. I try to just say what I want to say and just say it and own it. We think about these things too much. It is a symptom of our SA.

if someone is a good friend to me, i prefer for them to not weight their words carefully. Bc of bpd, the best way to deal with me is total transparent honesty. but of course, not everyone is like that.

I like this too. If only everyone I met were to show me their true intentions it would make things much easier for me. But the world does not work that way.

 

[Ms Cloud]

For me it is like the opposite: I am the one that gets easily offended. People are always saying or doing something that annoys me. I am like hypersensitive. I need thicker skin.

I'm both. I offend people easily (by constantly saying the wrong things) and I also get offended easily. I react very badly to anything that could possibly be construed as a judgement of me.

 

[KiaKaha]

Yes I can relate here as well. I am very worried that I am going to upset someone, or worse, make them see me in a negative light. My self confidence and assertiveness becomes hindered from this behaviour because I dont want to to seem like I am being rude or causing some kind of problem.

I try to be sensitive, but I often feel that goes unappreciated... I observe, through my eyes at least, that "jerks" get all the respect and attention, and it just confuses me even more about what it is that I am supposed to be like.

I also feel that sometimes I may inadvertently be rude, simply from poor choice of words, or how the other person perceives what it is that I am saying. I feel unhappy and frustrated that my intent, is misunderstood by others, and sometimes has an opposite effect to what I am trying to get across to others.

There are WAY to many variables to keep track of when dealing with other people, its overwhelming sometimes.

 

[TheNightCreature]

I sometimes do, but if they have a problem or get upset it's their problem

 

[Ravens]

I seem to be very good at upsetting others lately. Guess it's no fun to be around someone with agoraphobia/SA after a while, just as much as it ain't no fun living with it.

 

[JonSP]

I always make sure I don't offend anyone, and always make it my mission to be supportive of friends who are being laughed at by others (even by other friends).

The thought of upsetting anyone really scares me, probably because I'd hate it if it were to happen to me.

 

[MikeyC]

For me it is like the opposite: I am the one that gets easily offended. People are always saying or doing something that annoys me. I am like hypersensitive. I need thicker skin.

I can relate here, especially when I was younger. It's difficult to just "get" thicker skin, though. It takes a while of apathy to people's comments to build up a tolerance, but that's not easy, or near impossible.

I try not to offend people, but, like others, I sometimes say the wrong thing. I apologise in advance to anyone here who I may have offended in the past.