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EDIT
Seriously, the other day I was thinking about what people would even DO with a salary of over 100k, besides drive up the price of housing. I mean, my parents have a really nice house, investments galore, heaps of gadgets, and a really decent lifestyle where they travel at least twice a year... and even between them they have never made more than 75k per year. I get that inflation is a thing, but still... except for housing and child care, everything is cheaper than it used to be. An actual house SHOULD be cheaper and more efficient... but instead it's all about people living close to amenities... and not even amenities that they really need.

So why does anyone need to make more than $100k? The biggest markets in the world are the ones with a wide target market... concentrating wealth in the hands of the few isn't going to drive your economy, it's going to destroy it. Or people are paying for things with debt... which is what is happening now. EDIT

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This rings very true. I have lived in the same state since my birth and have seen the capital city transform from not even a blip on the radar into one of the 20 most expensive cities to live in the 1st world. I need to earn 160K p.a. as a single person to have even considered buying a house here....and I ended up with an apartment as I wasn't prepared to pay what the market dictates for houses. The average rent per week for a house recently reached $480.00 per week, the average house, and I mean pretty average, comfortable but nothing special, now costs $530K+ and the banks require 10% deposit absolute minimum. I moved away from the city because the cost of living has become ridiculous. I don't know how people live here on $75K per year...let alone having a child or children as well.

 

[Odo]

I just hung up on my sister.

I guess that's pretty bad considering I rarely see her or speak to her and she lives overseas, but yeah... it was pretty much the stupidest fight ever.

I think it started when she mentioned that she bought the Breaking Bad set for her husband for Christmas... and I asked her how much it was. She said she didn't know, and I wondered how she couldn't know how much it was... and then she just went off on me about how rude it was to ask her that and blah blah blah... and then I said 'well, what if I wanted to buy it and wanted to know how much it was?' and she just repeated the same thing again, and seemed to be getting really angry.

****ing hell, she must have gone full British for that to be a major trespass warranting a full-blown lecture on the dos and don'ts of socializing. It's not like I asked her how much she paid for her house or car, it's a ****ing set of blu-rays that she got for her husband. If someone asked me I would say 'yeah, it was only this and this, I think I got a pretty good deal.' or 'It was kind of expensive' something like that... I think it's a LOT ruder to start launching off on some retarded lecture about etiquette that only alienates the person you're talking to and makes you seem irrational, not that this is anything new or surprising.

It seems like it's one of those things that some people think is rude, but they don't really have a logical reason for it... it's just something they've learned and never thought to question. It's pretty much stupid... I'm sure it's one of those traditions that only exists so that rich people don't have to admit that they're perpetuating wealth inequality.

Anyways, it just went on and on and on until I sort of barked at her 'okay I'll tell mom you called' and hung up. That was definitely rude, but it was getting to the point where I was too pissed off to keep talking.

Then she called back and I didn't pick up. She left a message that went something like 'I didn't mean to upset you, BUT' and I deleted it as soon as I heard the but. I guess I could have said I was sorry but I really didn't want her to think it was okay to say shit like that and I really don't think she would have apologized to me... she would have just said something like 'yes, I'm right... you shouldn't say that to people' and then I would have gotten even angrier. I really don't think I should need to live in fear of some ****ed up tirade over an innocent question like 'how much did it cost?'.

I have always sort of had this tension around her and it has gotten worse since she got married and moved to the UK... and then even worse after I spent all of that money to go out there and visit them and she treated me like shit for pretty much the whole time. I get that they're stressed because of the baby and everything but yeah... my mom is going over there alone in the spring because neither I or my dad want to see her. My dad has actually told my mom that he will never go over there again.

I would probably go for a visit again if she could actually manage to mellow out a bit and I could be guaranteed not to be shit on/ignored/resented for whatever reason. Maybe I need to learn how to deal with it better and yes, I suppose I am a little jealous... well no, not jealous... more like I feel like they expect things of me and I feel like a loser because I'm not married or dating or employed while they have a family and he actually owns his own business.

But it's not what they have that bothers me. Yes, I wish I had a job and yes, I wish I had more money and I guess it would be nice to at least have a girlfriend, if not a family... but whenever I see them I feel like there's this sort of underlying resentment or disrespect over things, like she's always on the verge of lecturing me about the direction of my life... and that's not something I'm prepared to take from my little sister, especially since I'm not demanding anything from them or imposing on them in any way. Well, except for the fact that I wanted to crash on their couch after spending thousands of dollars that I couldn't really afford to fly around the world to see them. Oh and then there was the kayaking and walking around to 'see the town' that she kept trying to get me to do, probably because she couldn't stand having me around.

I seriously feel like the only reason I would see her at all is because it's expected of me, not because I actually want to do it. I honestly don't even know her anymore. She might think she knows me, but I'm pretty sure she's just going on what I was like when we actually saw each other on a semi-regular basis... which was probably about 10 years ago.

I don't think she would be too hard to replace. I honestly felt nothing when I was there. I didn't feel like I was visiting someone I cared about. I was just going through the motions, because it's what families are supposed to do. But I would have had a better time if it were someone else.

 

[BlueDays]

I just hung up on my sister.

I guess that's pretty bad considering I rarely see her or speak to her and she lives overseas, but yeah... it was pretty much the stupidest fight ever.

I think it started when she mentioned that she bought the Breaking Bad set for her husband for Christmas... and I asked her how much it was. She said she didn't know, and I wondered how she couldn't know how much it was... and then she just went off on me about how rude it was to ask her that and blah blah blah... and then I said 'well, what if I wanted to buy it and wanted to know how much it was?' and she just repeated the same thing again, and seemed to be getting really angry.

****ing hell, she must have gone full British for that to be a major trespass warranting a full-blown lecture on the dos and don'ts of socializing. It's not like I asked her how much she paid for her house or car, it's a ****ing set of blu-rays that she got for her husband. If someone asked me I would say 'yeah, it was only this and this, I think I got a pretty good deal.' or 'It was kind of expensive' something like that... I think it's a LOT ruder to start launching off on some retarded lecture about etiquette that only alienates the person you're talking to and makes you seem irrational, not that this is anything new or surprising.

It seems like it's one of those things that some people think is rude, but they don't really have a logical reason for it... it's just something they've learned and never thought to question. It's pretty much stupid... I'm sure it's one of those traditions that only exists so that rich people don't have to admit that they're perpetuating wealth inequality.

Anyways, it just went on and on and on until I sort of barked at her 'okay I'll tell mom you called' and hung up. That was definitely rude, but it was getting to the point where I was too pissed off to keep talking.

Then she called back and I didn't pick up. She left a message that went something like 'I didn't mean to upset you, BUT' and I deleted it as soon as I heard the but. I guess I could have said I was sorry but I really didn't want her to think it was okay to say shit like that and I really don't think she would have apologized to me... she would have just said something like 'yes, I'm right... you shouldn't say that to people' and then I would have gotten even angrier. I really don't think I should need to live in fear of some ****ed up tirade over an innocent question like 'how much did it cost?'.

I have always sort of had this tension around her and it has gotten worse since she got married and moved to the UK... and then even worse after I spent all of that money to go out there and visit them and she treated me like shit for pretty much the whole time. I get that they're stressed because of the baby and everything but yeah... my mom is going over there alone in the spring because neither I or my dad want to see her. My dad has actually told my mom that he will never go over there again.

I would probably go for a visit again if she could actually manage to mellow out a bit and I could be guaranteed not to be shit on/ignored/resented for whatever reason. Maybe I need to learn how to deal with it better and yes, I suppose I am a little jealous... well no, not jealous... more like I feel like they expect things of me and I feel like a loser because I'm not married or dating or employed while they have a family and he actually owns his own business.

But it's not what they have that bothers me. Yes, I wish I had a job and yes, I wish I had more money and I guess it would be nice to at least have a girlfriend, if not a family... but whenever I see them I feel like there's this sort of underlying resentment or disrespect over things, like she's always on the verge of lecturing me about the direction of my life... and that's not something I'm prepared to take from my little sister, especially since I'm not demanding anything from them or imposing on them in any way. Well, except for the fact that I wanted to crash on their couch after spending thousands of dollars that I couldn't really afford to fly around the world to see them. Oh and then there was the kayaking and walking around to 'see the town' that she kept trying to get me to do, probably because she couldn't stand having me around.

I seriously feel like the only reason I would see her at all is because it's expected of me, not because I actually want to do it. I honestly don't even know her anymore. She might think she knows me, but I'm pretty sure she's just going on what I was like when we actually saw each other on a semi-regular basis... which was probably about 10 years ago.

I don't think she would be too hard to replace. I honestly felt nothing when I was there. I didn't feel like I was visiting someone I cared about. I was just going through the motions, because it's what families are supposed to do. But I would have had a better time if it were someone else.

I've had the same problems with my sister. Thankfully she lives far away and we stopped communication 2 years ago. Do you have any other siblings you get on ok with?
Often when I have seen siblings who are close I get a pang of jealousy and sadness because I have not been able to experience what it is like to be close to a sibling.
Do you miss not experiencing that or do you have another sibling you get on ok with?

 

[Odo]

I've had the same problems with my sister. Thankfully she lives far away and we stopped communication 2 years ago. Do you have any other siblings you get on ok with?
Often when I have seen siblings who are close I get a pang of jealousy and sadness because I have not been able to experience what it is like to be close to a sibling.
Do you miss not experiencing that or do you have another sibling you get on ok with?

Maybe you could be my sister, Bluedays! I could adopt you or you could adopt me and we could hang out and not get into fights.

I just have the one, actually... and I think we're too close to each other in age. I don't really want to cut her out of my life completely and I appreciate that she has a lot of things going on right now, but it's hard to be around someone like that. I don't think either of us would ever hold ongoing grudges.... well, I hope not anyways-- but she's been pretty difficult to handle since she moved overseas.

 

[Odo]

This rings very true. I have lived in the same state since my birth and have seen the capital city transform from not even a blip on the radar into one of the 20 most expensive cities to live in the 1st world. I need to earn 160K p.a. as a single person to have even considered buying a house here....and I ended up with an apartment as I wasn't prepared to pay what the market dictates for houses.

That's messed up!

I've actually heard that another problem is the 'dual-income' trap where in addition to the wealthier families, you also have two people earning higher salaries driving up the price of homes... whereas in the 70s there was only one earner and the woman stayed at home. But now they're willing to pay a lot more to get closer to the good schools and good neighborhoods so their children can be safe... and as a single, it becomes a lot harder to get a place to live and as a divorcee it becomes a real struggle.

 

[BlueDays]

Maybe you could be my sister, Bluedays! I could adopt you or you could adopt me and we could hang out and not get into fights.

I just have the one, actually... and I think we're too close to each other in age. I don't really want to cut her out of my life completely and I appreciate that she has a lot of things going on right now, but it's hard to be around someone like that. I don't think either of us would ever hold ongoing grudges.... well, I hope not anyways-- but she's been pretty difficult to handle since she moved overseas.

lol, yes adopted siblings! great idea :bigsmile:

Well maybe the stress of moving to another country and baby are just making her worn out right now and she may settle down soon.

 

[Odo]

lol, yes adopted siblings! great idea :bigsmile:

:thumbup:

Okay great! I don't really know what adopted brothers do at our age but I guess if you ever need someone to do something brotherly I'll see what I can do.

Well maybe the stress of moving to another country and baby are just making her worn out right now and she may settle down soon.

Well, she has been there since 2009. But to be honest, I think it would absolutely horrible to live there... I lived abroad for a long time but I found that it was the other English speaking cultures that did my head in more than the ones where I was an obvious foreigner.

She also lives among the 'high society' types-- so in addition to the different culture there's also the class difference... and overall I think that British society is a lot more rigid and particular than North America. Even some of the middle/working classes in England seem pretty neurotic and uptight about things.

I think my sister has always been kind of spoiled as well and now that she's married this rich guy, she just sort of gets whatever she wants-- cars, ski trips, top-notch luxury vacations, etc. He uses his business to pay for things and gets a lot of freebies and such.

So it isn't just that one blowup, it's a lot of things that are pretty hard to wrap my head around and I don't think she really understands how most people live... and you can't tell her anything because she just gets defensive and angry. At first she used to talk about going out with people who were worth hundreds of millions of dollars like it was this curious novelty but now she just takes it for granted. And she also seems to expect other people to live like they have all the money in the world as well... which is why it wasn't enough that I spent so much to go see her, I had to spend extra money on this or that or what-have-you. She seriously wanted me to fly to Switzerland and go skiing in the Alps with her a while back, as if it was nothing... I do travel, but it's usually to poorer countries where it costs nothing to stay there and I can do things really cheaply. I could only afford 3 days in France when I went, but she goes there all the time... I made the most of my 3 days, though.

And yes, there's no going back once you've had kids... so that's a big thing too.

 

[Silatuyok]

I just hung up on my sister.

I guess that's pretty bad considering I rarely see her or speak to her and she lives overseas, but yeah... it was pretty much the stupidest fight ever.

I think it started when she mentioned that she bought the Breaking Bad set for her husband for Christmas... and I asked her how much it was. She said she didn't know, and I wondered how she couldn't know how much it was... and then she just went off on me about how rude it was to ask her that and blah blah blah... and then I said 'well, what if I wanted to buy it and wanted to know how much it was?' and she just repeated the same thing again, and seemed to be getting really angry.

My sister says things like this. It makes me feel awkward because I feel like it's a way for her to flaunt the fact that she doesn't need to worry about money, ever. Meanwhile I'm over here counting my pennies to figure out if I can afford something I want! I've just stopped asking her any kind of questions about the costs of things.

 

[Silatuyok]

So it isn't just that one blowup, it's a lot of things that are pretty hard to wrap my head around and I don't think she really understands how most people live... and you can't tell her anything because she just gets defensive and angry. At first she used to talk about going out with people who were worth hundreds of millions of dollars like it was this curious novelty but now she just takes it for granted. And she also seems to expect other people to live like they have all the money in the world as well... which is why it wasn't enough that I spent so much to go see her, I had to spend extra money on this or that or what-have-you. She seriously wanted me to fly to Switzerland and go skiing in the Alps with her a while back, as if it was nothing... I do travel, but it's usually to poorer countries where it costs nothing to stay there and I can do things really cheaply. I could only afford 3 days in France when I went, but she goes there all the time... I made the most of my 3 days, though.

Oh geez, yeah, I know where you're coming from.

 

[Odo]

My sister says things like this. It makes me feel awkward because I feel like it's a way for her to flaunt the fact that she doesn't need to worry about money, ever. Meanwhile I'm over here counting my pennies to figure out if I can afford something I want! I've just stopped asking her any kind of questions about the costs of things.

Maybe you could help me figure out how to deal with it because it's really annoying.

I don't even know why someone would need to make heaps and heaps of money. If I made that much money I would save it all and then retire early... if everyone did that, more people would have jobs. But instead they keep making way more than they need and blowing it all on expensive travel and status symbols! I actually have more saved than they do-- they're paying for everything with debt... and apparently if interest rates go up like they're probably going to, they're screwed.

 

[Odo]

My dad was just watching 'Drugs Inc.' and both my mom and I hate it... so I was torturing my mom by asking her if she preferred cocaine or ecstasy, and if she thought it was clever that drug dealers in Jamaica use marijuana to buy weapons.

I don't know why it was so amusing for me... I think because my mom is so naive and she just gives these direct, totally unassuming answers about how she doesn't like any of them and think it's all terrible. She's like this endless source of amusement for me because she's so easy to torture and she always reacts to everything.

 

[Silatuyok]

Maybe you could help me figure out how to deal with it because it's really annoying.

I don't even know why someone would need to make heaps and heaps of money. If I made that much money I would save it all and then retire early... if everyone did that, more people would have jobs. But instead they keep making way more than they need and blowing it all on expensive travel and status symbols! I actually have more saved than they do-- they're paying for everything with debt... and apparently if interest rates go up like they're probably going to, they're screwed.

I just deal with it by doing my own thing I guess. Sure, my eyes glaze over when they have long drawn out conversations about how great flying first class is, and sure I happily live in a house that they wouldn't even dream of spending a night in. But when it comes down to it, I'm living within my means and I have everything I need and want in life, and meanwhile they are stressing themselves out by constantly trying to acquire more and do more, more, more. To each her own, I suppose. I guess in some way it makes them feel, I dunno, fulfilled? I'm not one to judge how others choose to pursue their own happiness.

 

[Odo]

I seriously think that my dad hates certain things only because I like them.

 

[Odo]

Today I went to the store and managed to get through returning a gift. I walked in and it was okay, but the anxiety just kept building and building so about 10 minutes later I was worried that I would tremble or something and they would see it. They weren't intimidating people at all... and there was nothing particularly attractive or confident about them.

I think part of how I've managed to stay happy/relaxed is by mostly avoiding those kinds of situations... which isn't doing me any good, but at least there's some state of being where I don't feel anxious, and I guess that's a welcome relief.

I think I've been eating too much sugar lately as well... that's probably not helping.

 

[Odo]

I haven't been very happy over the past few days.

I was looking at pictures today and I realize that I look old. I mean, I don't feel like that much has changed about me but I definitely don't look young anymore.

And of course, this led to that spiral of despair where I lament the loss of all of that time, the lack of relationships, all of the nights where I had nothing to do and did nothing, computer time, missed opportunities, etc. There have been a few peaks but I'm not sure that they are enough for me to feel like I'm okay with myself.

I hate to admit it because it's such a banal and common problem, but I think about finding someone pretty much every day, and then I stop myself immediately because it's not something that I feel is going to happen any time soon... because I need to get my life on track before I even begin to consider it, but also because I don't feel like I could ever really break out of my shell, or abandon my routines.

I do sometimes fear that I'm completely undesirable... or if not undesirable, then unlovable. I suppose I still have some attractive qualities, but I also feel like I hate things about myself that I can't change. Little anxieties that have snowballed to the point where certain things have become unthinkable. I think that there are things that I might have been able to change in the past, but probably can't anymore.

I keep thinking of the runaway greenhouse effect that turned Venus from an Earthlike world that was probably full of life to the inhospitable ball of gas and volcanic rock that it is today. It just reached the tipping point. Maybe I've reached the tipping point.

I probably should have known that there was a problem when I was younger, but I kept putting it off and putting it off, and my personality grew more and more polluted, and the greenhouse gases kept on being released, and finally the heat and light kept going in but couldn't escape. My ecosystems were destroyed, and I turned into this hellish volcanic wasteland incapable of supporting life.

I became more comfortable with being alone, my surface grew reflective and now instead of absorbing and releasing the light, the light just keeps on bouncing right off of me.

Venus is interesting because it's this beautiful golden world from a distance, but if you send a probe there and come closer, you'll discover it's basically Hell. I suppose you could say that being in your mid-30s is when you become the pollution. You finally figure out to look the part, and you realize that you need to play the game... you lose your inner life and embrace the machine.

I guess that's not true for everyone, though... and Venus can be terraformed with the right technology. It's also capable of supporting life high up in its atmosphere.

I feel like other people around me have gotten to the same point, but instead of this leading to us having more in common, it's actually created a group of people even more completely alienated from one another. I guess because they can't get through each other's gaseous clouds. But even if they could, they wouldn't even find traces of what they once were... they've all been swallowed by the earthquakes and magma flows. That's what it feels like to be anxious, unmarried and staring down 40.

Well, maybe it's not that bad yet... but it's still pretty bad.

 

[JohnnAY]

You post a lot of things that I relate to. I don't reply because I'm dealing with it also and wouldn't what to say.

Sometimes I look at things so retrospectively that I become immobile. I mean, you can dwell all you want, but when you're done with that, you'll still be in the same position; you can probably find something more productive to do with your time.

Your greenhouse analogy isn't doing you any good. How you feel about yourself is projected outwards onto everyone around you, and probably why they've become so estranged. Age is no excuse not to change yourself for the better. Personality habits can be hard to break but when an opportunity arises, start a conversation, crack a joke. After a while, you will just become that person.

Don't dwell on your age. It's never too late to reinvent yourself.

 

[Odo]

^Thanks Johnnay.

Well, I don't mean it's impossible to change, just that I think there's a tipping point where it becomes exceedingly difficult. Venus could probably go back to being more like Earth, but it would take a lot of time, effort and technology to get it there. I don't really believe all of that per se, I think I just got really into the metaphor and wanted to write it down here.

I've actually visited Hiroshima and if a post-atomic bomb wasteland can become what Hiroshima is today, then it is definitely possible for me to become a better person. There are still pieces of debris in the river, but the parks and streets are so nice you would never know that anything that horrible happened there... though I did see at least one deformed child.

 

[Odo]

I went into town today and got a haircut and a flu shot. My anxiety was sky high... I think because I have been eating so much junk lately.

I just barely held it together through things like standing at the counter and taking change from people. And I didn't like the woman who cut my hair. I was so nervous and jumped a bit when she started... it's ****ed, but I couldn't control it. I was trying so hard to hold it together and I just couldn't calm down. She noticed... and actually said to me at one point 'don't talk so much' all ironically. She wasn't attractive and plus she must have been in her 50s... so it wasn't that I was attracted to her, I was just nervous and then I knew I was nervous and didn't want it to show, which just made me more nervous and panicked. But anyways, I decided I would ask the obligatory 'so how did you do during the storm' and that set her off on some really boring tangent about playing in the snow with her grandchild... I had nothing to say when she was done, and she didn't ask about me. I wouldn't have told her if she did.

I also ran into the mother of someone who was my friend in elementary school. I haven't seen this kid since maybe grade 10, when he came over to my house only because it was close to this girl he wanted to hang out with. He was cooler than I was and he was sort of embarrassed to tell her that he was at my house, but at the time he couldn't drive and it was kind of a long way out from where he lived. Anyways, I barely held it together and jumped and twitched again... which was worse than the hairdresser, because I knew it would get back to him.

But one thing I noticed was that dealing with Asian people was sooo much easier than dealing with white people.

The woman giving me the flu shot was from China and she was really easy to talk to... I guess because I actually had something in common with her, and she understood what teaching English is all about. Also, we're both expats. It's kind of messed up because I'm white, but I think that living over there for so long has made me into some sort of weird anxiety racist who is only comfortable around Asian people. I used to get kind of uptight whenever I saw white people over there, actually.

I can't really explain what it is about Asian people that makes them so much easier to talk to. Maybe it's that they sort of operate with certain expectations, but maybe it's just the natural result of seeing only Asian faces all the time pretty much every day. You just get used to the homogeneity and the different culture, the different way of expressing yourself. Coming home, everyone seems so much more aggressive, or vulgar or something. I can't really explain it right now.

While I was waiting to see if I would have a reaction to my flu shot, an older gentleman came in and started up a conversation. He told me his father worked for Stephen Leacock, the humor writer who actually has an award named after him. He was 78 years old and I think he was sort of lonely... I would have talked to him more but I had to get home for dinner. I wasn't nervous around him either... well, only a little.

 

[Steiner]

I can't really explain what it is about Asian people that makes them so much easier to talk to. Maybe it's that they sort of operate with certain expectations, but maybe it's just the natural result of seeing only Asian faces all the time pretty much every day. You just get used to the homogeneity and the different culture, the different way of expressing yourself. Coming home, everyone seems so much more aggressive, or vulgar or something. I can't really explain it right now.

I tend to think because in asian cultures like china, SA and stuff isn't so looked down upon like in white culture. If anything it is praised. A possible reason for why you feel more comfortable with asian people. I feel a little more comfortable with asian people myself. Being white as well.

 

[Odo]

^Well, I wouldn't say that SA is praised. Shyness is a big deal but they still expect you to be able to participate and if anything there are more social demands/expectations being placed on you. But being white in Asian society means you get all of the graciousness afforded a guest, but you're exempt from the expectations of a local. I think that's what I liked.

Anyways, I just read Marie's blog post about the Internet and I started to write a response but it was too long for me to post it in her journal, so I'll post it here.

Maybe it's because I'm cynical, but every time someone talks about the Internet, I think of this kind of thing:

Facebook's for middle-aged narcissists, Twitter for young ones.

I don't think it's just facebook, though... online forums like this where people are posting their opinions without really interacting, aren't under any pressure to obey any sort of etiquette and aren't seeing the unspoken reactions suggesting approval or disapproval of their comments and contributions can't be doing us any good.

I also think that Internet friends tend to be thought of as second-rate and ultimately disposable for most people... there's less pressure to maintain those kinds of relationships and I think both parties probably know this... it has also increased our social 'pools' to the point where easily available alternatives effectively devalue any relationship.

I think that communities can come together but without that tangible connection they're always going to feel less valuable. So I guess the key is to not live your entire life online... or to use it to make actual connections in real life.