Ugliness

[X-Rated]

I don't know if this has been discussed before but here I`ll go (the search engine broke down....it gives an error) :
Does anyone else thinks that ugliness can, indirectly, bring about SA ?
I`ve read somewhere that a recent study conducted by an university showed that attractive people have had more opportunities in life and have had better jobs than the less attractive ones.
Well i agree with this study up to a point. I mean, it's easier to make friends if you are not ugly, and besides that it's also easier to make gf`s than the ones that were unfortunate to be born ugly. I have also heard about the old saying "Don't judge a book by its covers". Whilst I agree that there are much more imp qualities to look for at a person (such as his/hers personality, character, sense of humor etc) than its beauty, it certainly helps to be good-looking.
If you're good-looking you can find beautiful dates easier and get off to a good start( although after that it's up to you to convince your partner of your qualities).
Well, I consider myself quite ugly even though my mom tells me i`m not(well, it's my mom, right?) ) . I know this may be because I have low-esteem though i`ve been called ugly by people before.
So do you consider that ugliness can indirectly cause SA ?

 

[Felgen]

I don't think it can lead to anxiety, but it may work as an anxiety booster if you have other problems.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Yep, I do think so. Although I have altered my ways of thinking about the human figure/face... So I don't find anybody ugly. We were all made by nature for reasons.

Although, a lot of my SA WAS indirectly caused by 'ugliness'. It is not the 'ugliness' itself but rather how people react to it. When I moved schools when I was around 10 years old I was excluded and made fun of a lot for my appearance. Mainly excluded. I think that is where the SA began, so it definitely can indirectly cause, or trigger, the issue. Then again, being a child, everything is unfamiliar and taken a lot heavier

 

[Kinetik]

No. If you look at the photo thread you'll find a whole lot of very attractive people. What CAN be damaging is a negative self-image or BDD - but those can be caused by any number of things not related to ugliness which is purely subjective anyway.

 

[A friend]

Most people told me I was good-looking throughout my life, and I keep hearing that even now. And...am I getting better jobs, the most beautiful girlfriends/wives in the world?

No. Not in any way. It wouldn't matter if you're were the best-looking guy on the planet, I doubt people care about looks as much as most of this forum's users think. If I'm as good-looking as people say I am, then why am I single?

It's the people with ugliness inside of them that are creating these problems for you. Looks can't get you friends, a job, or a significant other. Appearances are only illusions, deep down inside, I doubt most people care what who's ugly and who isn't.

Oh yes, and if anyone tells you that you're ugly, that shouldn't mean anything. People who act that way towards you are probably just 4 year old children living in middle-age adult bodies.

 

[DanFC]

No. If you look at the photo thread you'll find a whole lot of very attractive people. What CAN be damaging is a negative self-image or BDD - but those can be caused by any number of things not related to ugliness which is purely subjective anyway.

People who really are ugly know it enough not to post their picture in a public thread.

 

[miss_amy]

I don't think attractiveness or ugliness is an exact science. What some find attractive, others don't like.
I quite often see a beautiful woman with what I think is an unattractive man. Some of the very popular loud people that were at my school or old jobs I don't think were the most attractive, but they did ooze confidence which I think somehow made them more attractive.
Look at some of the super stars...if they were Mr/Miss average not famous would as many people ogle over them??

I think social anxiety and self image are very closely connected. A lot of very good looking people here (in my opinion) think of themselves as ugly.

 

[Waybuloo]

I don't know if this has been discussed before but here I`ll go (the search engine broke down....it gives an error) :
Does anyone else thinks that ugliness can, indirectly, bring about SA ?
I`ve read somewhere that a recent study conducted by an university showed that attractive people have had more opportunities in life and have had better jobs than the less attractive ones.
Well i agree with this study up to a point. I mean, it's easier to make friends if you are not ugly, and besides that it's also easier to make gf`s than the ones that were unfortunate to be born ugly. I have also heard about the old saying "Don't judge a book by its covers". Whilst I agree that there are much more imp qualities to look for at a person (such as his/hers personality, character, sense of humor etc) than its beauty, it certainly helps to be good-looking.
If you're good-looking you can find beautiful dates easier and get off to a good start( although after that it's up to you to convince your partner of your qualities).
Well, I consider myself quite ugly even though my mom tells me i`m not(well, it's my mom, right?) ) . I know this may be because I have low-esteem though i`ve been called ugly by people before.
So do you consider that ugliness can indirectly cause SA ?

You know what, I can only speak for my own experiences, so here goes..

From high school through to uni, most people cluster around the middle when it comes to attractiveness. The shy types i've encountered have been overwhelmingly good looking, while i've met a lot of 'ugly' people who were either very popular or very confident. There was this girl in highschool (call her girl A), she was the least attractive girl in our year, probably our school, but there was something interesting about her that drew peopel to like and respect her. There was also another girl who was deemed very pretty (girl B). For as much as people liked girl B for her prettiness and innocence, people liked girl A for her personality. So I concluded that looks can get you things, but that's not the be all end all.

At uni, I once met this very ugly guy. Ok I don't like to call him ugly, but for the purpose of this discussion, he's not attractive. He was so confident it actually surprised me, as I expected him to be very insecure due to his looks. He even told me he dumped his gf because she was too lacking in self confidence..

I do think that attractiveness is a double edged sword. It can work to your advantage, if for example you are in the media and show biz, where a pretty face is almost everything, or if the boss likes a pretty face and hires you because of that. However at times people can hold preconceptions that you have no brains or talents, and treat you accordingly. In relationships, you could attract the shallow types who don't care about you as a person and who don't like your other qualities, dumping you when you get older or just get sick of staring at you. Some people find good looks a burden as it brings a lot of unwanted attention everywhere they go, and even jealousy at work and in friendships.

I think good looks is only really an advantage if you have a heart of gold, brains, great people skills and a lovely smile ;P This way you can win people over on all fronts. So if you're born good looking, I'd say a third of the battle has been won. If you're not so good looking, working on the other traits really go a long way. Charm and personality can often influence how attractive you are the more people get to know you.

I think if you are really ugly that might cause low self esteem, but not necessarily social anxiety. In my experience, body dysmorphic disorder (fear of judgment) only seem to affect attractive people. It seems that having good looks can give great insecurities. I've never seen or heard of truely ugly people having issues to the extent good looking people have.

 

[planemo]

Even if I wasn't so ugly I would still have anxiety around people. I don't really think it caused me to be so shy and tentative but it did make things worse, a lot worse. So yes, it does play a major role and it did add a major destructive element to my life.

I can say though that despite not having any looks, I am well liked by people who are open and get to know me well. Once one can find a way past my layers of self loathing and insecurity and can get to my real side, I think that most people are happy with who I am, and they don't really care too much about my looks (or lack thereof).

People who I haven't spoken to in years still remember me and want to keep friendships going. So I must be doing something right, and if it's not looks I guess it could only be something intangible.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Perhaps it does...However, one person's perception of ugly can differ greatly from another's. People may be drawn to attractive people, but beauty can only do so much on it's own. It all boils down to how well you can relate to others and how well others can relate to you. Looks only matter so much.

Btw, I know plenty of beautiful women who can't find dates. Not even "beautiful" dates for that matter. I can attest that these beautiful women are intelligent and have great personalities. It just so happens that many men are intimidated by them. They don't believe that they would have a chance so they never try.

 

[BleedTheFreak]

I've seen plenty of good-looking people with sa (many on this site lol) but I think being (or thinking) you're unattractive can add a whole new set of problems. I'm not sure if being unattractive can directly lead to sa but it can certainly contribute, especially when you're young. Kids can be vicious and school can be traumatizing for some people. I'm quite unattractive but still ended up with a couple of friends by the time I started high school (granted they did most of the work as far as initiating conversation, since I was far too shy).

Being attractive doesn't really get you much further than first impressions anyway. You can see someone good-looking and form positive opinions in your head, then hear them speak and realize they're an awful person, or have a completely vacant personality, or whatever. I think what matters is how you carry yourself and the "vibe" you give off, so to speak. If you're a downer, people might find it hard or uncomfortable to be around you. But if you're a decent person with a positive attitude I believe you'll find people who appreciate you, regardless of how you look.

 

[imnai]

I think beauty comes from within (Cheesy, I know). Beauty is more than an aesthetic its charm, character, warmth...

The only ugly people to me are those who make judgments based on what they think they see or know about someone.These are the kind of people who fuel my social aversion and self hatred; they give me low self confidence and an inability to interact outside 'my universe'

Of course, this never stops me feeling ugly *heh*

 

[imnai]

I think what matters is how you carry yourself and the "vibe" you give off, so to speak.

This.

 

[hoddesdon]

People who really are ugly know it enough not to post their picture in a public thread.

The point is that the ones who do put their pictures up invariably say that they are ugly. Many of the pictures are taken down shortly afterwards, but the comments by others about their attractiveness remain, contradicting the person's own opinions. If they say they are ugly, even though they are not, then that suggests they are suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). Hence there is a high comorbidity between social phobia and BDD. There have been threads made about this.

 

[killertubbie]

Perhaps it does...However, one person's perception of ugly can differ greatly from another's. People may be drawn to attractive people, but beauty can only do so much on it's own. It all boils down to how well you can relate to others and how well others can relate to you. Looks only matter so much.

Btw, I know plenty of beautiful women who can't find dates. Not even "beautiful" dates for that matter. I can attest that these beautiful women are intelligent and have great personalities. It just so happens that many men are intimidated by them. They don't believe that they would have a chance so they never try.

Yeah but even though we feel like we want to be with this particular attractive woman, let's just say we're already on date...I've always have this fear that some strangers will say: 'OMG, look at that ****ing ugly guy with this beautiful chick...'

(you can see the judgemental eyes from others like you don't deserves any of it, it's pretty hard for your confidence)

It's tough!

 

[killertubbie]

I have to agree part of the OP here. I guess we have more BDD than SA or you can have both. I think I have mildly these 2 symptoms comparing to the others. It seems some people here has severe symptoms and I totally understand that.

It sucks, I don't know what to say. I've always wondering myself what if I was a great-looking guy. I woulnd't think I'll get all these BDD or SA. I think feeling ugly is one of the main reasons...

 

[coyote]

...Btw, I know plenty of beautiful women who can't find dates...

hook me up

 

[DespairSoul]

You know what, I can only speak for my own experiences, so here goes..

From high school through to uni, most people cluster around the middle when it comes to attractiveness. The shy types i've encountered have been overwhelmingly good looking, while i've met a lot of 'ugly' people who were either very popular or very confident. There was this girl in highschool (call her girl A), she was the least attractive girl in our year, probably our school, but there was something interesting about her that drew peopel to like and respect her. There was also another girl who was deemed very pretty (girl B). For as much as people liked girl B for her prettiness and innocence, people liked girl A for her personality. So I concluded that looks can get you things, but that's not the be all end all.

At uni, I once met this very ugly guy. Ok I don't like to call him ugly, but for the purpose of this discussion, he's not attractive. He was so confident it actually surprised me, as I expected him to be very insecure due to his looks. He even told me he dumped his gf because she was too lacking in self confidence..

I do think that attractiveness is a double edged sword. It can work to your advantage, if for example you are in the media and show biz, where a pretty face is almost everything, or if the boss likes a pretty face and hires you because of that. However at times people can hold preconceptions that you have no brains or talents, and treat you accordingly. In relationships, you could attract the shallow types who don't care about you as a person and who don't like your other qualities, dumping you when you get older or just get sick of staring at you. Some people find good looks a burden as it brings a lot of unwanted attention everywhere they go, and even jealousy at work and in friendships.

I think good looks is only really an advantage if you have a heart of gold, brains, great people skills and a lovely smile ;P This way you can win people over on all fronts. So if you're born good looking, I'd say a third of the battle has been won. If you're not so good looking, working on the other traits really go a long way. Charm and personality can often influence how attractive you are the more people get to know you.

I think if you are really ugly that might cause low self esteem, but not necessarily social anxiety. In my experience, body dysmorphic disorder (fear of judgment) only seem to affect attractive people. It seems that having good looks can give great insecurities. I've never seen or heard of truely ugly people having issues to the extent good looking people have.

Waybuloo brilliant post i agree with a lot of points what u add.::

 

[Feathers]

Yeah but even though we feel like we want to be with this particular attractive woman, let's just say we're already on date...I've always have this fear that some strangers will say: 'OMG, look at that ****ing ugly guys with this beauiful chick...'

hehe You could always say, 'Jealous, are you mate?'

I think couples where one is extremely more goodlooking than the other may attract attention, maybe partly because they are curious what brought these two together etc. Some may even want to learn a few tricks from you!! (There's a booming industry out there, teaching others how to date etc!!)
I've seen it vice versa too, where a girl that looked like nothing much special had a VERY attractive long-term partner or even husband!! Some people just find different things or characteristics of people attractive!!

There are theories that people are attracted to what their parents or important people from their youth looked like (or the exact opposite of that), some say people who have 'the same nose' or similar facial characteristics may get attracted or stay together long-term too... There are lots of different theories..

OP, my mum said I was goodlooking too, and as a teen I didn't believe her either!! It's natural to not believe your mum as a teen I guess.. When I went to university and met guys who were attracted to me, I started thinking hey maybe I'm not that bad-looking haha.. It took a long time (and some fashion makeovers) to accept myself how I am.. And I still sometimes have 'bad hair days' or days when I think I'm horrible lol.. Most people are not supermodels and like Coyote said in another thread, most are not so highly critical of ourselves as we are!! They see you as a 'whole', energy, smarts, sense of fun & humor etc. Looks is just one small part of it...

So, you can learn about fashion and posture and things like these and maximize your good points... Do check if you might have BDD too (I think I may have had it a bit..) There are books that help with that.. People calling you ugly means nothing - they could be just threatened, angry with you or insecure in their own life.. or just having a bad day and wanting to take it out on someone..
Some people even may have odd ways of flirting or working on their own confidence...

Waybuloo, AWESOME post indeed!!

 

[killertubbie]

hehe You could always say, 'Jealous, are you mate?'

I think couples where one is extremely more goodlooking than the other may attract attention, maybe partly because they are curious what brought these two together etc. Some may even want to learn a few tricks from you!! (There's a booming industry out there, teaching others how to date etc!!)
I've seen it vice versa too, where a girl that looked like nothing much special had a VERY attractive long-term partner or even husband!! Some people just find different things or characteristics of people attractive!!

Yeah, it's a nice one-liner but you have to be feeling witty during that exact moment and not feeling sorry for yourself. It takes some guts, I guess!

I've read many theories in the dating communities that women are more forgiving than men when it comes to looks and they're able to looks past through people's appearances. I still have doubts but I guess I have to agree to some degrees. Men are too shallows in general and I'm ashamed that our brains are wired this way.

Of course I'm not speaking for all men but the real victims are women who are not physically gifted by nature. I feel bad as a man. We're too picky, we want an attractive woman with great personality. Only one criteria on 2 is not enough and if the girl is only beautiful, then we want a one night...If the girl only has a tremendous personality, she can be only a friend and nothing more. I know there are men out there who are fighting this urge and are able to appreciates women for things others than their appearances. I look up to these men but I just haven't reach this state of mind yet, I'm still a bit selfish and shallow.::