Trying to figure out why complete strangers have such an impact on me

[Livemylife]

Hello all,
So I'm always terrified of what complete strangers might say or do to me. This includes people in class, people on a bus ride, people I pass on the sidewalk, etc. I'm very sensitive to their actions. A frown from a random guy can heighten my already high anxiety.
My theory is that I'm like this because I have 0 support from people. Maybe if I had a support system like friends or family I wouldn't be so sensitive to everyone else. What do you think of this theory?

 

[Flanscho]

I think that it's most likely a matter of experiences. The more you do that, in your mind, would ask for bad reactions, when it doesn't, the less you worry over time, because you realize that your fears are without reason.

 

[dottie]

i think your theory is correct. there may be other factors that contribute to your anxiety, too.

this world is overpopulated, unnatural, and confusing. we are close in physical proximity to so many people from so many backgrounds, but we are so disconnected. who knows who is going to freak out with a knife at any given moment? anxiety = survival mode.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Your theory is interesting, but in my opinion it's just a matter of self-esteem... I think if you were happy with who you are, you wouldn't mind what other people think that much.

 

[YellowBird]

What i can tell you from my experience,is that so little happens in my life,that the short time i come in contact with another person,is magnified.

 

[Saraswati]

I agree with Pacific Loner. The problem is not in other people, it's in how you see yourself.
If you think you're ugly, stupid, incompetent or whatever the case may be - you are going to "see" that other see you like that. Which is in most cases not true.
Being oversensitive about things like that is because you are not comfortable in your own skin.

 

[Livemylife]

Thank you for the responses.

I come in contact with people almost everyday, but each interaction seems magnified to me too, YellowBird. And these interactions can be just a few minutes long and still make me anxious.

About the self esteem thing, my self esteem has definitely lowered over time. However, I think a lot of people have low self esteem...but they don't seem to have the same social anxiety that I do. This is just a guess though.

"If you think you're ugly, stupid, incompetent or whatever the case may be - you are going to "see" that other see you like that. Which is in most cases not true"
That wasn't the case for me. I've constantly been called ugly UNTIL I had no choice but to agree that I'm ugly. People are never going to let up until I just say I'm ugly and inferior.

 

[Saraswati]

I am so sorry to hear that. You must have suffered a lot because of the people around you. It makes me angry.
I think that they are trying to make themselves feel better than everybody else, better than you. People shouldn't do that. I hope you realize that you ARE better than them!
You should never agree with them when they're saying your ugly.

Maybe you should move somewhere else? I don't know what your situation is but I think that changing your surroundings could help.

And about the self esteem thing.... It can take different forms so not everyone with low self esteems suffers from SA.

 

[jaim38]

What i can tell you from my experience,is that so little happens in my life,that the short time i come in contact with another person,is magnified.

Exactly for me too. I have the same problem. Everytime when a complete stranger says something negative about me, it could take away all my hard-won self esteem and confidence. I feel like sh*t. On the other hand, I have a friend who is the opposite of me. She is brave as can be, doesn't have SA, and doesn't seem to care what people say about her. One time, I see her going on stage to declare her run of presidency for a club, and everybody was laughing at her. She kept being interrupted by intercom announcements. I was rooting for her though. I knew she had an uphill battle against the more popular candidate, but I really admired her bravery. I'm thinking of asking her for some advice. I think she had an advantage from the start because she comes from a social family who raised her well.

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

Yeah I'm the same way, I'm pretty sensitive due to criticisms and get hurt very easily if anyone say's anything. All my life I've suffered with low self esteem and was bullied quite a bit during School. Now I have a very hard problem trying to socialize with others or make any friends.

Hopefully I'll feel better in my own skin overtime. Day by day I always try to write positive things about myself and writing out my feelings does help a lot.

 

[mismeek]

I think we should realize that strangers could care less about what you are doing. I feel we gain most of our anxiety from thinking that everyone is focused on us. If you begin to realize that that frown you received from a stranger who walked past you probably wasn't meant for you then you'll gain more confidence and lose some anxiety.

 

[Livemylife]

Thank you everyone for the additional responses.

Well strangers couldn't care less about me yes. I realize on a logical level that they are mean to be just because I am simply someone to be mean to and an easy ego boost, not necessarily because I'm me.
However, people DO focus on me. Maybe it isn't the case for most people on this site or with anxiety. In a group of people, an onlooker is more likely to stare at me. I consider this a fact.
People do frown at me. A look of disgust like I did something to them for being "ugly." I'm not trying to argue with you, mismeek, and I think your advice can be applicable to many users.

Thanks Saraswati, I have thought about leaving America, and I'm pretty sure I will. I don't know how much it'll help my social anxiety though.

jaim, I do think your friend has an advantage of having family support. Maybe her family even led to her self esteem. My mom put me down all my life, and I don't plan on speaking to her anymore. She is the last person I would go to for a pep talk.

 

[oddOne]

I think we should realize that strangers could care less about what you are doing. I feel we gain most of our anxiety from thinking that everyone is focused on us. If you begin to realize that that frown you received from a stranger who walked past you probably wasn't meant for you then you'll gain more confidence and lose some anxiety.

At least when it comes to MY brain, the *rational* part of it is fully aware that most passersby are hardly (if at all) concerned with anything not involving their primary social/familial circle.

Further, I have no (readily apparent) physical/mental abnormalities.

Still, being around ANYONE immediately throws me into a sort of primal "attack mode". . . a part of me perceives everyone else as a potential threat that's likely "sizing me up," looking for a weakness to exploit.

Of course, this is very irrational of me . . . but, then again, the human mind is fundamentally irrational . . . with only a recently evolved logical "add-on" separating us from most other terrestrial beings.

Eh, just something to keep in mind when trying to make sense of a mostly nonsensical thing (our braaaaaaaiiiinzzzzzzzz).

 

[Memyself]

I walk with a slight limp and whenever my SA is at it's peak, i tend to over-scrutinize reactions of those who are around me , and if I pass a group of people who even look my way , my limp worsens.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so sensitive.

 

[Livemylife]

I'm still as sensitive as ever. I remember brief interactions from days before.

 

[¯\(º_o)/¯]

Hello all,
So I'm always terrified of what complete strangers might say or do to me. This includes people in class, people on a bus ride, people I pass on the sidewalk, etc. I'm very sensitive to their actions. A frown from a random guy can heighten my already high anxiety.
My theory is that I'm like this because I have 0 support from people. Maybe if I had a support system like friends or family I wouldn't be so sensitive to everyone else. What do you think of this theory?

You brought up a valid point on that last bit. I'm afraid of how people will treat me. I don't care what they think. It feels like 90% of the time people treat me badly and that's what I don't like. But for the longest time i havnt really been treated badly, but i still feel like its going to happen. When I was younger and was being bullied I never had any help. Everybody would just run away. And now today if I ask people for help I'm left alone to deal by myself.
I also have no support.

Almost everyday I let my parents know that I have this major anxiety problem and that I need help with it. Hinting all the time I need to see somebody about it but because of my anxiety I can't get it done my self. They just ignore my crys for help.

Iv never thought about the idea of a lack of support. I think it explains a lot about my situation. So thanks for sharing your issue, so I could learn a little from it

 

[planetweirdo]

I obsesses a lot about what other people may think or say about me. I also worry about people making fun of me behind my back. I think that the problem is that I value other peoples opinions about me, more than I value my own opinions about myself.
I think that you should build up your self esteem, focus on your good quality's and form your own positive opinions about yourself, and value those opinions more than the opinions of others.
And just because someone have called you ugly before doesn't mean that you really are ugly. A different person may fine you attractive.

 

[sahxox]

I agree with alot of the responses on here mentioning self-esteem and the "support" network.
Miss Meek's post is exactly true... no one else cares about us, we are not special. Social anxiety I feel is a battle of staying balanced amongst the facts and the fear.

I had better self-esteem last year when I finally made a heap of friends/acquantances and felt at ease with myself. Then certain events unfolded and bit by bit they dropped off and left me with perhaps 2 friends I see on the odd occasion and a rather :/ home life.
Depression is back, yay, has been for 12 months or so. This is when my social anxiety thrives. Before, I truly believed it was gone forever. Because I was happy I guess. I had this support network and I had myself, supporting me, the most important thing.

Hypersensitivity to others is another fantastic benefit of anxiety, especially the social variety. I enter this zone of paranoia when I go out often, I get that psyched the World seems like a dangerous and surreal place... doing anything to avoid eye-contact, thinking EVERYONE notices your unease and complete fear.
Mind you, last night I had a great time shopping with my sister... because I was happy and having fun and there was no room for fear. It's a ****ing rollercoaster. It really does come back to yourself and your own happiness level/sense of esteem.

 

[Odo]

I don't think it's that I feel like I'm special so much as I have a fear of calling attention to myself for embarrassing reasons. I tend to assume that things are always on the verge of going horribly horribly wrong... and as long as I don't engage with other people that won't happen.

I know it's an irrational belief... but it's not something where I can just tell myself 'no, that doesn't make sense'-- I KNOW that it doesn't make sense, but that doesn't change the way it feels.

 

[Livemylife]

You brought up a valid point on that last bit. I'm afraid of how people will treat me. I don't care what they think. It feels like 90% of the time people treat me badly and that's what I don't like. But for the longest time i havnt really been treated badly, but i still feel like its going to happen. When I was younger and was being bullied I never had any help. Everybody would just run away. And now today if I ask people for help I'm left alone to deal by myself.
I also have no support.

Almost everyday I let my parents know that I have this major anxiety problem and that I need help with it. Hinting all the time I need to see somebody about it but because of my anxiety I can't get it done my self. They just ignore my crys for help.

Iv never thought about the idea of a lack of support. I think it explains a lot about my situation. So thanks for sharing your issue, so I could learn a little from it

Sorry to hear that. My parents are no help either. I plan on seeing a counselor soon, and maybe that would provide a little support, along with the kind people here.
Another part of my theory is that maybe if I had friends, bad experiences wouldn't matter so much if I could go to friends/family and have them say nice things. Instead all I get is the bad experiences piling up.