panicsurvivor
Well-known member
Ok. So one of my friends on here has suggested that I start a thread about what is going on with me. I don't usually start threads because I love to help people but am uncomfortable asking for it. But here goes. A short time ago I was assaulted by a couple of guys late at night. I think it was a robbery. I beat both of them within an inch of their lives. It felt great. I ran away and got in my car and fled the scene. I had no fear whatsoever and felt......powerful again. I haven't felt like that in a long time. But it wasn't just that....I really liked it, so much more than I ever had before when I was younger. Now I have been feeling pretty angry and hopeless lately because my relationship is not working for a lot of reasons one of them being that I have never really loved my partner. She is a great person and we have a life we have built together. But I have been in love before, and I know what it is like, and I have never been in love with her. But anyway there is that, and also my increasing disgust with the human race as a whole. So one could argue that I just needed to blow off some steam. But I am always blowing off steam, I workout all the time, and one of my workouts is beating the **** out of a fight dummy for an hour. But when those guys laid their hands on me I just felt so alive and in control. The opposite of how I have been feeling lately. I actually stomped on one of their heads and it felt so....good.::
I didn't tell anyone about this. I am ashamed of it. But a few days later my boss started trying to tell me that my work has gone down, and I snapped on him I screamed in his face and smashed things and he told me that he was afraid I was going to hurt him. He apologized to me and said that he was wrong. The thing is that I felt that same feeling again. It was so freeing to explode on him like that. I am finding myself looking for another fight. If you know me you know that this goes against my personality so much. But there it is. I don't want to be like this, and I don't want my kids to see me like this.
So there it is......What do I do? ::::::
I didn't tell anyone about this. I am ashamed of it. But a few days later my boss started trying to tell me that my work has gone down, and I snapped on him I screamed in his face and smashed things and he told me that he was afraid I was going to hurt him. He apologized to me and said that he was wrong. The thing is that I felt that same feeling again. It was so freeing to explode on him like that. I am finding myself looking for another fight. If you know me you know that this goes against my personality so much. But there it is. I don't want to be like this, and I don't want my kids to see me like this.
So there it is......What do I do? ::::::