this_portrait's Random Thoughts
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this_portrait
Well-known member
I've been in a rather good mood today, for the most part. Woke up rather early to re-shoot these portraits and made it to class just on time. I started to feel a little sh*tty, but then my mood was instantly brightened after I received a certain message. I was in a pretty good mood for the rest of the day after that, especially after developing my film negatives and finding that they turned out perfectly.
Unfortunately, I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night, mostly because I stayed up late for no reason. Earlier I ended up dozing off and taking a nap for a little while. Hopefully that didn't throw off my sleep schedule. I honestly think any sleepiness that comes over me isn't necessarily a side effect from the fluoxetine; I think it's either a combination of that with certain foods, or the heat being on full blast in my apartment (which I have no control over).
Tomorrow is probably going to be rather busy. I won't be doing much during my first class except asking my professor which photo prints I need to re-print and buying linen tape from him so I can mat my final pictures. That'll only take a few minutes at most. My next class will be the same as usual (lecture), and then my last class is just a work day on my final project for it. I have a photo shoot from 7:30-9, and I also have to work on this Flash animation that I need to have a bunch done for by Wednesday. It's just a pain having to do all of this work and go to class at the same time. At least I feel more motivated, though. Before, I just didn't want to do anything at all. I still don't, but at least the deadlines approaching soon are making me get off my a** and do something.
I just can't wait for the semester to be over. My emotions have been real topsy-turvy for most of it, and I just need some time away from school. It feels like I'm doing the exact same thing I did during my sophomore year two years ago: I spent much of the first semester depressed and socially anxious as all hell and didn't do a whole lot except for homework. Then winter break came along, and having some time away from school allowed me to ponder things more deeply and start to pursue more creative endeavors. Once the spring semester rolled around, I felt renewed and less depressed and anxious. I started to improve myself drastically. I wrote more. I took more photos. That semester was probably one of the most creative points in my life.
I have a feeling that this academic year is going to be much similar. I had a real sh*tty fall semester, worse than the one 2 years ago due to extra baggage and a major lack of motivation. Soon I'll get a long break, though, which will allow me to once again ponder things and explore creative endeavors. Perhaps this means next semester will be an even better creative point in my life? I'd like to think so.
Unfortunately, I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night, mostly because I stayed up late for no reason. Earlier I ended up dozing off and taking a nap for a little while. Hopefully that didn't throw off my sleep schedule. I honestly think any sleepiness that comes over me isn't necessarily a side effect from the fluoxetine; I think it's either a combination of that with certain foods, or the heat being on full blast in my apartment (which I have no control over).
Tomorrow is probably going to be rather busy. I won't be doing much during my first class except asking my professor which photo prints I need to re-print and buying linen tape from him so I can mat my final pictures. That'll only take a few minutes at most. My next class will be the same as usual (lecture), and then my last class is just a work day on my final project for it. I have a photo shoot from 7:30-9, and I also have to work on this Flash animation that I need to have a bunch done for by Wednesday. It's just a pain having to do all of this work and go to class at the same time. At least I feel more motivated, though. Before, I just didn't want to do anything at all. I still don't, but at least the deadlines approaching soon are making me get off my a** and do something.
I just can't wait for the semester to be over. My emotions have been real topsy-turvy for most of it, and I just need some time away from school. It feels like I'm doing the exact same thing I did during my sophomore year two years ago: I spent much of the first semester depressed and socially anxious as all hell and didn't do a whole lot except for homework. Then winter break came along, and having some time away from school allowed me to ponder things more deeply and start to pursue more creative endeavors. Once the spring semester rolled around, I felt renewed and less depressed and anxious. I started to improve myself drastically. I wrote more. I took more photos. That semester was probably one of the most creative points in my life.
I have a feeling that this academic year is going to be much similar. I had a real sh*tty fall semester, worse than the one 2 years ago due to extra baggage and a major lack of motivation. Soon I'll get a long break, though, which will allow me to once again ponder things and explore creative endeavors. Perhaps this means next semester will be an even better creative point in my life? I'd like to think so.
this_portrait
Well-known member
This post might be rather exaggerated, but I've been having these thoughts pick at me for so long now that I feel the need to just start spewing out (somewhat) irrational things.
Is it too much to ask for a guy who can be supportive and caring of me? Apparently it is. All they seem to want is to get laid and that's it, even the nice "sensitive" ones. They want you to be "normal" with no problems, because evidently a girl who feels anything beyond happiness and lust is too much to handle.
And if you're anything like me? Forget it. They'll toy with you for as long as they wish and then toss you to the side of the road like litter. If they're "nice," they'll spew out all this cheap talk about how they give a damn about you just to not be complete d*cks. It's all b/s, though. It's all a giant lie. They really couldn't care less. If they did, they'd still be there for you, and not just at their own convenience.
They're all the same, it seems. How damn sickening. How pathetic. And what a bunch of damn wh*res.
/end irrational spew
Is it too much to ask for a guy who can be supportive and caring of me? Apparently it is. All they seem to want is to get laid and that's it, even the nice "sensitive" ones. They want you to be "normal" with no problems, because evidently a girl who feels anything beyond happiness and lust is too much to handle.
And if you're anything like me? Forget it. They'll toy with you for as long as they wish and then toss you to the side of the road like litter. If they're "nice," they'll spew out all this cheap talk about how they give a damn about you just to not be complete d*cks. It's all b/s, though. It's all a giant lie. They really couldn't care less. If they did, they'd still be there for you, and not just at their own convenience.
They're all the same, it seems. How damn sickening. How pathetic. And what a bunch of damn wh*res.
/end irrational spew
this_portrait
Well-known member
Me = socially anxious. Seems like no dude wants to deal with that. At least, no guy I'm interested in, anyway. Any attention I get from guys is from ones I wouldn't date in a million years, and I'm getting tired of things mostly being that way.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Unfortunately, we can't pick and choose who we want to be attracted to us. If we could there'd be no loneliness. Please don't despair because you will meet the guy you want and who will be attracted to you.
99 guys who you would never date and 1 guy you would is still a victory, right?
this_portrait
Well-known member
I feel like I'll be old and decrepit by the time that happens...
MikeyC
Well-known member
I can't imagine so.
this_portrait
Well-known member
Today I actually feel all right. I'm not super happy or anything, but I can say that I definitely feel more content than I have in quite a while. Even though finals are fast approaching, I'm not really all that stressed about it.
Tomorrow's gonna be a rather busy day: Therapy session in the morning, then I have to go straight to the art supply store to get some boards. Once I get back, I have a photo shoot and then I have to work on my final projects for much of the day. Maybe I'm in a better mood because I know the semester is coming to a close and I'll be having quite a bit of time off soon.
I've been wondering about my stomach lately. I seem to feel stuffed so easily whenever I eat big meals. I wonder if it shrunk permanently back in July when I threw up three times in less than 12 hours. It just seems like I can't eat like I used to. My stomach even kinda FEELS smaller. I'm told that if you don't gradually eat more after throwing up, that your stomach will remain shrunken. I didn't eat hardly anything for nearly two weeks after throwing up because I had an extremely low appetite due to depression. If that's true (I don't know if it is), then it's like I gave myself gastric bypass surgery without the surgery. Maybe I can ask about it or something. It's not really a huge deal or anything, but I do wonder about it.
My nervous habits kept coming out yesterday, which was embarrassing. I don't know what brought them out. I just couldn't control myself when I was in class, and I ended up chewing on my fingers and messing with my hair. I've gotten to the point where I typically only do these habits when I'm alone in my apartment, but on a rare occasion, I'll do them in public. I need to use my stress ball more. Maybe I need to stop doing it in private as well, and then I won't ever do it in public. I won't do it at all, really. It's just hard to quit it completely because I've been doing them for so long (since my early teens).
I've kinda been slacking on saying "Hi" to people I know, mainly because I've been more focused on getting through the remainder of the semester and working on stuff. Sometimes it just sorta flies over my head. I'm gonna try to do it during finals week, and maybe see if I can get in on some conversations. I wanted to do that when I heard two of my classmates (both of whom were sitting right next to me) talking about how stressed out they were, but I didn't. A lot of times when I want to get in on a conversation, part of me feels like people won't like it and think I'm eavesdropping. The other part of me knows that most people don't really care, especially if you're sitting right next to them anyway. Plus I've done it before and no one ever really criticized me for it or treated me bad. I wish that part of me would take over more.
I'm not a firm believer in astrology, but it is a topic that interests me, and I find that it's been pretty accurate in my life, even though I read about it for fun. I'm a Leo, and one of the common characteristics of a Leo is that they are outgoing and social. When I first read that, I thought it was b/s and that it didn't fit me at all. The more I think about it, though, I think I secretly am outgoing and social, but because I have this damn disorder, that part of me never gets expressed. Maybe it's more accurate for me than I think it is.
Tomorrow's gonna be a rather busy day: Therapy session in the morning, then I have to go straight to the art supply store to get some boards. Once I get back, I have a photo shoot and then I have to work on my final projects for much of the day. Maybe I'm in a better mood because I know the semester is coming to a close and I'll be having quite a bit of time off soon.
I've been wondering about my stomach lately. I seem to feel stuffed so easily whenever I eat big meals. I wonder if it shrunk permanently back in July when I threw up three times in less than 12 hours. It just seems like I can't eat like I used to. My stomach even kinda FEELS smaller. I'm told that if you don't gradually eat more after throwing up, that your stomach will remain shrunken. I didn't eat hardly anything for nearly two weeks after throwing up because I had an extremely low appetite due to depression. If that's true (I don't know if it is), then it's like I gave myself gastric bypass surgery without the surgery. Maybe I can ask about it or something. It's not really a huge deal or anything, but I do wonder about it.
My nervous habits kept coming out yesterday, which was embarrassing. I don't know what brought them out. I just couldn't control myself when I was in class, and I ended up chewing on my fingers and messing with my hair. I've gotten to the point where I typically only do these habits when I'm alone in my apartment, but on a rare occasion, I'll do them in public. I need to use my stress ball more. Maybe I need to stop doing it in private as well, and then I won't ever do it in public. I won't do it at all, really. It's just hard to quit it completely because I've been doing them for so long (since my early teens).
I've kinda been slacking on saying "Hi" to people I know, mainly because I've been more focused on getting through the remainder of the semester and working on stuff. Sometimes it just sorta flies over my head. I'm gonna try to do it during finals week, and maybe see if I can get in on some conversations. I wanted to do that when I heard two of my classmates (both of whom were sitting right next to me) talking about how stressed out they were, but I didn't. A lot of times when I want to get in on a conversation, part of me feels like people won't like it and think I'm eavesdropping. The other part of me knows that most people don't really care, especially if you're sitting right next to them anyway. Plus I've done it before and no one ever really criticized me for it or treated me bad. I wish that part of me would take over more.
I'm not a firm believer in astrology, but it is a topic that interests me, and I find that it's been pretty accurate in my life, even though I read about it for fun. I'm a Leo, and one of the common characteristics of a Leo is that they are outgoing and social. When I first read that, I thought it was b/s and that it didn't fit me at all. The more I think about it, though, I think I secretly am outgoing and social, but because I have this damn disorder, that part of me never gets expressed. Maybe it's more accurate for me than I think it is.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Your stomach has shrunk, most probably. If you've still got enough energy to do what you normally do on the smaller amount of food you're eating, then there's no dramas. You say it's not really bothering you too much so that's good.
I swear my stomach is expanding!
this_portrait
Well-known member
Today was the first day of finals for me. I'm not really stressed about it at all. This semester has to be one of the simplest in terms of finals: just three projects and a test. I turned in one project this morning, and tomorrow the other two will be turned in, followed by my test on Thursday. Later on, I have to actually have one of the other two projects printed and mounted, then I'll be done with it for good.
At therapy this past Saturday, I talked about a few things with my therapist, one of those topics being long-term relationships when one person has severe SA like I do. She mentioned something about how I shouldn't "put all my eggs in one basket" and that I should have a few friends I can confide in just in case any boyfriend I have isn't able or willing to listen to my problems.
That's all very well, but if they're supposed to care about you, shouldn't they be supportive? It sounds more like conditional love rather than unconditional love. I don't think I could be with another guy who was unsupportive and only wanted anything to do with me when I'm "well." Plus, if I'm sharing other parts of me with him that I wouldn't share with anyone else, it would make sense for me to be able to confide in him and have him be there to at least listen. If there's one thing a guy HAS to be in order to be with me, it's supportive.
She (my therapist) also talked about maybe having some "girlfriends" to talk about things with. I hate that term. It sounds like something out of that damn magazine Cosmo. It just sounds so... peppy. And I'm not peppy or bubbly or anything like that. I don't know why, but it seems like I find myself getting along better with guys than I do with other girls. The few girls I find myself getting along with are actually more no-nonsense types who don't concern themselves with things many girls concern themselves with. They're not what you would call major "girly-girls," either. They can be fairly feminine, but they don't make it a point to ALWAYS come off that way.
Recently I've been talking to an old friend from high school, who I will refer to as C. He's probably one of the few people I can talk to about my issues and he'll listen without being critical. We've been exchanging text messages a bit for the past week or so now. I told my therapist I've been talking to him lately, which she thinks is good. It just feels good to have someone to talk to other than family members.
I have other numbers in my phone that I haven't talked to in forever, and I'm thinking about getting in touch with some of them again. Not to talk about my problems, but just to talk in general. I may not get to hang out with them in person, but at least it will be people to talk to.
At therapy this past Saturday, I talked about a few things with my therapist, one of those topics being long-term relationships when one person has severe SA like I do. She mentioned something about how I shouldn't "put all my eggs in one basket" and that I should have a few friends I can confide in just in case any boyfriend I have isn't able or willing to listen to my problems.
That's all very well, but if they're supposed to care about you, shouldn't they be supportive? It sounds more like conditional love rather than unconditional love. I don't think I could be with another guy who was unsupportive and only wanted anything to do with me when I'm "well." Plus, if I'm sharing other parts of me with him that I wouldn't share with anyone else, it would make sense for me to be able to confide in him and have him be there to at least listen. If there's one thing a guy HAS to be in order to be with me, it's supportive.
She (my therapist) also talked about maybe having some "girlfriends" to talk about things with. I hate that term. It sounds like something out of that damn magazine Cosmo. It just sounds so... peppy. And I'm not peppy or bubbly or anything like that. I don't know why, but it seems like I find myself getting along better with guys than I do with other girls. The few girls I find myself getting along with are actually more no-nonsense types who don't concern themselves with things many girls concern themselves with. They're not what you would call major "girly-girls," either. They can be fairly feminine, but they don't make it a point to ALWAYS come off that way.
Recently I've been talking to an old friend from high school, who I will refer to as C. He's probably one of the few people I can talk to about my issues and he'll listen without being critical. We've been exchanging text messages a bit for the past week or so now. I told my therapist I've been talking to him lately, which she thinks is good. It just feels good to have someone to talk to other than family members.
I have other numbers in my phone that I haven't talked to in forever, and I'm thinking about getting in touch with some of them again. Not to talk about my problems, but just to talk in general. I may not get to hang out with them in person, but at least it will be people to talk to.
this_portrait
Well-known member
I figured I would make a post here, since I haven't done so in a while and I have nothing else better to do right now (except read, but I need a break from that).
Since the 21st, I've been in Texas for a much-needed break away from everything. My aunt's been really supportive of me and has been helping me find ways to keep busy. I don't think there's been one day where I've stayed in and not gone to at least one place. I feel so spoiled, but I'm very grateful for it. I feel like I should show my appreciation, so once I get back up to IL, I'm going to make thank you cards for my aunt and this good friend of hers (who has also been spending quite a bit of time with me while I'm down here). I'll send them with some developed photos that I've taken from the trip.
I didn't read much during the fall semester, but now that I've been on winter break, I can't seem to put down the books. I've been reading so many autobiographies on various mental illnesses, as well as a book about adult children of alcoholics (which is what I am) and Melody Beattie's Codependent No More. Part of this nose-dive into books is more or less research for my final senior project, and part of it is out of pure interest. I hope to have them all read before the new (and final) semester starts, because I probably won't have much time for extra reading at that point.
New Year's Eve is kinda lonely, even though I'm not technically alone. My aunt and her dog are here, but they're both napping. I wish it could be more eventful, like it was last year, but unfortunately I'm stuck sitting here typing this up while nearly everyone else my age is out partying it up. Despite feeling lonely, though, the feeling isn't so intense. I think I can thank Prozac for that. I'm pretty sure it's making me feel calm, fighting against the depressed mood that is trying to take over my mind so I don't become miserable and start crying. I feel like it does that a lot whenever negative moods start to invade my head, and it's quite a relief.
I have a few more days here, and then I'm heading back to IL. Once I get back, I have various appointments before the semester starts, and I have to finish up my presentation for my senior project so it's ready for the first day of classes. This trip has been very therapeutic for me, and I hope that I don't spiral downward when I go back home. I think I'm just going to try my best to keep busy and spend little to no time thinking about the things and people that bring me down. I'll be better off that way.
Well, that's about it. I think I'm going to read more of Codependent No More now.
Happy New Year!
Since the 21st, I've been in Texas for a much-needed break away from everything. My aunt's been really supportive of me and has been helping me find ways to keep busy. I don't think there's been one day where I've stayed in and not gone to at least one place. I feel so spoiled, but I'm very grateful for it. I feel like I should show my appreciation, so once I get back up to IL, I'm going to make thank you cards for my aunt and this good friend of hers (who has also been spending quite a bit of time with me while I'm down here). I'll send them with some developed photos that I've taken from the trip.
I didn't read much during the fall semester, but now that I've been on winter break, I can't seem to put down the books. I've been reading so many autobiographies on various mental illnesses, as well as a book about adult children of alcoholics (which is what I am) and Melody Beattie's Codependent No More. Part of this nose-dive into books is more or less research for my final senior project, and part of it is out of pure interest. I hope to have them all read before the new (and final) semester starts, because I probably won't have much time for extra reading at that point.
New Year's Eve is kinda lonely, even though I'm not technically alone. My aunt and her dog are here, but they're both napping. I wish it could be more eventful, like it was last year, but unfortunately I'm stuck sitting here typing this up while nearly everyone else my age is out partying it up. Despite feeling lonely, though, the feeling isn't so intense. I think I can thank Prozac for that. I'm pretty sure it's making me feel calm, fighting against the depressed mood that is trying to take over my mind so I don't become miserable and start crying. I feel like it does that a lot whenever negative moods start to invade my head, and it's quite a relief.
I have a few more days here, and then I'm heading back to IL. Once I get back, I have various appointments before the semester starts, and I have to finish up my presentation for my senior project so it's ready for the first day of classes. This trip has been very therapeutic for me, and I hope that I don't spiral downward when I go back home. I think I'm just going to try my best to keep busy and spend little to no time thinking about the things and people that bring me down. I'll be better off that way.
Well, that's about it. I think I'm going to read more of Codependent No More now.
Happy New Year!
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Happy New Year to you as well, Portrait! 
I'd not seen your Random Thoughts thread until just now and read it in it's entirety. I think you are the younger (and better looking) version of me! I've experienced so many of the things you write about and can identify with what you're saying quite well. One post in particular caught my eye:
I've often wondered if my parents' lack of socializing when I was a kid has anything to do with my social awkwardness.
I think it's great that you've got the courage and strength to go to therapy - it's something that I lack. Maybe I'd be different today if I'd had some help earlier on - who knows. I wish I could say that it gets easier as you get older, but unfortunately that's not been my experience. Hopefully things will be better for you since you're tackling your issues head-on at an early age!
I wish you all the best in 2012!
I'd not seen your Random Thoughts thread until just now and read it in it's entirety. I think you are the younger (and better looking) version of me! I've experienced so many of the things you write about and can identify with what you're saying quite well. One post in particular caught my eye:
I've often wondered if my parents' lack of socializing when I was a kid has anything to do with my social awkwardness.
I think it's great that you've got the courage and strength to go to therapy - it's something that I lack. Maybe I'd be different today if I'd had some help earlier on - who knows. I wish I could say that it gets easier as you get older, but unfortunately that's not been my experience. Hopefully things will be better for you since you're tackling your issues head-on at an early age!
I wish you all the best in 2012!
this_portrait
Well-known member
My parents sometimes have this view, but the more I observe how they interact with people, the more I disagree with it. Both of them have never been good at socializing, and neither of them ever got help for it. My father was only ever social when he was drunk, and my mother is only social when she's at work. They think their social skills have gotten better with age, but really, they haven't gotten much better; they just know where they are most comfortable socializing and have been in those environments for so long that they've been deluded into thinking that their issues have gotten better with age.
I'm glad that I made the decision to see a therapist nearly 3 years ago. If I hadn't, I would be much worse off, most likely. Who knows, maybe my SA would've made an even further downward spiral and caused me to drop out of school. Therapy has helped me make some improvements over the course of 3 years. I still have quite a way to go, but I feel that I'm definitely better off now than I would have been if I hadn't gone to therapy.
Hope you're having a decent new year so far, 1BlackSheep! Thanks for taking the time to read my posts!
Srijita52
Well-known member
^My parents are same as well, sometimes it really makes me wonder if that somewhat contributed to my lack of social skills. Good to know that therapy helped you portrait, I'm sure it'll get much better over time. And happy new year to you and 1BlackSheep
I just read your whole journal too, portrait. =)
Living with my Dad, who never gets out of the house and spends 99% of his life on his laptop or watching TV, I can definitely relate to not having a social parent. His idea for me of socializing is for me to sit on the couch and watch TV with him. I sometimes wish he was more involved in things that he he could have gotten me more involved (and more social), but I guess it was really me who was afraid of the school clubs and church groups...
I really love to read, like you seem to, but I'm just such a negative person that I tell myself that I won't actually get anything out of it. I end up rarely reading, unfortunately...
I don't think you should worry so much about having a boyfriend, if it's happiness you're after, you'll first have to be happy with yourself.
Funny to see someone else has been sleeping in as much as I have lately, I'll just lay in bed for hours.
Anyways, good luck in 2012, lets hope the Mayan's had it all wrong, eh?
Living with my Dad, who never gets out of the house and spends 99% of his life on his laptop or watching TV, I can definitely relate to not having a social parent. His idea for me of socializing is for me to sit on the couch and watch TV with him. I sometimes wish he was more involved in things that he he could have gotten me more involved (and more social), but I guess it was really me who was afraid of the school clubs and church groups...
I really love to read, like you seem to, but I'm just such a negative person that I tell myself that I won't actually get anything out of it. I end up rarely reading, unfortunately...
I don't think you should worry so much about having a boyfriend, if it's happiness you're after, you'll first have to be happy with yourself.
Funny to see someone else has been sleeping in as much as I have lately, I'll just lay in bed for hours.
Anyways, good luck in 2012, lets hope the Mayan's had it all wrong, eh?
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this_portrait
Well-known member
New post~
I started classes today, which went over pretty well. The whole day has been decent, despite the miserable weather. Hopefully tomorrow will be good, too. I may or may not get to present my topic proposal for my senior project to my class. It depends on if the professors decide to go in alphabetical order or take volunteers. If they go in alphabetical order, I most likely won't be able to go until next week (last name is towards the end). Oh well.
This Thursday, I'm going to attend my first of several bellydancing classes. I'm tired of the same boring workout routines, so I figured I would try something different. Classes are super cheap, and there's a place not far from my campus that offers them. The only thing I need is a bright scarf to wrap around my waist. Since I'll be downtown for a morning class tomorrow, I'm going to look around for one at the shopping center close by once I get done with class. Hopefully I'll be able to find one that isn't expensive.
A toned stomach isn't really my only reason for taking the classes, though. I've been considering trying to do modeling on the side as a way to make extra cash. In order to do that, I need to have a toned body, plus healthy skin and hair. My skin is pretty clear (though now that it's cold, I've been having a problem with dry, peeling skin, especially on my nose). My hair, on the other hand, is a bit damaged from not just flat ironing it on a regular basis, but also from playing with it and yanking tangles out. So I've got a bunch of split-ends. I bought this product that's supposed to repair split-ends, and it surprisingly works. I've been rubbing it onto the ends of my hair after showering every night, and I've also been putting a serum on it before flat ironing to protect it from damage. Oh, and I'm trying really hard to not play with it. So far it's looking good.
Sometimes I can't help myself when it comes to my fingers. The only good thing is I don't do it in public; I will only do it when I'm in my apartment. I think part of the reason for this is because I'm afraid of getting sick. This weekend I'm going to redo my manicure and do a Vitamin C scrub (though I'll probably do the scrub before then, and then again on the weekend). Better yet, I need to use my stress ball more. I mean, I have two of the damn things; one in my bag for when I'm in public, and one on my desk for when I'm at home. I need to start grabbing the ball on my desk whenever I get the urge to chew on my fingers.
For some reason, I've been really into putting a lot of effort into how I look. I don't go over-the-top or anything, and luckily I don't even need to go overboard to achieve an "airbrushed" effect. I try to keep makeup as minimum as possible, though I do like to experiment with it. I often find myself browsing the cosmetics and skincare aisles at drugstores and trying out beauty tips from magazines. To think that 10 years ago, I was dressing like a boy and refused to ever go near anything remotely "girly." Now it's like I can't seem to pry myself away from the stuff.
Okay, I'm done talking about my beauty routine now. >>
I started classes today, which went over pretty well. The whole day has been decent, despite the miserable weather. Hopefully tomorrow will be good, too. I may or may not get to present my topic proposal for my senior project to my class. It depends on if the professors decide to go in alphabetical order or take volunteers. If they go in alphabetical order, I most likely won't be able to go until next week (last name is towards the end). Oh well.
This Thursday, I'm going to attend my first of several bellydancing classes. I'm tired of the same boring workout routines, so I figured I would try something different. Classes are super cheap, and there's a place not far from my campus that offers them. The only thing I need is a bright scarf to wrap around my waist. Since I'll be downtown for a morning class tomorrow, I'm going to look around for one at the shopping center close by once I get done with class. Hopefully I'll be able to find one that isn't expensive.
A toned stomach isn't really my only reason for taking the classes, though. I've been considering trying to do modeling on the side as a way to make extra cash. In order to do that, I need to have a toned body, plus healthy skin and hair. My skin is pretty clear (though now that it's cold, I've been having a problem with dry, peeling skin, especially on my nose). My hair, on the other hand, is a bit damaged from not just flat ironing it on a regular basis, but also from playing with it and yanking tangles out. So I've got a bunch of split-ends. I bought this product that's supposed to repair split-ends, and it surprisingly works. I've been rubbing it onto the ends of my hair after showering every night, and I've also been putting a serum on it before flat ironing to protect it from damage. Oh, and I'm trying really hard to not play with it. So far it's looking good.
Sometimes I can't help myself when it comes to my fingers. The only good thing is I don't do it in public; I will only do it when I'm in my apartment. I think part of the reason for this is because I'm afraid of getting sick. This weekend I'm going to redo my manicure and do a Vitamin C scrub (though I'll probably do the scrub before then, and then again on the weekend). Better yet, I need to use my stress ball more. I mean, I have two of the damn things; one in my bag for when I'm in public, and one on my desk for when I'm at home. I need to start grabbing the ball on my desk whenever I get the urge to chew on my fingers.
For some reason, I've been really into putting a lot of effort into how I look. I don't go over-the-top or anything, and luckily I don't even need to go overboard to achieve an "airbrushed" effect. I try to keep makeup as minimum as possible, though I do like to experiment with it. I often find myself browsing the cosmetics and skincare aisles at drugstores and trying out beauty tips from magazines. To think that 10 years ago, I was dressing like a boy and refused to ever go near anything remotely "girly." Now it's like I can't seem to pry myself away from the stuff.
Okay, I'm done talking about my beauty routine now. >>
hidwell
Well-known member
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Bellydancing + modelling is excellent! You will feel so good about yourself and I hope it all works out for the best. I'll look for you on billboards.