this_portrait's Random Thoughts

[this_portrait]

Looks like I'm staying in my apartment after graduation. Just as I figured, no one has applied to live here, and my landlord said that I could either extend or renew my lease. That's one major pressure off my back. Besides, I've grown to like this place, despite going through some of my darkest times living here. I'm starting to call it "home."

The job search seems to be going well. I just might have one lined up for when I graduate, and I had an interview for another one the other day. The interview went great, and they want me to e-mail them samples of my design work. I'm kind of hoping to get that job over the other one, simply because it pays more. However, even if I get stuck with the lower-paying job, I can always search for a new one while working there. Besides, once June rolls around, I would be working full-time for them if I were to accept the job.

I got a date lined up for tomorrow evening. Not with the last guy I went out with, though. It doesn't look like he's really interested in me (at least not romantically; I friended him on Facebook and he hasn't deleted me or anything, so perhaps he wouldn't mind being friends). This makes me glad that he didn't try to be physical with me during the two times we went out, because I don't feel he was leading me on or anything. I have a bit more respect for him.

The guy I'm meeting up with tomorrow evening seems pretty nice. We've chatted online, through text, and over the phone so far. It was a bit difficult to understand him over the phone because he has a rather thick Romanian accent, but then I find that thick accents are hard for me to understand over the phone anyway. It will probably be easier to understand in person.

Hmm, I've noticed that, of all the guys I dated, I seem to have a thing for Eastern Europeans.

 

[this_portrait]

Just got back from the aforementioned date. We met up/hung out at Starbucks for a bit, then walked around by the lake and talked.

I thought he was a sweetheart. At one point I felt a little cold and went to cover myself with my jacket, and he gave me his own to cover up with. He also didn't try to be all physical with me, either. It seems like he's really interested in me, because he kept suggesting stuff for us to do eventually.

Overall, I had a good night.

 

[this_portrait]

I'm glad this week is coming to a close soon. I really need to clean my apartment up and get my work done this weekend, as well as get some leisure reading in there. Haven't really been able to do much cleaning or reading this week because I've been busy with classes.

The guy I went out with on Tuesday wants to see me again this Saturday. I'm not going to lie; I think I've found a real sweetheart. So far he's been probably the sweetest guy I've dated. He asked me over text last night what he should do if he wants to kiss me the next time we hang out but he's too nervous, and I replied that I wouldn't really be comfortable with that. He was understanding and said that he doesn't want to make me feel uncomfortable around him at all. I couldn't help but tell him that he was sweet.

Part of me kind of wonders if this is a little too good to be true. I guess the only way to know is letting time tell. He seems traditional, but not in a bad way. Chivralrous seems like a better term to describe him. However, I wonder if it's just a front, and that if I continue to date him, his "true colors" will come out. I'd like to not think that, but unfortunately I've been through that experience and have heard countless stories about it, so I'm naturally a bit suspicious.

I think I'm going to take things slow and get to really know him better before I even think of becoming romantically attached to him. That way, if he turns out to be an a**hole with a nice guy act, I won't be as disappointed (or heartbroken), and I'll be able to walk away from it with no regrets. If he really is genuine and not putting on an act, then I will consider pursuing things even further with him.

And I just remembered that I need to call my therapist either tonight or tomorrow. She left me a voicemail yesterday saying that she needed to postpone my therapy appointment that I was supposed to have this Saturday. I have a few options, and ideally I would like to meet with her on Sunday evening, rather than during the week or after I get back from Easter break.

I also can't wait for it to get a bit warmer out, because I miss my evening walks. I haven't had one since some time in October.

 

[MikeyC]

Part of me kind of wonders if this is a little too good to be true. I guess the only way to know is letting time tell. He seems traditional, but not in a bad way. Chivralrous seems like a better term to describe him. However, I wonder if it's just a front, and that if I continue to date him, his "true colors" will come out. I'd like to not think that, but unfortunately I've been through that experience and have heard countless stories about it, so I'm naturally a bit suspicious.

That's the nature of it. A guy farting and picking his nose on the first date isn't exactly going to reel you in, but over time you will see some of it. He's probably not acting 100% like himself because he wants to make a good impression on you, but if he's sweet and you have a good feeling about him, I'm sure he's a great guy.

 

[this_portrait]

Last night turned out to be really fun. Went on my second date with this guy and even got to meet two of his friends. I was super nervous before he came to pick me up at my apartment and was really dreading it, but that was probably my anxiety kicking in. It seemed to go away the minute I got in his car.

We went to the aquarium, which was pretty fun, despite that it was kinda crowded. It was amusing looking at a bunch of different fishes and other sea creatures. Afterward we went and got smoothies (and I tried tapioca for the first time) out in the suburbs. A close friend of his and the girl he's dating met up with us there. It was nice talking to them and getting to know them a bit. In a way, I kinda experienced a double date for the first time.

So yeah, it was a great night!

 

[coyote]

^did you visit the lungfish? he's my favorite :]

 

[this_portrait]

^did you visit the lungfish? he's my favorite :]

I believe so. The ones that really stood out to me were the flying river turtle (because it had a pig nose) and the kissing gourami. There was also a fish that looked like it was dancing in place, shaking its tail fin back and forth, lol

 

[Aletheia]

^^ Yum, tapioca!

 

[this_portrait]

This week looks pretty hellish so far. Just today I've done an interview, cleared off my coffee table, and done the dishes so far. Right now I'm making dinner -- frozen bbq chicken pizza -- and then I plan on studying for a quiz I have on Thursday, working on a layout project, and coming up with an idea for the last photo in my senior project. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, that's not really a lot.

I'm probably going to sound like a pig for this (Lord knows I certainly feel like one), but I need to shower. I haven't showered since the other night, and my hair feels nasty (well, mainly my scalp). Later on I'm going to take a shower, with the water temperature on HOT because I'm freezing in this apartment. It's not even that cold outside, but it feels like a freezer in my place for some reason.

Tomorrow might (hopefully) be a date night, but I told the guy that it's possible I might not be able to hang out if I get a last minute photo shoot invite in my e-mail, something my job has a tendency to do with me. It would suck if we weren't able to go out, because I'm going back to my hometown this Thursday right after class for Easter weekend so we can't hang out then. Eh, I suppose there's always time after I get back from break.

My therapist seems to be getting on me about making some female friends. Last night she asked me how I've been with trying to make some "girlfriends," as she calls them. I hate the term "girlfriend" used in the context of female friendships, to be honest. There's just something about it that bothers me. My therapist thinks that I need to have some other social support in my life besides guys I date. While that would be nice, I'm not really in a hurry to achieve that because I've been pretty content with my life as it is lately. Granted, this satisfied feeling is probably a result of being on Prozac, but still, I'm okay with things as they are right now. Sure, they can always be better, but there's no rush.

Anyway, I think I'm done with this now. I'm going to eat my dinner and then get on my homework.

 

[MikeyC]

My therapist seems to be getting on me about making some female friends. Last night she asked me how I've been with trying to make some "girlfriends," as she calls them. I hate the term "girlfriend" used in the context of female friendships, to be honest. There's just something about it that bothers me. My therapist thinks that I need to have some other social support in my life besides guys I date. While that would be nice, I'm not really in a hurry to achieve that because I've been pretty content with my life as it is lately. Granted, this satisfied feeling is probably a result of being on Prozac, but still, I'm okay with things as they are right now. Sure, they can always be better, but there's no rush.

Maybe "girlfriends" is not the right term (I picture it as girls braiding each other's hair, shopping, giggling, etc.), but your therapist is essentially correct. I don't know how you could even go about getting any friends, but it's good to have other support outlets, and someone to just hang out with, too.

 

[this_portrait]

Maybe "girlfriends" is not the right term (I picture it as girls braiding each other's hair, shopping, giggling, etc.), but your therapist is essentially correct. I don't know how you could even go about getting any friends, but it's good to have other support outlets, and someone to just hang out with, too.

Haha, yeah, I can't imagine myself being the type to do things like that with female friends. ::

I partly agree with my therapist as well, though I do feel she's kinda being a bit pushy about it. She wants me to look into Meetup and see what I can find on there. I'm going to give it a look-sy over Easter break; hopefully I'll find something of interest to me on there.

 

[MikeyC]

Haha, yeah, I can't imagine myself being the type to do things like that with female friends. ::

I partly agree with my therapist as well, though I do feel she's kinda being a bit pushy about it. She wants me to look into Meetup and see what I can find on there. I'm going to give it a look-sy over Easter break; hopefully I'll find something of interest to me on there.

Haha no, I don't see that in you at all!

It sucks that she's being pushy about it, but I guess that's her thing. Nothing wrong with giving sites like Meetup a look, but there's obviously no obligation.

 

[this_portrait]

I saw Mirror Mirror last night. It was pretty good. My date asked me over text hours later where I "saw this going." I told him that things look good so far, and that I prefer to take these kinds of things (dating, relationships) slow. I was kinda dreading his response, but he said, "I'm glad you think that way. I like spending time with you. " I then told him that I'm kind of traditional and that I don't follow most dating trends that many people my age seem to (hooking up, friends with benefits, etc.)

So it appears that he doesn't mind taking things slow, which is nice. I find it a little hard to believe, actually, because I figured I would have to go through a few sex-crazed ones who want to rush into things first.

Anyway, I can't wait for today to be over with. Wednesdays are such a drag this semester. :| Probably going to check the mail and go get Subway after I post this. Luckily this (as well as next week) is only a 4-day week. I'm leaving right after class tomorrow morning and going back to my hometown for Easter weekend, which should be a nice break.

In the meantime, though, I'm hoping for the next 24 hours to speed up just a little.

 

[this_portrait]

Man, I'm in a bad mood. Not a major pissed off mood, but not a real depressed mood, either. I just feel very low. Perhaps 'dysthymic' is the correct term to describe how I feel, because that's the closest my mood comes to. It's kind of angsty, in a way (and like so, I've had KoRn songs playing both on my laptop and in my head for the past few hours now).

But it's not so bad. It's been so long since I've felt this way that I actually kind of LIKE it. I mean, we can't be happy all the time, right? There has to be a balance, correct? God, I feel like such a neurotic.

Good thing I'm making a trip back to the hometown. Maybe I can break out some of the CDs from all the angsty bands I listened to as a teenager and upload some songs to my iTunes. I like that idea.

What a weird mood for me tonight.

 

[MikeyC]

Wow, Korn. There's a blast from the past. I have a burnt copy of Life Is Peachy somewhere.

Feel better soon.

 

[this_portrait]

Wow, Korn. There's a blast from the past. I have a burnt copy of Life Is Peachy somewhere.

Feel better soon.

Yeah, I saw them live once.

Thanks a bunch!