This question hurts..

Skatergirl

Skatergirl

Banned
I'm at a clinic 4 days a week, from 8;30 till 4:30 , and today a girl asked me, why are you so quiet? ::(:
My mind is just blank and i dunno anything to say ::(:
I feel really sad about it, and i'm afraid of what everyone is thinking out there, they might think i'm boring ::(:
 
W

WelshOne

Well-known member
Thats my most hated question!

I used to get it when I was at school, and I still sometimes get it from my Dad when I dont feel like talking much. P***es me off. The annoying bit is that when someone asks you it, it makes it 100x harder to actually talk afterwards... for me anyway - Im not sure why.
 
F

FOR REAL

Banned
some people are noisy, some are quite.
im a noisy person, but i get nervous about what ive said and how people have taken it.
i wish i was quite sometimes, so then i wouldnt have to worry about things ive said.
 
Psychedelicious

Psychedelicious

1
My eyeball hurts

I see a lot of people here say they hate that question so much. I really don't understand why. I don't think it's meant to be insulting or anything. Sure, it's really not the best thing to ask a quiet person why they are quiet, but it's still someone trying to talk to you nonetheless. I also agree there isn't really a good response to give, it's not the best way to ask. It depends how someone asks it too. I've come to realize that we're not the only ones who blurt out weird questions.
 
redpine17

redpine17

Well-known member
You should have said something truthfull or not to rude. say something like 'its just the way i am'. ps. i get that alot too
 
M

music10

Well-known member
I would get asked this question at school all the time. They would just continuously ask it almost everyday. I hate it because its so hard to know how to respond. I don't want to say that I am just quiet or say something like I'm too afraid to say anything because it just makes everyone else think that your a friek. When really we aren't.
 
M

mimi1988

Well-known member
Omg, I HATED when ppl would ask me that s***! People would always ask me that in school. "why u so quiet?". Ughhhh!
Like, how do you respond to that? "well, I suffer w/social anxiety, so that's why I'm always so quiet" lol?
There's 1 incident that still sticks in my head. There was this convenient store right around the corner from my house. I'd been going to that store for as long as I can remember. So one morning I came in the store to buy some doughnuts (I was 16 at the time) and outta nowhere the man ringing me up says, "smile! You never smile, you don't talk to nobody, you got no friends." I didn't respond back but I guess he could tell by my facial expression (my eyes were starting to tear up) that he had hurt my feelings. So then he said, "I was just playin". I still didn't say anything. I just grabbed my bag and left. And I NEVER went back to that store lol. That man had ruined my whole day. I still never forgot what he said. I know he didn't intend to hurt my feelings, but he did.
 
K

Kinetik

Well-known member
It kind of depends on your age bracket and the culture you're in too. I lived in Holland myself for most of my youth (Alkmaar, for 11 years) and in that environment it was important to be aggressive and stand up for yourself, but that's really not me. People would say "leer van je afbijten" and I'd just be like "**** off". I like understated, unobtrusive people, and lots of others do too, so try not to see it as a bad thing. Being humble is a great quality if you ask me.
 
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freestylemonster

freestylemonster

Banned
Yeah I hated getting this question in school!! I used to not know what to say...Now I just say "It's just how I am" and they say "alright" and it's all done and left behind :)
 
Flowers-Of-Bloom

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
Ugh... that question has been haunting me forever...
I'll probably get asked the same thing today.
I usually answer with "I dunno" or "I'm not feeling too well" or something. Which doesn't really help at all. But hey; I don't blame other people for not understanding.
She's probably trying to be friendly. :) Somehow...
 
cosmosis

cosmosis

Well-known member
Horrible question. They generally mean well when asking it, but they end up isolating you even more. They are really saying... I know you are different...you don't play by the same social rules and it makes me a little uncomfortable because I can't figure out what you are thinking or if you are a threat or not...So I'm going to ask outright why you make me a little uncomfortable by asking you why you are so quiet...The question is designed to make you answer shyly so they feel more comfortable that you are just a social outcast and not in any way socially threatening.
 
dpr

dpr

Well-known member
cosmosis said:
Horrible question. They generally mean well when asking it, but they end up isolating you even more. They are really saying... I know you are different...you don't play by the same social rules and it makes me a little uncomfortable because I can't figure out what you are thinking or if you are a threat or not...So I'm going to ask outright why you make me a little uncomfortable by asking you why you are so quiet...The question is designed to make you answer shyly so they feel more comfortable that you are just a social outcast and not in any way socially threatening.
Click to expand...

Yeah you hit the nail on the head right there.

In a way, the person who asks, "Why are you so quiet?" is showing their insecurity.

We all have the "friend or foe" internal dialogue whenever we meet someone. If the person smiles and is nice to us, then we think "friend." If they are rude, arrogant, obnoxious, etc... we think "foe."

Unfortunately, if the person is quiet and doesn't smile at us or initiate conversation, then we don't really know what to think.

i.e. "Do they not like me?" "Are they bored?" "Do they think they're too cool for me?" "Are they always this quiet?"

Hence their need to ask, "Why are you so quiet?" It's another way of asking, "Don't you want to talk to me?"
 
C

CardSender

New member
Well, I've been contemplating Einstein's General Theory of Relativity. And I just can't figure out the RED-shift, BLUE-shift thing. :confused:

Could you help me out - I've got all night?
 
nephatitus

nephatitus

Well-known member
dpr said:
Yeah you hit the nail on the head right there.

In a way, the person who asks, "Why are you so quiet?" is showing their insecurity.

We all have the "friend or foe" internal dialogue whenever we meet someone. If the person smiles and is nice to us, then we think "friend." If they are rude, arrogant, obnoxious, etc... we think "foe."

Unfortunately, if the person is quiet and doesn't smile at us or initiate conversation, then we don't really know what to think.

i.e. "Do they not like me?" "Are they bored?" "Do they think they're too cool for me?" "Are they always this quiet?"

Hence their need to ask, "Why are you so quiet?" It's another way of asking, "Don't you want to talk to me?"
Click to expand...

i like this answer

more or less i still find the quiet question to be a tad bit annoying
 
wo.

wo.

Member
Yup that's an awkward question. Just a few weeks ago I was asked by a hyper-active outgoing 5 year old "why don't you ever talk?" I agree with dpr's last statement, that the person asking the question is just trying to get a feel for you. Some people are uncomfortable with silence.

It's ok to be quiet though; don't feel sad :(. At the other end of the spectrum, some people just won't stop talking and are so obnoxious! Better to be quiet than annoying :).
 
xSleepy

xSleepy

Well-known member
its been such a long time since anyones asked me this... im worried how i will react, and what i will say when someone does. which i know will happen because im quiet and most likely someone will say something about it.

ive always thought of it as an insult and always got embarrassed when asked that. i dont care if its not meant to be an insult. i dont like when people notice my shyness and awkwardness, it makes me uncomfortable. obviously im a shy quiet person but theres no need to talk about it. i guess maybe people who have been extroverted all their lives or very talkative think its odd to be around someone who rarely talks.
 
M

mmmm

Well-known member
The last time I got asked that question, I responded with "why are you so fat?" Then I felt so guilty that I had to go back and apologise for being so rude. ha ha! And get this, she said there was nothing to apologise for because she had been rude first. Maybe I've reached a point in my life when I should start lowering myself to peoples levels. It sucks and I don't enjoy it but I feel like showing the world that quiet is not submissive.
 
S

satstrn

Well-known member
Its cuz your'e a cute girl who looks like she would be talkative! ;) I guess it depends on the tone she used, shes probably just trying to be friendly. If she said it in a nasty tone though, you shoulda been like why are you so nosy? Or why are you such a b***. LOL, don't say that one actually. But my guess is shes just trying to start a convo. Do you work there or something?
 
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