You say, "I'm a pretty shy person. Now since your'e so outgoing and obviously interested, why don't you ask me some more questions?" Bam, convo started.
😉
You assume that they're asking why you, as a person, are so quiet. It doesn't necessarily have to be meant that way. They could literally be asking why you're being quiet; what is making you so quiet at this moment. That doesn't even have to be taken as a judgment. They haven't told you to talk more, that's our own spin.
They could just be worried that something terrible has happened and they're ready to offer support... They could be afraid that they've offended you and are just making sure... They might think that you're deep in thought and be curious about what has captured your mind so thoroughly. The question "why are you so quiet" is vague and hits close enough to home that we readily project our personal feelings onto the questioner.
...anyway, I also realize that the question can be a socially acceptable form of "what is your problem?" (aka "you have a problem"). Yeah, it's pretty well shit. My mind goes blank because there really isn't any answer to this. In this form the "question" simply isn't a question, there is no response.
I find that it's the stigma that normally goes with it that annoys me. If people get it in there head that you are quiet and shy they take the attitude that you have to be nurtured in some kind of way and normally end up talking down to you or saying "awwww" alot of the time. grrrr..
I'm at a clinic 4 days a week, from 8;30 till 4:30 , and today a girl asked me, why are you so quiet? :🙁:
My mind is just blank and i dunno anything to say :🙁:
I'm in a clinic right now too, and I was asked a similar question. I simply said "I have social phobia", and the girl nodded and said "Oh, it must be tough for you to be around so many people then".
If the clinic is specifically for people with psychological problems (like the clinic I'm in), all people that you meet there have problem of their own, and will most likely even understand your problem.
If I'm with a group of friends that I feel comfortable with, I don't feel really anxious and most of the time, I tend to get really noisy and can crack jokes with relative ease. But if there's people I barely know I keep quiet. Some of my friends who know me to be noisy will often ask me why I'm so quiet.. Is this selective mutism? Or is it just SA?
Call me paranoid... but I think it's a little bit naive to assume this is always an innocent question.
I always think of it as a 'challenge' to try and make me perform for them or something!
I wonder if people ask personal remark style questions to outgoing people (e.g. why are you so chatty/loud?) I woudn't know I suppose, not having been that way myself. But I really doubt it.
But what DPR said makes alot of sense I think... maybe it is a defensive thing on their part... 'why don't you want to talk to me'?
its not the worst question you could be asked.And you dont need to be a rocket scientist to answer it either.Simply i would always reply by saying that i dont have anything to say.And i think people ask this because of the interest in you,for example if you work with someone close to you every day,its normal to know the person and have a small conversations from time to time.
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