hoddesdon
Well-known member
There have been a number of comments along the lines of "I am ashamed that I have social phobia".
That is unjustified. What are the causes? Well, broadly, they are:
. genetics
. shortage of neurotransmitters dopamine and seratonin in the brain
. family history
. personality traits predisposing to anxiety conditions
. creativity
. a sense of morality
. perfectionism
. a sense of responsibility
. imagination
. intelligence
. being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
. experiences out of your control
. dysfunctional family
. bullying at school
. environment
. over-protective parents
. parental disapproval
. unfavourable comparison with a sibling
. birth order
. enforced isolation
. family moved around a lot
. migration to another country
Genetics: the first two points are not your fault.
Traits predisposing to anxiety conditions: they are positive, just taken too far sometimes. Creativity is positive; a sense of morality is positive; perfectionism is positive in certain circumstances e.g. medicine; the opposite of a sense of responsibility is irresponsibility; imagination is positive, just taken too far in focussing on what might happen rather than what is likely to happen. The opposite of concern about being judged is callous indifference to everything: a psychopath. I doubt any psychopaths have social phobia. If everyone were a highly sensitive person, you would have a workable world; if everyone were totally insensitive, then you would not have a workable world.
Experiences were out of your control. They usually occur early, when you have not grown up yet and lack experience to mobilise against them. Their effects tend to take root in virgin soil, and persist irrespective whether circumstances change. That applies to everyone. The Chinese used to bind girls' feet to prevent them from growing - they did not start growing later when the binding was removed.
Without outside intervention, there was not much you could do about a dysfunctional family situation. The same applies to bullying in school or within the family. These are both situations where you were necessarily at a disadvantage. Not only that, the effects were severe. So it is hardly surprising that they have a significant impact. The nervous system operates on the basis that it is better to mistake a stick for a snake than vice versa. Hence your reaction to the worst situation you have experienced tends to become the benchmark even if the objective circumstances have changed.
Environment is also outside your control.
Had you had different genes, or been switched in the hospital at birth - and hence had different experiences - things would have turned out differently. If you change the result by changing factors outside your control, then the result is not your fault.
Being ashamed is a barrier to improving matters, since it makes you think you deserve it. It is one of the ways social phobia tries to defend itself. You are not social phobia; it does not define you: social phobia is a medical condition just as influenza is.
That is unjustified. What are the causes? Well, broadly, they are:
. genetics
. shortage of neurotransmitters dopamine and seratonin in the brain
. family history
. personality traits predisposing to anxiety conditions
. creativity
. a sense of morality
. perfectionism
. a sense of responsibility
. imagination
. intelligence
. being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
. experiences out of your control
. dysfunctional family
. bullying at school
. environment
. over-protective parents
. parental disapproval
. unfavourable comparison with a sibling
. birth order
. enforced isolation
. family moved around a lot
. migration to another country
Genetics: the first two points are not your fault.
Traits predisposing to anxiety conditions: they are positive, just taken too far sometimes. Creativity is positive; a sense of morality is positive; perfectionism is positive in certain circumstances e.g. medicine; the opposite of a sense of responsibility is irresponsibility; imagination is positive, just taken too far in focussing on what might happen rather than what is likely to happen. The opposite of concern about being judged is callous indifference to everything: a psychopath. I doubt any psychopaths have social phobia. If everyone were a highly sensitive person, you would have a workable world; if everyone were totally insensitive, then you would not have a workable world.
Experiences were out of your control. They usually occur early, when you have not grown up yet and lack experience to mobilise against them. Their effects tend to take root in virgin soil, and persist irrespective whether circumstances change. That applies to everyone. The Chinese used to bind girls' feet to prevent them from growing - they did not start growing later when the binding was removed.
Without outside intervention, there was not much you could do about a dysfunctional family situation. The same applies to bullying in school or within the family. These are both situations where you were necessarily at a disadvantage. Not only that, the effects were severe. So it is hardly surprising that they have a significant impact. The nervous system operates on the basis that it is better to mistake a stick for a snake than vice versa. Hence your reaction to the worst situation you have experienced tends to become the benchmark even if the objective circumstances have changed.
Environment is also outside your control.
Had you had different genes, or been switched in the hospital at birth - and hence had different experiences - things would have turned out differently. If you change the result by changing factors outside your control, then the result is not your fault.
Being ashamed is a barrier to improving matters, since it makes you think you deserve it. It is one of the ways social phobia tries to defend itself. You are not social phobia; it does not define you: social phobia is a medical condition just as influenza is.
