Well, today, I officially became the person I hate the most and probably the mean, quiet, unapproachable, "too good for us" person in Literature class. I was sitting next to the air conditioner reading and it was hot in the class (it was a coincidence). The other students in the class were complaining about the heat, which irritated me a bit. After a while, a girl got up and went to the air conditioner, which was right behind me, to get it to work; incidentally, she got all in my "space". She noticed that and apologized for it, but the only thing I did was keep quiet and keep reading my book

! I already had a dark atmosphere around me and, with all of that combined, I think I may have made myself into the mean person in class. I didn't mean to be quiet; I don't know what came over me! I guess it was because I was already irritated, but I think I would have done the same thing, even if I were calm. Why is it that I freeze up around girls?! Why can't I say anything to them?! Why do I avoid them?! Why am I so afraid of them?!
Well, anyway, I went to my friend and talked to him about it. A long story short is that now he's involved in this war against my SA and my probable gynophobia, or caligynephobia rather. He wants me to talk to the people around me and make friends with my neighbors. As simple as that sounds, I find that to be truly difficult. I can't talk with people; there are so many faux pases that I'm committing apparently. Who wants to talk with someone like that? Anyway, I guess I'll try. I'm almost absolutely sure that I'm going to have to revisit the therapist's office. Well, I'll set up an appointment this week. We wants to turn me into the person that I am on here basically. He thinks that there are women out there that look at me, are attracted to me, and that want to be my boyfriend

, just like everyone else. What can I do to prove them wrong? No girl wants anything to do with me, will ever want anything to do with me, and the one who thinks she does has a very twisted mind concerning. I'm not fit to be a boyfriend. Even if I were, on the
extremely rare chance that I do, the relationship will die soon after. I can't do anything for her, so what kind of boyfriend would I be? So, SPW, I ask you: do you think that the person I am on here, the "real Deadman", could be a capable and worthy boyfriend who can keep the love alive? Do you think that any woman alive would like me and desire me, that I'm a worthy enough person for a girlfriend and love?