The 30-year-old virgin

[Rumplestiltskin]

You are. They know. You know they know.

It sucks. It takes any scarce self-esteem you might have left away. It forces you to stay at home as much as you can. It makes you hate anyone looking in your direction. It's written all over your face.

You can't have sex. The wheel will keep on spinning. It's going to get worse year after year. You don't know how much more you'll be able to resist.

You don't want to live like this, but it's definitely rational for you to feel this way. After all, you're inferior to them all. They all have made it. Sex is is an essential part of their lives. Sex is also an essential part in your life, but sadly for completely different reasons.

You were in an elevator with a teenage hottie today. Boy, was that painful! Where were you supposed to look at? A mere twenty seconds had never seemed this long to you. And she read you from the very first one. What an embarrassment.

Teenagers are the worst. Especially nowadays, what with everyone doing everything increasingly earlier. So young, yet so experienced at the same time. You hear them making fun of your laughable condition once you've passed by. They think you can't hear them, but the thing is you can. You can even when they don't say anything at all.

But it's rational for you to hear those voices. Because you still are, and they are not anymore. They haven't been for long, but you will continue to be.

I'll see you in 10 years.

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

I'm 30 and a virgin and this post kind of hit the mark, however I do think I hide it pretty well. I had a class last year with a very beautiful girl that I liked quite a lot (I'm bet she knew too, sometimes people can tell) but my age kept me from saying anything, so I totally get a lot of the stuff in this. Sadness will ensue now

 

[planemo]

Firstly the issue of you being a virgin is troubling to you. It's natural to assume that others are as concerned about it as you are, but they're not. Think of it rationally. Do you honestly think a complete stranger will care who around him has had sex and who hasn't? If they do then it is about them being troubled by the issue as well.

I face the same problem about my appearance. But you know i honestly don't care about being a virgin. Being brought up in a strict religious community, not being a virgin is actually more of a concern. So i honestly don't care. I know there are people who will laugh at me for being a virgin, but that's only because of their value system. To them it's important, to me its not.

Now i need to figure out why my appearance is so important that i assume others are concerned about it as well, when they're not. I think you need to find why it is a concern to you being a virgin. Are you afraid of being ridiculed by people you know aren't virgins? is this situation to you a reason for feeling inferior to others? Believe me the issue here isn't being a virgin solely. There's a whole lot of people who aren't virgins but don't leave home because they're embarrassed about something that you are not.

 

[Sacrament]

It'll be harder for you to lose your virginity if you have such a negative attitude about things.

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

Firstly the issue of you being a virgin is troubling to you. It's natural to assume that others are as concerned about it as you are, but they're not. Think of it rationally. Do you honestly think a complete stranger will care who around him has had sex and who hasn't? If they do then it is about them being troubled by the issue as well.

Ive actually been laughed at when I admit it, or people for some reason think I'm gay. I'm not terribly concerned with other people's opinions of it nor think they care that I'm a virgin, but experience says to just keep it completely to myself

 

[Hellhound]

Don't go broadcasting your sexual matters and nobody will have an opinion.

 

[Hellhound]

Sex is also an essential part in your life

Actually, being able to walk normally seems more essential to me, but that's just me :thinking:

 

[greggy]

It'll be harder for you to lose your virginity if you have such a negative attitude about things.

I so agree what you bud!

 

[planemo]

Ive actually been laughed at when I admit it, or people for some reason think I'm gay. I'm not terribly concerned with other people's opinions of it nor think they care that I'm a virgin, but experience says to just keep it completely to myself

As I said, it's about their value system too. I know I'll be laughed at as well, but since i have a different set of values, I don't care. The point is that if you set their standards and values as your own, and you try to keep up to it, despite your shyness/social anxiety coming in the way of it, you're gonna feel unduly depressed when you fall short.

I don't blame you for keeping it to yourself. I don't go telling everyone I'm a virgin, even though I'm ok with it. I don't know why people look at it like some kind of personal achievement to have slept with as many people as possible. But as some have pointed out if you don't tell anyone, then no one will know. If there are people out there who go around keeping score as to who is a virgin, and who isn't, based solely on one look of that person, then that's someone I'd rather avoid anyway.

I think we have to ask ourselves if it truly matters to us, because it's important for us to have had sex, or is it because it's important to have had sex, to the people who we feel will mock and ridicule us?

 

[Richey]

I agree with what planemo said ^^^
It's not a big deal..

Perhaps the real issue is that some people don't meet the partner they were supposed to meet, for whatever reason. Some people meet their match which leads to a relationship which leads to trust which leads to shared moments which leads to intimacy...but just as many people who do meet a match don't meet a match and there are lots of reasons why this occurs...

So the sex isn't really the issue here, because that's just an attribute of meeting a match...

Keep trying to meet a potential date, don't give up, try going to festivals, conventions, get out and about and keep trying, you'll meet some nice people...stay interested.

 

[NamiraWilhelm]

Better to have no sex than bad sex, and if your issues are currently dictating your life than bad sex is what you'll probably have Honestly dude, forgetting the sex part, this time being single is exactly what you need to work on yourself.

(I'm kind of the opposite though. Not that I've slept with a lot of guys, I truly haven't, but I've definitely used sex as a way to get love/affection. Your lack of it is probably the best option!)

 

[gustavofring]

I'm not a virgin (although it must've been 2 years since I last had sex) and still have enormous problems functioning as a human being, so believe me, it doesn't make your problems go away. People also can't magically sense that you're a virgin, that's in your head. Most people don't even think about it. And even if they did, your sex-life or lack thereof is nobody's business but yours. But I know that it has probably become an obsessive thing for you at this point, a thing that makes you insecure, and sex maybe has become an unattainable thing, so someone saying it isn't a big deal probably won't change your mind. But I'm gonna say it anyway!

 

[MotherWolff]

You are. They know. You know they know.

It sucks. It takes any scarce self-esteem you might have left away. It forces you to stay at home as much as you can. It makes you hate anyone looking in your direction. It's written all over your face.

You can't have sex. The wheel will keep on spinning. It's going to get worse year after year. You don't know how much more you'll be able to resist.

You don't want to live like this, but it's definitely rational for you to feel this way. After all, you're inferior to them all. They all have made it. Sex is is an essential part of their lives. Sex is also an essential part in your life, but sadly for completely different reasons.

You were in an elevator with a teenage hottie today. Boy, was that painful! Where were you supposed to look at? A mere twenty seconds had never seemed this long to you. And she read you from the very first one. What an embarrassment.

Teenagers are the worst. Especially nowadays, what with everyone doing everything increasingly earlier. So young, yet so experienced at the same time. You hear them making fun of your laughable condition once you've passed by. They think you can't hear them, but the thing is you can. You can even when they don't say anything at all.

But it's rational for you to hear those voices. Because you still are, and they are not anymore. They haven't been for long, but you will continue to be.

I'll see you in 10 years.

I don't understand the narrative of this post....:thinking:

But I hope you didn't think this teenage girl was "hot" and you're like, 30????

Kinda creepy...

Anyway, I think you are analyzing this a bit too much...

Its not that big of a deal. Lots of people will always, ALWAYS have things I may never obtain(in your case, you seem to think its sex with a teenage hottie, perhaps???) But I don't think my life sucks or I am unworthy. This is pure negatron thinking which would be safer to avoid. I mean, those same people who you think are always nailing the hottest girls(women?) are most likely lacking something you have too....

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

I don't understand the narrative of this post....:thinking:

But I hope you didn't think this teenage girl was "hot" and you're like, 30????

Kinda creepy...

Anyway, I think you are analyzing this a bit too much...

Its not that big of a deal. Lots of people will always, ALWAYS have things I may never obtain(in your case, you seem to think its sex with a teenage hottie, perhaps???) But I don't think my life sucks or I am unworthy. This is pure negatron thinking which would be safer to avoid. I mean, those same people who you think are always nailing the hottest girls(women?) are most likely lacking something you have too....

I personally thought of the teenage girl as being legal, less creepy right? Or would it still be creepy?

 

[Hellhound]

I personally thought of the teenage girl as being legal, less creepy right? Or would it still be creepy?

No love for ladies over 29, we are too decrepit :sad:

 

[nowherewoman]

You are. They know. You know they know.

It sucks. It takes any scarce self-esteem you might have left away. It forces you to stay at home as much as you can. It makes you hate anyone looking in your direction. It's written all over your face.

You can't have sex. The wheel will keep on spinning. It's going to get worse year after year. You don't know how much more you'll be able to resist.

You don't want to live like this, but it's definitely rational for you to feel this way. After all, you're inferior to them all. They all have made it. Sex is is an essential part of their lives. Sex is also an essential part in your life, but sadly for completely different reasons.

You were in an elevator with a teenage hottie today. Boy, was that painful! Where were you supposed to look at? A mere twenty seconds had never seemed this long to you. And she read you from the very first one. What an embarrassment.

Teenagers are the worst. Especially nowadays, what with everyone doing everything increasingly earlier. So young, yet so experienced at the same time. You hear them making fun of your laughable condition once you've passed by. They think you can't hear them, but the thing is you can. You can even when they don't say anything at all.

But it's rational for you to hear those voices. Because you still are, and they are not anymore. They haven't been for long, but you will continue to be.

I'll see you in 10 years.

If it makes you feel any better, I'll be 35 in a couple of weeks and I'm still very much a virgin. I've never even kissed a guy. It's not something I tell people. It's nobody's business and there's no reason for anyone to know unless you get into a serious relationship with someone...Maybe not even then. Believe me, those teenagers can't tell by looking at you. People make stupid, thoughtless remarks all the time. Like I hate when people say "you're living in your mother's basement" as an insult. I live in my mother's shed in her backyard because I can't get another job because of my social phobia. It's nothing to laugh about, nor is someone's sexual experience or lack thereof. It's terrible to be lonely and as each year goes by, it seems less likely that anything is going to change. To believe that you'll NEVER find love of any kind can almost drive you crazy. It's better to just not dwell on it. Just keep in mind that you aren't alone and things can still change for you.

 

[gustavofring]

But I hope you didn't think this teenage girl was "hot" and you're like, 30????

Youth and beauty attract, but below 17 is indeed a bit creepy. Still, not every girl ages the same and some can be very physically mature for their age. I think there's nothing wrong when both men and women in their 30ies are visually struck by the beauty/handsomeness of someone in the 18-age range. It's only natural and biological and can't simply be "thought" away. It may not be socially desirable, but it is just something that happens sometimes. Doesn't mean that person is a pedo and it doesn't mean that person is incapable of finding people their own age attractive. It also doesn't mean that person can't control his/her urges and puts the idea out of their heads.

Acting upon it is a different matter. Like hitting on a teen, it's not a wise/considerate thing to do. But I just think people/society sometimes goes a bit too far with their paranoia and judgmental attitude. We're only mammals.

 

[PhillipJFry]

Sex is not all that terrific. It feels slightly better than masturbating, and slightly worse than getting paid. You shouldn't feel like a looser for not having it, it does not define you. Every single person who physically abuses their children are one million times infinity times more pathetic than you; and they've all had sex.

But if it is very important to you to have sex, then why not buy it from a prostitute? you may have to pay a lot, but I think you can find some very nice escort girls online or something that'll be happy to hook you up these days.

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

No love for ladies over 29, we are too decrepit :sad:

I haven't met many women 30 or older that dont have kids already which is why I prefer younger women. But I also havent met many women of any age who simply don't want kids, so it doesnt really matter

 

[nowherewoman]

Sex is not all that terrific. It feels slightly better than masturbating, and slightly worse than getting paid. You shouldn't feel like a looser for not having it, it does not define you. Every single person who physically abuses their children are one million times infinity times more pathetic than you; and they've all had sex.

But if it is very important to you to have sex, then why not buy it from a prostitute? you may have to pay a lot, but I think you can find some very nice escort girls online or something that'll be happy to hook you up these days.

I know this comment was directed at the OP and I also know there are varying degrees of social anxiety we experience on this board, but I think it would be just as scary with a prostitute. It's not a matter of not being able to find someone to have sex with. It's the act itself that causes fear. When you're scared of people, it's only natural that you'd be scared of sex. When I went on dates in the past I just wanted to run out of the room...and that was just going to the movies or a restaurant, not anywhere near having sex. It's just not possible. It would be even worse with a stranger, though that might be an option for someone with only a mild phobia, which maybe the OP has.