Thanksgiving
- Thread starter kihira
- Start date
coyote
Well-known member
The following was taken from an actual field general report from the Chicago Police Department:
Date: 03 Dec 1997 Beat: 2524
Incident: Battery, Aggravated - Other Dangerous Weapon
Narrative:
Victim was having turkey left-overs with her boyfriend/fiancee. The two got into an arguement over who would eat the last drumstick. The offender (boyfriend) struck victim across the face numerous times with the "last meaty turkey leg" causing bruising.
Offender then pulled down the victim's pants and panties and inserted the small, knuckle end of the turkey leg into the victim's anus, approximately four inches deep.
Offender then told victim to, "enjoy the leg" and then fled the scene.
Victim transported to hospital by CFD. Emergency room doctor removed the turkey leg from the victim's rectum. The turkey leg was inventoried by the evidence technician.
Ahhh..., the Holidays!
Date: 03 Dec 1997 Beat: 2524
Incident: Battery, Aggravated - Other Dangerous Weapon
Narrative:
Victim was having turkey left-overs with her boyfriend/fiancee. The two got into an arguement over who would eat the last drumstick. The offender (boyfriend) struck victim across the face numerous times with the "last meaty turkey leg" causing bruising.
Offender then pulled down the victim's pants and panties and inserted the small, knuckle end of the turkey leg into the victim's anus, approximately four inches deep.
Offender then told victim to, "enjoy the leg" and then fled the scene.
Victim transported to hospital by CFD. Emergency room doctor removed the turkey leg from the victim's rectum. The turkey leg was inventoried by the evidence technician.
Ahhh..., the Holidays!
Forgotten-Children
Well-known member
I don't know whether to laugh or be ashamed at them. xD But I did laugh so... yeah. Lol...
I can't imagine the small end of a greasy turkey leg being that difficult to pull out. Wonder why she left it up there.
coyote
Well-known member
From my understanding, there is an involuntary reaction of the sphincter to clamp down when a foreign object is inserted, sometimes making it impossible to remove the object without medical assistance.
I was an Emergency Dispatcher for many years. You would not believe the number of people who get things stuck in their ass.
coyote
Well-known member
Then there was the time when my sister's first husband had a full-on psychotic break during Thanksgiving dinner. He started telling us about the messages he was receiving from planet x or whatever, and asked for my advice in constructing some sort of communication device that he could plug directly into his cerebral cortex.
It was a little frightening if not entertaining.
Everyone was staying with us. During the night, my (now-ex) wife insisted that I bar the bedroom door with a chair so that we wouldn't be murdered in our sleep.
What's Thanksgiving without family?
It was a little frightening if not entertaining.
Everyone was staying with us. During the night, my (now-ex) wife insisted that I bar the bedroom door with a chair so that we wouldn't be murdered in our sleep.
What's Thanksgiving without family?
coyote
Well-known member
I have had thanksgiving dinner with all of the following:
a Danish fashion model
a deaf man
a cop
an Indian Chief
an Elvis impersonator
an Italian sex therapist
a colonel in the Pakistani secret police
a Soviet spy
a fireman
an Iraqi fighter pilot
the mayor and his wife
an Islamic terrorist
a ninja
a stripper
a convicted felon
a professional pool player
a middleweight boxing champion
an artist
a Danish fashion model
a deaf man
a cop
an Indian Chief
an Elvis impersonator
an Italian sex therapist
a colonel in the Pakistani secret police
a Soviet spy
a fireman
an Iraqi fighter pilot
the mayor and his wife
an Islamic terrorist
a ninja
a stripper
a convicted felon
a professional pool player
a middleweight boxing champion
an artist
kihira
1
Perhaps combine these to save on catering costs:
a professional pool player with a felony record
the mayor (Soviet spy) and his wife (the stripper)
an Iraqi Elvis-impersonating fighter pilot
a ninja fireman
a deaf Italian sex therapist (I didn't know sex in Italy was any different, maybe that's why it needs therapy
?)An artistic colonel in the Pakistani secret police who happens to be a middleweight boxing champion
etc
etc
MsBuzzkillington
Well-known member
I would be thankful to hear more stories... haha
That makes it seem like certain acts done between two people, can prove to be more dangerous that people make it out to be.
Pookah
Well-known member
I feel bad that we are giving thanks whilst plastering images of pilgrims and indians when the pilgrims/colonists killed the native americans and took over their land.
Thanksgiving for my family is just a holiday where we gather up, talk loudly over each other and are forced to watch sports whilst gorging ourselves on American and Italian cuisine. We eat like 3-4 times. Ravioli or baked ziti or sausage scallopini with meatballs then the turkey with the sides then desserts then pick at the rest all night. The food is good, the company sometimes overwhelming for me.
Thanksgiving for my family is just a holiday where we gather up, talk loudly over each other and are forced to watch sports whilst gorging ourselves on American and Italian cuisine. We eat like 3-4 times. Ravioli or baked ziti or sausage scallopini with meatballs then the turkey with the sides then desserts then pick at the rest all night. The food is good, the company sometimes overwhelming for me.
Lol, awesome, coyote & arsenal
BlueDays
1
We don't celebrate it here, fortunately
Neither do we thank goodness!
Having to sit at a dinner table once a year at Christmas with my sister and her family is bad enough.
