How often do you actually "want to die" or actually consider suicide?
Suicide. Death. You.
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iamthenra
Well-known member
I would say that most days I would like to die, but will never be suicidal because I'm scared of dieing as well.... Kind of a catch 22....
WearyChild
Well-known member
For me it goes two ways, my fear of living verses my fear of dying. Most of the time I just don't want to be here anymore but on the other hand I don't know if what comes after is any better so it makes me iffy about it.
davidburke
Well-known member
only actually considered doing it once but the "want to die" feeling comes back now and then
nopark
Well-known member
Not anymore.
But once--I tired once. A secret thing. I was ready to go: notes written, copious instructions left for typing up loose ends... I was well prepared and calm and at peace. My ritual ensured a high rate of success. But due to a fluke chance I lived. I never tried again.
I don't like to talk about it but I feel it gives me a certain insight into the topic. I'm not sure how many people are really serious when they consider suicide. But I know how it feels to be at that precipice fully prepared and steadfast.
No one in the world knew about my secret failure until a few days ago when I confided in a friend. Coincidence that you post this thread now when I feel a bit more open about it.
But once--I tired once. A secret thing. I was ready to go: notes written, copious instructions left for typing up loose ends... I was well prepared and calm and at peace. My ritual ensured a high rate of success. But due to a fluke chance I lived. I never tried again.
I don't like to talk about it but I feel it gives me a certain insight into the topic. I'm not sure how many people are really serious when they consider suicide. But I know how it feels to be at that precipice fully prepared and steadfast.
No one in the world knew about my secret failure until a few days ago when I confided in a friend. Coincidence that you post this thread now when I feel a bit more open about it.
Very, very rarely. After I graduated college and before I got pregnant I was looking for work and wasn't able to find any. I became really depressed. I felt useless and costly, 5 yrs of college my husband gets to pay for because I couldn't find a job. I think that's the only time I really thought about it.
Does your religion have anything to do with it?
Pink_Paula
Well-known member
Constantly. It's always on my mind i struggle with it daily!
Eh, yes and no. I don't believe suicide can send a Christian to hell, so in that sense no. But I also believe God still has a purpose for my life, so in that sense yes.
Mostly it was because of my husband, the grief I knew he'd feel if I actually did it. I didn't want to do that to him. Now I am really glad I didn't...my life is 110% better.
Yeah. Strange how it just sits there, waiting for you to play with it.
Pink_Paula
Well-known member
It never seems to go away! I can have a good day like today but something in my head always takes me back to thinking about it
agoraphobickatie
Well-known member
ehh.. if i'm feeling really down and 'stuck' i'll think about how i'd rather just not be alive, how it'd be easier just to not be here than to live miserably... but when i have those thoughts, they usually don't last long at all, i don't take them seriously and in my head i'm just like "blah.. that'd be horrible.. let's think about something else" and then i change my train of thought, lol.... what really kills me, is thinking about my dad getting home and seeing me dead or something, i see him in my head falling to his knees and sobbing =/ then he'd have to call and tell my mom and she'd be equally as horrified, and then friends and people i've known would find out and they'd all talk about how "i never thought katie would do something like that, so sad" blah blah... and as silly as it may be, i think about my poor puppy running around in the house crying because she doesn't know what's wrong ...anyway, just thinking about how bad i would hurt my parents (who have done everything in the world for me), makes me realize how terrible and selfish it would be to commit suicide..
...anyway, just thinking about how bad i would hurt my parents (who have done everything in the world for me), makes me realize how terrible and selfish it would be to commit suicide..
I was in 4th grade the first time I attempted suicide. I couldn't figure out how to get the razors out of the cartridge so I just ended up cutting my fingertips a bit.
Passing thoughts, musings, and random fantasies (like while I'm driving) are relatively common. Actual planning and contemplation are pretty rare. Oddly enough what occurs to me is 'but who would take care of my kitties?'. I couldn't hurt them, no matter what.
Passing thoughts, musings, and random fantasies (like while I'm driving) are relatively common. Actual planning and contemplation are pretty rare. Oddly enough what occurs to me is 'but who would take care of my kitties?'. I couldn't hurt them, no matter what.
Does anyone ever find it quite romantic or epic? Taking your own life. Interest always seems to be gained after someone has committed suicide.
Pink_Paula
Well-known member
No, i find suicide to be extremely emotional, i can't see how anyone could find it romantic or epic. It's an end of a life a life that to the person who did it meant nothing, was hard and uneventful. when i die which will most probably be through suicide i know i did it because of how messed up my life is and how effed up i am there's nothing romantic about that!
agoraphobickatie
Well-known member
paula, i'm so sad to read this :
: i do see what you're sayin', but i hope that one day you can see something better happening for you and change your mind =/
Pink_Paula
Well-known member
paula, i'm so sad to read this :
Thanks Katie, i've just lived with these thoughts for so long now that they've become a way of life. I do hope and pray that something will happen to make me change my mind, i want to be happy and free of those thoughts. So i guess while i'm still thinking like that there is hope.
