Someone dear to me left today and I'm having a hard time coping

[zav943]

Hey everyone,

About two months ago, I relapsed pretty bad and have been feeling very lonely until about 3 weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine on google chat (we didn't know each other that well) and offered her to come visit me for a week and stay over at my place if she wanted.

She said she'd love to, and she she came here about one week ago.

I had my doubts about us having fun but I couldn't have been more wrong. We had a great time together and spent the entire week with each other (because I have no one else to hang out with), rarely getting bored of each other's company. We even went to Montreal to celebrate my birthday (the first time I actually celebrated my birthday since I was 17).

I felt very comfortable around her...we established the kind of bond I only wish I had with the people around me.

I won't deny that part of me wanted to tell her that I liked her and was wondering if we can take it a step further, but I didn't want to ruin what we had...it was too good to waste.

Anyways, the week ran by very quickly and I dropped her off at the airport two days ago.

It didn't really hit me until I came home and found her bed empty. I was truly devastated and I'm still very much feeling terrible right now.

She lives a good 4 hours away (by plane) and will be doing her masters soon, so she won't have time to travel. I, on the other hand, am too poor to make such a trip.

I feel like I've lost one of the strongest and most meaningful connections I have ever formed with someone and I am fearing that this is it...I will never be able to experience it (or anything similar to it) again given my social phobia.

Any advice on how to deal with this "loss", if you will, would be greatly appreciated.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I suppose the only thing I can say is; 'time heals all wounds.'
You will feel okay with it given more time; just don't let yourself linger on 'what could've been' - focus on the future.

Keep yourself busy. Work alot.
...that type of thing.

It's easier said than done but you can do it if you hang in there and just keep yourself busy!
This feeling of not being able to find the feeling of connection with someone again--- that may be a symptom of your specific social phobia.
Seeing a therapist, exercising, joining a club or class to make new friends may help you change your attitude and give you a new perspective as to what life could offer for you.
You'll never know until you try.
Just do your best!

 

[Section_31]

You should tell her how you feel.

 

[Prestonator]

Hey!

I'm sorry to here that you relapsed!

I bet you maybe feel lonelier than you did before she came over, right? Do you not think that maybe because you were feeling so lonely, she kind of filled a void and maybe that is why you felt closely connected to her.

If you had such a nice time with her, why don't you try to spend more time with together????

 

[panicsurvivor]

I am very very sorry. :: That is the problem with making a really good true connection with someone. Saying goodbye to a friend, is heartbreaking, but it is a part of life. Some people will say something like "well, I don't want to make friends if they are just going to leave,". That is sad, because what you get while they are there is well worth it. You should try to stay in touch, and find some more time together.
This is NOT the only time this will happen to you. You may have SA, but you are still going to have other connections. Don't sell yourself so short.
You are a good person, you will find other good people again.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

Firstly stop thinking that it is a loss. It is not a loss, it's a huge win that you currently feel that you are not able to take advantage of. Just try and accept it for what it is, and who knows in the future, something might change and you might be able to see each other. Until then stop fretting over what could have been because it won't make you feel any better so there isn't much point in wasting time circulating those negative thoughts around your head. You did well getting this far so you should be patting yourself on the back.

 

[panicsurvivor]

Firstly stop thinking that it is a loss. It is not a loss, it's a huge win that you currently feel that you are not able to take advantage of. Just try and accept it for what it is, and who knows in the future, something might change and you might be able to see each other. Until then stop fretting over what could have been because it won't make you feel any better so there isn't much point in wasting time circulating those negative thoughts around your head. You did well getting this far so you should be patting yourself on the back.

What he said.

 

[CrzyDrmr]

I know it's probably not the answer you want to hear, but it really is better to of loved and lost than never to of loved at all...as corny as that sounds. I say congrats man, at least you had some good times and made some great memories you won't soon forget.

If anyone remembers that show the wonder years, I remember a particular episode when Kevin (the star) goes to the beach and meets a girl who he has all these great times with and then they have to go their separate ways, vowing to stay in touch but of course they don't. I'm not saying that will happen in your situation, but, my point is that at least you know what it's like now. No more mysteries or anticipations. At the end of that episode, he says something to the effect of "It hurt...but it felt great", so, I say just tell the girl how you feel and don't let her just go off that easily. Being left to wonder "what if" forever is the worst feeling of all in these situations.

Good luck my friend...

 

[Pyrophosphate]

You didn't lose anything. Sounds like things are going great for you. You should tell her how you feel.

 

[Newtype]

I don't get it. If you really like this girl, then right now you have the opportunity to make an impact. She came to see you, now it's your turn. You say you're too poor, but you can get a job and save some money to go see her. You don't know how much she'll appreciate you for that. However, don't tell her how you feel if you're not gonna do anything to meet her. You would just make her wait for something that might never happen and it's not good to make a lady wait.