Sexual abstinence at of 20 untill I find the right one, am I weird?

Shrimp

Member
I just came out of a relationship of 4 years, she broke up with me while I was pretty much ready to spend the rest of my life together.
We waited a long time before we had sex untill neither of us had any doubts about giving up our virginity.
I regret my decision to this day, and wish I could have back my virginity so I can give it to a very special woman.

I started talking to girls at a bar I work as a tip from a friend to get over my ex, but I felt wrong and dirty getting their phonenumbers, especially because I wasn't interested at all.
I never called them back, it just didn't feel like the right thing to do.
Some colleagues started to notice this pattern, and I felt terrible for being laughed at.

I'm waiting for a woman who shares the same idea about sex and relationships as I do.
I would very much like her to be a virgin, but I wouldn't mind if she isn't as long as she didn't have too many sexual partners.
I'm not religious and neither are my parents, this is purely something that feels normal to me.
I never told anyone but one person who has sex with a different girl every month, and he got angry with me and called me a stuck-up.
I never judged his lifestyle, nor do I think everyone should practice mine.
I think it's fine if others have multiple sexual partners, it's just not something I want to do and it wouldn't feel right.

Am I wrong?
 
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Odo

Banned
You can't really be 'wrong' about what you decide to do with your own life!

But if it were me, I definitely wouldn't feel bad about losing my virginity to someone I cared about. 4 years is a long time... one day I promise that you'll look back on it and think 'yeah, I can say I'm okay with that'. You could have done a whole lot worse!

I think it's interesting how all of these young people consider their virginity to be so precious that it's an absolute tragedy if they lose it to the 'wrong' person (and this doesn't even seem to be the case here). Do you really think that sex is that big of a deal?

I mean, yes, you shouldn't just be sleeping around with everyone you meet but there is no real non-psychological reason to be so guarded about these kinds of things. Having sex with one person isn't going to make having sex with the woman you finally marry that different... it's when you're constantly sleeping around with people you don't know very well or don't care about that it takes a toll on you. In the context of a caring relationship, it's all good. Experimentation is completely natural and it's better to do it with someone you trust, respect, love, etc.

I would have to say that yes, you are being pretty uptight about demanding that your future girlfriend be a virgin, especially when you aren't... I'm sure there are virgins out there, but you're seriously going to write off someone who could bring real joy and excitement to your life because she's not a virgin? It seems pretty shallow to me.

Anyways, I'm not telling you how to live your life-- just saying what I think.

Also-- bars aren't the most awesome place in the world for meeting people... I'd say you'd be more likely to find someone nice in a library or something.
 
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Shrimp

Member
Thanks allot for your honest opinion.

While I can't deny that my first love was special, eventually things went south and I couldn't help but feel like I made a huge mistake.
I've had allot of trouble getting over her and coming to realisation that sex isn't as much as a big deal to others as it is to me, as almost everyone I know had sex with more than one person and they don't feel bad about it.
I'm fine with that, that's their choice.

I just don't feel like I could do that, for me it's as important as marriage.
I can't have sex with a woman just because I feel like it, I feel like it's a permanent decision and a permanent mental and physical bonding.
I feel the same way about a future girlfriend, and that's why I feel like I can't date women alltogether and just avoid the whole thing.

I feel like I'm stuck between two walls, and I dont know what to do.
I guess I'll have to learn to live with it and find a girl who's as carefull as I am.
 
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Ithior

Well-known member
I feel a similar way. I'm not saying I'll only lose it to the girl I feel is 'the one', but I want to do it with someone who's important to me, and I'm not just talking about the first time.

In a forum I used to visit, people that didn't have this mentality (the big majority) couldn't really understand it and judged it, and often misinterpreted that mentality as not being able to get laid/too socially awkward to get laid. I think that if I tried I'd be able to get laid after going out a few nights but I don't really want to do something like that. I prefer to wait.
 

Shrimp

Member
I feel a similar way. I'm not saying I'll only lose it to the girl I feel is 'the one', but I want to do it with someone who's important to me, and I'm not just talking about the first time.

That's a good idea, you'll find her one day and you'll be happy you've waited.


I think that if I tried I'd be able to get laid after going out a few nights but I don't really want to do something like that. I prefer to wait.

I had a few changes myself, I'm happy I didn't give in otherwise I would probalby have never met my first girlfriend.
 

Section_31

Well-known member
Your not wrong at all. If it feels right, then stick with it.

While not a virgin by any means, ive come to care a lot less about sex really. I cant do that unless I really have feelings for the person. So to me its worth the wait, having experienced both meaningless sex and meaningful, from experience I can tell you your honestly not missing anything if you don't care about the person.

Don't let anyone tell you your wrong. do what feels right. stick to your guns.
 

sahxox

Well-known member
You're not weird. I think you're lucky for having such a clear opinion on the topic.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
We waited a long time before we had sex untill neither of us had any doubts about giving up our virginity.
I regret my decision to this day, and wish I could have back my virginity so I can give it to a very special woman.
You regret it now because you've broken up, but it felt right at the time, and that's all you can really go by. Who's to say the next woman that's "special" to you will last? Then you'd regret it all over again. There's no use mulling over this, but enjoy the times you did get intimate with her. :)

I'm waiting for a woman who shares the same idea about sex and relationships as I do.
I would very much like her to be a virgin, but I wouldn't mind if she isn't as long as she didn't have too many sexual partners.
This sounds a little shallow, but girls like this do exist, so if that's what you want, search around! :)

You do seem like you're clear on what you want, and you don't judge other frivolous sexual lifestyles of your peers, so it shows you have maturity and a willingness to accept others for who they are, not what they do, which doesn't seem to be reciprocated. Just stick to what you want and I'm sure you'll find someone. :perfect:
 
You sound very mature for a 20 year old. They ridicule your decision because it is out of the ordinary. Don't let them get to you. But were I you from now on I wouldn't mention the whole sex thing to people, it's none of their business and most of them probably lie about their conquests anyway.
 

Zaki

Well-known member
It is refreshing to hear from someone who places value on sex in this lecherous, careless world. And no, this doesn't make you weird...just different. Personally, I think people take sex too lightly these days. There's no sacredness to the act, just hooking up. I don't look at sex as simply something to do to pass the time. To me, it is the most intimate you could possibly be with another human being and that's not something I can do with any old Tom or Harry off the street. I have to feel something for that person and really trust that person in order for me to be that vulnerable with him.
 

TLB

Well-known member
You aren't wrong at all. It's common. Many people choose to live their life like that, and good luck to you :)
 
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