running Into Old friends...ughh

bsammy

Well-known member
this really isnt for the younger crowd(teenagers or early 20s even) but for us ln late 20s or older..most people i know like running into old friends and classmates but i sure dont..i just ran into a girl i went to school with in junior high..she had kids, family and all that and its extremely hard to say what ive been up to these past 10-15 or so years besides working and getting by..i have found i am forced to somewhat lie and embellish my life in these conversations with people from my past or else i will come off very strange especially considering i dont have kids..i find it very depressing to talk with old classmates about the 'old times' as i realize current state and the time lost in between and im like ugghh..

anyone else hate running into old friends?how do you explain your life to them
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Most people probably don't like running into old friends, I know I don't! It is embarrassing but the truth is, we don't know what they're going through. And, most people in their later twenties are mature enough not to care about status and superficial crap.............unless they're superficial.
 

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
I hated it for all the reasons you do, when I was in my late twenties. But sometimes pluses become minuses, and vice-versa.

At least I'm not stuck in a miserable marriage with a bunch of kids driving me nuts. I'm not paying alimony to someone I despise, or caught in a job I hate because supporting a family means you can't quit. Also, some stranger who my ex-wife married that I had NO say over isn't raising my theoretical children half the time. My credit's good, I have a recluse's glow (meaning I have virtually no sun damage and zero wrinkles as I'm pushing forty), and I can come and go as I please; the friends I bump into already have crow's feet and frown lines, they look tired and rushed as we say our goodbyes and go our very separate ways.

So I really seem to be no worse off in many respects, and in many, it seems that I'm much better off. Of course, I'm not a burning furnace of ambition to start with, so my experience may not be what others here would call pleasant. But bumping into old friends is starting to get a little bit easier for me now, at least, as my odometer ticks up to 37.5.

It's kind of like that scene at the end of Castaway, as it's really up to me where I go from here.

Spoiler alert. ha ha
 

nicole1

Well-known member
I hate this because I've changed so much in both appearance and attitude. I've seen people who have moved on in life while I'm still some what stuck. I've made little progression... I dread the question, "So what have you been up to?" I say "stuff" then ignore them or try to change the subject.
 

S_Spartan

Well-known member
I hated it for all the reasons you do, when I was in my late twenties. But sometimes pluses become minuses, and vice-versa.

At least I'm not stuck in a miserable marriage with a bunch of kids driving me nuts. I'm not paying alimony to someone I despise, or caught in a job I hate because supporting a family means you can't quit. Also, some stranger who my ex-wife married that I had NO say over isn't raising my theoretical children half the time. My credit's good, I have a recluse's glow (meaning I have virtually no sun damage and zero wrinkles as I'm pushing forty), and I can come and go as I please; the friends I bump into already have crow's feet and frown lines, they look tired and rushed as we say our goodbyes and go our very separate ways.

So I really seem to be no worse off in many respects, and in many, it seems that I'm much better off. Of course, I'm not a burning furnace of ambition to start with, so my experience may not be what others here would call pleasant. But bumping into old friends is starting to get a little bit easier for me now, at least, as my odometer ticks up to 37.5.

It's kind of like that scene at the end of Castaway, as it's really up to me where I go from here.

Spoiler alert. ha ha

You bring up some very good points. Compared to my old friends I have a TREMENDOUS amount of freedom. Of course society doesn't find that sexy because by my age you are supposed to be saddled with all kinds of stresses, many of which I find to be completely pointless.

Early forties and no wrinkles. Have plenty of time for the gym so the muscles are growing.

Good credit and zero debt.

No children to fight over with an ex.

If I want something I can just buy it without having to talk it over with "the spouse"

Of course as far as society is concerned I am a complete failure for not following "THE WAY"!
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
It depends on who it is. I might not even act like I remember them or I might if I liked the person and miss them hug them and get teary-eyed and blush. The last time I ran into someone I missed a lot I said how beautiful she looked and felt stupid. It doesn't happen to me very much because i don't really go anywhere I might run into people I know for fear I might break down. I might have some awkward experiences to report back on by the end of May, though... Stay tuned LoL :p
 

Luckylife

Well-known member
Facebook makes it entirely possible to run into old friends. I am in the same boat as Spartan, although in common with people who have Aspergers I look very young for my age, I can even wear black lipstick at a nightclub (I am male). I don't feel proud at not having children, marriage, crows feet, etc. and at times it is tough having to figure out my next move using only initiative. But it is what I have to accept just as old friends have to accept what they have and have not.
Most, if not all have children and a divorce or two. One has had heavy addiction problems and frankly looks unwell. One has died. But what I get from them is that I look the same as when I left college. Is that good or bad? I met one of them and he was very professional but that is exactly what you get with increasing maturity. Now the looks and physical prowess have departed he compensates with superior ability. As 'being' goes, 'doing' comes.
So I don't exactly dislike meeting old friends but it is awkward in the same manner as teenagers talking to parents. Not much in common and other things to do.
 

LittleGloves

Well-known member
It depends on who it is.

Agree. Funny cause I ran into my friend in a clinic after trying to avoid her when I first saw her there. It was nice to see her after almost two years but at the same time I was really embarrassed about my current situation hence the avoidance.
 

bsammy

Well-known member
You bring up some very good points. Compared to my old friends I have a TREMENDOUS amount of freedom. Of course society doesn't find that sexy because by my age you are supposed to be saddled with all kinds of stresses, many of which I find to be completely pointless.

Early forties and no wrinkles. Have plenty of time for the gym so the muscles are growing.

Good credit and zero debt.

No children to fight over with an ex.

If I want something I can just buy it without having to talk it over with "the spouse"

Of course as far as society is concerned I am a complete failure for not following "THE WAY"!

very good point, tbh ive never wanted kids or even a wife, maybe just havent met the right one, doubt i ever will with the way i live..lol..but yes, society almost looks down on those who dont live the typical lifestyle, 60 hour work weeks,2-3 kids, wife and a very stressful schedule..so yes perhaps maybe much of my dislike for these social situations comes down to the fact that i dont fit into society and never will, and it will always put me at odds with most others?
 

lonerism

Well-known member
Luckily for me, I rarely run into people from my past - quite rarely (knock on wood). I guess it helps tremendously to not get out much - the less you're "out there", the less chances are that you will have such awkward experiences. I don't write this to give people "advice" or anything - just making a standard observation that very much applies to my particular circumstances.

However - I've thought/wondered if I have actually been in the same places as people from my past more often than I realize - and we just failed to recognize each other. For people who knew me in prior decades, it's pretty easy to miss me, I guess; though I was never a slim person, I weigh a ton more than I used to weigh. And there have been other, perhaps less-favorable changes to my appearance. I suppose that I don't look much like people who knew me a long time ago expect me to look; the adult me doesn't have the image that some people may have projected for me.

I'm thankful that there haven't been too many times when I've had to face those awkward, excruciating moments when I bump into some old acquaintance - and my mind races with feelings of embarrassment about the changes to my appearance, and try my best to get the encounter over with before they ask me "What are you doing these days?"

Over the years, I've definitely had to face a few such moments, though. About 10 months ago, I was absolutely shocked when a man approached me who turned out to be an old schoolmate from elementary school. To the best of my knowledge, we hadn't seen each other since June 1985 - yet, he somehow recognized me as though June 1985 was only yesterday. Luckily, the "reunion" was pretty brief - and ended before he could see more evidence of what a complete psychological wreck I was, or the dreaded "So what are you doing these days?" question was asked.

And not too long before that encounter, I'm reasonably sure that I almost literally ran into another elementary school classmate - someone who I last saw in 1995 (long after elementary school). Yet - this person politely acknowledged me without recognizing me at all. It was a surreal experience; in retrospect, it's pretty comical how much of a "close call" this experience was...how I hid "in plain sight" of this person. I guess sometimes, a 90-pound weight-gain comes in handy!
 

lonerism

Well-known member
Btw - if I was confronted with a "What are you doing these days?" question and there was no way out, I'd feel like I had little choice but to be honest. The fact that I am on disability makes it easier for me to answer this question than it was during the days when I wasn't on disability; I would just throw the "disability" word at them...possibly without going into any further detail. The fact that the government has "declared" my disability gives "official weight" to my extensive problems.

I do remember at one occasion when I was honest about my situation when I bumped into an old college acquaintance - I remember telling him that I had been struggling with depression, and that it was the reason why I didn't finish college, etc.. He seemed empathetic and relatively non-judgmental.
 
I don't like seeing old friends because I'm so different now. In high school everybody knew me and i was liked by most, i had all different kinds of friends and it was nice. I guess looking back on it, i was a popular kid. Fast forward to now and i don't want to see anyone from then. I've struggled with depression and PTSD for over 6 years and I'm just a different man all around. People expect others to stay the same and sometimes we change into people who avoid others. I hate all their questions about why i didn't do this or why i didn't go to the 10 year reunion, etc. I hate questions. I mean how do you say in a polite way that you just don't like most people and would rather keep them at a distance?
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
Btw - if I was confronted with a "What are you doing these days?" question and there was no way out, I'd feel like I had little choice but to be honest. The fact that I am on disability makes it easier for me to answer this question than it was during the days when I wasn't on disability; I would just throw the "disability" word at them...possibly without going into any further detail. The fact that the government has "declared" my disability gives "official weight" to my extensive problems.
I can agree with having some kind of validation if you are actually on disability. I myself am not, however I have lupus and many other issues including social phobia and for some reason I could never secure disability. And this DOES make you feel terrible. What, am I supposed to call myself "unemployed?" It's really embarrassing. (These judges do just about anything they can to disqualify you. In my case it was deciding that my Dr. didn't know what he was talking about.)

Otherwise the trick I use when seeing people I don't want to talk to is to say "fine, how are you?" while continuing to walk by. Luckily it doesn't happen often as I don't go out much.
 

Lilly789

Well-known member
I hate meeting old friends. I avoid it at all costs. Sometimes I have seen them in various places and I will run and hide.

I just don't want to know them. I don't want to have to listen to their crappy stories or tell them mine for the sake of polite small talk that neither of us are actually interested in to begin with.

I hated the last school I went to and I hope the whole thing burns to the ground. I certainly dont need to see old friends and be reminded of it.
 

Livemylife

Well-known member
Most people probably don't like running into old friends, I know I don't! It is embarrassing but the truth is, we don't know what they're going through. And, most people in their later twenties are mature enough not to care about status and superficial crap.............unless they're superficial.

"Most" seems like an inflated amount...Perhaps "more" people won't care as they've gotten older. I personally have learned over and over that age does not correlate with maturity.
 
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