Question for shy guys

[fitftw]

I hear you on the self-defeating thoughts and actions. You just need to say to yourself "I'm going to die someday. She's adorable and I should just say a simple hello" even if it's just "hey" and that's it. It'll make you feel good probably.

 

[Mr.Moon]

I live in the down in the country so I can't go to the library much, don't have my own car.. I could never get myself to talk to a pretty girl though, when one would approach me for whatever reason I'd get pretty nervous and wouldn't know what to say in response, often made myself look like a fool..

 

[Kinetik]

It is true that lots of (shy) guys take for granted that they're going to be rejected if they make a move, so they end up not making any effort at all. At least, that's how I am. I have to know for absolute sure that she's into me, or else I won't go there. So I think the best advice I can give you is to be as obvious as possible without feeling like you're selling yourself cheaply. The other thing too is that if you come on to a guy, he might assume that you're just being friendly. I've had that experience as well - where I think someone's smiling at me for no real reason, but it turns out she actually liked me as more than a friend. Many of us aren't very good with signals.

I guess you could start out talking about something neutral or safe, but take it to a deeper level as soon as you're comfortable, so that he knows it's not just platonic.

 

[SilverFire]

Shy guys.. how do I know if you are shy?
I go to the library very often and i do encounter some guys i wouldn't mind dating, they are cute and intellectual.. but the thing is.. are guys that go the library or even work there, are they shy? Cause I dont know Theres this one guy i have my eyes on and im not sure if he's shy...... hes quiet, looks at me nothing else...

shy guys in libraries, or in general, if you never met a girl before and you seen a girl you liked or whatnot or were attracted to? what would you do? how would you act?

What would I do? I'll tell ya 'cause I've done it 1000 times -- nothing. I look, I feel, and then I bury the emotion deep down inside of me and then I leave the scene before I can get called a stalker or a perv.

 

[Kiwong]

I'd be too scared to look in the first place, and I'd feel like running and escaping through a window.

 

[recluse]

Well us shy guys often act different than shy girls do, we tend to put on an aloof front because it seems more macho.

My shyness can show in various ways really -

I either smile a lot o'r find it hard to smile at all
I sometimes find it hard to maintain eye contact, and my eyes get downcast
I fidget awkwardly not knowing what to do with my arms
My voice gets quiet
I sometimes blush
I stumble on my words

 

[Kiwong]

I'm glad all this dating stuff is a thing of the past for me.

 

[WiSe]

he probably is very shy. but what i would reccomend is walking up to nd spak a conversation out of nowhere. something you can walk away from with your dignity intact if it doesnt work.. something like ( you look soo familiar where do i know you from?, so n so's party) they will obviously say no but if he was just waiting for you to make the first move.. he might have a followup question. if not than ask him something to seem like your trying to figure out how u know him.. ask him what he does for fun to see if u can place his familiar face. soon as u hear something of a common interest to you you say AHA... and a common interest always sparks conversation and IF there is attaction there then your both in business.

 

[R3X]

Here's what i'd do :
- Stealing glances
- Stare at her as long as possible without being caught looking.
- When caught,i'll quickly look at something else(Usually look down.)
- I'll use my peripheral vision A LOT.(example : I'm looking in front when actually i'm looking at something else.Get it?)
- I'll act macho/cool/impress her/nice/kind AKA Not Myself although the kind/nice is ME.LOL
- I'll ignore her (Depends on the guy's reason. Me? 'Cause i feel i'm not worthy of such a beautiful girl.)
-You ARE ALWAYS in my range of vision.
-All questions start popping in my head like for example,"Wow,she's beautiful.Man,i dunno what to say to her.Come on man! THINK! ARrrgghhh!!!WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO SAY OR DO?!!" LOL that's just one of the many frustrations.
-I'll be VERY curious on what you do.
-I'll try and be as close as possible to you although sometimes(or in my case)i'll back away from you because i'm too scared(dunno what to do).

 

[theslowesthand]

I generally "tied myself up in knots" with all my thoughts, which proabably leads me then to getting very nervous and pessimistic, which subtacts even more from my already low self-confidence, and she picks up on this, which i pick up on, and ..................... AAAAAAAARRRGH my head hurts!!!
(you get the picture)

 

[Interzone]

I wish girls would approach me! I would feel awkward and uncomfortable if I had to approach her and she would think I was weird or something.

I spend a lot of time in my Uni's library but I don't know what I ought to do to attract more attention from the opposite sex!

 

[Anti Matter]

I would probably curl up in a corner and do nothing. Best solution for me.

 

[Blaze]

I cannot approach women. They have to make the first move, and even then I am distant and vague. Which gets me nowhere!

 

[Interzone]

When I do manage to talk to a women in school, the conversation only seems to be about school. I don't really know how to take the convo in another direction and they don't seem to take the initiative.

 

[Anti Matter]

When I do manage to talk to a women in school, the conversation only seems to be about school. I don't really know how to take the convo in another direction and they don't seem to take the initiative.

I find this also annoying. "So....lets talk about shoes"? Doesn't get me anywhere.

 

[Interzone]

I find this also annoying. "So....lets talk about shoes"? Doesn't get me anywhere.

Exactly. This is one of my biggest problems and fears. I don't know how to continue a conversation. I don't want to talk only about school forever with a girl and it's funny because she usually never changes the topic unless you do.

Thanks to my severe lack of social experience, I'm not the most experienced talker out there. SO I need to practice, but it's hard unless you know someone who understands your situation and has the patience to go through it with you.

 

[coyote]

Exactly. This is one of my biggest problems and fears. I don't know how to continue a conversation. I don't want to talk only about school forever with a girl and it's funny because she usually never changes the topic unless you do.

Thanks to my severe lack of social experience, I'm not the most experienced talker out there. SO I need to practice, but it's hard unless you know someone who understands your situation and has the patience to go through it with you.

the chatbox here on this forum has become pretty active lately

the conversations there go in all sorts of directions

that might be a safe way to practice conversating

 

[Anti Matter]

Exactly. This is one of my biggest problems and fears. I don't know how to continue a conversation. I don't want to talk only about school forever with a girl and it's funny because she usually never changes the topic unless you do.

Thanks to my severe lack of social experience, I'm not the most experienced talker out there. SO I need to practice, but it's hard unless you know someone who understands your situation and has the patience to go through it with you.

Apparently, the best option is to just listen to them talk as my friend puts it so simply. Tried that, conversation died in about 5 minutes. Tbh I really can't be arsed doing it anymore. I've tried a few times but end up thinking I will end up either being talked about or laughed at. So I give up.

Not saying YOU give up, all I'm saying is don't let it beat you. It's something I accepted because I want to. It's pretty annoying to actually think about what you're going to say when talking to a girl you like. So I left it alone.

 

[just wanna b normal]

well we wouldnt do anything cuzz we are shy but if you catch him looking at you from time to time with big googly eyes then i think he might be interested

 

[Ignace]

I cannot approach women. They have to make the first move, and even then I am distant and vague. Which gets me nowhere!

Got the same problem dude. ::