Prostitution, Virginity & the Illusion of Intimacy

[Ashiene]

When I was a virgin, I thought by having sex I would become better and happier. Since I lost my virginity last year to a prostitute, I have been spending large sums of money to pay beautiful, hot women for sex.

It has become an addiction. I thought by having sex with so many hot females (whom in the past I could only dream about) would make my life better, but now my anxiety is worse than when I was a virgin.

Firstly is the large amount of money spent (I wouldn't say wasted, I thoroughly enjoyed each session), and frequently too.

Secondly is the realisation that the only way I could ever get female intimacy would be through paying for it, because no girl would even approach me on their own. And when I pay for sex, I don't have to worry about girls asking me if I have a social life or if I ever dated (which is no) or what my hobbies are (which are incredibly boring).

Thirdly is the sad fact that visiting prostitutes has become like smoking and alcohol. I always need to get my fix and if I stop it for too long I get withdrawal symptoms like reduced self-esteem, increased irritability, aggressiveness, all similar to other addictions.

Lastly, I know that most of my money is going into funding my prostitution habit (which has now become my biggest motivator in life), and when I run out of money to afford indulging in this activity, I would be all alone again, without even the brief moments of female intimacy that prostitutes can provide so well.

I only visit prostitutes that provide the girlfriend experience as well as sex, and even though it may only be a couple of hours together, it is as close as a "relationship" or "girlfriend" I will ever have in my miserable life.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I thought by having sex with so many hot females (whom in the past I could only dream about) would make my life better, but now my anxiety is worse than when I was a virgin.

This notion comes up so often I almost think this should be a sticky.

it is as close as a "relationship" or "girlfriend" I will ever have in my miserable life.

Whoa, hey, hold on there. Assumptions and predictions of the future. Just because you feel that way now doesn't mean it's actually true.

 

[sullyS25]

Sounds like you have some addictive tendencies.....Have you ever tried a twelve step program?

 

[Silatuyok]

When I was a virgin, I thought by having sex I would become better and happier. Since I lost my virginity last year to a prostitute, I have been spending large sums of money to pay beautiful, hot women for sex.

It has become an addiction. I thought by having sex with so many hot females (whom in the past I could only dream about) would make my life better, but now my anxiety is worse than when I was a virgin.

Firstly is the large amount of money spent (I wouldn't say wasted, I thoroughly enjoyed each session), and frequently too.

Secondly is the realisation that the only way I could ever get female intimacy would be through paying for it, because no girl would even approach me on their own. And when I pay for sex, I don't have to worry about girls asking me if I have a social life or if I ever dated (which is no) or what my hobbies are (which are incredibly boring).

Thirdly is the sad fact that visiting prostitutes has become like smoking and alcohol. I always need to get my fix and if I stop it for too long I get withdrawal symptoms like reduced self-esteem, increased irritability, aggressiveness, all similar to other addictions.

Lastly, I know that most of my money is going into funding my prostitution habit (which has now become my biggest motivator in life), and when I run out of money to afford indulging in this activity, I would be all alone again, without even the brief moments of female intimacy that prostitutes can provide so well.

I only visit prostitutes that provide the girlfriend experience as well as sex, and even though it may only be a couple of hours together, it is as close as a "relationship" or "girlfriend" I will ever have in my miserable life.

It's good that you are recognizing your addiction. Like someone else suggested, I think the next best step would be looking into doing some sort of program to help yourself get out of it. There are lots of good resources out there for all sorts of addictions.

 

[Ashiene]

It's good that you are recognizing your addiction. Like someone else suggested, I think the next best step would be looking into doing some sort of program to help yourself get out of it. There are lots of good resources out there for all sorts of addictions.

The problem is that my addiction to paying for girlfriend experience & sex is directly related to my social anxiety disorder. I cannot establish normal intimate relationships through social skills that is why I have to seek female intimacy through payment for services. The only way this problem is going away is if I am rid of SAD.

 

[jaim38]

The problem is that my addiction to paying for girlfriend experience & sex is directly related to my social anxiety disorder. I cannot establish normal intimate relationships through social skills that is why I have to seek female intimacy through payment for services. The only way this problem is going away is if I am rid of SAD.

I think SAD and addiction to sex and girlfriend experience are 2 different things. Some people with SAD are not pining for sex or a girlfriend, and people who are addicted to sex and women do not necessarily have SAD. Though the 2 disorders complement each other.

 

[sullyS25]

The problem is that my addiction to paying for girlfriend experience & sex is directly related to my social anxiety disorder. I cannot establish normal intimate relationships through social skills that is why I have to seek female intimacy through payment for services. The only way this problem is going away is if I am rid of SAD.

I hate to say this but I disagree because if what you were saying was true then every guy on this site that struggles with social anxiety and that lacks social skills would have a problem with addiction to paying for sex. That simply isn't the case though. This sounds like a true addiction and if it is (which it seems to be one to me but I can't say for sure) then things will get worse and it will progress.

I dont doubt that your social anxiety is bad and that it affects your social life but you cannot say it is the reason for your addictive actions with prostitutes. You can treat your Social Anxiety but I guarantee it wont disappear immediately and you will be able to use it as justification to continue sleeping with prostitutes. Then you will say your addictive actions make your Social Anxiety worse because they make you feel shame and less worthy of true love and affection. It is a vicious circle and unless you treat the Social Anxiety and the addictive behavior, things will only get worse, I can guarantee you that. How do I know this? because I have been there myself. Prostitutes werent my addiction of choice but I had the EXACT same mindset and I justified my drug and alcohol use for the same exact reason....I said it was directly related to my social anxiety which it was not.

 

[rosewood]

you may shoot me down on this if you like, but here is an idea for you to think over...

why not have the ladies you spend time with be your practice partners for social exchanges rather than sex, so you can develop skills for ladies you would like to be in a relationship with. unless, the sex really is an addiction. then my heart goes out to you. a 12 step in that case would be helpful, and you would also get socialization skills out of it that way.

either way, Good Luck to you and keep us posted on how you fare please

 

[Aron]

Firstly is the large amount of money spent (I wouldn't say wasted, I thoroughly enjoyed each session), and frequently too.

Everyone spends money on things which makes them feel good. As long as it's not money that you otherwise needed then I say it's just money.

Secondly is the realisation that the only way I could ever get female intimacy would be through paying for it, because no girl would even approach me on their own. And when I pay for sex, I don't have to worry about girls asking me if I have a social life or if I ever dated (which is no) or what my hobbies are (which are incredibly boring).

I'm still a virgin, and yet I know that this is the case for me. I'm sure you would have realised this too even if you haven't visited a prostitute.

Thirdly is the sad fact that visiting prostitutes has become like smoking and alcohol. I always need to get my fix and if I stop it for too long I get withdrawal symptoms like reduced self-esteem, increased irritability, aggressiveness, all similar to other addictions.

Living without intimacy for long enough (even not having experienced it) generates the same symptoms.

Lastly, I know that most of my money is going into funding my prostitution habit (which has now become my biggest motivator in life), and when I run out of money to afford indulging in this activity, I would be all alone again, without even the brief moments of female intimacy that prostitutes can provide so well.

There are a lot of things in life which you will miss at one point or another. The thing that makes SA particularly hard is that it makes it impossible to satisfy the most basic human need, to have a connection with other humans.

 

[bcsr]

There are a lot of things in life which you will miss at one point or another. The thing that makes SA particularly hard is that it makes it impossible to satisfy the most basic human need, to have a connection with other humans.

I think people would be a lot better off if they stopped using such definite language. Obviously, it's not impossible because lots of people with social anxiety make friends, have relationships, get married, etc. So why tell yourself it's impossible? Eliminate words like can't, won't, never, etc... these are all irrational thoughts.

 

[tonicobastos]

I actually think that getting laid can help with SA, but it’s not the actual penetration that will help, it’s the flirting, the seduction. Those are important social skills that should be developed, but if you have sex with a prostitute, there’s none of that involved, you just get some brief physical intimacy.
As surprising as it may sound, shortly before I abandoned CBT, a psychologist actually suggested looking for a prostitute. It was the weirdest moment in six months of therapy.
I will transcribe the conversation:
-Have you ever looked for a prostitute?
-No, I would never do that.
-Sometimes it helps. I know there’s not the flirting part, but sometimes it helps, don’t you think?
(She said this with a smile)
-Well…yeah…maybe.
As usual, instead of speaking my mind, I just gave a fake smile and agreed.
I was so shocked that I totally forgot to ask how doing that could possibly help me. I had high expectations for that psychologist, as the previous one had told me that she had a lot of experience with SA, but I only went there twice and then abandoned the treatment.

 

[nodejesque]

I have BDD and have been with only one man... who I was with for four years. Anyway.. we broke up and I've been cellibate for two years since we broke up. I don't see myself dating because of my issues. Some of my girlfriends have casual sex, although I've never considered this before... I figured maybe it would help with my shyness and reluctance when it comes to men. I figured a one night stand would help... I attempted this about two months ago. It fell through at the last minute. But the getting to the club and initiating the process was empowering. Maybe it was the tequila.. but I found that although I didn't have sex with him, it was a memorable experience. Somewhat of a tragic comedy.

 

[jc972]

I caught a STD from a prostitute that lived a few houses down the street before i was married, got rid of it and never went back. USE PROTECTION! If you are recognizing a problem then I'd say that's a first step to making a change. I can totally see what you're saying and It might be hard to stop doing but I believe an addiction thing like AA or a 12 step program would help.