You are too kind. I would have hung up on the bitch.
When she stops to take a breath, you should just start talking about something and don't stop until you can't think of anything else to say. "I was eating dinner with my family and we had broccoli and broccoli has always reminded me of trees. Trees are awesome because they take in carbon dioxide and put out oxygen, which is what we breath. Isn't that awesome? And the leaves are so pretty, especially when they turn red and orange and brown and yellow in autumn. Red and yellow are primary colors, along with blue. Orange, green, and purple are secondary colors. Did you know that there is no word in the English language that rhymes with orange? The same goes for purple and silver. It's said that a silver bullet is the only thing that can kill a werewolf. Do you believe in werewolves? I do, but only because I am one." Then don't say anything. Just let the silence permeate the air. Then tell her about your werewolf issues and how you have to buy new clothes all the time because you rip the ones you are wearing when you turn and your parents have to lock you in the basement for those two or three nights every month so you don't hurt anyone. Complain about how you can never have a boyfriend because he'd never believe you were a werewolf and you certainly couldn't hide it from him forever and you have to bail on your friends all the time and they get upset, but you don't want to tell them the truth because someone would call the FBI and Agent Mulder and Agent Scully would come and take you back to Quantico for testing and then your entire life will consist of being tested and scaring the FBI agents. Then ask her if she still wants to talk about her stupid problems. Trust me, it works every time I've tried it. Which is never. Good luck!
