Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

Miserum

Well-known member
People at work have been asking me what I'm doing for the fourth of July. I evade the question or make a joke out of it so I don't have to lie.

I'm going to get drunk off a six or 12 pack and watch 90s movies by myself in all probability hahaha.

Honestly, I don't feel too bad about it. At this point, any holiday is just an extra "me" day to tack onto the weekend.
 
In my thinking, I constantly find myself running into the same dead end. I'll have moments where I will have a sort of epiphany or a reminder of a previously realized effective mentality, like today when looking at my hair. I have long hair, but am starting to bald pretty prominently in the front, and I keep going back and forth in my head what to do. On the one hand it looks stupid now, but I am attached to it and worry I would dumb bald. So I will stare in the mirror looking at, trying to will it to grow or completely fall out so I don't have to do anything.

The "aha!" moment comes when I realize at the end of the day, how I look really doesn't matter. It's just not a big deal like am making out to be. If I shave it all an act like its no big deal, than it won't be, it's that simple. From there though, I begin to ask myself what does matter though, and what is important.

It's at that point I hit the same dead end. And it undermines all my healthy or productive mentalities and philosophies. It's hard for me to accept that something like my hairstyle doesn't matter when I do not have a concrete idea of what I think does matter. While I know the hair issue in particular is not significant either way, but its indicative of a larger issue the reaches to nearly every aspect of my life. I've always held to the idea that it's not what you do, but how you do it, and for a while now I have been doing things aimlessly and arbitrarily. I try to include structure and purpose and intention to my actions, but deep deep down there is nothing driving me one way or another.
 
In my thinking, I constantly find myself running into the same dead end. I'll have moments where I will have a sort of epiphany or a reminder of a previously realized effective mentality, like today when looking at my hair. I have long hair, but am starting to bald pretty prominently in the front, and I keep going back and forth in my head what to do. On the one hand it looks stupid now, but I am attached to it and worry I would dumb bald. So I will stare in the mirror looking at, trying to will it to grow or completely fall out so I don't have to do anything.

The "aha!" moment comes when I realize at the end of the day, how I look really doesn't matter. It's just not a big deal like am making out to be. If I shave it all an act like its no big deal, than it won't be, it's that simple. From there though, I begin to ask myself what does matter though, and what is important.

It's at that point I hit the same dead end. And it undermines all my healthy or productive mentalities and philosophies. It's hard for me to accept that something like my hairstyle doesn't matter when I do not have a concrete idea of what I think does matter. While I know the hair issue in particular is not significant either way, but its indicative of a larger issue the reaches to nearly every aspect of my life. I've always held to the idea that it's not what you do, but how you do it, and for a while now I have been doing things aimlessly and arbitrarily. I try to include structure and purpose and intention to my actions, but deep deep down there is nothing driving me one way or another.
You should totes go for the Riff Raff look.



Or shave. I'd probably shave my head. You need to get a tan on top of your head though. If you're too pale you might just look like you've got cancer.

I think what you do matters quite a bit. Ideally all that you do should be productive and little or none consumptive.
 
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