This has not been a good day. Tomorrow will not be much better. I doubt I'll ever have good days again. It looks like it will be at least a week, maybe two, before I'll be able even to think about going anywhere. Supplies are dwindling, and I have no way to restock. Even ordering delivery food is out of the question at this point. Not many options left, not much hope.
I was listening to an interesting interview on radio national. The interviewee reckoned that the thrill of love was the discovery in a lonely world the feeling of being accepted. That rang true to me.
Trying to find employment as a social phobe makes me not want to be alive any more. Every job ad, 'fun outgoing confident person required'. How am I supposed to live? I can't even get beyond the interview, how can I fake confidence when I'm sweating like a beast, have offensively red flushed cheeks and my throat goes so dry I start coughing all over the place usually then leading to a panic attack? So low right now.
I know what you mean. It makes us feel like we are freaks, as only the outgoing people are considered normal human beings in todays society. It seems like only the outgoing people are worthy of being employed. :sad:
Someone asked me the color of the house I lived in. I couldn't remember. This is why I get so anxious when I talk to people. I made up the color but it was really awkward and the person I was with was like "No it is white"
We were talking to someone I was trying to make a good impression on. I shouldn't bother caring honestly. I don't care really but I cannot believe I didn't know and I still would have to check to make sure white is right. What is wrong with my brain?
I have never had this problem before. I know it is anxiety but now it is scaring me more. I think stress has completely fried me.
Still digging through papers . . . finding more questions than answers. What was I doing in Statesville in April 2000? Did the girl drag me there for some reason, or did I just go nuts and drive 100 miles there and back for the hell of it? I'll probably never know, and I don't guess it matters anymore, but it does raise some doubts. What other episodes have I mislaid among the shadowy wrinkles of my brain? Have I lost happy memories or merely repressed the bad? How many more holes in the cheese? :idontknow:
Im tired of being me. The world seems like such a great and interesting place but I never get to experience it much because I am like a scared deer in headlights whenever I am out in sociaty. Ive tried to change, to learn to be more social, it doesnt work... what to do?
Im tired of being me. The world seems like such a great and interesting place but I never get to experience it much because I am like a scared deer in headlights whenever I am out in sociaty. Ive tried to change, to learn to be more social, it doesnt work... what to do?
Yep, I can definiitely relate to you both. More so, you, ronja. Because I feel exactly the same about the world... about my life in general, really. :sad:
also, on the topic of communication, I'm amazed two people can ever communicate effectively at all. it seems like such a crapshoot. a single person's world view is drastically different to the next person's. there's so much incongruency, jumbled meanings between two people at any given point. it blows me away. :S
also, on the topic of communication, I'm amazed two people can ever communicate effectively at all. it seems like such a crapshoot. a single person's world view is drastically different to the next person's. there's so much incongruency, jumbled meanings between two people at any given point. it blows me away. :S
I feel this way all the time. I love coming to this site and reading posts that I empathize with so much that they very well could have been written by me.
Also I make a point to learn from each miscommunication. It's really hard not to just feel bad, though. I think communication is all about being in the present moment. When I have a communication fail it's usually because I'm in my head too much. Fittingly enough, I'm just now realizing that if I wanted to make this point clearer I'd have to re-write it but it's 1:30 AM and I have work tomorrow at 8:00 AM, so...Solidarity!
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